One Of Us
by kiwiOCD
Summary: What happens when Gates finds out about Beckett and Castle's relationship? How does Castle prove his worth to the Captain? Will he be able to stay at the 12th Precinct or will the partnership be broken? Starting sometime in mid Season 5 - pretty much fully AU from then on.
1. Chapter 1 - Aftermath

**One of Us – Chapter 1 - Aftermath**

**Summary What happens when Gates finds out about Beckett and Castle's relationship? How does Castle prove his worth to the Captain? Will he be able to stay 12th Precinct or will the partnership be broken?**

**Set sometime in mid/late Season 5 AU**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**12th Precinct, 6.35 pm, Thursday**

She strode through the bullpen with her face locked tight and seemingly emotionless. Her stern expression brooking no questions or interruption. Barely stopping to open the door, she entered the room at pace, not looking behind she hit the handle to push the door closed, and barely waiting for the confirmation that ensured the door has clicked shut before she yanked the cords to release the blinds. Only then did she release the mask and suck air into her body.

Her hands were shaking. Nothing could stop that. Not the bitterly learnt previous experiences nor the relaxation techniques the departmental shrinks had given them as part of the necessary training they received as sworn officers of the NYPD. She quickly stripped the NYPD duster and vest from her body, depositing them unceremoniously on the long low filing cabinet.

She took far more care with her service weapon. Ensuring the safety was on and the weapon de-cocked, she deposited the SIG P626 with care into the middle drawer of her desk.

Gulping down mouthfuls of air, by instinct she reaches into the lowest drawer and pushes back the apparently haphazard papers and locates by touch the cool, slim, reassuring object. Checking once more that the door is shut and the blind down, she pulls forth the silver flask. It's masculine but not exclusively so. It's a statement especially in such male dominated profession. It says the owner has earned the right to possess it and when the occasion requires take what solace and comfort they can from its contents, regardless of gender.

Her thumb flicks the cap back in a familiar motion, free of conscious action, and her hand lifts the flask to her lips. She tilts the flat base towards the ceiling and the contents glide forth. The liquid is cool but the sensation is sharp almost burning, as it takes a path past her lips and down into her stomach. It doesn't settle the anxiety and hurt that pools in her gut and is flooding her body, but it has to be enough for now.

Replacing the cap, she slips the flask back into the draw, and stands. Taking a moment, she breathes in, no longer gulping, and composes herself.

Striding to the door, she opens the door and steps out into the bullpen. By now the news has reached the precinct and officers are pooling together and sharing the news with concern and shock writ-open across every face. Perhaps not actually hearing but certainly sensing the door open, almost all heads turn towards her.

She runs a steely gaze across the occupants of the room, her eyes and gentle shake of her head conveying the meaning that the news is hers alone to deliver. Having satisfied herself that all present will comply, she strides towards the secure conference room.

Opening the door without knocking, she starts to speak as she halts at the threshold. The four occupants of the room had all looked up from the document strewn table. Two males, two females – three lawyers from the District Attorney's office and one detective.

Holding a hand up to still any speech from the occupants her voice brooks no dissent but nevertheless her first words contain an apology "ADA Denoza, sorry for the interruption".

Before the graying ADA can respond, she turns to the sole cop in the room "Detective Beckett, I need you to come to my office now."

* * *

**Author's Note - I have updated the chapter to include the location and time & day. This is so it is easily to place in the timeline (hint - this follows Chapter 12)**


	2. Chapter 2 - Beginnings

**One of Us – Chapter 2 Beginnings **

**Summary What happens when Gates finds out about Beckett and Castle's relationship? How does Castle prove his worth to the 12th Precinct?**

**Set sometime in mid/late Season 5 AU**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Two weekends previously**

Finally summoning up courage to try again after their previous near misses with weekend breaks, they had planned a quiet weekend away in the Catskills at Kate's father's cabin. After the near debacle of the Hamptons some months ago they hoped that this time could truly be theirs alone with no interruptions of any kinds, especially homicidal. As the boys and Lanie knew about them, their only concern remained keeping Gates and the rest of the precinct unaware.

Their Friday night and Saturday had been secluded and comfortably alone. On their final day, they had headed into town before Castle drove Beckett stir crazy with his isolation (no Internet or cable TV) induced fidgeting. Dressed down, relaxed and casual, they had mingled with the locals and enjoyed the anonymity. Feeling themselves free of the constant need to play partners-only in public, they had held hands, fingers intertwined and thumbs softly rubbing and caressing, stolen kisses whilst perusing the local Sunday market stalls and stores, drinking coffee, and later sitting with legs and hands entwined outside at a local sidewalk café for a tapas lunch.

Unknown to them, their leisurely lunch, their quiet weekend, their jealously guard privacy, their Secret was about to be ripped from them.

* * *

They first heard the angry words but before they could unobtrusively check out the source, in a matter of seconds, 6 shots rang out only yards from them. Amidst the screams and general panic of the café customers, the two partners reacted.

Kate's training and instincts kicked in, and she had pulled Rick, whose much improved instincts already had him moving for cover, behind their suddenly vertical table (Kate must have flipped it Rick thought). When no more shots followed Beckett had quickly chanced a glance, and seeing the male shooter struggling to reload a revolver, she had quickly taped Rick's left shoulder, her raised eyebrows and subtle nod of head in the direction of the shooter conveying all they needed to share. Their eyes sought mutual confirmation and his right hand squeezed her left hand that rested on his shoulder, and he nodded towards the other side of the inverted table and together they rose unarmed to face the odds once more.

The shooter didn't have a speed loader and had only managed to get 2 loose rounds from their pocket and into the chamber before both Beckett and Castle (no longer just Kate and Rick) reached the shooter and moving in sync they had quickly subdued the shooter with Beckett sweeping the legs and Castle applying a wrist lock to force the gun from the suddenly limp grasp.

Whilst Beckett secured the shooter, Castle had then turned to the victim who had bleeding badly but was still alive, their breathe wheezing from at least one hit to their lungs. Pulling his jacket off, he folded it and carefully placed in below the victim's head.

"Beckett, what's the best position for this type of injury? She's hit in the chest …lungs I think". She shook her head, trying to recall anything relevant from her first aid training. Fortuitously there was a doctor in the nearby crowd, and she quickly takes over from a relieved and more than slightly bloody Rick Castle.

* * *

Almost an hour later the local police had taken custody of the shooter and completed their questions and witness statements. Kate's production of her gold shield had spared them a trip to the local Sheriff's office along with the other prime witnesses. They were hopeful that they had avoided the prying eyes and especially the cameras of onlookers, as Rick had rapidly been whisked away to a second EMT vehicle due to the volume of blood on his clothes. These had duly been exchanged for a forensic bodysuit which had Kate smirking and observing how they didn't flatter his best feature.

Despite attempts by witnesses and a particularly awestruck deputy sheriff to paint them as heroes, the two were intent on playing down their actions. They asked if their involvement could be low-key and then had retreated back to the anonymity of her Dad's cabin to finish their weekend. Once more remarking that they couldn't catch a break, they had never-the-less celebrated the completion of their weekend before they had to return to the City and the precinct.

* * *

The sheriff was an ex-city cop, "retired" up state, and he still did things by the big city book. Unlike the Hamptons he wasn't used to keeping things _hush-hush_ and _on the down-low_, and so he filed a report back with the NYPD regarding the involvement of a homicide detective and her male companion for their assistance in the detention of an attempted murderer. He thanked the department for the dedication and bravery of the unarmed detective and her male companion.

* * *

**Author's Note**

**The timeline will jump around between chapters but each chapter will be self-contained and hopefully easy to reference in the overall story sequence. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, favourites and follows. This is my 3****rd**** fiction I've published but it was actually the first I started writing. I have a number of chapters written including the final two. Unfortunately, a number of the central chapters are currently in progress as I suck at writing crime scene drama. So please stick with me and I'll try to minimize the delays and keep the updates as frequent as possible.**


	3. Chapter 3 – My Office Now!

**One of Us – Chapter 3 – My Office Now!**

**Summary What happens when Gates finds out about Beckett and Castle's relationship? How does Castle prove his worth to the 12th Precinct?**

**Set sometime in mid/late Season 5 AU**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Thursday**

Having somehow avoided any real explanation of how their weekend had gone, they had settled back into a routine of paperwork, Angry Birds, lunch breaks and a very slow week. No body drops – Castle was told he was in danger in being almost the only New Yorker saddened by the marked decline in murder numbers. By Thursday, he was no longer the only member of the homicide team wishing for a body drop, especially given rumours that some homicide detectives would be redeployed to other detective bureaus. Gates had disappeared to 1PP for a meeting and even the usual goof-offs and pranks were falling flat.

* * *

Gates was back. The only warning Beckett and Castle got was from the boys and it didn't help. As Esposito and Ryan were already facing Gate's office, they had caught sight of the Captain's face, and suddenly found an urgent need to closely review some paperwork from behind the relative safety of their computer terminals. Not wishing to leave Mom and Dad unprepared, Ryan was firing up his instant messaging client and Esposito was contemplating a SMS but they were beaten to the punch by the Captain.

"Detective Beckett and Mr Castle, MY OFFICE NOW!"

Beckett and Castle exchanged concerned looks but had no time for any discussion as the Captain' tone had clearly indicated their immediate presence.

Indeed Gates was standing by the door clearly anticipating their prompt arrival. Tremulously they entered the office and before the door had barely slammed shut Captain Gates let loose whilst striding back to her desk.

"Is there something the TWO of YOU want to tell ME?"

Beckett's head drops a little and she manages a gruff "No Sir" whilst Castle can only shake his head whilst inspecting a corner of Gate's office somewhere to side of her right shoulder, unable make eye contact or to trust himself to speak so sure it would emerge as some high-pitched girly squeal giving away his despair and fear pooling in his gut and the worst case scenarios already being written in his mind.

"Are you sure? Because I have here a report from the Greene County Sheriff thanking us for the involvement of a certain NYPD detective and her male companion in the detention of an attempted murder suspect last weekend".

"I will ask you again. And need I remind you Detective Beckett you were recently on probation and another disciplinary violation so close to the probation will likely result in termination of your service and loss of all benefits".

Beckett's head snaps up to glare at Gates, her tongue subconsciously touches the edge of her dry lips, as she nervously seeks the words she needs to respond.

It's Castle who speaks and he's proud of the measured tone he manages.

"Sir, Detective Beckett and I are in a relationship."

Gate's eyebrows rise not so much in surprise at the news but at Castle's business like response with none of his usual irreverence. "How long?" falls from her lips, much of the previous anger already absence from the words.

"Since her suspension, almost 6 months ago, 176 days actually".

It's Kate's turn to raise her eye brows. She knew the exact date the marked the transformation of their partnership, that night when she had finally fully acknowledged what he meant to her, and how bedraggled and sodden she had forced her way through his wall of hurt to prove to him how her owns walls were gone and how much in love with him she was. But despite that, she couldn't tell you how many exactly days had passed – not without the aid of a calendar. Once more the man at her side, HER man, had proven what this relationship meant for the two of them, and how he treasured it.

"It's serious." He pauses, possibly for effect but more likely seeking the words and finding satisfactory answers he continues "it's not a simple office romance, this is long term, I love Kate and I won't give her up."

Gates nods, clearly taken back by the directness of Castle's words, and honesty.

Beckett finally finds her voice. "I feel exactly the same …Sir."

Gates nods and pauses. The next words Gate's surprises them. Instead of immediately kicking the writer out, possibly with Beckett in tow, she states:

"After consultation with the Chief of Detectives, the New York Police Department policy on co-worker fraternization may not apply here so long as your relationship does not adversely impact your new roles nor impair the exemplary closure rate of this Precinct, or reflect poorly on the NYPD."

"New roles?" this time Beckett speaks up. "….Sir?"

"Yes. New roles. And if you give me time, I'll explain." The Captain's acerbic tone makes it clear that further interruptions are not welcome.

"Detective Beckett, the Chief of Detectives and I have concluded that it is time that your exceptional record – barring your suspension – merits recognition and encouragement to achieve more in your profession. Accordingly you have been recommended for promotion to Sergeant—Supervisor Detective Squad, subject to passing the Sergeant's exam of course. You will assume a more supervisory role, and I will warn that this will result in less field work and more responsibility and paperwork."

Both the Detective and Writer had been left open mouthed by the Captain's words and once more both mirrored the other, winching at the mention of increased paperwork. Gates continues without further pause.

"It is a not a common rank amongst detectives, and as I said it has a formal supervisory role, and as such you would be the second-in-command of the 12th's detective team. Those selected as a SDS often find it is a pathway to further promotion and responsibility as I did. The next civil service exams are in less than three months and I expect you to be ready."

"In turn, the NYPD is prepared to offer Mr Castle permanent Consultant status as part of your team, subject to a review and assessment of his current role. This will include an evaluation of the potential risk posed by his public image, creative works, and not least your romantic relationship."

Both Beckett and Castle appear struck dumb but Gate's pronouncement and the Captain continues on.

"Mr Castle, one absolute condition is that the consultant role is to be unpaid, otherwise as a City employee you would subject to the rules regarding co-worker fraternization. This would result in you being unable to work in the same squad as your _partner_." Gates pauses giving the Writer an opportunity to respond.

The man is clearly slightly giddy at the prospect of not being ejected from the Precinct and his reply is accompanied by a trademark, eyebrow waggle.

"No problem, Captain. I'll think we'll manage to get by."

Gates nods, "I expect so."

"So Mister Castle, I want to see firsthand how your consultancy assists the NYPD so I can determine for myself whether your continued presence in my Precinct is worth the potential issues that are certain to arise as you two are incapable of staying out of trouble even when on vacation."

"On the next homicide case, you will accompany Detectives Esposito & Ryan, and myself to the crime scene."

Beckett starts to speak, but Gates shuts her down with a raised hand before she can form a syllable.

"No, Detective, on the next case you'll remain here in the precinct and Mr Castle will accompany me into the field. You have your Sergeant's exam to study for, and the trial preparation for the mob case from 13 months ago and ADA Denoza will be very grateful for your ability to work with his team uninterrupted over the next days or weeks."

"Based upon the evidence and my experience I will assess Mr Castle's performance and determine whether he is able to remain with the 12th, and if so in what role."

"That will be all."

The pair are turning to leave when Gates speaks again.

"It light of our discussions, I suggest you take some time to discuss it amongst yourselves. I need to be clear that there are limited options if you do not accept the recommendations and no guarantees even if you do. Perhaps an early finish would be appropriate today". The last is clearly not a suggestion.

* * *

**Author's Note**

**_Sergeant—Supervisor Detective Squad_ is an actual rank in the NYPD. However, only a small number of detectives are ever appointed to this or the more senior _Lieutenant—Commander Detective Squad_. I liked the idea of Beckett being promoted to formalise her leadership but still having a gold shield and being a working detective which she excels at and loves.**

**Now for the not so good news. This was the last chapter that I have completed. I need to do major work on the following chapters, so please be patient.**

**Thank you again for reading, reviewing, following and favorites.**


	4. Chapter 4 - Unbalanced

**One of Us – Chapter 4 - Unbalanced**

**Summary What happens when Gates finds out about Beckett and Castle's relationship? How does Castle prove his worth to the 12th Precinct?**

**Set sometime in mid/late Season 5 AU**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Unbalanced**

Emerging from Gates' office, the partners need to escape the Precinct.

The Boys are doing their best to look busy but are clearly bursting with curiosity. They are their friends, but for now they need to be alone to process everything that has just happened and could happen before the possibilities overwhelm them.

Knowing that Kate doesn't want to, and can't deal with anyone else right now, Castle does not give the Boys a chance. "Beckett, let's get out of here" he says, shifting his arm round protectively around her shoulders and guiding her straight towards her desk.

Kate nods, not trusting herself to speak, and quickly completes the remaining strides to her desk. Unlocking her terminal, she saves the open report, and starts the shutdown of her computer, she sweeps up the case files on her desk and drops them into the bigger bottom draw of her desk and prepares to lock it.

Meantime, Castle has looked towards the Boys and carefully shakes his head to indicate they should hang back. Kate has grabbed her gun from her drawer, locked it, and swung her handbag over her shoulder.

"Your place" Castle confirms to Kate, he knows that she needs the absolute security of no chance of an interruption and her apartment offers that. She nods still seemingly lost in her thoughts and remaining mute.

"Can we swing by the Loft first? I'll grab some stuff and something to cook" this is as much a tacit acknowledgement that Kate spends most nights at the Loft as a statement of intent. Again Kate nods, eyes down, resolutely mute.

They are in the elevator and doors closing before Esposito and Ryan can move from their desks or say more than a desultory "Beckett?" and "Bro…Castle?!"

"Bro, what the hell just happened" asks Esposito to a clearly perplexed Ryan. Before they can do more, Gates emerges from her office and makes clear that the matter is closed for now. "Back to work detectives."

Both drop their heads back to their screens but Esposito is already palming his phone and messaging Lanie.

* * *

They've barely made it through the door to Kate's apartment when Kate breaks free from Rick's supporting embrace, and throws herself onto her couch.

Rick moves past her towards the kitchen to deposit the cool bag containing the ingredients for dinner before swinging towards Kate's bedroom to hang up his overnight suit bag. Returning to the living room, Rick finds that Kate has shucked her boots, her body thrown back against one end of the couch, her knees pulled up to her chest, her arms encircling her folded legs, head tucked into her knees.

As Rick moves towards her, Kate's head comes up and Rick is almost heartbroken by the stream of tears falling from his lover's eyes and red face. Usually so expressive, her eyes too have misted over under the volume of the tears and he can tell she is breathing too quickly, too shallow, her chest rising and falling like a runner's.

Before he can reach her, Kate's desperate voice questions "What do we do?"

"What matters to me is that we are together." Rick makes his opening gambit. "If we are honest with ourselves, we knew this day would come. We discussed it earlier but I guess we got lulled into deceiving ourselves that we might somehow avoid it."

Rick has now reached the couch and without speaking further slides down beside Kate and lifts her legs to position them over his. In this position he can hug Kate's body but still see her face. The contact seems to help Kate and her breathing calms, her heaving chest movements slow. Rick reaches over and gently wipes the tears from her face with his thumbs. He's a big man but it is a deceptive bulk as Kate well knows. He can be the most gentle, loving, loyal, and humble person away from the cameras and the persona of playboy author Rick Castle or the humorous sidekick at the Precinct. Kate cants her head to follow the movement of his hands, and as they brush near her mouth she plants soft kisses upon them.

Before she knows it his hands have shifted and they lift her whole body into his lap. The author's body is no longer lean but beneath the first signs of middle-age is a surprising base of muscle. His arms encompass her body and he plants light kisses on her head. Kate leans back into his body and relaxes, slowing her breathing and the tears cease. Rick continues to plant kisses on her head whilst slowly rocking her in his arms.

They stay this way for some time, mutually supporting each other and mute for the moment. Eventually Rick speaks.

"How about I make us some dinner. You can shower, and once we've finished eating we can talk again?"

* * *

After a simple dinner of chicken and summer salad, they reluctantly decide it is time to resume their discussions, and so they return to the couch each with a glass of wine. Rick has checked in with Martha and Alexis and they have both muted their phones. In Kate's case ignoring 2 missed calls and 7 texts from Lanie.

Having flopped at opposite ends of the sofa, Kate swings her legs up to rest across Ricks thighs, and turns her head to Rick "I should be honored. I should feel proud. But I feel pressurized and unbalanced."

Rick knows she is talking principally about the promotion to Sergeant, and this is no surprise. This will be the easiest of the issues they face and it should be relatively straightforward to resolve compared to the others. He too would have made the same choice to begun with this topic.

Kate continues confident that her partner knows what she is referring to. "I don't want to give up field work, or investigating with the boys and you."

"You don't have to. Gates said you'll still be an investigator – just not as much. Surely there would be some leeway and interpretation on how much desk time and paperwork. You do lots of that anyway. Anyway, it would be so cool" and he pauses with a flash of blue mischief in his eyes, "and kinda hot too."

Kate rolls her eyes. "You don't obey my instructions now, and I don't think a promotion would change that." But she's smirking a little.

"I'd have to _salute_ you more." Rick responds with a fake pout.

"Oh no! We've done the uniform thing a few times and I seem to remember your salute isn't regulation" Kate teases back her voice lower and slightly sultry with a gleam in her own eyes.

"Touché" acknowledges Rick satisfied that the tension has been released and now he presses Kate.

"You're already in change of the team, and you've run point on multiple inter-team investigations before. Hell you deputized for Montgomery two years ago." Kate nods and Rick goes for the _kill_.

"Kate you're a fantastic cop. You bring closure to the victims' families and justice to their killers. I've often told you that I wished more people got to see you as I see you and how extraordinary you truly are. If you get this promotion it is acknowledgement and well-deserved recognition of everything you are."

"I still have to pass the civil service exam for Sergeant" points out Kate and Rick's only answer is a shrug and roll of his eyeballs as if that would be any obstacle for Kate.

"Okay but what if Gates' decides against you remaining….?" And now they're moving to more uncertain ground.

"I don't want to give up you as my partner."

"Please Kate, I'm not sure we need to worry too much about that yet."

"Firstly for some reason, I didn't think she was hostile or even opposed to us. She had done something proactive about us by discussing it with the Chief of Detectives and putting you forward for the promotion. She did both of these things before confronting us. She didn't kick me or you out straight away."

"I think we have a chance. More than a chance, and if you had asked me when we began this, I'd have jumped in with both feet and pulled you with me for Gates' offer."

Kate eye rolls and gentle laugh at the irrepressible enthusiasm of the man-child opposite her.

"Look at the positives."

"We don't have to try and keep our relationship secret anymore. We can arrive at the precinct together. We can hold hands on the street. Kiss. I can take you on a date here in the City and not have to hide."

Kate head shoots up in alarm, but Rick is already speaking again. "Relax Kate, I don't mean that we have to make a public announcement, paparazzi and Page 6."

"God Rick, we've been together less than 6 months….."

Rick counters gently "But it really has been longer than that, it simply that we've be able to enjoy ALL the benefits of a relationship". Now wasn't the time to slip in the innuendo and eyebrow waggle and his voice stays perfectly level.

Kate's eyebrow had started to lead ahead for a subconscious eye roll when she takes in his perfectly serious demeanor and in keeping with the honest open dialogue they are sharing Kate speaks again.

"But we haven't even discussed living together, or marriage, or kids…" and her voice trails off as she comprehends the words that have left her mouth.

Rick is already forming an answer, when his brain finally processes Kate's words, and his mouth drops open.

"Kate..." Rick starts but stumbles, searching for the words to respond before Kate can try to take them back or run.

"Kate….." he begins again but Kate interrupts him. Leaning forward she stretches out a long, graceful limb and with her hand cups and lifts his chin and brings his eyes into contact with hers.

"I'm not running Rick. I may have surprised myself as much as you. But believe me, I'm not running anymore."

"Good to know" acknowledges Rick and this time the words do come.

"I know we agreed not to discuss this" he waves his hands between them. "Us. Our relationship. Until later." He pauses as if contemplating whether it is safe to continue. Beckett loves the childlike Castle, but reveres Castle the father and serious man he becomes when necessary especially for family matters, and she nods.

"I can't regret my first marriage because of Alexis, even if the unfaithfulness and betrayal hurt so much at the time." He knows that his earlier explanation of his failed marriages had already done much to soothe Kate's insecurities, and he pauses briefly before continuing.

"The second, well yes I do regret it but I did learn from it. I was trying to fix things for Alexis more than myself and I thought it was okay to sacrifice my personal desires for her, after-all isn't that what parents do for their children? But by compromising and accepting less than I should have, it was not an equal partnership, and it doomed the marriage. I take full responsibility for that. Gina was not blameless but it was primarily my decision and it sucked."

"The marriage failures also hurt me deeply, and made me reluctant and scared to commit. I had started to become the playboy persona that Gina and Paula constructed. I'm not justifying the short term relationships and one-night stands but you're not the only one who has been in a relationship with one foot out the door - I barely got through the door in the first place - before us."

"You've told me that my books helped save you and give you purpose. Well, you have helped save me and given me new purpose. I was in danger of becoming that jackass playboy but you made me want to be more. Admittedly, it took a while, and I still screwed up plenty but here we are." Rick pauses for a breath, and ensuring he has Kate's green eyes locked on his, he presses homeward.

"But I need you to know that this is IT for me."

"I will only ever marry one more time in my life, and only if it is you."

Kate nods again, her eyes never leaving his.

"Castle….Rick…."

"You know I'm a 'One and Done' girl." She pauses, seeking the words.

"What I didn't know was than my One was not a number, but a person. You. You are my One."

The Writer is almost mesmerized by her words, but she knows he won't remain silent for long, and she needs to press on quickly before he does something that can't be taken back. Something that she needs, wants, desires, but which she also needs to be later, not now, held in check, delayed for their future.

"I'm not ready to formalize things further just yet but I need you to know that I'm all in too."

"Soon" she says with voice deep with promise and emotion.

"Right now, I need you take me to bed and hold me."

"Always."

They move into the bedroom, shucking their clothes and climb under the covers. Their naked bodies react to the proximity, and natural pheromones, but there's no lust, only love and they simply hold each other, seeking balance and comfort. Something both know they find best in each other's arms.

* * *

**Author's Note – Apologies for the delay in posting this chapter. My excuse? In short this is nothing like the chapter I had originally outlined in length and subject matter. As a result I have also rewritten the next few chapters and expanded some of the story line considerably.**

**Update - fixed up some spelling, grammar and missed word. Sorry about that. Chapters 5 & 6 on their way shortly.**


	5. Chapter 5 - Team Talks - Part I

**One of Us – Chapter 5 – Team Talks Part I**

**What happens when Gates finds out about Beckett and Castle's relationship? How does Castle prove his worth to the 12th Precinct?**

**Set sometime in mid/late Season 5 AU**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Team Talks – Part 1**

Naturally Kate wakes before Rick, and rolling over she observes the man she loves. He's wrapped up in the covers, his hair mussed and falling back from the strangely peaceful face. It's not a child's face as it is clearly maturely masculine with rasping stubble, frown lines and what she thinks of a laughter creases around his eyes. His mouth is partially open and a gentle snore emanates from between his lips. She has often accused the Writer of being creepy with his frequent and excessive starring, but she takes secret delight in observing and staring at him but only when she is certain she is in no danger of being caught by her man.

She thinks back to last night. They had gone to sleep around 10.00 pm but both had awoken around 1.30 am shaken from their mutual slumber by restless thoughts. Rick had slid from the bed and fetched glasses of water, and then by the soft illumination of her reading light they had finished their discussion about the choices facing them. Strangely composed and decisive despite the hour, they had rapidly both articulated their position and reached a conclusion. Then they had curled up together and settled back into a much deeper sleep.

The partners need to rise early to and get a head-start on the day knowing full-well that there are still a large number of issues they need to address that day. But before they do that, Kate closes the distance in the bed, and with her easy grace and subtle strength wraps her lithe limbs around his even longer ones and pulls their naked torsos together. He'll be the first to admit – well maybe not first – that he's could do with losing a few pounds but beneath the apparent softness is a reassuring core of strength that Kate can't get enough of. It makes her feel safe, soothes her restless thoughts, and more than often enough heats her core. This morning she seeks the comfort not the carnal side of his body, and she knows he will grant it with a smile and snuggle.

"Hmmmmmm" She hears and feels him come awake. "Good Morning Sweetheart."

"Good Morning, My Heart" Two can play that game, but before she can utter anything else, his hands sweep to her cheeks and he pulls her face to his for the sweetest kiss possible, and just as Kate is relaxing and letting her instinctive guard down, the 12-year old strikes as Rick whips the covers off and twisting their bodies they follow the covers down to the floor, dumping the two of them unceremoniously in a naked heap.

"Ass!" chides Kate as she wiggles free of his body. "I'm showering ALONE and you can sort breakfast as punishment". She sprints for the bath room leaving the Writer smirking on the floor at the sight of her toned body and posterior. As she locks the door, she can hear his "Nice ass yourself" and he mutters more she can't decipher, and goes in search of clothes.

Once Kate has showered and dressed, she unlocks the bathroom door to be met by a somewhat desperate writer who pushes past her and within seconds is groaning in relief as he empties his morning bladder. Wandering into her kitchen, she can smell coffee but a stick-it note headed "IOU" explains the Writer didn't bring breakfast materials, so they would get it on the way to the Precinct. Looking round, Kate realizes that she can't remember when she last had breakfast here. It's been the Precinct or more often the Loft, and she can't think of any reason why that disturbs her. Lifting her caffeine pick-me-up to her lips, she sits on a stool and leans onto the breakfast bar lost in her thoughts.

Rick's emergence from the bathroom, brings Kate back from her own private recollection. She and Rick have agreed to tell their family and friends what is going on. As it is Friday, they know that the other side of the homicide roster is on call for the evening and weekend, and that both Alexis and Martha are free as the two Red Heads are planning a Girl's retreat to the Hamptons for the weekend but not leaving until Saturday morning. Kate's Dad is most likely free as Kate knows that Friday is traditionally a quiet night for Jim Beckett with music and a book or a baseball game but it's not the season. So this means they can call all their extended family together to update them on recent developments, and their decisions.

Before leaving for the Precinct, Kate messages the Boys and Lanie to ask that they meet at Castle's loft at 7 pm that night. Rick does the same for Martha and Alexis but in his Mother's case it will be followed up with a phone call to confirm that she is coming as Martha is not renowned for using SMS. Kate will call her father later in the morning.

* * *

Stopping for coffee and a pastry, Beckett and Castle arrive at the precinct together. Despite Gates knowing there are no PDA's – no kisses, no hand holding, nor hugs, no pronouncements of togetherness. Although Castle does sport a slightly red ear and is still muttering "apples" under his breath after a trademark Beckett stern lecture regarding appearing professional and how tongues in the elevator isn't in keeping with that and the current no PDA policy.

They've beaten the Boys in, but not the Captain.

Gate calls both into her office.

"I appreciate that you were presented with a series of what are effectively ultimatums yesterday but time is short and the sooner your decisions are made, the sooner we can move forward." Gates pauses, expectation apparent in her posture and slight inclining of her head.

Kate looks across to Rick without speaking, and he nods.

"Captain, I'll be honest and say I have some major concerns and reservations about moving away from being primarily an investigator. Being a detective, the fieldwork and giving closure to the families of victims is what I live for professionally. I love it, and being a detective is what drew me back to the Precinct after my suspension."

As Gates is listening to Beckett, she realizes that there have been changes in Detective Kate Beckett. Changes she was slow to pick up on. Changes that the man standing beside Beckett is no doubt largely responsible for. The old Beckett would never have been so open with her thought process or feelings. Indeed, the old Beckett was a tightly buttoned-down professional. Roy's notes state as much. This new Beckett, is still professional but there is a lighter, brighter side to her, and Gates wonders if this isn't a glimpse of the Kate Beckett before her mother was murdered. Roy had hinted at the impact the Writer has on Beckett, but Victoria Gates mentally chastises herself for fully comprehending it sooner.

Turning from her thoughts, she decides it is time to speak, and she turns her attention to the Writer. "What about you Mr Castle?"

"Captain, I am here to support Kate in whatever capacity I can. I would very much love to continue as a consultant with the NYPD and the 12th. However, it shouldn't, and won't, be at the cost of Kate's career. Whilst we our mutually committed to a permanent relationship and won't give each other up, I am prepared to step aside and leave if that is required to ensure that Kate can continue." The Writer comes to a stop, clearly he's concerned about the potential ramifications of his declaration that he will leave if required, and given Victoria Gates previous attitude towards him, it is not a small risk.

"To be honest, I would prefer not to." The Writer concludes.

Gates has sat down again, and lifts her reading glasses to eye level and quickly scans the document before her. Finishing, she lowers the glasses to her desk and places her hands in front of her, fingers inter-meshed.

"If you don't make a decisions yourselves today, then I am afraid that the choice may be taken away from you and with it any chance of retaining your partnership here, Mr Castle."

At the Captain's words, Beckett and Castle both step forward, she takes Castle's hand, and wordlessly they look into each other's eyes. The very action makes Captain Gates nervous – what decision have they made?

Still no words are exchanged, but between the two the mutual decision made in the early hours of the morning is reconfirmed, and Beckett speaks.

"Sir, I would be honored and proud to accept your recommendation to apply for promotion to Sergeant."

Beside his partner Castle speaks. "Sir, I would like nothing better than to be able to continue to assist the NYPD, the 12th Precinct and soon to be Sergeant Beckett's team."

Gates nods, satisfied.

"Beckett, you need to go to HR this morning to commence the paperwork for promotion Sergeant which includes a complete service evaluation as well as the civil service exam. I expect that it will take most of the day, so you don't have to return to Precinct today. Take advantage of this as the ADA and his team will be at the Precinct from tomorrow to work on the case with you."

The two turn towards the door, but Gates speaks again.

"Mr Castle, a moment of your time, once Detective Beckett has left, please?"

Castle turns back towards the Captain as Kate touches his hand before striding out of the office a puzzled look on her face.

* * *

It only takes a few minutes with the Captain, and leaving the Captains office, Castle strides across the floor towards the break room where he knows he'll find Kate. Sure enough she's working the coffee machine.

"Hey" he greets her, and her arched eyebrow is question enough.

"I'll explain later" his answer carries the necessary implication of needing privacy, and Kate nods in understanding. She passes him a cup of coffee and they stand by the break room counter in silence.

Kate sighs and drains the last of her coffee. "I need to head to 1PP, and get the paperwork going. Meet you at the loft?" she asks as she quickly scans the vicinity and places a glancing kiss to his lips. Leaving her boyfriend somewhat bemused by the unexpected Precinct PDA, Detective Kate Beckett strides from the break room unable to entirely suppress the smile that wants to break free on her face.

With Beckett gone, Castle pulls his phone out and calls his agent, Paula Haas.

"Paula, its Rick. I need to set up a meeting today. If you can get Gina there as well it would be beneficial. We'll meet at Black Pawn if need be, I just want the meeting today and it has to be by 5 pm."

"I'm going to call Steve and have him join us" He pauses to listen to his publicist. "Yes, Steve Mathers, my lawyer."

"No I won't tell you what this is about now. It can wait to the meeting." Another pause for questions coming back down the phone, and the Writer responds "We may well need your witchy powers with the press, but that's all I'm saying for now."

Terminating the call, he hits speed dial and within seconds, the call is answered. "Steve, sorry for the short notice but we're going to have to move up the timetable on the matters we have been discussing. I'll need you at a meeting this afternoon. I'll text the details as soon as the meeting is arranged." Hearing the man's acknowledgement on the other end, he hangs up and decides to head home for some lunch whilst waiting for Paula to sort out the meeting.

Suddenly remembering this evening, he pulls up his messages. Confirmation and confused smiley face from Alexis. Nothing from his Mother – of course. Hitting speed dial, he is grateful when his Mother answers within seconds "Richard…" and then Rick Castle proceeds to ensure she will be at the loft by 7 pm tonight.

* * *

**Author's Note – Apologies for the delay in getting the updates out. This and the next few chapters got away from me and required a lot of rewrites. This chapter was originally longer but I split it into two for ease of management and reading.**


	6. Chapter 6 - Team Talks - Part II

**One of Us – Chapter 6 – Team Talks Part II**

**What happens when Gates finds out about Beckett and Castle's relationship? How does Castle prove his worth to the 12th Precinct?**

**Set sometime in mid/late Season 5 AU**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Black Pawn Offices - Friday Afternoon**

Richard Castle meets Steve Mathers outside of the Black Pawn offices, and after a brief handshake they head into the offices.

Rick calls out a cheerful greeting to Tiffany, the PA cum receptionist, whose faces breaks into a big smile and before Rick can move he is blindsided by a full body hug from the not-so diminutive woman.

"Again?!" he asks/confirms as he takes in the baby bump that wasn't present the last time he saw the smartly attired early middle-aged woman.

Tiffany head bobs up and down several times in an exaggerated nod. "Number 3 for me. The last one as the doctors say the risks are getting too great but that's the result of leaving it until so late to start a family. Vijay is ecstatic and really wants another girl."

Tiffany leads them into a mid-sized conference room with 12 seats arranged around a rectangular table. From the aromas, there is fresh coffee and pastries on the buffet bar at the end of the room. Helping themselves they sit down and make small talk.

"So what's her story?" inquires Steve as they settle into the conference room. He's been Rick's lawyer for more than fifteen years and his friend for almost as long. He's well aware of the improbable but real ability Richard Castle has to charm most people, not least women. He knows Rick's playboy days are behind him, and he was never really was the man his public persona painted him to be, but since working with the NYPD the changes had become more apparent and profound with the passage of time. Of course, Rick still somehow manages to both charm and irritate those closest to him.

"She's worked here forever, was single and probably destined to be spinster. Then a couple of years before I married Gina, I took Tiffany to a charity ball as a reward for all her help and kindness – she had been especially good with Alexis. I had paid for a nice dress, we took a limo and we were having a nice evening, dancing and eating. Then whilst we were dancing, a well dress guy politely cuts in and then I, Richard Castle, suddenly became dateless. Love at first sight. She married Vijay 3 months later and their first child was born 8 months later. Another one 2 years ago. And now this."

Steve smiles, and nods. He's once again made aware of how much of a gentleman Richard Castle is, and how he is on good terms with so many including his exes, although after today's meeting, perhaps the ex-Mrs Castle the Second (though she never took the name) wouldn't be quite so inclined.

Two minutes later Paula Haas sweeps into the conference room accompanied by Gina Cowell, his publisher and ex-wife. Both ladies epitomise the Manhattan female executive. They wear their designer business suits like a statement of authority and control. There was a time when Richard Castle would have been impressed, even seduced by such well attired women.

Steve and Rick rise from their seats and exchange greetings with the two women, handshakes for the most part, except for Paula's air kisses to Rick's cheeks. Gina settles for a handshake, and Rick can't help be reminded of Gina's comment during their divorce that she would rather put her hands round his neck than any other body part. He can't but help grin at that memory, and instantly Gina is on guard.

"Richard, why are we here?" almost grates from her mouth as she sits.

Suddenly, Rick is all business and Richard Castle, multi-best-selling author and successful business man has the floor.

"As you know, I have been shadowing Detective Kate Beckett at the 12th Precinct for more than 4 years. She is the inspiration for Nikki Heat and the 4 best sellers. Those books are responsible for much of the income and success for Black Pawn and my associates as well." He lets that sink in with the women who haven't shown any sign of interrupting.

"Kate Beckett and I have been dating for almost six months, and we have been keeping it private from both her work and the public." Both women look surprised by the news, possibly by the duration and lack of public exposure rather than the actual act of dating.

"How long?" sneaks past Paula's lips indicating her surprise.

"Since May" responds Rick. Pausing for a moment, he then continues.

"There are NYPD regulations against co-workers on the same team being in a relationship. Whilst I am strictly not a co-worker due to my unpaid volunteer status, the NYPD now knows about our relationship, and needs to clarify it. Beckett and I are undergoing some assessment and evaluation which should resolve our partnership status officially. I can only assume that it will become public knowledge at some point too, most likely very soon."

Paula, can you please prepare a press statement? Something simple, factual and short. Suitable for print and electronic media with distribution from our websites, agencies and news desks. I will need to vet the statement, as will NYPD Public Affairs. I have contact details for the liaison at 1PP" he pauses, a smile of apology at his use of cop colloquialism "Sorry Police Plaza. You will need to work closely with them and Captain Gates at the 12th Precinct."

Paula Haas is a tough cookie, very successful, working hard for her clients and herself, and part of that success is due to her ability to know her limits and when to concede. This is one of the latter moments.

"Sure Rick. Won't be a problem at all. I'll have a draft for you by midday tomorrow. It might be a good idea to have a couple of stock photos that can be used as well."

Rick nods at the comments. "Good idea Paula. We'll see what we can do, and perhaps down the track we can get some professional shots done as well."

Gina had been silent until now.

"Richard, I am concerned. We worked very hard to create this public image to help sell your books. It depends on your playboy persona and being seen as available. You going steady with one women will have an impact." She delivers this in a calm, level tone but all in the room can sense the tension beneath her voice.

"Gina, that's all it is - a persona. You of all people should remember that." He didn't mean to raise their failed marriage, but they both know that he is far more family man than playboy.

"Gina, I am doing you're the courtesy of bringing you in on this. So long as I continue to produce the last two contracted books on schedule, you don't get a say in how I live my life."

"I do want a reduction in touring and publicity events outside of NYC, especially anything extended and national or international. I'm not saying no completely, just that there will be a scaling back to meet my new planned commitments. In compensation, I'm willing to do a little more in the tri-state area." This is not a question, it's phrased as a statement of intent.

"Look, I know I've been a handful in the past, but what I'm planning or have in motion are a number of things that will potentially work positively for all parties."

Gina shakes her head, but before she can interrupt, Rick speaks again in a flat, level tone that is unfamiliar to the two women.

"I'm serious, Kate and I we're both serious. This is beyond "going steady". We've done the talking, we've had THE TALK. Everything is on the table – where we live, marriage, kids. The financials are in progress, the legal stuff including wills, power of attorney, intellectual property, will be done within days, if it is not already." He says with a glance at Steve who nods in confirmation. Both Gina and Paula are silent in their seats taking in the profound impact of the Writer's sweeping statement.

Rick continues on.

"I am also serious about the work I do with the NYPD. Whatever my motives when I began almost 5 years ago, they are not the same now. If I pass the evaluation, I will be an official consultant."

"Steve, will be drawing up a new memorandum to cover my future appearances. Gina your team can coordinate with Steve. Paula please have that draft ready and we'll go from there."

"Now if there is nothing else, I need to go speak to my family."

Gina is up and out her seat and gone from the room before the two men can rise to complete the formalities. Paula leans forward and touches Rick's arm.

"Congratulations Rick. You got the girl. I guess you're not simply going to get it out of your system" the last is a reference to a comment she made at the launch for Heat Wave - the first Nikki Heat novel almost 4 years ago.

"Thanks Paula, I plan to never get her out of my system."

* * *

**The Loft - Friday Evening**

It's 6.56 pm and there is a non-too-soft hammering at the door, and Lanie Parish almost bursts through the door as Alexis is opening it in response to the clamor.

"Hi Sweetie" fires the ME, as she bustles past the frozen Red Head, and goes in search of Kate.

Entering the Kitchen she catches sight of Kate, Rick, Martha and Jim Beckett.

"Will someone please tell me what the hell is going on?"

Kate steps forward. "Hi Lanie, how are you?" the words carry a friendly rebuke for the less than polite entrance by her best (female) friend. Lanie doesn't look in the least bit embarrassed and continues to wait on an explanation, her arched eyebrow and hand on hip signalling her impatience.

Moving closer Kate near whispers "Gates Knows."

Lanie pulls Kate into a hug "Oh Sweetie, well it was bound to happen."

"I know. But it doesn't make it less of a shock"

"So what did Gates say or do?"

"Can we wait for the Boys to get here? We'd like to discuss it with you all together. You're all our family and the decisions we have to take will affect you all too."

* * *

There is another knock at the door and Alexis once more opens the door to find Detectives Esposito & Ryan standing on the other side. She is grateful that they at least have the decency to wait until she has to door fully open before entering.

"Little Castle" the two Detectives address the Red Head, who gives them her best Lanie stink-eye impersonation for use of her diminutive nickname as they saunter past. Secretly, Alexis loves it, and makes her feel like one of the extended cop family that has adopted her Father. Ryan actually looks slightly abashed but Esposito has experienced the real thing first hand and has greater immunity, especially from clones, no matter how good.

Rick and Kate are still in the kitchen chatting with Martha, Jim and Lanie, when Alexis arrives back with the two male detectives in tow.

Kate and Rick now have all their extended family present. There is a definite air or expectation from their guests, and aside from Kate's brief aside to Lanie, none of the other occupants know what this gathering is about. Sure there have been some wild guesses, rampant speculation and in some cases romantic developments imagined but they all know Kate Beckett and Richard Castle and their uncanny ability to make the simple complicated, so that is left unvoiced for the moment.

"Hey Guys" Rick acknowledges Esposito and Ryan. "We've ordered food, and it should arrive shortly."

There are several pitchers of what everyone knows to be non-alcoholic beverages on the bench and Kate indicates they should help themselves.

Meanwhile, Rick and Kate are setting out crockery, cutlery, condiments, napkins and more drinking glasses. They are working smoothly in sync, seeming without conscious thought as their mutual familiarity with the Loft's kitchen, and their uncanny symbiosis, and this makes them appear utterly domestic to their family and friends. For Martha and Alexis, this is not a new experience but for Jim Beckett, Lanie Parish and Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan, it is like seeing a totally new side to their daughter/friends.

If sensing they are under observation, Kate comes to a halt, and tilts her head at her Father, who responds with a gentle smirk and dancing eyes. This alone triggers childhood memories of parental embarrassment but before she can prevent her Father reviving one of those moments, he speaks.

"Your look awfully comfortable here, Katie Bear" Oh God, he's gone for a full strike, deploying the childhood nickname as well. Rick knows better than to smirk, but she can see Lanie and Boys twitch in anticipation. And then he fires again "One could almost say you appear at home?" and this has a hint of a deeper question. Kate groans internally, and she is aware that beside her Rick has ceased all movement.

"He's right, you do look really comfortable here Beckett" adds Ryan. Kate gives him the Beckett glare which usually carries sufficient intimidation and prospect of unpopular assignment to work, but for some reason it has no impact tonight.

Huffing Kate turns to Rick for support, and hoping her boyfriend has a ready distraction.

Fortunately, the door phone sounds, and both Rick and Kate dart for the kitchen extension. It's Emilio, one of the doorman, announcing their food is on the way up. Going for the saved-by-the-bell routine, they too announce the imminent arrival of dinner, and the postponement of any more questions until after they have eaten.

* * *

Dinner was a surprisingly relaxed and jolly affair. There was distraction in the form of a mountain of food, and - by mutually unvoiced consent - casual conversation avoided the topic everyone really wanted addressed. Eventually everyone was stuffed to the point of near insensibility and a joint effort saw everything tidied away and the company reassembled in the living room.

Jim Beckett has found the evening particularly illuminating already. Whilst, he and Martha had most definitely got off on the wrong foot but had quickly established a mutual bond and respect based around their children. He and Martha caught up from time-to-time for a coffee and a chat – something which their children were as yet unaware of, and probably wouldn't welcome. He saw Katie frequently and occasionally with Rick, but here in the Loft, he got to see his daughter in a whole new light as she interacted so freely with her boyfriend, Alexis and her friends from the Precinct. The playful comments, gentle teasing, giggles and sometimes outright guffaws were something he could only really relate to a much younger Kate before the dreadful reality of his wife's murder stole so much. He has previously thanked Rick for all that he has done for his daughter, but now he knows he is seriously remiss in the gratitude stakes, and needs to ensure he conveys how deeply that debt goes.

Jim is pulled from his thoughts as Rick takes Kate's hand and they both stand and walk out in front of their family and friends. The air of expectation is back and is almost palpable. Rick is about to start speaking before he can, Esposito cuts in.

"Will someone please tell us what the hell is going on?"

Kate gives Espo a patented Beckett-glower and he raises his hands in defeat, and Kate speaks for both of them.

"Gates and the NYPD hierarchy knows about us." All in the room knew this was inevitable but it doesn't make the exposure of their romance beyond this circle of trust any easier to stomach given the potential consequences.

Rick breaks in to quickly recount how their relationship was exposed by the incident in the Catskills. This revelation is meet by incredulity and not a little dark humor mostly along the lines of no one wanting to accompany them on any trips as they seem to attract people with homicidal tendencies.

Kate resumes "Our partnership could be broken up or Rick kicked out. I could even be subject to further disciplinary action or discharged from service."

"However, we when we were called in to see Gates yesterday, she initially seemed really angry but then she dropped two bombshells."

"Firstly, I've been put forward for promotion to Sergeant Supervisor Detective Squad and I have to take the civil service exam and face a promotions board in less than three months. If I pass, I be effectively in charge of the whole homicide team on a day-to-day basis, and de facto second-in-charge for all the detectives at the 12th." Kate can see the surprise on the faces of their audience.

"Secondly, Rick's position at the 12th and the NYPD is under evaluation and if he passes he'll be offered a permanent consultancy role. Gates is personally conducting the evaluation." All the faces across from them mirror concern, especially at the last piece of information. None are more concerned than their three colleagues from the NYPD who look shell-shocked.

Kate grips Rick's hand and with a shared look she confirms to her _family_ what they suspect.

"We told Gates this morning that we accept the offers"

"It's a trade-off, but one we can live with as we're never giving up on each other. I'll have more paperwork and less field work but at least Rick can stay part of the team if we can complete the necessary steps."

Rick adds one final point. "I asked Paula to prepare a press statement ready for when it goes public. It will be simple, factual and short and have one or two photos of us."

* * *

Their _family_ are busy discussing all the news mainly amongst themselves, and suddenly Kate remembers something.

"Rick"….."Rick" she calls quietly and he looks at her as she speaks only for his ears.

"When I was completing the paperwork today, under home address, I put the Loft's details" Carefully watching his face, she waits for a response.

Her Writer's face suddenly flashes with astonishment, and then one of his giddy smiles ignites both his mouth and cheeks which climb upwards but it is his blue eyes that light up and glow. Kate is sure at that very moment, she can see right into Richard Castle's heart.

"We're moving in together!?" Perhaps it was meant to be quieter but it's loud enough to catch the attention again of their audience.

"Dad!?" "Richard?" "Kate!" "Beckett?!" "Girlfriend!?"

Still beaming Rick addresses his family and friends.

"Prompted by recent events, Kate and I have been discussing our relationship. We've been very honest and open and we've had everything on the table. How we reconcile our jobs with our relationship, where we live, and our hopes and plans for the future including marriage, kids, well everything. We're not ready to formalize anything else at the point but we are committed to each other. I love Kate with all my heart and whilst I can't regret the marriage that gave us Alexis, I am certain that we will go the distance. Starting by moving in together."

Kate affirms this with an emotion laced "Love You" to her boyfriend and new permanent housemate.

"Man this is serious" says Ryan, and Esposito adds addressing Rick.

"Castle, you know we consider you one of US."

"A cop." confirms Ryan

"Well except he doesn't have a badge" Ryan quickly clarifies.

"Or a gun" adds Esposito "for which we're all grateful" responds Kate to be met with pouting indignation from the Writer "Hey!"

"Didn't go to the Academy" add Esposito "For which they would all be grateful" adds Ryan.

"Didn't have to dumpster dive" notes Esposito "For which I'm grateful" responds Rick. "Me too" giggles Alexis.

"Doesn't keep cop hours" goes Lanie "Hey, I do almost cop hours" shoots back Castle.

"He eats the donuts like a cop" remarks Martha and then she corrects the statement "But he did that before he met you all anyway!" to the mutual laughter of his friends.

Kate adds "But more importantly you're my partner in everything. You have my back just like my fellow cops, and we've saved each other lives."

"Always" confirms Rick and he pulls Kate into his arms and they kiss.

"Awwww" from the ensemble turn to "Eeewww" as Rick and Kate deepen what started and should have stayed a mostly chaste kiss. Instead of looking embarrassed Kate smirks and the look in her eyes challenges her friends and family. Lanie for one doesn't back down and issues a "You go Girl!" and steps across to give Kate a high-five.

Castle sweeps Espo & Ryan into a man-hug. Rick is certain there will be a brotherly chat in the future at time when the Boys know Beckett is not around to save him. Putting that aside, he breaks from their grasp and lunges, grabbing the diminutive ME, and swings Lanie round whilst hugging her.

The ME's best crime scene voice is heard to exclaim "Richard Castle, put me down now or I'll cut you!"

The Loft echoes with the laughter and joy of their family. It's enough, more than enough for now.

* * *

**Author's Note – Yes, I'm a shipper (that should be apparent now). I also write Rick Castle as a more mature character and less of the semi-permanent joker that the writers seem to have drifted back to in Season 5.**

**Thank you for all the reviews, favorites and follows. **


	7. Chapter 7 – Investigations

**One Of Us – Chapter 7 - Investigations & Interrogations**

**Previously - After Gates' ultimatum regarding their relationship and new roles, Beckett & Castle attend a series of meetings to communicate their decisions to their family and work.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Chapter 7 – Investigations & Interrogations**

By common consent, Rick has been staying away from the Precinct until a case is assigned in a not-to-dissimilar manner to when Kate is leading the team. Left unsaid is the risk mitigation minimizing the potential distractions and pitfalls of a less-than-fully-occupied Writer under close observation from the Captain.

Kate worked a 12 hour day with the ADA's team on Saturday prepping for the trial. She faces more of the same from Monday onwards but she's more than comfortable with the idea, arriving early each morning with a coffee from Rick, and going _home_ to the Loft each night. She knows the Boys will keep Rick safe, and hopefully it's only for one case.

In the meantime, the pair enjoyed a lazy Sunday in the loft. Original plans to start the moving in process were abandoned when both observed that they we alone in the loft and that this presented opportunities for celebrating and _christening_ the next phase of their relationship. Alexis and Martha had returned on Sunday evening to find the pair enjoying a relaxed meal on the balcony and a surprisingly clean kitchen and living room.

* * *

In the end, it takes 3 days since they had accepted the Captain's conditions before they get a body drop. Even then it's second hand via Robbery.

It so close to the Precinct that it's barely worth taking the cars but they travel the four blocks to the crime scene in two cars, suffering in the Monday morning gridlock. Castle is riding with Ryan and Esposito is shotgun with Gates after a brief round of scissors, paper, rock to determine the _lucky_ detective.

As they reach their destination, they turn off into a vacant lot that is currently serving as a local car park. They can see a unit with lights rotating down one end so they pull in there and de-bus. As they exit the cars and look around at the older early 20th century apartment blocks, a uniform gives then a straight-arm direction to the body down a wide alleyway between two buildings. Gates notices how the team acknowledge the relatively junior uniform, and especially how Castle passes close by to shake hands and chat briefly before preparing to follow his team into the alley.

Gates doesn't take the lead as Beckett would, instead she waits for the team to re-orientate and to sort themselves out. It takes the two detectives and consultant a brief while to establish a rhythm. It's clear they are used to Beckett leading. They more than aware of the presence of their Captain and to be honest it's thrown them more than a little, but they're not completely off their game. Stepping up, Esposito takes command and leads the team into the alley way where the crime scene is located.

Based on the vehicles in attendance, there's no ME yet, only two more marked units, and two detective wagons – from Robbery. Once more the team acknowledge the uniforms which include the tall LT who grins and fist-bumps the Writer and they exchange words which has the whole team chuckling.

There are four Robbery detectives circled around what presumably is the body. Mumbling an expletive under his breath, that Gates almost catches, Esposito recognizes the lead Robbery detective. Tom Demming. This could be a wrinkle, and he hopes Castle can keep a lid on any inclination to provoke or respond to Demming.

Sensing the new occupants of the alley, the four turn and Demming catches sight of the three men, his eyes widening in recognition of the homicide team.

"Where's Kate?" the Robbery lead inquires?

"Beckett's doing case prep" explains Esposito a scowl on his face at the use of Beckett's first name. "I'm running point on this one" and as Gates arrives behind them he adds with a twist "Oh, the Captain's along with our team as an observer."

Smirking slightly at Demming's discomfort of discovery Captain Victoria "Iron" Gates 'along for the ride', Castle acknowledges the Robbery Detective with a nod. "Demming"

"Writer-Monkey" breathes Demming, but not quite low enough for Gates to miss. She makes a note to follow up with Esposito and Ryan. If Castle has heard, he doesn't react.

Apparently Demming has now recovered from any surprise, and he is now giving the team an update on the victim and the connection to Robbery.

"We were called in after a series of bust-in's in the top floors of this and two adjacent apartment blocks in the last day and a bit. Same MO, door knock and then muscle their way in, or sledge hammer to handle and entry. Three suspects, masks, 2 armed with handguns. Take some cash and jewellery, but nothing reported that makes this high risk venture worth it."

"Intelligence has nothing, and we were doing door knocks when this" Demming gestures to the body "was reported by one of the building supers. Male, slim build, possible drug user, late twenties/early thirties, no ID, no wallet, no cash. ME is still en route, no ETA."

A first glance appears that may be a random 'pop and drop' and the Robbery detectives voice this opinion.

"Thanks for the briefing. How-about you leave that for the ME and Homicide to determine? Appreciate it Demming." As Esposito both corrects and dismisses the Robbery detective in few words. With that the Robbery team start to pack up and move back to their vehicles.

Castle is standing about 5 yards away. Gates takes note of how the Writer stays a little back from the officers, almost as if he deliberately staying apart from the detectives and collecting his own view of the crime scene. He takes no notes, and doesn't seem the usual constantly distracted and fidgety person she sees in the Precinct.

Eventually walking over to join the team, the Writer looks down at the body. Grimacing slightly – according to NYPD records Rick Castle has been to more than 70 homicide scenes over his 4 years at the 12th Precinct – the man never-the-less joins the other detectives in evaluating the body and surrounds.

"That's a shotgun blast isn't it? Not a typical weapon for a mugger or even a killer. NYC and Manhattan especially is a handgun kinda town. Not exactly concealable nor as quiet but certainly efficient as a killing weapon."

Esposito nods in confirmation making his own observation. "The B&E team were seen with handguns, no shotgun reported". Ryan makes a note on his pad.

The medical examiner arrives and whilst it's not Lanie, blessedly is it not Perlmutter for which all the team including Gates is grateful for the absence of the acerbic ME. Newly arrived in NYC, Dr Vincent Gello is young, keen, irrepressibly cheery and for some reason totally oblivious to normal social codes of conduct but in the opposite manner to the withdrawn surly Perlmutter. He's a little bit too touchy feely, more so even than Castle which has been the source of more than a few jokey comparisons. However, it is his apparent almost near infatuation with Beckett that has almost provoked issues in the few weeks he has been on the staff.

"Good morning Detectives" the ME cheerfully offers the assembled team. The he notices the absence of Beckett. "Where's the lovely Detective Beckett today?"

"She's not with us today. However, Captain Gates is" Esposito shuts down the ME and hopefully fires a shot across his bows. Esposito is beginning to think that this whole thing is staged given the potential pitfalls and mouse traps that are appearing for Castle's evaluation.

The ME sets up and within minutes is back to the Detectives.

"He wasn't killed here. Not sign of any blood splatter, debris or shotgun pellets." The Detectives nod in acknowledgement but this is not exactly new information to them.

"He was dead before being deposited here – but I think he was dropped here" continues the ME.

"From a vehicle?" asks Ryan.

"No, from a height. There is extensive tissue damage, post mortem bruising, and fractures to the left side of his body." The team look at each other, and then glance up at the two apartment blocks to each side. ME Gello is oblivious to the team and continues on "I believe that the victim was dropped or thrown from the roof top of one of the surrounding buildings."

The team look back up at the two apartment blocks and acknowledge with resignation that an extended period of canvasing is required.

* * *

Moving out into the top level hallway, the team begin door knocking. There is another team of uniforms - led by LT – that are covering the canvas at the other building.

Gates notices how Castle compliments the police officers. He doesn't ask quite the same questions. He puts the residents and hopefully potential witnesses at ease with his manner. Talking to an elderly male resident and whilst making quick notes on a pad she hadn't seen him use before, the Writer reaches into his pocket for a NYPD business card, and pulling one out pauses.

"Excuse me a moment, Sir" he addresses the elderly man, before turning to the team "Hey Espo, can I get some of your business cards? I've only got Beckett's."

"Sure Bro" and Esposito quickly crosses the hallway and hands over a small stack of his cards.

"Thanks" and with that the Writer goes back and hands one to the resident with a pleasant "Thank you for your time and please don't hesitate to contact us if you remember anything else."

The team continue to move along the floor, patiently knocking on door, and handling the suspicion, oddballs and outright hostility that make up the usual mix of frustration when going door-to-door.

* * *

After 2 hours, the team wrap things up and head back to the precinct. The medical examiner, body and marked units are already absent from the alley and car park lot.

Once back at their desks the two cops begin to review their notes, Ryan already typing things up, Esposito updating the Murder Board. Castle has disappeared to the break room and returns with coffee for the team.

Gates is surprised to find he has one for her. "Thank you Mr Castle" and she sips from the break-room mug and discovers he has made it just like she would, half measure of plain creamer, 1 sugar, and temperature just a little below maximum. She's never told him this, never had a coffee from him (or any other precinct member for that matter). Roy's notes have indicated that Castle has very keen powers of observation regardless of the circumstances or his apparent distraction or inattentiveness.

Castle, checks his watch and inquires if the team wants lunch. Hearing affirmatives the Writer states he'll be back in twenty and departs with no further comment or any suggestion as to what lunch will consist of.

Gates moves closer to the two male detectives.

"So what's the story with Demming and Castle?"

Esposito and Ryan can't but help look at each other in an unspoken question. Gates answers for the both of them "My office now!" in her best drill-sergeant tone.

* * *

"Let me clear this up for once and all, detectives. Nothing we say in the next 5 minutes leaves the room or goes on record". She pauses and is acknowledged by a crisp "Sir" from Esposito and a moderately more verbose "Understood" from Ryan.

The Captain tries again "So what's the story with Demming and Castle? Why did Demming act like someone kicked his puppy?"

It's Ryan who answers. "It more like who took his puppy so to speak. Beckett and Demming dated briefly during the second year Castle was on the team. Didn't last long and Beckett broke it off."

Esposito adds "She was going to go with Castle to the Hamptons, but then Castle went off with his ex-wife, and well it wasn't good for the whole summer."

Gates shakes her head. "Boy, when Roy left me briefing notes about them, he didn't quite cover how complicated these two make it!" The two male Detectives smirk a little, it may be that their Captain has a sense of humor.

Ryan can't but help himself. "Captain, how did you know Montgomery?"

Gates' answer floors the detectives – it's been a week of surprise announcements so far and looks set to continue.

"Roy & I worked Vice together when he was rookie D and I was still in uniform just out of the Academy."

Gates pauses, and rises her eyebrows as if to remind the Detectives that nothing leaves the room.

"There are no pictures before you even thing to go looking and can I remind that officers who served in IA have their personal files locked and monitored."

Both sets of male eyes are still wide in shock. Knowing full well what role female uniforms perform in Vice, especially rookies, the two detectives are frantically trying to ensure their subconscious doesn't visualize the Captain so attired. Once more they are grateful they don't have Castle's vivid writer's imagination.

"I trust that this piece of information really does not leave the room."

"It is clear to me that you have known about Beckett's and Castle's relationship for some time. However, I am choosing not to make an issue of this. I do understand the bonds of team loyalty and what extraordinary events are necessary to make most cops step outside that" As she speaks her eyes are on Ryan and he swallows nervously memories of last May still fresh in his mind. He unconsciously glances towards his partner.

"This is Richard Castle's best and probably only chance to secure a long term engagement with the NYPD. Also Beckett is not totally safe and her recent disciplinary matter could count heavily against her, as you well know." Gates' vision is clearly on the Hispanic detective this time, and Esposito nods. Message received.

"I trust I don't have to expand on the possibilities further. Especially if it goes adversely. "

"Now not a word of this to anyone else. I really don't need to explain further do I?"

Both Detectives answer in the affirmative "Sir!"

Returning to the original topic "Do you think Demming knows they are together?"

"I think he may suspect but then again pretty much most of the NYPD and NYC thought they were together. He did make what he thought were subtle inquiries middle of last year after Castle came back but it was obvious he and Beckett weren't dating. But of course by then Beckett was dating Doctor-Motorcycle-Boy whilst Castle was initially still with his ex-wife." Esposito answers.

Gates rolls her eyes at this piece of information. Espo and Ryan share a "WFT Bro! Did Gates just roll her eyes?" look before squaring their faces.

Gates smirks at the two detectives. "You know I'm not Iron Gates all the time. You really don't think I raised two kids acting like a cop?!"

"Now let's get back out there and on the case and do some more work before Castle returns with lunch.

* * *

Castle returns with lunch from a traditional Vietnamese place to find the Boys and Gates round the murder board. He has got the team an assortment of bánh mì (Vietnamese sandwiches) on wonderfully soft and crunchy baguettes. The most popular are the roast pork with fresh cucumber slices, fresh chillies, cilantro, pickled carrots and daikon. Most of the team break out in a cold sweat on their noses, except for Gates who picks at the left over chillies. What the team doesn't eat, Castle leaves in the break room where the fusion of classic French baking and fresh Asian tastes doesn't last long in the face of hungry cops and a free feed.

Heading back to work, they complete the write up of the notes and the transcription onto the Murder Board. However, they don't have ME's report and with no ID, they are stuck. Gates leaves the team at 5 pm to return to her office for paperwork and a conference call. By 7 pm the team are frustrated, and when Beckett emerges from the secure conference room where she's been locked away with the ADA and his assistants, the team take a mutual decision to wrap it up for the night, and resume in the morning. Esposito shoots Gates an email before ushering the team towards the exits, including a somewhat bemused Kate Beckett who is playing along with the change in roles.

* * *

**Author's Note – Hurrah a crime scene at last!**

**For those kind reviewers asking for more on Jim and what Castle was up to, there will be more revelations in the next chapter.**

**Thank you for your reviews, favorites and follows**.


	8. Chapter 8 - Equilibrium

**One of Us – Chapter 8 – Equilibrium **

**Previously - With Beckett assisting the ADA, the team along with Gates have got a body drop courtesy of Robbery. With little information to go on, the onus will be on the team to get results, watched first hand by Captain Gates.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Tuesday**

The following day, Beckett and Castle wander into the Precinct together at 8.00 am coffees in hand. Although there are as yet no public displays of affection, the two are clearly, observably closer than previously seen by their colleagues.

The ADA and his team haven't arrived yet so Beckett joins the team for recap and review of the case. There is precious little information beyond what was recorded at the crime scene as the Murder board attests. Without an ID, no witnesses and still pending forensics there doesn't look like there will be much progress, at least in the near term.

The ME's office is backed up and there will be nothing from them until later in the day if not tomorrow. For experienced detectives this is nothing new, and for Castle, he has learnt to accept the reality of slow pace of forensic examination and hasn't tried to use his influence or contacts to accelerate an investigation since his first year. There is of course one noticeable exception to that rule when it comes to Beckett and her mother's murder but this is that not personal case, and despite the stakes he won't use resources in such a manner.

Gates had started the morning with the team, but had soon retreated to her office with instructions to call her back if ANYTHING broke. The team are reviewing the canvas reports and evidence but are resigned to a day of treading water only interrupted by coffee, lunch and any theory Castle can concoct.

* * *

The ADA and his team had arrived at the Precinct around 10:00 am after attending a departmental meeting, and are now sequestered in a secure conference room along with a frustrated Detective Beckett. Her role is to ensure that the appropriate police records match the evidence and statements being collated by the ADA's team.

It's mind-numbingly boring and Beckett wishes she had Castle's power imagination to help pass the time. They don't break for lunch due to the late start, instead the sandwiches and terrible coffee are ordered in, and aside from essential comfort breaks, Beckett is going stir crazy and eventually after almost nine hours even the ADA concedes defeat and they call it a day.

Emerging from the conference room and returning to her desk, she smiles upon finding Castle reclined in his chair patiently waiting for his partner. Her had brushes his arm and his answering grin is all she needs to immediately start feeling better.

* * *

Having escaped the Precinct around 7 pm they have assembled at the Loft for a Castle Tuesday night tradition - Taco's. Alexis has made the trip over from her dorm at Columbia, and Martha is also in attendance but eats sparsely – Mexican food is not her forte and anyway she has a late party with _buffet-to-die-for_ to attend.

Conversation is fairly relaxed as they self-assemble their own food. Kate wisely refuses Rick's offer to make her a taco – she has seen his overloaded, flavor conflicted creations. Of course, the Red Heads are busy hunting for information on the moving-in status and how they can assist with the process.

Near 9 pm dinner is drifting to an end as leftovers are boxed up and put in the fridge and dishes loaded into the dishwasher. Kate wants nothing more than to retreat to the sofa or the bedroom with Rick but there is a knock at the door, and a surprise visitor in Jim Beckett, her Dad. Kate is surprised, it's not like him to turn up unannounced, but even more surprised when he asks to speak to Rick in private, and the two men she loves retreat to Rick's office.

If Martha or Alexis know what is going on, they're not giving anything away despite her best detective glare which is met by suspiciously sweet smiles back from the too. Alexis hadn't even blinked in the face of the glare that reduces her father to mush, clearly there were downsides to Little Castle working with Lanie. Martha of course simply had seen it all before.

Kate turns to find Rick and her father leaving the office and putting on jackets. It's only been a minute or two. Are they done? From the look on both their faces, she guesses not, and Rick confirms.

"We're heading out for a couple of hours, I'll be back around 11 pm I hope" and then sweeping both Alexis and Kate into bear hug, he bids Alexis good bye with a question "See you at the weekend, Sweetie?" and "Until later, Detective" to Kate who wants to glower at him, but is instead is rendered tongue-tied by the simplest brush of his lips across her cheeks.

* * *

**The Owner's Office, The Old Haunt, Tuesday Night**

Somewhere in his head, Rick knows that taking Kate's Father, the recovering alcoholic, to a bar should be wrong, but his office at The Old Haunt is secure – far more secure than anyone would suspect it should be – and away from inquisitive girlfriends, daughters and mothers.

Jim and Rick have coffees they picked up nearby before entering The Old Haunt, and are now sat around a small circular card table in the office.

"So you're not asking my permission to marry my daughter?" Jim queries. "To be honest, I half expected that to be the reason I was here in private tonight."

"Jim, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I know that the only person I can ask that question of – when the time is right – is Kate."

"Thank God. She would have killed the both of us! She has a gun you know" The younger man nods seriously despite the smile on his face.

"I know I will be asking the question, but not yet. We're not even moved in. Hell, until Friday night, I hadn't even envisaged us living together for some time yet. And we've still got a lot of logistics to sort out."

"So why am I here?" Jim inquires.

"Jim, as you know Kate and I have been seriously discussing everything about our relationship. We're in agreement, almost scarily so, about pretty much everything. Except, about the one thing we didn't seriously cover or reach any form of agreement is money and associated legals." Rick runs his hands through his hair, perhaps in exasperation or it could be nerves.

"We've tried several times to have the conversation. But it always breaks down because Kate doesn't want to be seen as in anyway being a "_kept_" woman or after me for my money like many other women. I've explained to her that I know that isn't so, and they we are simply sharing everything.

Jim shifts forward in his seat and takes a sip of coffee "I can understand her position."

"I can't persuade her otherwise. But I need to know that Kate, like Alexis and my Mother, is provided for in the event of something happening.

Jim sympathizes with the Writer. "She gets that from her Mother. Winning an argument with a Beckett woman takes time, a lot of patience and a certain degree of luck, regardless of the logic and merits of your point."

"Jim, I am beyond serious and absolutely certain that this is it for me. I believe, Kate feels the same. I know I can come across as some lightweight, childish ass but when it comes to family and business I am wholeheartedly serious."

Rick pulls out a laptop and a document envelope and pass the envelope to Jim. "Please read the contents of the envelope and then we can talk further".

Jim nods and pulls out a sheaf of approximately 20 pages. Meanwhile Rick flips open the laptop, touches his finger to the reader near the track pad and then enters a password. Whilst Jim starts reading the documents, Rick goes to work using his laptop, and the office goes quiet except for the staccato rhythm of Rick's typing and the odd tap as a coffee mug is placed on a surface.

With decades of law and studies behind him, Jim Beckett can read and comprehend complex information efficiently and retain the key information. He also has a pretty mean poker face which he suddenly finds himself in need of as he starts to read and comprehend the information present concisely in front of him.

It takes him almost 30 minutes of reading and then skimming back through parts before he stops.

His eyebrows arched, and the poker face gone Jim Beckett looks at Rick Castle, or more correctly Richard Alexander Rodgers and sees not the author, nor the playboy, nor even the Police consultant in front him. Instead he is looking in the steely blue eyes of a very successful business man and multi-millionaire who just happens to be the best thing that has happened to his daughter since she was 19 years old.

"Rick, this is" Jim pauses stuck for the appropriate words "For what of a more appropriate word, incredible. I mean that literally. Pretty much unbelievable. Like out of your books. I presume Katie doesn't know anything about this?

"No. Neither does my Mother or Alexis. It's fair to say that whilst I have been very successful with my books, especially with the Nikki Heat series, there was period from early Derrick Storm onward when I made more money from my other investments and this has continued to be the base of my portfolio."

"So Jim, did you see the final two items?"

"I did." The lawyer's tone is level and neutral and Rick doesn't know if this is a good sign or not.

"I know it might be asking a lot of you, especially if Kate has issues or objections, but I would be honored if you choose to accept."

"Where do I sign?" responds Jim. Rick looks surprised, perhaps he expected more questions or reticence from the man who fathered Kate Beckett.

"Rick" Jim has his hand on Rick's arm but it is the quiver in his voice, something Rick wasn't used to hearing from the older man, even when he come begging for Rick's assistance almost 2 years ago.

"Please excuse an old man, hell a Father his emotions, his gratitude. But I can never thank you enough for bringing back Katie. Joanna and I had such hope for her as she grew up. She was so smart, driven but at the same time so beautiful and open. Sure she was difficult and a tad wild at times. But when we lost Jo, I lost Katie too. Kate Beckett was/is my daughter but she wasn't my little girl. You have given me back my daughter as she should have been."

Pulling Rick into a hug, he continues "How can I refuse. Regardless of anything else, what you have outlined and have requested I become involved with, will benefit my daughter, and her family and others….considerably. No father would want anything else."

"Although, I must admit I was surprised at your choice of some of the other members but I guess you have your own reasons. Regardless, count me in."

Rick pulls free of the hug and offers his hand to the man. Jim takes it and they shake hands.

"I'll have Steve Mathers, my lawyer, contact you tomorrow. Now it's time to get home. I've arranged for the town car service to take us home. It wouldn't do for either of us to get mugged on the way to our homes."

Jim hands back the envelope and contents, and Rick takes them and his laptop over near the desk and within a minute is back with Jim. "Let's go home."

* * *

**Author's Note – Sorry for the delay in updating. Also note than FF was having issues with delays in posting new chapters for stories on 10 February.**

**This chapter has been split into two, and the second part will follow shortly. This one has more Jim Beckett. What has he agreed to do for Rick?**

**Update - Apologies for the typo's and missing words and incomplete sentences, FF was messing with my content uploads yesterday. I have re-posted this chapter. ****Hopefully it should all be fixed up now.**


	9. Chapter 9 – Eureka!

**One of Us – Chapter 9 – Eureka!**

**Previously Still no progress on their case, so it's time for Castle to come to the rescue.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Wednesday**

It was past midnight when Rick arrived back at the Loft. Given his late arrival home, he had found the place dark and silent as expected, and as carefully as could he entered their bedroom and observed Kate already in bed, fast asleep. Undressing Rick had slipped in alongside her and quickly fallen asleep too.

* * *

**Thursday Morning**

Kate's alarm had shaken them both awake, and they had quickly prepared for another day at Precinct. As they prepared a quick breakfast of fruit, yoghurt and coffee, Rick could tell that Kate wanted to ask him about last night and why her father was involved. This wasn't a conversation to be held over breakfast or in the brief interval before work, and especially not at work, so he used his best deflection skills to redirect Kate's initial attempts at subtle questions, until in exasperation she was about to take a more direct line of questioning when Rick spoke up before she could glare through his skull.

"Kate, I will explain everything tomorrow night. I promise you that I am not doing anything irresponsible." She looks at Rick and nods. There is only a slight glare and no sign of a patented Beckett eye-roll. Rick knows it is a sign of how far they have come and how much she trusts him, mostly.

* * *

The commute from the Loft to the Precinct had gone smoothly, with even the notorious New York rush hour traffic cooperating for once. Despite the unresolved matter between them, both Kate and Rick felt in good spirits. For his part, Rick was optimistic that something would break on the case. Kate was less work focused but knew the evidence reconciliation was nearly complete and that alone was reason to be thankful. Although the questions from last night remained, Kate found herself at peace, and her usual mental gymnastics and anxiety were absent.

This shared bonhomie translated into their first clear public display of affection in the Precinct. Without discussing it, or even without their usual visual telepathy, their hands came together as they waited for the elevator from the Precinct garage, and so hand-in-hand Beckett and Castle arrived at work that Wednesday morning.

Standing at the back of the elevator as it made several stops on the way to the Homicide floor, they had shared the ride with several officers who had all done a double take, some openly staring, at the partners standing close with hands entwined but had said nothing. For their part Beckett and Castle didn't react – no blushing, no speaking, no change of position, simply stood there holding hands until they emerged onto the homicide floor and headed to the break room to refresh their coffees before splitting up for the day.

* * *

**Homicide Bullpen, 12th Precinct**

Coffee in hand, Castle joined the Boys and a surprisingly cheerful Gates. It transpires that the ME's office has finally delivered the preliminary autopsy report. And whilst, there is no definite ID for the victim, there are personal identification marks that might yield a good lead. Esposito as detective-of-record for the case wastes no time in leading the discussions.

"This guy had tattoos but they have been surgically removed. They have managed to get an image off and also an infra-red shot as well of one on his shoulder that could be gang related."

Ryan joins in "There is nothing in the records for this type of symbol but maybe Gangs' Intelligence can help?" Castle has to bite down on his tongue to avoid a quip about that name being a misnomer and somehow the Boys are looking at him expectantly, hell even Gates looks like she's waiting for something.

After second with no input, meaningful or otherwise, from the Consultant, the updates continue. Esposito and Ryan had been going through crime reports for the area, and are planning on heading out to an arranged meet up with the two units who act as beat cops in the vicinity.

So it's down to Gates and Castle take a road trip to the nearest Precinct with a Gang squad – the 11th. Castle is surprised when Gates chucks him the keys to her cruiser. He doesn't say anything but is aware of the Captain smirking. As they pull out of the Precinct garage, she finally speaks.

"I believe you own a Ferrari, Castle. Surely you can drive that without scratching it, you can do the same for NYPD property".

"Of course Captain" Rick replies and then before his better sense can intervene, he continues "Perhaps you can share that thought with Beckett Sir?"

"Oh No. I'll leave your partner to make that decision, if it necessary after the evaluation of course."

Castle can't but help shallow nervously. For a moment or two, lulled into false security by Gate's use of his surname only without the precursor "Mr", he had forgotten that his long term future was in the Captain's hands.

* * *

**11th Precinct.**

Arriving at the 11th, they go in search of the Gangs squad and the local Gangs Intelligence officer.

Castle recognises the short plain clothes officer manning the office. "Angelo?"

"Hey Writer-Dude. Been a while. Still kicking with the 5-0 I see." Says the compact Hispanic as they shake hands.

"Don't you work with Slaughter anymore?" is the uncharacteristically blunt response from the Writer. Angelo is not at fault, but his mere presence is enough to remind Rick of one of his less proud moments of recent times.

"Nah, Man. Too dangerous, you'd know that, and anyway he got benched, sorta."

Gates is hanging back, watching, listening, and learning. She remembers the period when Castle was shadowing Detective Slaughter from Gangs. There was obviously more to the matter than she had picked up.

"So where is Slaughter by the way?" Castle asks.

"Joint FBI/NYPD Task Force on Mexican gangs. He's on research and information. No field work. In fact, they're not even allowed to carry in the secure location apparently. He's being tightly supervised by the G-Men." Angelo smiles and Castle can't but smirk at the thought of Slaughter emasculated without his hand cannon.

Suddenly, the writer turns back towards Gates, and gulps slightly and then apologises to both for his lack of manners.

"Angelo, this is Captain Gates from the 12th, my partner." Both Angelo and Gates are surprised by this announcement. Angelo obviously wasn't expecting a Homicide Captain, and Gates was caught out by Castle's reference to her as his partner.

"Captain, this is Detective Angelo, formerly a street operative, and now I guess our friendly, local Gangs' Intelligence Officer.

"So Angelo any chance you can help us out with something?" continues Castle as he removes the ME's evidence photos from the manila document wallet and hands them across.

* * *

**12th Precinct, late morning.**

"Morning again Captain, Castle" greets Ryan as the two arrive back from the 11th.

"Anything from the beat officers? Responds Castle.

Esposito is by the Murder board. "Nothing concrete but we need to get some more information from Robbery. What we have doesn't make sense."

"How so?" breaks in Gates.

"The local beat cops are reporting that robberies, in fact all crime is way down in that block area in the last 9 months. Interesting thing is that whilst we have all the indicators for crime decreasing dramatically but there is nothing to explain why. There are no special programs running, nor are they gang or enforcer presence, nothing on Organised Crimes' radar either."

"I hope you had more luck with Gangs?" queries Ryan.

Castle glances at the Captain, who nods for him to proceed.

"We did. The tattoo isn't a gang insignia. It's insignia from the New York Army National Guard. Fortunately, the Intelligence officer at the 11th recognized it because there are 2 army reservists from the same unit in the Precinct. A lucky break but we'll take it." The Consultant smiles, and the team return it. They are all aware that sometimes all you need is one of the fore-mentioned lucky breaks to make progress.

"The curiously thing is that the tattoo is upside down. That's what confused us when searching before. No idea why. But if the victim is ex-military, his DNA should be available to cross match."

Esposito will contact the Department of Defense and seek a DNA cross-match. That is if the DNA record had been taken for the victim. Whilst it was DoD policy to take DNA for all military personnel, the priority was given to those serving in active combat zones. It was possible, that their victim, being in the New York National Guard, may not have deployed and may not have had their DNA registered. Still it is worth checking.

Ryan needs to keep following up on the crime reports using the NYPD's records database. As Castle is not authorized for personal access to the network, this means the two male detectives are tied up. Gates needs to make some phone calls, and almost reluctantly leaves the team.

Esposito turns to Castle and raises an eyebrow in question.

"I can manage" responds Castle. Before muttering to himself "Wish me luck in Robbery."

* * *

**Robbery, 12th Precinct, early afternoon.**

Taking the elevator down the floor that Robbery resides on introduces Castle to an unfamiliar environment and uncomfortably for a people-person like himself, a sea of unfamiliar faces.

"Who are you?" inquires one suspicious uniform and Castle is somewhat caught off guard having been used to the whole floor knowing him. He knows he doesn't have a badge, just his official unaccompanied visitor ID.

Fortunately, he is saved by Jeff Robinson, one of the Robbery D's from the crime scene two days ago. "Castle, from homicide" is the terse information from Robinson, and Castle nods in gratitude.

"How can we help?" asks the suddenly more relaxed uniform.

As Castle explains what they are looking for, the Robbery detectives and a few uniforms gravitate in to listen. Robinson has been around, has heard the tales from other cops in homicide and in the Precinct, but here and now, he realizes this is way better than the tales he's heard. Rick Castle, may not have badge but he's got a cop's instincts and a hell of a quick mind. He's also got some non-standard skills, not least is his ability to spin a tale.

A couple of the audience start to volunteer information, and a white board is dragged over.

Sure enough, within 20 minutes the small cluster of detectives and uniforms, have a fairly basic model of the crime figures for the blocks surrounding the murder scene. The problem is that the information doesn't make sense.

There is no apparent gang activity, no enforcers. And yet general crime is down, and every cop and consultant knows that this is simply isn't how things work. Robinson is about to pull himself away and get back to his open case, when he notices Captain Gates observing from the corner of the Robbery bullpen. 'How long has she been there?' he wonders.

Just as things look to have reached a conclusion, Castle, speaks up again. "What about these reports of squatters on the top levels of two of the buildings? Robinson knows this one as it was one of his cases. "Investigated and nothing found. The landlords didn't report any further issues and the matter was dropped. Why?"

Castle, has phone out reading a web page. "According to the New York Historical Society, the top level of these old blocks was originally used as workshops and maintenance facilities. Access is through the end stairwells but these were often blocked up, and also through concealed entrances in some apartments. They'd make ideal drug labs or something similar. Clandestine drug labs have security and perhaps this is what is impacting the local crime figures."

Castle addresses the team around him. "I think that may be the information we need. Thank you all for your assistance. We'll keep you appraised on any developments." With that he uses his phone to snap from pictures of the board and sends them to Ryan and Esposito.

In the background, Captain Gates slips away and enters the elevator, past an exiting Tom Demming who has arrived as the impromptu task force is winding up.

"Writer-monkey" Demming snarls."Lost?"

"No, just seeking some assistance from Robbery. We've got the makings of a decent set of leads for our case" and with that the Writer turns and heads to elevator, unaware that he has picked up a tail.

* * *

**Homicide Bullpen, 12th Precinct**

As he's leaving the Robbery pen, Castle's phone vibrates with a message from Beckett. _"On break. U about? Coffee?"_

He's in the elevator and heading towards the homicide floor as he texts a simple "_omw XX_". He's emerging onto the Homicide floor, when he realizes that Demming is still trailing along behind him. Thinking it coincidence, Castle heads to the break room in search of his partner.

Beckett is already in the break room, battling with the coffee machine. On hearing familiar footsteps enter the room, she looks up and smiles at her boyfriend. However, the smile is truncated as she catches sight of her former boyfriend at Rick's shoulder.

"Kate?" Demming inquires. Castle half turns and swivels his head to scowl at Demming who steps past him towards Kate.

"Demming" acknowledges a clearly pissed off Beckett, her tone flat and her manner entirely professional even if it does look like the Robbery detective may be testing her limits, especially with the use of her first name.

"Demming" She starts again if only to try and maintain some diplomacy for future occasions when they might work together. She pauses, makes her tone more personable "Tom, I'm seeing someone. Its long term and serious." His eyes and face appear to confirm he know or at least suspects this. Kate doesn't give him an in to speak. "Lifetime serious." She clarifies. She can feel Castle almost preen at this public declaration.

Demming looks surprised, possibly not at the information but at her willingness to state something like this publicly. But he's not giving up.

"Regulations don't allow partners to be romantically involved." Lectures Demming. "Luckily, I'm not your partner" he adds his voice lowering and he starts to move closer.

Castle's eyes have gone wide. Did Demming just try to put the moves on Kate? He obviously realizes Kate and he are couple, Kate just explained how serious it was, and he still tried!?

"I know the regs" Beckett bites back with her left hand coming up to halt the male detective's progress into her personal space. "Captain Gates knows" she growls. She's really intent on not saying a lot more. She doesn't want, or need, to explain what they are doing to preserve their working relationship.

"Kate?" Demming tries again, his voice still pitched low. And this time, it there is a break in her professionalism but not in the way Demming could have expected.

Grimacing Kate "We're done Demming. Long-time done, more than 2 years, and there is no chance, never!" and with a clearly exasperated sign she turns to the still wide eyed and moderately angry Writer who is glaring at the Robbery Detective.

With her right hand she grabs Castle's left hand and pulls the Writer towards her. Their bodies meet and with her free left hand she cups Castle's chin and pulls him into a hot, wet, possessive kiss.

By the time they break for air, Demming has got the message and left. They do however have an audience and smattering of polite, possibly mocking applause can be heard from beyond the break room.

"Wow" acknowledges a somewhat breathless and aroused Writer. Despite her best efforts Detective Kate Beckett is smirking and internally doing a little victory dance. For some reason, her mind makes the leap to lap-dance with Castle the lucky recipient, and she blushes. Damn she is definitely spending way too much time with Mr Innuendo.

* * *

After the interesting developments in the break room, Beckett has returned to the conference room, and the team has reassembled around the Murder board which is being updated with gusto. Compared to yesterday there is significant progress with much more information even if they don't yet have a name for their murder victim. The developments have lifted the spirits of the whole team Gates included. It takes an hour or so to get the reminder of the information collated and to confirm their DNA match request with the DoD.

Castle offers to get lunch for the team, and pushing his luck slightly, knocks before respectfully sticking his head into the secure conference room where he repeats his offer, this time for the ADA and his team. After responses in the affirmative, he informs them to leave it to him, and winking at Beckett, who tried to hide a smile behind a hand, and then the Writer retreats out of the door way, and closed the door.

ADA Denoza, has caught the wink directed at Beckett, and he wonders if the rumors and gossip are true. Certainly, the two of them have palpable chemistry. Also, whilst he's been impressed by Detective Beckett contribution in the case preparation, she also not quite the cold, direct, professional other colleagues have described to him. She's certainly professional, but there is a lightness of being, and an unwavering bounce in her step, which increases noticeably when her famous shadow is around. He really should take time to talk to her, not least because his wife is a massive Rick Castle fan and an autograph or two would earn him plenty of brownie points.

* * *

After Castle's provided Chinese lunch for all where Beckett had managed to slip out to join her team, they had carried out writing up the new information and running theory. It will be tomorrow or the day after before the DoD gets back to them regarding the DNA. Gates comes and goes, seeking updates and providing encouragement to the team.

Castle misses Beckett's presence. Not only for her physical embodiment of all he desires but also because more often than not, they inspire each other to solve cases. He's thinking about what Kate means to him in both a personal and professional sense, and that's it. Castle has the break through.

"What if our victim, wasn't the victim but the perp, and he had the tables turned on him by his intended target or targets?"

Castle continues on. "We can't place him as a resident or visitor. What if he was one of the B&E gang?"

"He doesn't have the build for the hammer guy so he must have been one of the two pistoleers"

"We have no reports of shots fired" adds Ryan.

"We need the ME to run some more tests, they may have missed something"

"On it confirms" Esposito as he reaches for the phone.

* * *

**Manhattan Medical Examiners' Office. Late Wednesday Afternoon.**

Entering the Morgue, the team can hear a familiar voice raised in approbation. Dr Perlmutter is schooling someone.

"Doctor Gello, do you know what I dislike more than sloppy forensic work?"

"Being told our work is so….." the acerbic ME pauses to catch and control his anger "substandard" he pauses again "by Detectives." He pauses again taking a breath. "But what really gets MY goat, is being told by the untrained Writer that _perhaps we missed something_ and we should go back and check for not just for GSR but also gun oil on the hands of the victim!"

"Now we will have to mutely take our punishment as he insufferably gloats." The senior ME distains.

As the ME's rant completes, the homicide team, announce their presence with some strategically sounded coughs.

"Oh goody. No time like the present then."

* * *

**The Loft, Wednesday Night**

Tonight the Loft was Red Head free, they had checked their Cop and Consultant personas at the door, and were simply Kate and Rick.

Bliss, is the only word Rick Castle can currently find to describe his present state. He's in his bathroom sharing a hot bath with his live-in, moving-in girlfriend. There is soft candle light, some soft mood music, and good wine and grapes to nibble upon.

They are both in an excellent mood and will enjoy the night together in their home with no distractions.

* * *

**Author's Note – This the second part of chapter 8 which I split into two due to length and uploading issues with FF yesterday.**


	10. Chapter 10 - Building Theory

**One of Us – Chapter 10 – Building Theory**

**Previously They have their break through but there is still investigations and work to be done.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**12th Precinct, Thursday morning, 8.00 AM.**

Beckett and Castle are a little late arriving at the precinct due to their morning routine getting side-tracked in the shower as their _exhilarated _mood from the previous evening carried over. As a result they were caught in rush hour traffic but it too failed to detract from their own private happy place. Once again they enter the Precinct hand-in-hand with coffees in their unconnected hands. And once again they attract attention, though few are brave enough to comment, from their colleagues.

Entering onto the homicide floor the attention escalated as Esposito and Ryan greet them with a chorus of "Look its Mom & Dad, holding hands and kissing". Trust those two to be brave/foolish enough to risk Beckett's wrath. However, instead of an angry rebuff, glare or even blushing, Beckett turns to the two male detectives and in her most level tone responds.

"I'm pretty sure you two were present when we announced we were moving into together." Then pausing for effect she continues "And I'm pretty sure that kids don't want to think about what Mom & Dad get up to after kissing, eh Boys?"

Ryan half-exclaims, stammering something unintelligible, and Esposito simply ducks his head. Beckett smirks as she moves off towards the secure conference room, as she passes Castle there are fist-bumps exchanged as she leans in to grab a quick kiss on the lips before separating for the day.

* * *

The makeshift homicide team has assembled round Ryan's and Esposito's desks. There is progress. The Department of Defense has processed the DNA sample they had sent in and Esposito has the results.

"No direct match. But they say it is a near match – full sibling match for a current serving member. However, as the DNA is not a direct match, the DoD will not release the information."

"This is a murder investigation, surely we can get that information?" questions Castle voicing what the team is surely all thinking. The petty bureaucracy and mindless rules of officialdom still amaze the Writer, who despite the years working alongside the _civil servants_ of the NYPD, still occasionally hankers for his world of privilege where his name or a suitable gratuity usually resolves any _problem_. Of course he's not crass enough to raise it here fully aware that amongst these people, his friends, they value him for contribution and participation not his fame or wallet – although the free lunches no doubt help.

Esposito picks up the phone and calls the Department of Defense number and begins the bureaucratic process of going through channels to get the necessary information.

Two minutes later, and the person on the other end of the line is not cooperating with Esposito, and Gates simply walks up to Esposito and holds her hand out patiently.

"Good Morning, this Captain Victoria Gates of the NYPD's 12th Precinct. Can you please put your supervisor on immediately" This a command, not a question, nor a request.

The rest of the team grin, maybe having the Captain on the team has benefits. Not that any of them would ever mention it out loud and certainly not to Beckett.

* * *

**Homicide 9.30 AM Thursday.**

An hour later, they have the name of the serving soldier with the sibling match, James Flute – a full time Sergeant in the New York National Guard. This is enough to provide them with an ID for their victim.

Ryan pulls up the information.

"Meet Henry James Flute, aka Harry Trick, aka Mike Angeles."

Priors for B&E, mugging, dishonourable discharge from New York National Guard in 2009. Guess that's where the scrub tattoo is from. Brother is James Henry Flute, currently active as a full time NCO in the New York National Guard. He is currently deployed overseas and we are unable to contact him. The Army will handle the death notification.

"James Henry and Henry James. Their parents must have loved those names." Castle is reading over Ryan's shoulder and interjects again. "Oh look. Two known associates - Milos Jussic and Leroy Herron."

"Well that makes three. Just the right number for our robbery crew." Ryan continues. "Both have form for B&E, muggings." The team close in around Ryan's monitor as their interest and spirits rise. They're finally getting somewhere.

"If it/was them, then the question is, what were they doing in the buildings, and why only targeting the top floors?" asks Castle.

"I don't know" Says Gates "but let's get some uniforms to their last known addresses and see what shakes out. I'll organize that and I'm afraid Captain's duties call so I'll leave the rest of you to progress the investigation and I'll get back as soon as I can". A chorus of "Captain" acknowledges her.

As the Ryan and Esposito start on the more detailed research of the suspects' records, Castle has time to do some research of his own. As a property owner and investor he has access to real estate databases and other information and he has an idea he wants to pursue.

He hasn't mentioned it to the Boys and he misses having Beckett here to bounce and build theory with. Sighing, he pulls out an iPad from his bag, swipes his password, and launches the app. Logging into the website he starts to call up information on the properties and in particular any tenant changes in the last year.

After a few minutes her pulls a legal pad from Beckett's orderly stationary, and quickly starts making notes. If Esposito or Ryan were to look up they would have spotted Castle with a slightly smug smile on his face and he hummed whilst he searched for information and recorded information on the pad.

After 20 more minutes, he looks up and asks Ryan if he can request some files from Central Records. Ryan dials the number on his phone and passes the phone to Castle who makes his request and hands the phone back to Ryan so he can provide his badge number for authorization.

"Castle, what did I just request?"

"Coffee?" the Writer asks with a nifty redirection.

* * *

**12th Precinct, 2:30 PM.**

Gates has re-joined the team, and Ryan gives the update.

"Captain, units have checked the last known addresses for Flute, Jussic and Herron, and no-one has seen anyone of them since Sunday. However, phone traces put them in the vicinity of the apartments late on Sunday night. We may have to assume that they were with Flute when he was killed. They could be captive or have been injured or killed too."

Castle rises from the edge of the desk when he has been sitting. A number of faded evidence files are beside him, and he has one in his hands thumbing through the contents.

"Excuse me, Captain & Detectives". As they turn to look at him, Castle continues.

"I believe, I may identified the apartment the B&E team were trying to locate, and I may even know why they were so keen to locate it." The Boys perk up, waiting for another Rick Castle tale of mystery and deduction or potentially a complete wash out, either were equally entertaining, often the latter would be better but that was not something they would raise with the Captain present nor with so much at stake. Gates nods to the Writer.

"I researched all the tenancy leases for the two buildings in the last year trying to find any that lined up with the time the crime levels dropped. There were twenty-seven in all. "Only, four of those leases were for the top story of either of the two blocks. I also covered the surrounding blocks as a sample for elimination purposes. Of the four, only one fit the likely profile.

"Then using the lease agreement details, I deduced that the lease for Apartment 67 has been made with fake names on the rental agreements. The lease was started around the time the crime levels dropped off. The lease was in the name of Andrea di Cione. These is the real name of Verrocchio one of the most famous Florentine painters. Why this is of interest is related to a cold case – a theft, not a murder"

"On 17 November 17, 1969 art thieves stole seven paintings, including works by Cassatt, Monet, Pissarro and Rouault, from art dealer Stephen Hahn's Madison Avenue art gallery. The 1969 value was estimated value at $500,000. Who knows now. They have never been recovered and the police investigation never charged anyone. It was rare because it was reported – often art theft was not reported to keep insurance premiums down."

"Incidentally, Stephen Hahn had been discussing art theft with other art dealers as the theft was taking place at the Gallery. It was investigated as an inside job but nothing came of that line of inquiry."

Ryan jumps in. "What's the connection?"

"Ah, strange you ask." Castle's playing to the gallery, but the first signs of a frown on Gates' face is enough to get him moving right ahead". Milos Jussic's father was an employee of the building housing the gallery when the theft took place. He quit soon after. He was interviewed by the police but was ruled out despite circumstantial evidence pointing to him."

Gates obviously isn't a big fan of the slow reveal and the scowl on her face hurries the Writer along.

"Patic Jussic's family lived in Apartment 67 from 1967 until 1983. The father died in 1977 when Milos Patic was 2 years old. The father was killed by Dominic Delucca who as fate would have it was also an employee at the same building housing the Gallery until 2 months after the theft. Delucca was arrested, tried, convicted and sentenced to 35 years in 1978. He was released two months before the leases were taken out."

"When Delucca was asked why he killed Jussic he replied that 'Jussic was a thief and he did not share what was agreed' but he said nothing else. What was interesting about Delucca is that he is an immigrant from Italy and he came from Florence. Hence his use of a famous Florentine painter as an alias for the lease."

Gates lean in "So why lease apartment 67?"

"After leaving the gallery and until his death Jussic was the building handyman for the three apartment blocks. I think he may have hidden the pictures somewhere in the Apartment blocks and that is what Delucca is looking for."

"So how does tie in with the B&E gang?" Esposito asks.

"Turns out Jussic junior was keen to get revenge on Delucca according to Delucca's parole officer. However, it appears that Delucca had cultivated mob ties during his time inside according to the prison and his parole officer. So I reckon Jussic was run off or scared off the first time he tried. He has then recruited his friends and they attempted to track down Delucca again."

"They found him last Sunday?" queries Esposito.

"Could be. Worth investigating right?" Castle poses the question.

Gates looks at the Writer and nods. Now is time to take charge. "Right people, we don't need a warrant as we can work on the assumption that Jussic and Herron may be in imminent danger."

"Esposito place a priority request to ESU for an entry team". She waits whilst the male detective nods and reaches for the phone. "Get an ETA and tell them we'll meet on site."

Esposito dials ESU and sets the wheels in motion.

* * *

**Author's Note – Real life intervened for a while. Happy Valentine's Day! Yes the art theft case is real - everything else related to the case is entirely my own invention and totally imaginary.  
Update - couple of edits. 1) Add an explanation on how the brother would be notified of the victim's death (damn rookie mistake leaving it out in earlier version). 2) Corrected 2 references to the victim as James to Flute - his surname in line with the other suspects/potential victims.**


	11. Chapter 11 - Knocking On Doors

**One of Us – Chapter 11 – Knocking On Doors**

**Previously Castle has found the links and now it is time to do that other side of the police work… knocking in doors.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too**.

* * *

**12****th**** Precinct, 3.10 pm, Thursday**

Castle knocks on the door to the secure conference room and after a short wait it is opened by one of ADA Denoza's female assistants.

"I'm very sorry to interrupt, but could I possibly speak to Detective Beckett for a minute?"

"No problem Mr Castle" answers the ADA. "We could all do with a break, and now is as good a time as any". At his words, the team around the desk rise and make for the door and pass Castle as he moves into the room. All except the ADA and Beckett.

"Hey" Beckett greets Castle as she moves into his space, oblivious of the other occupant of the room.

"Mr Castle, a moment of your time if I could, please?" the ADA asks just as Beckett nears Castle.

"No problem Mr Denoza."

"Charles" corrects the spry, smartly dressed ADA as he holds out his hand which Castle shakes. "Rick" the Writer acknowledges in turn.

"I wonder if you could do me a tremendous favor and…" he's pointing to a not so small bag of books sitting incongruously in the corner, the top cover is visible with the familiar shape of a naked female holding a gun - Heat Wave.

"Sign some books? Sure." Confirms the author. "What's your wife's name?" He knows without asking that the ADA is not a fan, which by deduction means his wife is.

"Megan" the ADA offers. Castle nods, and with the practiced ease of years of signing rapidly autographs the small pile of novels. "You're a lifesaver, this case is a nightmare and this will at least get me in her good _books_ – literally – I hope."

"There you go. Please pass on my thanks to your wife for being such a loyal reader." Beckett is always surprised at how humble the Writer is when signing for genuine fans and not simply those seeking reflected fame. Of course, the ego lurks not far below the surface and can easily emerge.

The author feels a pair of lean limbs surround him and hears "Hey again" in his ear and her turns towards his Detective. A quick, almost perfunctory kiss and Castle speaks.

"I was just coming to let you know we've got a pretty strong lead, and we're heading back to the crime scene to conduct an operation."

"Mmmm okay. You be safe and let the Boys and Gates take the lead."

"Of course. We've called in ESU and uniforms for this as well. By-the-book." The Writer assures his partner. He leans in for a quick return kiss with a whispered "Love you" directed to his Detective as he exits the room before she can respond.

Eyebrow raised, Beckett can't help wonder what could possibly make them consider such a deployment when the team normally does this alone.

Never-the-less, she needs to let her man go do his thing, even if this is role reversal and now she is the one tied to a desk. In the back of her mind, is the nagging feeling that this could be a far bigger part of her future once she is promoted to Sergeant? Her commitment to Rick is absolute but it doesn't stop her second guessing the method by which they are securing their future with the NYPD.

* * *

**Crime Scene, 4.30 pm.**

A small convoy of vehicles enters the car park. Three marked units, an ESU response team bus, and their two detective units.

They exit their vehicles and cluster round the trunks collecting their vests. Two marked units are providing local security, and the Third will pull round to the front on the main street to cover the front. The team had evaluated the risks and believed that ESU presence would be advisable given the probable presence of at least 1 shotgun and an unknown number of suspects. It never hurts to have a group of hard heads in black with automatic weapons to help persuade suspects of the correct course of action.

Gates watches as without speaking Esposito and Castle check each other's vests and gear in a practiced and familiar manner, simply patting each other on the shoulder to signify all is well.

Ryan has crossed over to Gates and performs the same duty for her and she repeats the slightly unfamiliar steps for him. Satisfied that all is good they assemble with the ESU team. The Sergeant leading the ESU squad – Fredericks - looks to Gates for permission and she nods her assent as the cops form up for a tactical briefing.

* * *

**4.39 pm**

It has been less than 10 minutes since they arrived but the briefing is complete, and ESU form up and move towards the rear door of the apartment block. The homicide team fall in behind ESU and Castle drops into the tail of their stack.

As they reach the door, the ESU Sergeant knocks and the door is opened and they file in. The tension rises as they make their way up the stairs towards the top level. They meet no other traffic on the stairs and it is eerily quiet except for the occasional squeak of boot rubber on the stairs.

There is a raised fist at the front, and the column halts. Gates is surprised how quiet it is. Even the usually immutable Writer is silent.

The ESU Sergeant beckons her detectives forward and then it is clear they are pausing whilst someone does a scan of the vicinity and ensure members of the public are out of the way. It is Ryan who detaches from the group, to scout ahead, his attire being deemed the least cop like.

Looking back between her Gates watches Castle watching. Well observing is a more appropriate term.

His eyes light upon the names on the back of the ESU vests. Sweeping forward through the team they settle on the front pair. This is the entry team, first in and most likely to be on the receiving end of anything or anyone waiting for them on the other side of the door. They are similar in dimension, both stocky, about 6 foot, one with a ballistic shield, the other a MP5 Submachine gun. Suddenly his eyes light up and Gates has begun to recognize the increasingly familiar twinkle.

His voice is low but it carries far enough to encompass the waiting cops. "So Johnson and Johnson. Twins? How do they tell you apart? Is it a size thing?" The voice is full of mischief and a touch of innuendo and it would be unimaginable not to mention unacceptable for a member of the public to address cops like this, especially the no-nonsense, and tightly coiled members of ESU. But the Writer isn't a member of the public. He's one of the team, the family of NYPD despite the lack of a badge and a dark blue uniform.

As his words seep through the assembled cops, there is a smirk here or shuttle shake of the head there, but no verbal acknowledgement or laugh. At the front, the forenamed Johnson _twins_, sigh and bump helmets as if to realize the Writer's quip is going to follow them around for a good while. All around, some of the tension and anxiety lifts from the team.

Gates realizes this has been the Writer's intention. He won't be in the team kicking down doors, nor most likely involved in detaining any suspects. But it his investigative skills that have bought them here today. He does what he can and she knows this often goes well beyond what a civilian consultant could or should do. Roy's notes and the formal records for a number of cases make it clear that Richard Castle has saved the lives of each one of this unique team, none more so or more often the Beckett. And they in turn have saved his. Yet, there has been nothing in the press or even in his novels about this. Her original image of a vainglorious, egotistical playboy are nothing like the reality of the man standing behind her.

Ryan returns and reports all clear. Then gazing at the group of cops in front of him, his eyes widen slightly. "I missed something didn't I?" he says forlornly.

"Bro, you always miss something" confirms Esposito earning a quick fist bump from the Writer.

* * *

**4.51 pm**

Emerging into the hallway, the column splits and the ESU team approaches the door of the target apartment stacking up either side. The homicide team takes position out of direct line of the doorway.

The Johnson twins position themselves in off center at the front of the door with Johnson Shield in front of Johnson Submachine gun. By their side two other ESU team members step forward with the Ram and prepare to swing.

The ESU Sergeant glances back to Gates, receives the nod, and he raises a hand with thumb and 2 fingers up. He nods to the team and begins a silent count down starting with the middle finger, and as his thumb folds into his still raised hand making a fist, there is a serious thud as the Ram impacts around the lock followed by a crash as the door lock shatters and the door flies open.

The Johnson twins move through the door, ballistic shield locked in front, MP5 sweeping from side to side.

"**NYPD! NYPD!**"

* * *

**Author's note - Whoops, sorry had an incomplete sentence there. Fixed now. Apologies for that. Thank you to you know who for picking that up. ;-) **

**Thank you to all the followers, favorites and reviewers. **


	12. Chapter 12 - Officer Down

**One of Us – Chapter 12 – Officer Down**

**Previously: Having discovered the probable motive behind the murder, Castle joins the Homicide Team and ESU as they raid the suspect location.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Apartment 67, 4.55 pm**

"Clear!" "Clear!" echoes from within Apartment 67. Less than four minutes since ECU _knocked_ at the door and they have completed a sweep of the apartment finding no one.

Gradually the members of the ESU team emerge with weapons slung. The entry team of the Johnson _twins_ separate and split to pass either side of the homicide team's stack and as they pass the tall form of Richard Castle, they lean in and sandwich the Writer with a firm but still friendly shoulder nudge. Saying nothing, they move on, leaving a somewhat surprised Writer and three grinning cops.

"Surely you didn't think they were going to let your comments pass?" Asks Gates as she smiles and shakes her head. Esposito and Ryan are smirking and Castle knows that Beckett will be hearing about this.

Franklin, the ESU Sergeant, appears and confirms that there is no one present inside, but the team will remain for another 20 to 30 minutes in case anything breaks.

Only then do the Detectives followed by Castle enter the apartment.

A quick glance around shows that there are definite signs of occupation with food and drink containers on a camping table in the main living area with a couple of folding chairs nearby. However, as the sweep by ESU of the apartment has revealed that none of their targets – neither the as-yet-unknown suspects nor the remainder of the presumed missing B&E team - are present.

The layout of the apartment is not symmetrical with the main living area 'L' shaped due to the intruding wall opposite the kitchen. Based on the unused fireplace and mantel this is part of the structure that houses the massive but now redundant chimney stack shared by all the apartments.

"Esposito, we'll need to get Crime Scenes here to investigate and collate any the evidence." Calls Ryan as he moves down the hallway to investigate the other rooms.

* * *

**Apartment 67, 5.07 pm**

The team have done a walk-through of the apartment. There are two bedrooms just off the hallway that leads from the main living area but they are empty except for a single, relatively new double mattresses in each room, lacking anything else except a couple of basic wool blankets. Further down is a toilet (empty except for a bag of cheap toilet rolls) and unsanitary odour hinting at years of neglect. The toilet and the separate bathroom are both decorated in a depressing resilient 70s styling with overly bold green tiles. Beyond the bathroom at the end of the hallway is the master bedroom. There is nothing in the master bedroom except with built-in wardrobes with dust and spider webs.

The team have assembled back in the main living area, and are more closely examining the debris of occupation. It is clear that the apartment has been occupied recently. There are working light bulbs and there is a trash bag with the remains of takeout, a few water bottles as well as the previously noted food and drink containers on the camping table.

The Writer has paused and pulling out his phone, he has quickly swiped his finger a few times and is now looking round the room in puzzlement.

"Castle, you got something?" Ryan inquires as he notices the Writer's actions.

Holding up his hand as if for silence, Castle continues to frown. He's turning his phone round in his hand and then rotating on the spot and then pausing and tilting his head to one side slightly as if mentally trying to calculate something.

"This room should be bigger"

"What?" Esposito is not happy. Their leads have gone nowhere apparently, and the Hispanic detective lets his frustration seep into his tone.

"The room should be bigger. According to the floor plans this room is about 4 or 5 feet too short" as Castle indicates the wall forming the base of the L directly opposite the dilapidated open kitchen.

"ESU checked, we checked, it's just a storage space with shelves behind that two-thirds size door." Answers Esposito"

"Maybe there is a false wall?"

"Bro, not everything has hidden passageways and secret chambers." Esposito is clearly exasperated.

To be fair they are all disheartened by the lack of bodies (alive, dead or in between) or even any particularly good evidence. The mood had soured and has dampened the team's previous good spirits and morale. They had come hoping for further breakthroughs or even possibly resolution on the case they appear to have nothing, or near as.

Gates has quietly stepped back, tempering her own disappointment, and observing her detectives going about their jobs.

The Writer persists "Something's not right."

"That wall shouldn't be there. Maybe it's something that Jussic senior built when he was working building maintenance here?"

* * *

**Apartment 67, 5.11 pm**

Castle has opened the two-thirds size door that leads to the walled in storage space and is using a torch to search the enclosed space roughly 4 feet deep and 10 foot across with basic shelves on either side and two similar longer sets of shelves with a 3 foot gap in middle on the longer wall in front of him. As he swings the torch around he looks down and he frowns.

"Espo, Ryan!" there is a note of caution and urgency in his voice and the two detectives hasten to join the Writer. Gates too moves forward towards the end of the living room where the rest of her team are clustered.

"Look at the floor. At the floor boards below the skirting board. What do you see?" He asks but continues straight on.

"The floor boards stop by the skirting board under the shelves but in the middle where there are no shelves, the floor boards clearly continue under the skirting board."

"I see what you're pointing out but I can't see a door or anything" Responds Ryan.

Castle shakes his head. "It will be simple visual redirection or disguise, like a magic trick".

"Wait, look at the edge of the shelves on this wall. See how there is a narrow fascia board running all the way down the wall. That could conceal the edges of a vertical rising door."

If there is a door is it still well hidden, but more importantly how does it open. There has to be a trigger in here somewhere?

Castle suddenly steps out from the storage room back into the main living area and looks around and then strides to the fire place.

"That's the old flue gate handle" remarks Gates as she remembers one from her childhood home.

Castle pulls the handle and it moves a little. He pulls it harder and an audible click and a mechanical sound not unlike an un-oiled bike chain can be heard from the corner of the room.

"Bro!" Esposito's call indicates something has clearly happened.

"Get ESU back in here" calls Ryan.

Gates echoes the request. "Sergeant Franklin, get your team back in here, we've found something."

* * *

**Apartment 67, 5.13 pm**

Castle has returned from the fire place to join Esposito and Ryan in front of the two-thirds door to the storage room. Gates is now standing to his side. Looking in he can see the results of his actions. Between the shelves is now a 3 foot wide full height doorway which is blocked by a heavy dark red curtain.

"Wow." He can't help hazing Esposito. "No secret rooms?"

"Part of the wall just slid straight up and Hey Presto!" Confirms Ryan, also enjoying poking fun at his partner who is now glaring at him.

Castle is still looking forward at the freshly revealed doorway, when from behind a curtain emerges the blunt dark metallic barrel of a shotgun. With nothing more than instinct Castle shouts out "Gun" and with his long limbs shoves both Ryan and Esposito down and to the left side of the doorway and simultaneously he hip-checks the Captain pushing her away from the door and the lethal shotgun.

Miraculously Castle's actions have left them all them clear of the first shot which goes between the two detectives and the writer, the majority of the pellets shattering the ceramic tiles in the kitchen opposite. A few pellets catch at the clothing of the Detectives and Writer but in the adrenaline and stress of the moment this is ignored, for now.

Already turning to confront the threat Castle grabs as far down as he can reach on the barrel of the already fired shotgun and uses it to pull the suspect from behind the curtain and through the doorway into the room where he can be tackled by his partners. He has also pulled the shotgun barrel past his body and it remains pointed at the empty but blasted kitchen with the ceramics already partially wrecked by the pellets. Despite the noise of the first shot, it is quiet enough to hear the metallic rasp of the slide being worked and another shell being chambered. The shotgun fires a second time, but again miraculously no one is hit but the ceramic tiles in the kitchen are now definitely history.

Gates has her service weapon is out and tracks the suspect but she can't shoot as Castle is now grappling with the man holding the shotgun. Suddenly, Castle turns his body and twists into the suspect. Using his not inconsiderable mass Castle slams his shoulder into the armed suspect who is launched into the wall and door frame, and the shotgun flies from the surprised suspect's grasp, and then with surprising speed the Writer drives one blow from his right hand to the exposed solar plexus of the suspect who doubles over and falls onto the floor of the main living area.

Castle part turns towards Gates, and grins, eyebrows raised in victory as the suspect completes his stunned collapse to the floor.

Only momentarily distracted, Castle turns back to focus on the suspect and he starts moving to secure the suspect until his partners and the other cops can assist when

BAAAMMM!

The report of another shotgun blast shakes the room which has just stopped echoing from the first two shots.

Castle's body spins back towards the doorway, his face losing all trace of the smile, now surprise, shock, and pain echoing on his handsome features. His jacket is whipped to the sides by the force of the impact of the shotgun blast almost center upon his chest.

Gates is turned towards the doorway, her pistol coming up, looking for a target. She is vaguely aware of the ESU team pouring back into the apartment, weapons up.

In those intervening second or so, another round has been chambered and the second shotgun fires again. BAAAMMM!

The force of this impact carries Castle well clear of the doorway far into room where his tall form shorn of all motor control is propelled back into the camp table and chairs, scattering the simple furniture on his bloody descent to the floor.

Despite policy about visual sighting of the target, at least two of the ESU team raise their weapons - a MP5 and a M4 carbine Gates notes from the periphery of her vision - and fire into the shadows of the store room and the now not-secret door and space beyond the curtain.

The brief fusillade of shots finishes in seconds. The remainder of the ESU team have assembled and voices are almost screaming commands.

"**NYPD! NYPD!**" "**NYPD! Drop your weapons or we will fire again!**"

Esposito and Ryan are pushing themselves off the floor where they landed after the Writer had shoved them to safety. Their faces are filled with shock and horror at the vision of their critically injured partner and friend shattered on the floor in front of them.

ESU are now streaming past the stunned Detective team and through the door way into the hidden space. The Homicide Detectives ignore what is now a sideshow for them, and they focus on their fallen team member.

Gates has holstered her pistol, and drops to her knees beside the Writer. His jacket which had been worn over the top of his vest is torn asunder and the dark blue material is even deeper in many places as his blood soaks into his clothing. The vest has taken the first shot full on and shattered and fragmented but it is the Writer's right shoulder that concerns her most. She can see shattered bone and flesh behind shredded skin and clothing and blood is hemorrhaging from multiple lacerations.

"Hang in there Castle, we'll get you help as fast as we can." She wishes she could wish the EMT's here.

"….Boys….okay?" Castle's voice is low and stuttering but he's asking after his partners. Clearly concerned for them despite his injuries.

"They're okay." Gates doesn't know for sure, but even if injured it will be far less serious than the man prone before her.

"Why?" the question comes unbidden to her lips.

"Because you're all cops and I could never let one of you …" He doesn't complete the sentence but the implications are clear.

"It's not just Kate I'd…." He is struggling to breathe and there is blood coming from his mouth. "I'm just the writer, the tag-along….."

Gates has his hand in hers – when did she do that? She is momentarily aware of the blood on her hands and clothes but she doesn't care as she grips his hand harder "No Castle, you're one of US too."

"Now I know you don't like following orders, especially mine." He grimaces and his eyes lose some more focus.

"But I would really appreciate it if you didn't die on us. I don't think Detective Beckett would like it either." A quick pause before the Captain continues. "And there's the paperwork to consider." A cop's black humor but something she knows the Writer would appreciate if he wasn't so terribly hurt.

The writer grimaces again, there is no answering smile, and his eyes are now rapidly losing their lustre but in a surprising steady but quiet voice he makes an effort to speak and replies.

"Yes Sir, you'll have to excuse the lack of a salute" and then in a much quieter tone which belays the shuddering of his body Gates can sense through their joined hands and see with her eyes.

"Please…Alexis…Kate promised take care" and pushing out one last gasp "Tell Kate, _Always_." With that final special word, the Writer's eyes suddenly close and he stills.

Gates is aware of two the ESU team pushing past her to attend to Castle, and beside her a large first aid kit is dropped to the floor with thud.

Still holding Castle's hand, she's doesn't risk glancing back to Esposito to ask where the hell the EMT's are, but she can hear his voice on the radio, the desperate tone and the awful words "_**Officer Down!**_"

* * *

**Author's Note – Oh God I just shot Castle. This was surprisingly harder to write than I thought.**

**To those requesting more Caskett – sorry this definitely wasn't the chapter for you.**

**Thank you again to all the reviewers (50+ reviews), favorites and followers (120+)**.


	13. Chapter 13 - Bad News Breaking

**One of Us – Chapter 13 – Bad News Breaking**

**Previously Ambushed after raiding Apartment 67, Castle has saved the rest the team but been shot in the process. Gates has returned to Precinct to inform Beckett (see Chapter 1 – Aftermath).**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too**.

* * *

**12****th**** Precinct, 6.48 pm. **

Gates turns to stride back to her office, force of habit of course had made her start off without confirming that Beckett was actually following her. Checking her stride and half-turning, she can see Beckett rising from her conference room seat and starting to follow with a frown indicating her concern rising on her face.

Emerging into the bullpen, Beckett is immediately aware of the change in atmosphere. Uniforms and Detectives are clustered together, shock open on their faces, and what looks like tears. Whilst Gates is now back at the Precinct, there is no sign of her Boys – Ryan, Espo or Castle. Castle!? A dreadful sense of foreboding grips her very being, and her eyes go wide in as yet unspoken concern and fear. Her nervous tick of placing her lower gum under top teeth draws blood this time. In a matter of moments she is assailed by rational and irrational terrors. She can barely stand, and she doesn't want to hear Gates' next words so certain is she that they could destroy her.

"Beckett…." Gates' usually strident tone moderates as their eyes meet, and the next words bring the dreaded confirmation without the actual detail as her Captain uses her first name.

"Kate, please come into my office" and Gates shepherds the suddenly pliant Detective through the doorway, before Beckett can break down in full view of the bullpen.

Kate's last view of that bullpen is of her colleagues' eyes full of shock, sadness and - Oh God - she recognizes the other emotion present, sympathy. She never wanted that to be directed at her again, not after the same dreadfully familiar masks upon faces all those years ago when even her Father couldn't bring himself to look into her eyes for more than a second or two. Everyone else she knew and even strangers had shared that same look, the look that hurt so much she hid from it wherever and whenever she could. She had spent so much time lost in the depths of frustration, anguish, sadness, bitterness, guilt, and the desperate need for comfort that remained unrequited for so long. Could she survive it again? Did she need to?

The remorseless onslaught of memories leaves Beckett shaking, and despite her screaming desire to stay standing and exhibit some control, she almost falls into the chair opposite the Captain's desk. Gates had put her arms out to shepherd and steady the younger detective and Kate's hand brushes against the older woman's and come away stained with gummy, dark red marks.

Feeling the alien sensation against her skin, Beckett looks at the Captain, and exclaims "Sir, blood – you're injured!" Gates looks down at the dark jacket and notices for the first time, the deeper, darker stains on both sleeves but more readily apparent on her left arm and hand where a trail of congealing blood is barely moving. This was the hand that had grasped Castle's whilst they waited for the EMTs.

The Captain shakes her head, her face a near mask. "Kate, it's not my blood." The truth of the explanation is both necessary and yet unnecessarily brutal.

The temporary distraction of the blood on the Captain is gone as the reason for its presence rams home. "No…NO…NO….No…no…no" flees unimpeded from the younger woman's lips.

"Beckett, he's alive! Castle is ALIVE!" Gates breaks in. "They're ALL alive!"

Gates tries to reassure Beckett. She take a moment and pauses so she can assess the woman before her. At this very instant, there is no trace of Detective Beckett, simply Kate, struggling to handle the news of her loved one being injured.

Then as the Captains' words sink in, the moment passes, and then Detective Beckett is back, however shakily. Victoria Gates cannot help but wonder at the strength of character of the young woman across from her. How much pain does one person need to suffer in a lifetime? How much can one person bear?

"How bad?" The question is almost inaudible as Beckett pulls her body upright to look directly at the Captain. "How bad" Louder this time "How bad is it?"

"Kate, he's in critical condition. He was shot twice. Took two shotgun blasts – one to the chest which the vest took most of, and the second to the right shoulder which was only partially protected by his vest."

Suddenly Gates feels the urgent need to explain more, to give Beckett the context and the story of how her boyfriend and partner ended up in hospital fighting for his life.

"We were ambushed. ESU had performed entry and swept and cleared the apartment. We were checking out the place and looking for evidence. Castle found a false wall and hidden door." Gates is trying to keep it succinct as she seeks to explain how the Writer had once again seemingly conjured up a breakthrough. "We had called back ESU when a shotgun opened fire on us."

"God, Beckett. He saved the whole team. Ryan, Esposito, Me. Pushed Ryan and Esposito out of the path of the first shot. Me too. A shotgun blast would have seriously injured or killed them and me. He then tackled the shooter as he was about to take a shot in my direction. He took down and disarmed the shooter. But there was a second shooter with another shotgun hidden from sight and they fired on Castle whilst he was moving to secure the first suspect."

"The first hit blast was mainly on the vest, but the second was against his shoulder."

"The ESU medic and then the EMTs stabilised him on scene, and he has been transferred to Bellevue." She has been watching Beckett as she passed on the details.

"We're going to get you to the Bellevue as fast as we can."

"I'll have LT and Hastings take you to the hospital and then collect Ms Rodgers and Mr Castle's daughter."

"Oh my GOD" Kate had so nearly forgotten his family, so lost in her own self-pity and anguish. "Do they know?" The shake of the Captain's head signals not.

Beckett acknowledges "I need to call them." This time there is a nod of the head, and the Captain stands to leave her office and give Beckett some privacy.

"Please stay" Beckett's request is so quiet Gates almost misses it. The Captain once more nods, and by the time she raises her eyes Beckett has her phone to her ear. Seconds pass, and almost a minute later Beckett voices her frustration.

"Damn it! Pickup Martha. Please?!"

Despite the Detective's pleas eventually the call goes to voice mail. She can't leave a message this important to be discovered on voicemail, so she hangs up. She knows from Castle's frequent complaints that Martha only really needs a 'dumb' phone as she does not text, MMS or anything else remotely 'smart'.

There no real choice open to her now. So it is with extreme reluctance that she selects Alexis' number from her phone's speed dials and hits the call button. It only takes a few seconds before the call is answered.

"Alexis?" She's trying to keep her tone neutral, but some part of her dispassionately knows she is failing badly. Hearing the young women's voice respond with her name thanks to Caller-ID, she continues.

"Where are you?" A pause as she listens to the response. "Your Dorm? Good, I need you to stay there please." She knows her voice is wavering and close to cracking, the emotion laced timbre of her words no doubt reaching her lover's daughter.

"Um, Alexis, do you have friends with you?" Gates can see Beckett visibly wince as she asks the question knowing that the younger Castle will certainly pick up on the as yet unsaid context if she hasn't done so yet.

"Alexis…Rick" she starts again "Alexis, your Dad has been hurt. He's at Bellevue. I'm heading there now." Kate knows it is insufficient explanation but it is all she can offer at this time.

"We're sending a marked unit to collect you and bring you to Bellevue. Please stay there and they will collect you as soon as possible."

There is a longer pause, and now the emotional shockwave has hit Beckett. Where previously there were no tears, her eyes are swollen red,

"Alexis, he's alive! I've been told he's badly hurt, but I'm still at the Precinct so I don't know any more. I've only just been told myself."

Her words sound like pathetic excuses to her own ears, and Heaven knows what they'll sound like to his daughter, as she tells her that the man they both love is near death. And who is she? She's only truly loved him for less than 2 years, whereas Alexis has loved him a lifetime. How does she deserve a place at his side, the man whose greatest trait – one that she adores almost above everything else - is Father to his Daughter? Hearing Alexis voice on the end of the connection, Kate snaps her thoughts back to now.

"Alexis, there's something else. I've haven't been able to reach Martha. I didn't want to leave voicemail. I know I have no right to ask you, but can you please try? If you can reach her, tell her to go the Bellevue Emergency Rooms. Please call or text me if you do."

"Do you have any questions?" And Kate can barely hear the almost silent negative from the other end.

"Alexis, I will see you at the hospital as soon as you get there. We're sending the car now. We'll all be there. Call me for anything. I'll see you as soon as we get the hospital."

She ends the call. She aware of Gates watching her, and the Captain speaks.

"I suggest you call your Father, and perhaps Doctor Parish."

Her Dad, what a great idea. Kate knows that her Father has been meeting up with Martha. Perhaps he can contact her whilst she and Alexis get to Bellevue.

"Excuse me Captain, I'll call my Father."

As Beckett once more raises her phone to her ear, Captain Gates rises from her chair and opens her office door. The action attracts the attention of the officers on the floor. Calling over the nearest uniform, Gates barks two quick orders.

"Velasquez, please ensure that Hastings has the unit ready to go once Detective Beckett leaves my office. Can you also get all remaining members of the watch and Detective teams to assemble in the bullpen at 7.30?"

Meanwhile Kate has reached her Father.

"Dad, It's Kate." She listens to her father's polite response but right now she can't deal with the inanities of the pleasantries.

"Dad!"

"Dad, Rick's been shot." She takes a deep breath, really sucking in a lungful. It is the first time she has said the actual term. "He's alive but it's really bad, he's at Bellevue ER, and I don't know more. I'm still at the Precinct but I've leaving very soon and going there. Alexis will be bought there too."

"Dad, can you please try and reach Martha? I can't reach her. Let me know if you do and get her to come to Bellevue ER."

Thank you Dad. I love you too. I'll tell Alexis that as well. I gotta go. Bye."

The phone almost drops from her hand as she ends the call. She take a moment to compose herself and looking she finds Captain Gates looking back at her, close enough to almost touch.

"Beckett, the unit is waiting to take you to the hospital. Go be with your family and friends."

Then to the surprise of both women a brief hug is exchanged and Kate murmurs "Thank you" as she breaks the short surprise embrace and turns for the door, once more biting down on her lip, the sensation of pain intended to help keep the tears at bay at least until she clears the bullpen.

* * *

As soon as Beckett has left her office, Gates picks up the phone and calls the Medical Examiner's office. "Can you please have Dr Parish call me at the 12th Precinct immediately! I will need her to report to Bellevue ER shortly. I'll explain once she calls back."

Victoria Gates has made her career by being in control and the beacon of calm compliance with the numerous laws and regulations in the chaos that is a NYPD Precinct. However, today she has been shaken to her core by the events that have unfolded. She would love nothing more to retreat home and seek the solace of her husband and her own family. However, she knows that is many hours away.

She needs to get back to work. She has a long list of phone calls she must make. There is the official chain of command to follow which means she will start with the Chief of Detective's, and then possibly the Commissioner's office. Given Richard Castle's fame no doubt Public Affairs will be involved.

There will be press. There will be brass, lawyers, and bureaucrats. But as soon as she called the Chief of D's she promises herself she will call home and speak to her husband.

* * *

**New York Ledger Website – Breaking News 7.00 pm**

Ambush in Midtown. Cops injured in shotgun attack.

_Officers from the 12__th__ Precinct have been injured in a shoot out in a midtown Apartment block. Severity and number of injuries of the casualties are unknown at this time._

_Eye Witnesses reported that ESU and plain clothes officers entered the building shortly before 5 pm and sometime around 5.15 a number of shots including 2 bursts of automatic gunfire were heard from the top floor. Four ambulances attended the scene and the EMT were seen treating at least two unconscious patients on gurneys before transporting them to Bellevue ER. At least two injured plain clothes detectives were seen being transport in a patrol car that left with the ambulances._

_There are two Medical Examiner vans, as well NYPD Crime Scenes teams in attendance. One eye witness reported that there are "a bucket load of cops" with at least 10 units on scene._

_There is presently no information forthcoming from either the crime scene or Police Plaza. We will update you as soon as we have more information._

_Readers should remember that best selling crime author Richard Castle is a long term consultant with the 12__th__ Precinct's homicide department where he shadows Detective Kate Beckett and her team._

* * *

**Author's Note – Wow thank you for all the feedback for Chapter 12. That was the most reviews and chapter views I have had. Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**

**Please note that in the story timeline, the chapter follows directly on from Chapter 1 - Aftermath.**


	14. Chapter 14 - Aftershock - Part I

**One of Us – Chapter 14 – Aftershock I**

**Previously - Gates has told Beckett of Castle's injures and now the shockwaves from the news begin to spread.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Unit TwelveCharlieFive**

The journey from the 12th to Bellevue is completed under lights and sirens. Beckett is in the back of the marked unit as Hastings is riding shotgun with her new partner – Thomas? – driving. As they set off Hastings had mentioned that LT was originally meant to be driving but Gates had sent him back to the crime scene for something. She is grateful for the separation in the back of the unit as it gives her an excuse to minimize any likely fraught and painful conversations even with her fellow cops. In addition, it gives her time to think now that her initial terror at the news had abated a little.

"Beckett" Hasting's voice interrupts her thoughts. Damn she must have been really distracted to have lost track of time on the journey to the hospital. She cannot even remember what her thoughts had been aside from the one overriding objective of taking Rick's hand and never, ever letting go again. She's definitely not running, not now, not ever.

Looking forward through the mesh separating the rear of the cruiser from the front, she can see the entrance to Bellevue ER coming into view. At the front of the hospital is a fairly significant crowd including an array of TV cameras and photographers formed up covering the entrance area and surrounds. She can see hospital security putting up crowd management barriers and some uniforms assisting.

"Beckett, we can go round the back? No audience there." Hastings offers.

"No, I need you to get Alexis as soon as possible. I'll jump out in the drop-off zone. How scary can a bunch of cameras be, right?"

Who's she kidding? She's spent years avoiding the spotlight, it was one of the key reasons she had refused to contemplate dating Castle in the early years, and they had gone out of their way since May to avoid the limelight for this and other reasons too. Well, all those were irrelevant now, and she knew she would have to face the cameras and press eventually but doing so without Castle was something she had never considered.

The marked unit gives one more blast of the siren before Hastings mutes it, but leaves the lights flashing. This has certainly attracted the attention of the crowd and press. As the unit pulls to a stop in the drop off zone, the strobing of flash guns begins and the glare from the LED lights on the TV camera illuminates Beckett as she exits the vehicle and sprints for the ER entrance ignoring the calls and night-into-day lightshow from the assembled press and onlookers.

At the doors to A&E are a hospital security guard and a uniform from the 12th. The uniform, smiles at Beckett and they step aside allowing her to enter the ER department.

* * *

**Bellevue Emergency Room, 7.33 pm Thursday.**

Making her way to the Emergency Room reception area, she strides directly up to the desk and palms her Gold Shield from her belt. She feels the solid weight and hefting it in her palm derives familiar comfort as her skin traces over the pattern of the shield and her number. She lifts her hand with the Gold Shield up to make it visible and the receptionist blinks once, twice and goes to speak but before she can, Beckett fires a direct question

"Richard Castle and two Detectives from the 12th were bought in by EMT. Where are they?"

"Ma'am" begins the receptionist.

"Detective Beckett" she corrects, once again pushing her badge forward to confirm her title and authority.

"Can you please tell me what happened to Richard Castle, Kevin Ryan and Javier Esposito of the 12th Precinct?" Beckett is being a hard ass because it is the only thing stopping her from breaking down and she can't be another broken person stuck in the ER waiting room with no control. She needs control and focus.

The reception nods, and reaches for her phone "I'll see what information I can get you. Please take a seat for the moment Detective."

* * *

**12****th**** Precinct, 7.35 pm**

With her door and internal windows shuttered, Gates had finally got off the phone conference with Chief of D's, Assistant Commissioner, Press Relations and Mayor's Office. There had been a lot of questions and very few answers.

Late for her own 7.30 pm bullpen meeting she had emerged from her office to find the bullpen full. Given that it was late evening, she was expecting a few detectives and perhaps a third of the watch roster of uniforms. Instead she is surprised to see pretty much the whole detective team for the Precinct, and almost half the precinct's total uniforms crowded into every space. Looking around she spies officers who were rostered off, even a couple who were meant to be on vacation, and at least one who was on medical leave.

She uses Castle's chair to step up onto Beckett's desk. The low murmur of conversation stills and she has the full attention of the Precinct.

"Thank you all for coming in.

In case you haven't heard, Richard Castle was critically injured today whilst assisting the 12th Precinct with an active homicide investigation. Detectives Esposito and Ryan received minor injuries. All are at Bellevue receiving treatment. Esposito and Ryan are expected to be released before morning. Castle is in surgery and we currently have no further information on his status. It is very serious, he was shot twice by a shotgun.

Castle's actions today prevented more serious injury to those detectives and to myself. I can only pray that it does not cost him and his loved ones more than it already has.

I have spoken to the Chief of Detectives and to the Commissioner who have made the full resources of the NYPD available to the 12th. The Mayor has assured the Commissioner that any necessary City resource will deployed as required.

I thanked them for their offers of support but told them that we have it. The 12th looks after its own, and make no doubt that Castle is one of us.

We will be providing officers at the hospital for security and also to escort and support Castle's family and Detective Beckett. This will be on a volunteer basis, please see Sergeant Adams who will manage the roster. We have already have coverage sorted until 08:00 am tomorrow. Those participating are requested to wear uniform. Detectives to wear NYPD dusters or similar attire as well.

There will undoubtedly be extensive media interest. Can I remind you that any press inquiry needs to be directed as normal to Press Relations or to myself.

One final point. The surviving suspects are under guard at Mount Sinai Hospital. It is expected that one will be released to our custody tomorrow and the other in a few days. The Commissioner has expressed his full confidence that the investigation will be handled professionally and dispassionately by the 12th. I trust I make myself clear on this matter?

Are there any questions?"

After she had fielded one question regarding blood donations, she thanked and dismissed them and returned to her office to make more phone calls.

* * *

**Bellevue ER Public Waiting Area, 7.40 pm**

It's only some 5 minutes or so later, and Beckett has confirmed to herself that hospital waiting rooms are a terrible place to spend any time, even 5 minutes. There is a lot of noise and bustle - distressed people and distressing people. She is currently perched on a chair in one corner of the waiting from with her jacket pushed back so not only is her badge visible but also her Glock. This has at least made the other occupants shy away and keep their distance.

Giving in to her frustration, Kate stands and begins to pace looking for a corridor to walk off her tension but before she can exit the reception area, Lanie Parish bustles through the entrance hall and spotting Kate pulls her straight into a deep embrace, almost crushing Kate's chest.

"Lanie, thank you for coming. I can't get an answer from them about anything. I don't know where the Boys are? Or where Castle or how he is?" The unresolved questions flow from her as she struggles to hold back the tears.

The growing desperation colors her voice and she knows it must be apparent especially to someone like Lanie who has known her years. But she no longer cares. She will shout it from the roof tops, declare her love for Richard Castle on national TV, do anything to know more and to keep him safe.

Dr Lanie Parish pulls back a little from her best friend but with their arms are still connected, and she assesses the scared woman in front of her.

"Leave that to me Girl. I'll get us some answers and then we'll get you somewhere out of the way. I'll be right back."

With that Lanie has gone in search of answers and the Boys, and Kate decides to chance a vending machine coffee before resuming her occupation of the corner seat.

* * *

**Columbia Dorms, 7.55 pm**

Alexis Castle is huddled by the entrance porch of her dorm block. A protective posse led by her roommate, and several other students has her cocooned in a state of attempted distraction with conversations about anything and everything meaningless and trivial. It is so sweet, and well meaning, that Alexis accepts it without compliant even though she wrought through with fear and the emotion pounding her head – she really does have an awful headache too - and she wants to escape so desperately into the arms of her family.

Suddenly, the past-twilight is lit by the flashing lights of a police cruiser approaching. The group ceases their conversation and falls silent watching as the car comes to a halt and a compact but athletic female officer exits the car and dashes towards them. Within seconds, she is standing in front of them. Her name badge identifies her as Anne Hastings. Alexis knows the uniform who she has seen about the Precinct and chatted to briefly during her internship with the ME's office.

"Good Evening, Miss Castle. I'm Anne Hastings. We're here from the 12th to take you to your Father at Bellevue."

"Alexis" the girl corrects automatically.

"Please come with me Alexis and we'll get you to the hospital and your Dad as fast as possible."

Hastings turns back to the group of wide-eyes young women and men. "Thank you for waiting with and looking after Alexis. We appreciate it. The NYPD looks after its own and we'll take care of Alexis for now."

* * *

**Bellevue ER Waiting Room 3, 7.57 pm**

Lanie had worked her magic and got a waiting room assigned for their use.

Kate Beckett is sat on one of a small couch with her feet up on the same chair Lanie had briefly sat in after guiding her to the room. Lanie has now disappeared in search of the Boys. The vending machine coffee is terrible and Rick's phrase of 'monkey-peed-in-battery-acid' springs to mind. She smiles despite the current desperation.

Her body is folded in with her head between her legs as she breathes deeply, momentarily losing herself in the control that the long inhalation of air offer her before slowly exhaling. She has no idea how long she has been doing this exercise that she learnt as part of her recovery from her shooting and again as part of PTSD management. She remains alone in the room waiting for news, for anything.

Hearing the sound of the door, she barely lifts her neck to raise her head to check who it is.

Oh, it's Lanie and she has found her Boys.

Ryan has his jacket off, and upper left arm wrapped with bandages. Esposito has some cuts to his head, and his jacket is ripped and stained. But otherwise they are healthy though their faces are streaked with what like tear tracts.

As they both enter the room, they stop and stare at Beckett for a moment and then their heads drop.

"Beckett…Kate…" Are the only words that Kevin Ryan can force from his mouth.

Esposito can't say anything. There are tears pooled in his eyes and traversing his stricken face.

Without speaking the two approach her chair and them reach down together to pull Kate up and into their bodies. No words are exchanged. None are needed.

Lanie has closed the door and stands guard, mutely witnessing the immense pain and shared love of her best friend and her partners.

Then Esposito speaks.

"Beckett, that man of yours…he saved all our lives today. He disarmed a suspect with a shotgun. None of us saw the second shooter."

Kate knows they will both be wracked with guilt but there is nothing to forgive and she needs to let them know this.

"Javi, Kevin. Thank you for being with Rick. It's not your fault. I don't blame you and I'm sure Rick doesn't blame you. It goes with the job."

Both try to raise protests but Kate continues.

"It was always his choice to stand with us. It means so much to him, and just like he would never ask me to give this up, I couldn't ask him to do the same. I want you to know how much Rick appreciates your friendship, and that it means the world to him, to have…" Kate hiccups through her tears "brothers after all these years."

They stand there wrapped in each others' arms and they are dimly aware of Lanie's comforting hands rubbing across each and every back.

Kate suddenly remembers that Lanie went out with two tasks. The first was to find the Boys.

"Lanie? Rick…?"

"Sweetie, they don't have any news yet. He's was received into the ER around 6.25 pm and they had to stabilize him before taking him straight to surgery around 6.55 pm. He's still in surgery since then and likely to be so for some time.

* * *

**Paula Haas & Associates LLC, 8.10 pm**

"Thank you Captain Gates. I'm sure will be speaking again very soon." Hanging up, Paula Haas finds she is slumped in her home office seat. She often worked from home rather than her expensive serviced office in Manhattan simply because she could appear to be perpetually mobile and mobility in Manhattan meant being alive in the cut-throat market unless you were the top of the food chain and could make everyone else come to you.

Paula Haas has dealt with Rick Castle and Rick Castle's issues for many years. But never has she faced anything like this.

"Goddamn you Rick Castle! Don't you dare die on us!" She pauses to swipe at the tear that threatens her still fresh looking makeup. "Damn it Gurl, get your act together, we need to call the press and then the Dragon Lady."

Reaching for her desk phone, she dials her assistant.

"Hilary, we're going to need all the press release material we prepared for Rick." Pausing to take in the response at the end of the line.

"Yes, it is true. Rick is in critical condition at Bellevue. They don't know anything else at this time. Please get everything packaged up and ready for courier pickup. I'll let you know more when I do." She disconnects the call.

She really wished she hadn't given up smoking all those years ago. And now is not the time for alcohol as she needs the clearest of heads for what she is about to do.

She picks up the phone and hits a number on the speed dial panel.

"Ledger, City Desk Editor" echo's back down the line.

"Hi Mark. It's Paula Haas, I have a press release for you on behalf of Richard Castle's family. However, I need to obtain final approval for release and this may take some time. Probably not until after 10 pm. I know your print deadlines but this is breaking news and we're offering it to you as an exclusive. I think you'll want to wait on it."

* * *

**Author's Note – Wow thank you again for all the feedback for Chapter 13.**

**The chapter kinda got away from me, so I split it into two. Part II to follow real soon.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	15. Chapter 15 - Aftershock - Part II

**One of Us – Chapter 15 – Aftershock II**

**Previously – As the shock waves from the news spread, Family and friends gather at the hospital and begin to deal with the aftermath.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Bellevue ER Waiting Room 3, 8.40 pm **

There is a firm knock at the door and before anyone can respond Anne Hasting appears guiding a pale and tearful Alexis into the waiting room. Hastings nods to Beckett and the other Detectives and then retreats from the room.

Kate has started to rise from her seat to greet the teenager, when Alexis flies into Kate with virtually no time for Kate to open her arms.

"Oofff" grunts Kate at the surprise impact of the Red Head.

"Hi Alexis" greets Kate, once again feeling totally inadequate. "Kate" mumbles the teen as her head drops onto Kate's right shoulder.

"Hey Sweetie" is the more upbeat tone of Dr Lanie Parish as she greet her former intern.

Alexis remains in Kate's embrace but turns her head to smile wanly at Lanie Parish and mouths "Hi". As she does she catches sight of Ryan and Esposito who are sat at a small table nursing cups of aforementioned _monkey acid_ coffee. They have their heads down, and although Alexis was not there to witness Kate's pep talk they are both still obviously distressed and feeling guilty.

Shaking her head, Alexis gently pulls free from Kate and approaches the table. Both Detectives look up sheepishly at her approach. Alexis comes to a stop in front of them, and puts both hands on her hips. With a huff she rolls her eyes and gestures with a raise of her head for them to stand. Wordlessly they follow her silent instruction, and as they rise her hands come up from her hips and with no warning the Red Head grabs each by one ear and pulls them into her. Releasing their ears she put an arm on each shoulder and leans into them.

"Dad, loves you both. I know you'd both do anything for him, and he's done the same for you. No one is allowed to feel guilty." As Alexis speaks she turns her head back towards Kate and fixes her with a direct stare.

Kate and Lanie are frozen in shock at the actions of the teenager. Of course the faces of the two male detectives are even more slack-jawed in amazement.

Lanie whispers to Kate. "Little Castle has some serious mojo going on. Are you sure you want to join this family?"

"Too late." Kate affirms and she can't help the small smile that illuminates her visage. But then she remembers something. Damn she really is off with the fairies today.

"Alexis, have you managed to reach Martha?" she asks. The girl shakes her head.

As if on cue, the door opens again and it's Martha being escorted in by LT. Martha half turns and touches her hand to forearm of the lanky uniform in gratitude. "Thank you for being so kind."

"My pleasure, Ms Rodgers. If you need anything just ask the officer on the door." LT nods to Beckett and the Boys before backing out of the room and closing the door.

The first thing both Kate and Alexis notice is that the usually composed and vibrant Martha Rodgers is pale and her face is tear streaked. Yet she carries herself almost regally, and gestures for Alexis and Kate to come to her.

"Hello my Dears. Is there any news yet?" At the shake of their heads she continues explaining how she got here.

"Victoria arranged for some officers to interrupt my class and then she spoke to me on the phone to inform me of what happened and arranged for the officers to get me here as fast as possible."

Somehow the three of them end up clustered together locked in an emphatic embrace of interconnected limbs, tears and half-sobs.

"Dad would have a field day if he could see this" observes Alexis through shaky half-breaths, half-sobs."

"Well, we won't share that with him, will we Ladies?" responds Martha, all her years of acting giving her voice more control than her emotions should otherwise allow.

"What do we do?" Kate is feeling truly lost at this moment.

"Darling, we do what Richard always intended for us to do, we look after each other." Responds the red-headed Diva. The younger red head nods in agreement.

Kate's eyes go wide, and then a very small smile appears, incongruous with the tears still streaming down her face.

"Always" she confirms as she too nods. Her voice is strong, rich, laced with emotion and flavored with the love that counters the desperation that bought them to this point. There in that moment, with that one word that encompasses everything about her life with Richard Castle, she eternally commits to this, his, and now her family.

Both Alexis and Martha still, both in tune with Kate meaning, and mutually realizing that this is one of those life defining moments. No words are spoken as both Martha and Alexis in turn place caste kisses upon her lips, sealing this permanent pact between them.

Family.

* * *

**Bellevue ER Waiting Room 3, 9.50 pm.**

Their waiting room is getting crowded.

Paula had arrived a couple of minutes ago but other than waving in greeting to everyone she was still stuck with her phone to her ear and was leaning into the corner of the wall talking rapidly.

The doors open again and her Dad arrives in the company of a tallish, lean and grey haired man about Rick's age. They seem to know each other, still exchanging words as they are let in through the door. As her Dad makes his way towards her, the other man spots Paula and peels off.

Jim Beckett wraps his daughter in a tight hug.

"Sorry" he begins,

"What for?" Kate asks.

"Being late. Had trouble getting through the traffic and then the crowds out front. I couldn't get hold of Martha. But I see she made her way here anyway."

Jim spies Alexis and Martha on the couch behind Kate and he removes one hand from his daughter to wave at the two women who both give wan smiles and small waves back in acknowledgment.

"Any news?" he asks his daughter.

"Nothing yet. He's been in surgery since before 7 pm. It could be hours yet. Thank you for coming."

* * *

Alexis had almost forgotten about her phone when she spied it vibrating and swiping a finger her face falls as she sees the caller ID. It's her Mother. Meredith is calling from California. Sighing she picks up her phone and heads to the one unoccupied corner of the room before accepting the call.

"Hi Mom"

"We don't have any news yet. He's still in surgery."

"It was great of you to call. But you don't need to come out. I have a lot of support here. Gram, Kate, her Dad, and cops from the 12th."

"Mom, there is nowhere for you to stay – Kate and her Dad will be staying at the Loft." Alexis has no trouble with the little white lie. She couldn't handle the stress of dealing with her Mother now and definitely not staying for any length of time. God knows her Father drove her a little crazy but her Mother could seriously unhinge her and she often wondered how others had coped with both her Mother and Dad at the same time.

"I'll call you tomorrow with an update. I promise."

"Thank you for calling Mom. I really do appreciate it and I'll pass you best wishes on to everyone. Love you Mom."

Hanging up, she looked down at the status bar to see she has multiple emails, Facebook alerts and messages. She'll deal them later, for now she seeks the embrace and comfort of Grams and Kate.

* * *

**Bellevue ER Waiting Room 3, 10.40 pm**

Captain Victoria Gates has just stormed through the press corps and crowd outside the ER. But the stern mask falls from her face as she enters the waiting room and takes in the assembled cops and citizens anxiously waiting for news. She notes the three women with their arms across the shoulders of the adjacent person as they sit on the longer couch. A teary faced Kate Beckett is in the middle of the two Red Heads and has her head leaning against the older woman.

"Good Evening Ms Rodgers and Miss Castle" starts the Captain. She nods to Beckett who sits up a little straighter with her own nods in acknowledgement.

"My dear Captain, please call me Martha" interjects Martha. "Alexis" corrects the younger Castle.

"Martha, Alexis" Gates begins again. "I want you to know that everything possible is being done for Mr Castle. The Commissioner, Chief of Detectives, the team from the 12th Precinct stand ready to assist in any way possible."

"Detectives Esposito, Ryan and I owe our lives to him. What he did this evening was truly selfless and I need you to know that what he does is valued by all of the NYPD family. He does make a difference, and he is considered one of us."

"There will be a presence from the 12th Precinct outside this room, and your father's room once he comes out of surgery. Other officers will be available to escort you to your home or anywhere else. Simply speak to one of the officers on the door."

She takes business cards from her handbag.

"This is my personal number. Please call it anytime should you need anything."

"Detective Beckett, on the orders of the Chief of Detectives, you are stood down from duty on compassionate leave with immediate effect. Your focus should be on your partner and family."

Kate nods her head, unwilling to trust herself to speak.

"Now Detectives Esposito and Ryan, I need you to head home soon and get some rest as you will need to report to the 12th by 09:00 tomorrow morning. You will need to complete incident reports and have them ready for review by early afternoon. I will speak to you both outside in a minute."

Esposito and Ryan echo each other as they respond in the affirmative with a respectful "Sir".

Glancing over a Paula Haas, the Captain continues.

"There will be a press conference at 08:00 am tomorrow. There will be official statements from the NYPD, and also from Richard Castle and Black Pawn. I believe Ms Haas has sought your approval and permission for the statements."

Nods from Kate, and Martha confirm this is so.

* * *

**Corridor outside ER Waiting Room 3, 10.45 pm**

Detectives, I know you both want to stay but I am afraid duty come first.

"You are both off the case."

She raises her hands to still their protests. "You know the regulations. Once you became victims you can no longer remain the investigating officers."

"The 12th is keeping the case but we need to ensure that it is handled strictly by the numbers."

Ryan pipes up. "I spoke to Jenny a couple of hours ago. I managed to persuade her to stay home. It's probably time I headed home and gave her more proof I'm alive."

"Good idea Detective. See you tomorrow."

"Good Night Captain. I'll just say my goodbyes and then head off. Espo."

Esposito turns to the Captain. "I'll stay a little longer but will leave soon. Thank you for all your support it means a lot to the team Sir."

* * *

**Gates Residence, 00:05 am Friday.**

Victoria Gates had arrived home just before midnight. After securing her pistol in the gun safe in her office, she retrieved her phone charger so she can plug it beside her bed to charge her phone and have it on hand in case of overnight calls. Before she heads upstairs ensures the alarm is set for 5.30 am as she has an 8:00 am press conference and she is sure there will prep work as well.

Creeping into the bedroom, she hears the bed clothes rustle.

"Vicky?" comes the familiar reassurance of her husband's voice.

"Hi DM. I'll just get changed and be there in a minute." She wants nothing more than to fall into his arms now, but she can keep it together long enough to remove some of the grime of this long and emotional day.

After changing and a perfunctory make up removal and teeth brush, she had slipped into bed.

He husband has the covers turned down waiting for her and as she sinks into bed, he pulls them back over her body and turns his body into hers. No longer able or needing to bottle things up, Victoria Gates bursts into tears and her husband holds her tighter until her sobs cease and she falls asleep.

* * *

**New York Ledger Offices, 2 am Friday morning.**

Mark Bright, City Desk editor of the New York Ledger, has made a very costly decision without the input of his boss, Larry Hartz the editor or more importantly the owner and money – Lindy Welch III. At 11 pm he had pulled the first edition of the paper from the presses. It will need to be pulped. All to make way for the breaking news that has the whole of New York talking.

It's now gone 2 am and they have less than 60 minutes to get the revised layout to press. The Ledger's office is busier than a normal working day. It's certainly lit up brighter than day. The night desk and daytime teams are both here, and certainly looks like every staffer is present. They are working in teams producing specific topics and stories whilst the senior news desk team pulls all the output together and resets the layouts ready for electronic distribution to the print works.

A new front page is being worked up by his team. Hell entire pages had been ripped apart and a whole new 4 page section is being added.

The Page 6 team are in a major quandary. They have definitive confirmation from Rick Castle's publicist that he and his Detective muse are a very serious couple and have been for some time. And yet how do they break this whilst at the same man fights for his life in Bellevue.

He is surprised to see some of his team in tears. He has met Richard Castle several times. He had assumed the man played up the Playboy image a bit but had seemed comfortable in that role. Donna especially was very upset but had pulled herself together and her team was putting together a first class profile for the special pullout section. He just hoped it didn't need to make its way to the obits.

* * *

**New York Ledger Website – Main Page**

'Richard Castle Fighting for Life'

_Best selling author and NYPD civilian consultant Richard Castle is at Bellevue Hospital undergoing lifesaving surgery. He was admitted shortly before 6.30 pm after being shot whilst participating in a police operation. He has been in surgery for more than 7 hours._

_His family, girlfriend Detective Kate Beckett, and colleagues from the NYPD are maintaining vigil for him at the hospital._

'Author Saves Cops.'

_During a raid by ESU and 12__th__ Precinct detectives, a number of shots were fired at police suspects armed with shotguns. Sources confirm that unarmed civilian consultant Richard Castle disarmed one shotgun wielding assailant but was shot twice when a second shooter opened fire on the police team from an ambush position. _

_One suspect was declared dead at the scene, and two others were transported to Mt Sinai with non-life threatening injuries and are under police guard. _

_As well as Richard Castle injuries, two officers received minor wounds, and a civilian was suffering moderate injuries were all transported to Bellevue._

NYPD have confirmed that an official statement will be released tomorrow morning with a press conference at 08:00 am.

**New York Ledger Website – "Page Six - City Life and Lowdown" column. **

'More than a Muse.'

_Sources have confirmed that the relationship between Richard Castle and NYPD Homicide Detective Kate Beckett has been more than purely professional for some time. _

_Detective Beckett was observed arriving in a police cruiser at Bellevue not long after critically injured Richard Castle was admitted this evening. His family – Mother Actress Martha Rodgers and daughter Alexis Castle – arrived shortly after and all are currently awaiting the results of the emergency surgery._

_We are told that Richard Castle and Detective Beckett have been dating since May of this year, and that may well be living together._

_His agent and publicists have informed us that there will be a press conference at 8 am tomorrow morning._

_Detective Beckett who is the inspiration for the character of Nikki Heat, is the youngest ever female detective in NYPD. Her team of homicide detectives at the 12__th__ Precinct have the highest clearance rate in the City._

_The City Life team has it fingers crossed and wishes Richard Castle a speedy recovery._

* * *

**Author's Note – Wow thank you again for all the feedback for Chapters 13 and 14.**

**The chapter really did get away from me, so it turned into 2 Parts.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	16. Chapter 16 - Perspective

**One of Us – Chapter 16 – Perspective**

**Previously – Castle remains in surgery at Bellevue and so Kate and his family continue to wait for news.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Bellevue ER Waiting Room 3, 1.50 am Friday.**

Kate Beckett couldn't sleep. She had tried, really tried, and now she was simply really tired but awake. On one level she was physically exhausted, drained by the whirlpool of emotions over the last seven hours. Regardless, she couldn't mentally switch off. Closing her eyes simply made the furore and fears more intense. She wondered if this was what Rick experienced when his writer's mind dreamt, fuelled by all their near misses or her shooting. She knew he still had occasional nightmares, just as she did. Certainly there were less occurrences for both of them since they had begun to share a bed together, but sometimes one or the other would find themselves holding and gently crooning to their partner as they came down from a nightmare.

Opening her eyes again, she could see Alexis curled up on the couch opposite, snuggled into a small pile of pillows, a blanket half-covering her. She finally seemed to have settled after an initial period of near silent sobbing for which she had declined comfort from the other two women. Martha, was reclined in a chair, her legs tucked under her, her head supported by a couple of hospital pillows. Like Rick, the senior Red Head appeared much younger in her sleep, even when her face still bore evidence of the hours of tears.

Somehow both had managed to actually get to sleep. It wasn't a deep sleep for either, as both shifted and murmured in their sleep, but sleep they did. Unlike her.

Huffing to herself, she decided she needed a drink, and the hospital's cafeteria was open 24 hours. Pulling her boots back on, she reached into bag and grabbed her phone, badge and gun, clipping the latter two to her belt. She started to stand, and then sheepishly reached back into her bag and grabbed a fistful of change. She quietly let herself out of the Waiting Room and found her herself looking at the sitting form of Chris Hernandez from the 12th. The rookie uniform had helped out on a recent canvas and had been left almost mute and awestruck when the Richard Castle had attempted to strike up a conversation with him. Castle has gradually got the kid to say complete sentences without freezing up, and unlike some of the cops hadn't mocked the rookie and his initial stuttering responses.

He started to rise. "Can I help you Detective Beckett?"

Kate put a hand out to halt his ascent and guide him back to his seat. "I'm just going to get a coffee. Please watch Castle's family."

Hernandez nods but then calls out. "Tony"

Turning Kate recognises the familiar form of Tony Koulouris, a veteran uniform famous in the Precinct for his huge heart and not dissimilar appetite. He rises from the chair he had been occupying further down the corridor, and patiently waits for Beckett to head to the cafeteria. He catches site of Kate's face but simply shrugs and waits.

Sighing Kate, realises she is stuck with the uniform escort regardless, and set off for the cafeteria.

* * *

_**Earlier ~ Bellevue ER Waiting Room 3, 11.00 pm Thursday.**_

Lanie and Esposito had departed not long after the Boys had spoken to Gates. Esposito was trying to tough it out but it was obvious he was hurting and Lanie was clearly going to take him home. They promised to return tomorrow and at any time if Kate needed them.

Earlier, and prior to Gates arriving, Kate had joined Alexis and Martha in agreeing the wording of the press release to be issued by Black Pawn alongside the NYPD's own statement tomorrow morning.

The grey haired man who had arrived with her Father had turned out to be Steve Mathers, Rick's attorney, and he and Paula had guided the three 'Castle' women through the proposed wording of the short statement. Steve and Paula had left with a comment that they would see them in the morning as there were further matters to be discussed.

Kate had found the whole matter surreal – they still had no idea on Rick's surgery and his status, and yet they were calmly – well mostly bar a few interjections from Martha – discussing telling the World that she and Rick we together. She knew she should feel more but it took all her self-control and years of experience as a detective to not break down.

Kate's Dad had stayed in the background during the press release discussions but had joined her once Steve and Paula had left. Kate had kept things together until her Dad had hugged her and at that moment she choose to let go of every fear that she had held inside of Detective Beckett. Kate had sobbed in his arms for a good 5 minutes before devoid of any further tears she had finally let go and allowed Alexis to wipe her face. After exchanging more words of comfort between them, her Dad had left with assurances that he would see them all tomorrow.

* * *

_**Bellevue ER Waiting Room 3, 11.35 pm Thursday.**_

Gates had left and they were just attempting to settle down on the furniture – Kate and Alexis each on couches and Martha nobly choosing a padded chair - when there was a knock at the door, and two people entered.

"Good Evening. I am very sorry for the interruption and for the delay in being able to bring you information on Mr Castle's status." The calm, female voice had them all upright and paying full attention, though none dared speak.

"I am Karen Wright, from the Hospitals management team, and this is Thomas Berling, Bellevue's Head of Surgery."

"Mr Castle is being operated on by a team led by surgeon Doctor Paul Creswell. He is a former Army surgeon and has extensive experience dealing with gunshot trauma." The administrator pauses, and the Head of Surgery picks up.

"Mr Castle is still in surgery and he will be probably in theatre another 3 or so hours. After that it he will be moved to the intensive care unit. It is likely that he will be there for a number of days." His voice is authoritative and has a calming quality.

By now Alexis and Martha had joined Kate on her couch and all were squeezing hands.

"Mr Castle arrived at Bellevue in an extremely critical state. He crashed – sorry I'm not sure if you understand the terminology, but essentially Mr Castle's heart stop and he went into respiratory arrest. He crashed twice – once en route in the ambulance and once again in ER. We were able to stabilize him before taking him to surgery."

"He has extensive injuries to his right shoulder and there were a series of internal injuries. These are all being addressed by surgery. It is the collective impact and stress of the injuries that has left Mr Castle is such poor health. However, he does appear to have survived the worst moments, and his prognosis is sound." With this the Head of Surgery falls silent.

Their grips had tightened and then relaxed as they soaked in the news.

The hospital administrator picks up again. "As soon as Mr Castle leaves surgery we will be back to brief you again. This should be in three to four hours. Once again we apologise for any delay in bringing news. If there is anything Bellevue can do for you please do not hesitate to contact me or my team." With that she passes across a business card to each of the,

Martha had spoken for all "Thank you for bring us news of Richard." as the two exited the room.

Left alone again, they had cried happy tears before Martha had shooed them all to their beds with instruction to sleep.

* * *

**Bellevue Hospital Cafeteria, 2.08 am Friday.**

Since arriving at the hospital, Kate Beckett has gained a growing appreciation of what it must have been like for her friends and family some eighteen months ago when she was in the operating theatre fate unknown.

By 2 am, she was in danger of being overwhelmed by guilt about her actions starting some 18 months ago. So she has slipped from the waiting room, and headed to find a drink. The uniform – Tony Koulouris- had followed along at a discreet distance. Kate had bought two coffees – one for her, and one for the veteran uniform.

So now she's in the hospital cafeteria, alone but not quite. Keeping watch a respectful distance away stands the sentinel from the 12th. The uniform is ensuring her privacy, well freeing her from interruptions, and although the very presence of a protector for the obviously upset woman attracts attention of itself.

Turning her thoughts back to herself, Kate sighs.

She had never really discussed the events of 18 months ago in any detail with anyone except Dr Burke. Hell she had even avoided dealing with them herself until the therapy, and sometime after. Such a coward where her emotions were concerned.

She had known her avoidance, hell let's be honest here, her lies, had hurt her friends, the people who loved her. But until this evening, she hadn't dared to contemplate the scope and impact of the decisions she had made then.

She needed to speak to someone who was there, to get their perspective. To understand. She couldn't ask Rick, perhaps she might never have enough courage to ask for him to tell her of the damage, done by what she now sees as her betrayal of the man she loved and her friends. She knew who to ask. Picking up her phone, she hit the speed dial and lifted the phone to her ear.

* * *

**Parish Residence, 2.28 am Friday**

Lanie Parish blinked awake. She heard the dull thrum of her mobile phone's vibration setting as it shimmied on her dresser. Pushing the arm off her, she grabbed her phone and glancing at the caller ID, answered the call before the ring tone went audible. Moving from the bed she headed into the living area so as to not disturb the owner of the arm.

"Kate?" and hearing her best friend's voice respond she broke in. "Is there news?"

"Well we had a visit from the Head of Surgery and an administrator about 3 hours ago. Rick was in surgery and still is. They did tell us that he has a lot of damage to his right shoulder and internal injuries as well. But they said his prognosis was good. But that's not why I'm calling."

"Then what's up Sweetie? I would have thought that the news about Rick was good."

"It is, but….." Kate's voice trails off.

"I'm so, so sorry. I'm sitting in the cafeteria drinking coffee because my mind can't rest and won't let me sleep."

"Well the coffee ain't gonna help Girl!'

"I know but I have something to ask. I'm not sure I should, but I need to. Please forgive me?"

Lanie's voice echo's the concern she suddenly feels intensely. "Kate, you don't have to be afraid. Please ask."

"Was this what it was like for you 18 months ago?" Kate's question is terse and blunt but Lanie understands the context.

"Kate, I won't lie to you Girl. It was tough. Beyond tough. We didn't know if you were going to live or die. Hell we're pretty sure you died twice on the way to hospital but we got you back somehow.'

"Lanie, I need more, I need to understand."

"Javi said that it is probably a good thing at least that you weren't there today. I know that sounds cruel, but Kate you didn't see Rick when you were shot. The man looked like he had lost everything. We would have taken the bullet for you. He looked like he would have willingly followed you into your grave if you had died." She pauses uncertain how much more to tell her best friend.

"We rode with you to hospital in the bus. Hell I was on top of you most of the way. Rick held me steady for corners and bumps. When they took you into theatre, took you away from us, Castle and I were left there covered in your blood. He held me, we held each other, and sobbed like babies." Lanie pauses ordering her thoughts.

"It took us a while to recover but it wasn't quite so bad in the hospital after that. Everyone else arrived, even the Montgomery's. It took a long time before we got an update. Then most of us went home. Except for Rick and your Dad. They were there all the time until you woke up. The Boys had to kidnap Castle and take him home once he was certain you were alive." Lanie decides to skip any mention of the confrontations between Castle and Kate's then boyfriend, Josh Davidson.

"We had each other at the hospital and that got us through, especially those first forty-eight hours." Lanie tails off for a second seeking the courage of her convictions. She is Kate's best (female) friend and they are usually completely honest with each other. Now was not the time to change.

"What was worse was you hiding all those months from us, especially Castle."

"It took me some time to forgive you for that. It hurt the Boys and me so much. Still does. But how Castle has managed to forgive you, I have no idea. Little Castle and Martha too."

"Never doubt it Sweetie. That man was put here on this earth for YOU, Kate Beckett. And you alone. Forget all the dumb arse mistakes you have both made, and make sure he knows this is it for you."

Kate tries to explain "But the hiding away was so that I didn't hurt you all. At least that was how I convinced myself to go to my Dad's cabin and recover away from the City and everyone."

"Oh God! I was such a coward." Lanie Parish doesn't disagree but knows her friend doesn't need to hear that.

"I'm not running Lanie, not now, not ever. I need to you to understand that I think I have finally got the necessary perspective on all this."

"I need to tell Rick this, and to apologise, and to hope will accept it. I'm still so afraid, such a coward a lot of the time."

"Kate, it was good that the two of you finally got you heads out of your arses after all those years, but seriously you two need to have a very long talk and but put this to bed once and for all. This is definitely something the grandkids, or your friends, never have to know about."

"Chica?" A male voice echo's in her living room, seeking her out as she is curled on her couch, illuminated only by her phone screen.

"Lanie, is that Espo?"

"Well, he needed comforting. Hell we both needed comforting."

"_Comforting_ huh?" comes back the gentle teasing of her best friend and the hint of a smile and lightness in her tone. Before Lanie can respond, Kate speaks again her voice suddenly less settled, more anxious.

"Oh, Martha and Alexis are here. I need to go. Thank you so much. Love you." The last words rush from Kate Beckett as her focus moves elsewhere.

"Anytime Girl, love you too. Call us if there's news." She hangs up.

Turning her attention back to the man standing in front of her in boxer shorts, Lanie Parish adopts her best crime scene voice.

"Javier Esposito, I don't know how much you heard, but you are never to repeat any of it. Understood?" She pauses whilst the still sleepy Hispanic nods his head in compliance and wisely says nothing. The former soldier knows how and when to follow orders without question.

"Rick's still in surgery. His injuries are bad but it looks hopeful."

Taking his hand she tugs him back towards her bed.

"Now back to bed, we need more sleep."

* * *

**Bellevue Hospital Cafeteria**

Across the other side of the cafeteria, a surgery team are relaxing after they had been at it for more than 10 hours straight on a successful double transplant. Now having completed their work, and after shedding scrubs, showering and changing, they have headed to the Cafeteria to wind down with some food, web browsing, and idle chatter and gossip. Amongst the group there is a tall dark haired surgeon, reclining back against the unsurprising uncomfortable chair and yet too tired to alter his position. He's tanned, lean, having not long returned from overseas.

The solitary uniformed police officer across the cafeteria attracts his attention, and then glancing past the uniform, he spots what looks like a familiar silhouette. At first he is uncertain, but then the silhouette turns her head and her familiar profile and brunette hair confirms his initial suspicion despite the longer hair. Her name comes unbidden to his lips, as she still does to his dreams and waking thoughts sometimes. Her name uttered aloud startles his colleagues, who look at him in askance.

"Someone I used to know" he both explains and dismisses.

Somewhere in his subconscious he wants to go to her, just as part of his instinct tells him not to but just as his feet start to move, he catches sight of two vaguely familiar women approaching the Brunette. The uniformed cop nods in acknowledgement to the pair who respond and then move past him to the Brunette.

The two Red Heads are speaking and then they lean down and wrap the Brunette in hugs, and pull her to her feet and start to lead her out of the cafeteria.

He wonders what is going on when he hears part of the tableside conversation"…cops shot. Two with minor GS, one critical major GS trauma to chest, ICU, coma."

A nurse from the adjoining table adds "The one in the coma in ICU isn't a cop, well not a proper one anyway. He's that writer who wrote those Heat books. Richard…."

"Castle" finishes Dr Josh Davidson. He colleagues are new like the hospital, and know nothing of his past with Kate Beckett and the man she choose over him.

"They coded him twice – once on the way in, and again whilst in ER. Got him stable and then to OR. Surgery was more than 8 hours with major shoulder reconstruction and some pretty major internal injuries. He just came out of surgery but he's in a coma in ICU."

Pausing she continues on "It's a madhouse downstairs. Dozens of press, TV crews, fans, a load of cops."

"They say his girlfriend is here. Apparently she's a cop, the one the books are based on."

His colleagues move on to other topics, and he remains silent staring at the space vacated by his former girlfriend.

* * *

**Bellevue ER Waiting Room 3, 3.06 am Friday**

Kate's phone call with Lanie had been interrupted by the arrival of Alexis and Martha and their news that Rick's surgeon was coming to see them. They had hastened back to Waiting Room 3 and Alexis and Martha lead Kate back into the room.

Once inside the waiting room with Martha and Alexis, Kate sees two figures there. One is in clearly soiled medical scrubs and the other a rumpled utilitarian business suit. Both look extremely tired. She recognises the woman – Karen Wright, the hospital administrator who was here just a few hours ago. The male in scrubs appears to be in his early forties with a close cropped hair cut and military bearing.

Instinctively Kate, Alexis and Martha move together and placing their arms around each other they await the news.

Once again the female administrator makes the introduction.

"Hello again. As promised we are back with an update on Mr Castle's surgery. Can I introduce Doctor Paul Creswell? He is a former Army doctor with extensive combat trauma experience. He led the team operating on Mr Castle."

Despite the obvious tiredness the Surgeon's voice is controlled and precise but touched with warmth and humanity.

"Good Morning. I am pleased to say that Mr Castle is out of surgery and is currently being settled into ICU. You should be able to see him in the morning, sometime after 9 am."

All three squeeze each other in excitement and anticipation and the surgeon continues on.

"Well Mr Castle was extremely lucky."

"In a large part his survival is due to his ballistic vest. I believe he is a civilian consultant and had provided his own body armour. Well he made a very good choice. This is the first IOTV or Improved Outer Tactical Vest I have seen outside the Army. I didn't even know they came in Blue."

"It played a critical part in saving his life."

"The shooters were using a mix of 00 "double-aught" and 000 "triple-aught" shells. Whilst the latter type of shell have a smaller number of pellets, the pellets themselves are larger. The vest did a good job with preventing penetration from the first shot – which had the larger pellets - that hit Mr Castle directly on his chest. However, despite the lack of penetration it did do a considerable amount of internal damage including fracturing three ribs, a collapsed right lung, and muscular damage around the heart. This causes an abnormal cardiac rhythm which added complications when treating him."

At this information, all three women gasp, but the Surgeon continues on.

"The second shot hit Mr Castle on the right shoulder and was only partially absorbed by the vest. This resulted in a shattered humerus and two fractures to his clavicle. There was extensive tissue and muscle damage. Due to the multiple pellets there was numerous penetrators beyond the significant muscle damage and this resulted in almost fatal blood loss."

Alexis gasps and both older women hold her closer.

"We were able to successfully repair the damaged ribs and the collapsed lung. Given the nature of the pneumothorax, a chest tube was placed between the ribs into the space around the lungs to help drain the air and allows the lung to re-expand. It may be several days before we are able to remove the tube."

"The shoulder injury was the messiest and resulted in considerable blood loss, although fortunately there was no major blood vessel damage. If there had been it may well have been fatal."

Kate doesn't know how Alexis and Martha are managing to remain so calm as her emotions are being whipped around by the reality of truly how close they had come to losing him.

"The surgery to repair the bone damage was successful with a number of pins added to assist with the healing as well providing additional strengthening. He was fortunate in that there also appears to be minimal nerve damage but we probably won't know more until we are able to commence physical therapy which will be a few weeks at least, possibly a month."

"We are going to keep him in a medically induced coma for at least 24 hours, possibly closer to 48 hours to minimise the discomfort from his injuries."

"He will have an extended period of debilitation and recovery. Rehabilitation will take at least three months, likely longer given the scope of his injuries. But all the indications are - so long as he does not experience any major complications- for a good recovery of most or possibly all of the mobility in his shoulder."

"Thank God!" Martha exclaims, once more assuming the mantle of spokesperson for their family, rises to shake the hands of the two and thank them. Alexis and Kate remain locked together the awful detail of Rick's injuries slowly sheeting home and tempering their profound relief at the news that he is alive and out of surgery.

* * *

**New York Ledger Early Morning Edition, Front Page**

'_Writer Shot Saving Cops! Richard Castle Fighting for Life'_

Best Selling author and NYPD civilian consultant was still undergoing life-saving surgery at Bellevue Hospital, after being shot during a police operation on Thursday night. He was admitted to Bellevue ER shortly before 6.30 pm. At time of press, he had been in surgery for more than 7 hours.

Following the violent end to the operation by NYPD Emergency Services Unit and detectives from the 12th Precinct, one suspect was declared dead at the scene, and two others were transported to Mt Sinai with non-life threatening injuries and are under police guard. Two officers received minor wounds, and they and a civilian suffering moderate injuries were all transported to Bellevue.

The author was participating in an active homicide investigation and was shot during a raid by ESU and 12th Precinct detectives. At least 4 shots were fired at police by suspects armed with shotguns. Sources have confirmed that despite being unarmed Richard Castle disarmed one shotgun wielding assailant who had fired on 12th Precinct detectives. He was in the process of detaining him when he was shot at least twice by a second shooter and received extensive injuries despite his ballistic vest. It is understood the second shooter is the deceased suspect. Another two suspects are in custody.

Amongst those keeping vigil at Bellevue is Richard Castle's mother, actress Martha Rodgers, his daughter, a student at Columbia, and his girlfriend, NYPD Homicide Detective Kate Beckett.

Sources indicate that despite the lack of publicity, Richard Castle and Detective Beckett have been dating since May of this year, and are living together. Richard Castle has been shadowing, and now apparently working with, Detective Beckett's team for 5 years. She is the inspiration for the Nikki Heat, central character for Richard Castles most recent, and most popular, four best sellers. She is the youngest ever female detective in NYPD. Her team of homicide detectives at the 12th Precinct have the highest clearance rate in the City.

We have heard from both the NYPD and Mr Castle's Representatives that they will issue statements at 8:00 am this morning.

Bellevue Hospital issued a brief statement at midnight.

'_Richard Castle is currently undergoing surgery after being shot. His family and colleagues from the NYPD are at the hospital. Mr Castle is expected to be in surgery until the early hours of Friday morning. A further statement will be issued at 8:00 Friday morning.'_

See more including reaction and comments, on Pages 3-4, Page 6, Editorial and the 4 page Special Edition Pull-out.

* * *

**Author's Note – Wow thank you again for all the feedback for Chapters 14 and 15.**

**Apologies for the delay in updating but after chapter 14 got away from me and it turned into a _monster_ over two parts, I needed to tear down and rewrite this chapter completely. Same for the following chapters too. I hope to have at least two more chapters posted by the end of the weekend.**

**I welcome feedback and suggestions on improving the story. Especially around the dialogue, colloquialisms, culture, terminology, and language. I'm not an American and whilst a native English speaker, some of the stuff still feels alien despite 40+ years of exposure first hand, via cultural mediums such as movies, tv, books and comics, and the 'Net.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	17. Chapter 17 - Saying It Out Loud

**One of Us – Chapter 17 – Saying It Out Loud**

**Previously – Castle has survived surgery but is in a coma and faces a long road to recovery. Meanwhile, his family, and friends must deal with the continuing ramifications.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Belleveue Hospital Press Room, 8.00 AM Friday**

They are crowded in the moderately sized conference room. More than a few had to be asked and some forced to wait outside for printed copies of the statements, but the assembled press corps that are inside the room are focused on the small podium festooned with microphones and the four individuals standing there.

"Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen of the Press."

"I am Karen Wright from Bellevue Hospital. I would like to introduce Thomas Berling - Bellevue's Head of Surgery, Captain Victoria Gates of the New York Police Department's 12th Precinct, and Paula Haas - Richard Castle's Agent.

"They will all be making statements for you. I must ask that you reserve any questions until the end of all statements.

"The hospital has already issued an updated statement to media this morning. We will not be adding to it beyond the information that Doctor Berling is about to provide. I am sure that Captain Gates and Ms Haas will clarify their position during their statements.

"Now I would like to hand you over to Doctor Berling to give you an update on Mr Castle's status."

"Thank you Karen. Mr Castle was admitted to Bellevue ER last night in critical condition." The Surgeon goes on to provide the detail of Richard Castle's injuries and treatment.

"Mr Castle is still in a medically induced coma, but he is out of danger. We anticipate he should regain consciousness within 24 hours. From there he will spend at least a few more days in the Intensive Care Unit before being transferred to a normal bed. We expect he should be able to leave hospital in two to three weeks but it will require three or more months of extensive rehabilitation for his recovery."

"Thank you." With this the Doctor steps back from the array of microphones.

Karen steps forward briefly. "Thank you Thomas. I would now like to hand over to Captain Victoria Gates of the NYPD's 12th Precinct."

Captain Gates attired in her full NYPD Captain's dress Blues steps up to the podium where despite her relative lack of stature she has an undoubted presence and an aura of authority.

"Good Morning." Her tone is deliberate and measured, and as any 12th Precinct cop would tell you, it's time to shut up and listen.

"Firstly, the New York Police Department, and especially his colleagues from the 12th Precinct, are immensely relieved to know that Mr Castle is out of danger although he still faces an extended period of hospitalization and rehabilitation. We send our best wishes and prayers to his family and partner, as we all anxiously await his recovery.

"He is highly respected and liked by his colleagues, and is considered one of the police family, nowhere more so than by his partners Detectives Esposito, Ryan and Beckett.

"Richard Castle has been involved with the New York Police Department for five years and during that time he has become a valued member of our team at the 12th Precinct. When he first joined us he began shadowing the homicide team led by Detective Beckett purely for information for inclusion in his books. However, that role and his participation has evolved over the years as Mr Castle has made the transition to civilian consultant. He has made an important contribution working along his police partners, as together they achieved the highest homicide case closure rate in the City. This has resulted in the arrest and conviction of a large number of murderers and other serious criminals.

"Regardless of his contribution, he is a civilian and the NYPD, and especially his partners have always done their utmost to shield him from the dangers they face every day. Unfortunately, on Thursday, despite everyone's best efforts, Mr Castle was shot twice when a team of detectives was ambushed. He was wearing a protective vest and this undoubtedly helped save his life.

"Prior to being shot, Mr Castle had pushed Detectives Esposito and Ryan to safety out of the path of a shotgun and also prevent a further shot being taken at myself. We are all immensely grateful for his actions, and devastated by the injuries he received whilst saving us.

"I am afraid I can't provide more information as it is still the subject of an active homicide investigation, and attempted murder investigation as well as review by the Chief of Detectives and NYPD's Ethical Standards division.

"Any questions can be directed to the NYPD Department of Public Information. Thank you."

As Gates steps back, Karen is straight in with the final introduction.

"I would now like to invite Mr Castle's agent, Paula Haas to speak."

Paula has chosen her jet black power suit and offset with a simple silver chain and bangles. Attired thus and with her face rimmed by her dark hair she appears entirely business like.

"I have the following statement on behalf of Richard Castle, his family, and his friends and colleagues at Black Pawn."

"Firstly, it has always entirely been Rick's own choice to participate in the police operations. His family place no blame on the NYPD nor the officers on the scene. They have always taken the utmost steps to ensure Richard's safety. We are confident this will be borne out by the investigation.

"His family respect his decisions relating to assisting the NYPD. We ask that the press and public please do the same.

"Richard Castle began shadowing Detective Kate Beckett's team at the 12th Precinct five years ago in an effort to learn more to add to the authenticity of the new series of books he planned. This provided the inspiration for his most popular best sellers to date, the Heat series.

"However, it quickly became more as he was inspired by seeing how committed they are, and the risks they take to protect the citizens of New York, and deliver justice to the families of victims.

"Richard will always considers himself a writer first and foremost, but he has found another calling in working alongside the team at the 12th Precinct. He has been genuinely humbled by being permitted to join with them and is his own small way make a contribution to their work.

"As his good friend and colleague, Detective Esposito has noted 'It is no longer about the books', nor has it been for a long time."

Paula knows she has the assembled press eating from her hand, and can almost feel them lean forward in anticipation.

"In addition to his role as a consultant, the long partnership and friendship with Detective Kate Beckett has become much more for both them. Earlier this year, Richard Castle and Kate Beckett began a romantic relationship. This has been kept private to allow Detective Beckett and her colleagues to perform their duties unimpeded by additional scrutiny.

"Obviously this is no longer the case. However, we ask that the press and public continue to not interfere with police investigations.

"We would also like request that the privacy of his family and friends is respected at this difficult time.

"There will be further statements in due course. But there will be no further information today."

As Paula steps back, Karen moves forward to wind up the press conference, but is assailed by a barrage of questions from the unsatisfied media pack. Two particular questions, often combined into one are fired from multiple lips.

It looks to be unanswered, but then Gates, who is about to step off the podium, stops and turns back. She holds up her and hand this and the steel in her eyes, hushes the rising clamor of the press.

"Richard Castle is a valued member of the 12th Precinct's detective team, and if he wishes – once he is recovered - to continue to generously offer his time in the service of the citizens of the New York, we will welcome him back as one of us without hesitation.

"His personal relationship with Detective Beckett does not breach NYPD guidelines and they have proven able to work effectively whilst in this relationship. The life of a NYPD officer, especially a homicide detective is hard and it takes a big toil on those who wear the badge and those who cherish and support them. Please, never begrudge those who are lucky enough to find such unconditional love and support."

With that she turns and leaves the podium, shepherding the others ahead of her.

* * *

**Bellevue ER Waiting Room 3, 9.25 am Friday.**

After they had been told that Rick was alive and the surgery successful, Kate had finally succumbed and slept undisturbed. She is still curled up under a hospital blanket on a short couch in the small private waiting room.

There is a small disturbance as the officer from the 12th opens the door to allow someone to enter, and this is enough to trigger her cop senses and she comes awake.

Kate blinks and shifts, almost instantly awake if not yet fully alert. Spotting the 'intruder' she smiles.

"Good Morning Alexis."

"Good Morning Kate. I've got you coffee and breakfast - a bear claw."

"Oh Alexis, you didn't have to. Thank you."

"Dad says that is the duty of a Castle to provide Beckett with her morning coffee." There is a little pause, and Kate can see Alexis swallow, but the young woman continues.

"So I'm here in his place ….. until he can do it himself."

It is such a simple thing with so much unsaid, but the depth of meaning and syntax behind the gesture, reduces Kate to tears. Alexis soon follows, and it is only the arrival of Martha that restores some calm to their collective nerves.

Kate quickly finishes her coffee and the pastry and heads to the nearby toilet to freshen up. Returning she realizes that they all need to get fresh clothes, toiletries and other essentials if they are going to remain at the hospital.

However, Martha is already ahead of her.

"I have arranged for a pair of One Bedroom Suites at the Affinia Dumont hotel on 34th Street for the short term. There is a small kitchen and the two suites have been stocked with food and other essentials including toiletries. We will use one, and everyone, including the team from the 12th, can use the other. I know we can use the loft but this leaves us all much closer to the hospital. We can clean up and take a break and sleep on a proper bed.

"I have a town car available to shuttle back and forward and the Hospital have kindly allocated a parking space temporarily with access via a service entrance so we don't have to face the press.

Unfortunately we have a 10 o'clock meeting which we must all attend, but after that we will go to the hotel and get cleaned up properly. I have taken the liberty of arranging for fresh clothes and other essentials for all of us."

* * *

**Admin Meeting Room 2, Bellevue, 10:00 am**

The hospital has made a small meeting room several levels up in the administrative area well away from the bustle of ER and ICU, available to them. They had navigated their way there with the assistance of a hospital porter.

Entering the room with Martha and Alexis, Kate was relived to find that waiting for them was essentially the same group as last night. There was Steve Mather's - Rick's lawyer, Paula, and one new person.

According to Alexis and Martha, Steve was a good friend of Rick's. But Kate had a little trouble reconciling her '9-year old on a sugar rush' with the extremely professional lawyer who was about Rick's age but seemed more like her Dad in his attitude and demeanor.

Kate couldn't but help like Paula Haas. On the surface, she was almost the epitome of the pushy business woman but she had an earthy nature to her – not dissimilar to Martha – and after talking to Paula last night, Kate had come to understand the curious friendship between the writer and his agent. She secretly suspected that in the past there may have been something between the two but this didn't bother her, and she was hardly in a position to judge.

The new addition is someone about her age, maybe a little older. Martha introduces him as Harry Dove – Rick's Business Manager and responsible for day-to-day operations of the Rick's companies. He's slightly chubby but his face is one of those open, welcoming ones that is somehow familiar and comfortable. One glance at the dancing eyes and you knew this is a kindred spirit for Rick, even before he speaks.

Martha turns to Kate.

"Kate Dear, I think you should sit down. Steve and Harry need to explain a few things, and I think it will best if you are sitting for this news, I know I needed to be when Richard told Alexis & I a few months ago of his plans and we learnt some of what you are about to hear now."

Firstly, Steve asked her if she wanted her own lawyer rather than having the one appointed by Rick in case of any concerns or potential conflict. Kate had declined, she could always ask her Dad for help. This decided, Steve waits for Kate to sit between Martha and Alexis, each Red Head takes a hand and Kate's coffee is forgotten, discarded on the table for the moment.

"Miss Beckett, Alexis and Martha, I am about to read a summary of Rick's legal instructions for a contingency such as now." Somehow Kate is not surprised that Mr Paranoia had thought of what to do in the event of an emergency, although normally it would be a zombie holocaust or national whipped cream shortage.

"In the event of the unavailability through absence or incapacitation" there is a slight pause and all present understand the painfully unsaid words "of Richard Alexander Rodgers, power of attorney is granted jointly to Ms Martha Rodgers and Ms Katherine Houghton Beckett. This is subject to the provisions of a recent rider."

"Medical proxy is granted to the above to persons who are authorized to make all decisions relating to the health and welfare of Mr Castle. Again this is subject to the recent rider."

"In the event of a deadlock, a casting vote may be made by Miss Alexis Castle."

"Ms Rodgers and Ms Beckett are appointed guardians for Miss Castle." Kate feels the hand joined with Alexis squeezed as the younger Red Head hand tightens on hers. Kate says nothing nor gives any indication of discomfort, she simply squeezes back.

"Immediately upon activation of the incapacitation clause, interim funds are made available to Ms Rodgers, Miss Castle and Ms Beckett in the tune of a half million dollars each in advance of any other distribution from their personal trusts. Furthermore, any legitimate expenses will reimbursed via Storm Incorporated."

Kate starts at this announcement. She had been very determined, in fact outright stubborn about money matters to the point of avoiding discussions with Rick about it. Apparently, he had found a way round that, the insufferable man.

"Ms Rodgers and Miss Castle already have accounts and cards activated. Ms Beckett, this envelope contains a credit card, a bank card and secure banking token. A representative from the New Amsterdam bank's Privileged Client team will be available to walk you through the details at your convenience. There is also a business card for Melanie French, who is your personal banker."

Kate takes the envelope but immediately lets it fall to table in front of her.

"If required any media liaison can be handled through Paula Haas." Paula nods but doesn't say anything. Kate knows she had recently fronted the press and read the statement they had agreed last night but hasn't had a chance to ask Paula how it went.

"Harry, would you care to continue please?" Steve concedes to his younger colleague.

"Ladies, I think at this time, it would be best if I explained a bit about Rick's business and financials." With this he passes out a single piece of paper to each of the women.

"On the paper is a summary of the organisation and operations for Richard Castle Enterprises'.

"Richard Castle Enterprises is the parent company. It is a shell holding company and the real operations of Richard Castle Enterprises is divided into four distinct business entities, and two charitable trusts. In addition there are six personal trusts currently active."

Harry begins to reel off the information which becomes increasingly fantastic to Kate Beckett. She looks down at the paper in front of her seeing the same information in written form.

_RAR Holdings – which is the personal fund and includes current accounts, savings, pensions, credit cards, personal property, and vehicles. After liabilities and taxes the current value is estimated at close to $28 million. The distribution of assets is to be split equally between Ms Rodgers, Miss Castle and Ms Beckett. There are a number of condition mainly related to property distribution but the primary one is that neither the Loft nor the Hamptons house would be disposed of without the agreement of all beneficiaries._

_Storm Incorporated is the operating business which receives income from all Richard's work prior to Nikki Heat and this includes all secondary mediums such as movies, comics. Current net value is $4 million dollars not including future income. The majority of the earnings from Mr Castle's previous work is been assigned out of Storm Inc. to the investment fund or charitable concerns on a quarterly basis. In the event of Mr Castle's death this and future income would be directed to charitable concerns as per his will._

_Rook Trust – this is all the direct income from the Nikki Heat novels and associated mediums. Current net value is in excess of $17 million dollars. This is the total sum of the earnings from the Heat books and movie rights to date net of taxes and charitable donations, and there has been no reallocation of funds to other entities. Distribution of these assets is confidential and will only be disclosed on Mr Castle's demise as per his will._

_Chevalier Futures – which contains Richard's investments including properties other than the Loft and the Hamptons house. Listed assets include a Ski Lodge, Lake Cabin and of course The Old Haunt and other building assets. Most recent audited net worth was $63 million._

Harry pauses and takes a quick sip of water before continuing.

"As well as the four operating vehicles there are two charitable trusts and 6 personal trusts."

_Joanna Beckett Endowment – we match dollar for dollar all other donations to the public trust._

_Brighter Blue Futures Trust – this is an endowment trust for the education of children of NYPD officers._

_Six personal trusts held for the following individuals or parties – Ms Martha Rodgers, Miss Alexis Castle, Ms Katherine Beckett, Dr Lanie Parish, Mr Javier Esposito, Mr & Mrs Kevin Ryan. There were several other trusts which have matured and been discharged over the years including most recently for the family of Roy Montgomery._

As Harry concludes, Kate had just finished skimming through the document in front of her – years of paperwork and investigations make her almost as fast as Rick – and she was finishing her mental tally of the figures presented.

Shut. The. Front. Door! Her eyes go wide, but seemingly oblivious Harry is continuing on.

"At this time, day-to-day control is handled by myself with governance by Steve Mathers, and Terrence Dor – Mr Castle's business accountant.

"The Joanna Beckett Endowment is now managed by James Beckett, who is also a board member and trustee for Brighter Blue. Other board members are Richard Castle, Diana Cavanagh - Dean of Columbia Law School), Michael Duvall – Emeritus Professor of Law at Columbia, and Judge Markaway.

"The Brighter Blue trustees are Captain Victoria Gates, James Beckett, Robert Wheldon, Diana Cavanagh, and Judge Markaway."

Kate is simply gobsmacked. Her dad was central to Rick's charitable works. When did this happen? Why hadn't she been told? Was this what the late night meeting was about the other night? She needed to speak to her father.

Harry finally notices her discomfort.

"Ms Beckett…." "Are you okay?"

Oh she's not. But she doesn't want to address her central fear and insecurity around the money so instead she askes.

"You made reference to conditions that were 'subject to the rider'?

Steve Mathers looks at Harry who nods, and then hands over a piece of paper. She recognizes Rick's signature on the bottom. It is dated 3 days ago.

_'The incapacity and death clauses are subject to the following rider. Power of Attorney and Medical proxy will be the sole authority of Ms Katherine Houghton Beckett (nee) if she is engaged or married to Richard Castle'._

Oh God. She needs to speak to her Dad now.

Rising from her seat, she makes sure she looks both Martha and Alexis in the eye so as to convey that she isn't running.

"I just need a few minutes. I'm going to call my dad. Please excuse me."

* * *

Kate has exited the conference room and turns into the corridor frantically selecting the speed dial for her Dad.

Hearing her father's voice, she begins.

"Dad" Suddenly she doesn't know how to start this conversation but it is probably easy over the phone than face-to-face.

"Hi Katie." Jim Beckett was expecting a call from his daughter, and he suspected in may well be related to the matters Rick had been organizing before he was injured. However, there is silence from the other end of the line.

"Katie? Is everything okay? Is it Rick?" Her father's voice grows concerned.

"Ummm sorry Dad, Rick's okay. Well unchanged. I'm just trying to work out how to start this conversation."

"Oh, I take it you've meet with Rick's lawyer and business manager then? Was there an issue? Did Steve or Harry not explain it clearly?"

"It's all too much Dad. I don't want Rick for his money. I don't want any of it. I don't want to be seen as one of _them_!"

"You knew he was rich long before you met him, let alone dated him. So what's the problem?"

"He's worth more than a hundred million Dad!" She's sure she hears her father huff, suppressing a guffaw.

"Kate, do you intend to marry Rick?

"Of course I do! You know that."

"Do you plan to have children?" Oh, she's really sure he is laughing at her now whilst he teases her down the phone.

"Yes…..um well we have talked…yes Dad...you know that we plan, well hope to have kids. Where is this going?"

"And how did you intend to support them?"

"Dad….."

"Look, there is no doubt that Rick and by extension his family, which now pretty much legally includes you by the way, is rich. But he doesn't go overboard – well no where as much as he could. You know he gives away about a quarter of his income now?"

"Yes, they just told me. It's quite frankly astounding – not that he does it, but the actual amount." Damn, her dad is doing a good job of deflecting her and talking her down.

"About that Dad. What is all you involvement in this?" Detective Beckett fires the question which is adeptly handled by the lawyer.

"Most of what Rick asked me to do is related to the charity side of the business. I didn't agree with some of his initial proposals but we worked it out. The man negotiates really well and has a very level head and strong business acumen, and he is extremely serious when it comes to his family and friends."

"I'm nearing retirement, and Rick and I talked through ideas for how I could keep busy and also be in your lives. To be honest, I was really reluctant; you know how much I am private person like you. However, Rick persuaded me, especially with regards to your Mother's trust. I never knew he matched dollar for dollar every donation.

"I just found out myself."

"Katie, the man is so in love with you. But he also cares for all his friends and their families. He has established trust funds for all your colleagues. He had funded one for Captain Montgomery's family and the education trust is funding the Montgomery children's' college educations."

"But he's worth more than a hundred million!" Kate exclaims. Then suddenly conscious that she is in a hospital corridor, she lowers her voice.

"I knew he bought The Old Haunt but that was okay. Cops retire and buy bars, well not outright often, but still. But Dad, he bought the whole building!"

"I know. Apparently the landlord was being difficult." There is a touch of humour in his voice and more than a touch of teasing too.

"Dad! Wait….you're laughing at me aren't you? Who are you and what have you done with James Beckett?" There is a laugh at the end of the line and then the James Beckett the Lawyer puts his closing argument.

"Katie it doesn't change who you are or who he is, or more importantly how much you love each other."

"I know Dad. I love him always. But it doesn't mean I won't be uncomfortable about all the wealth for a while."

"So you're okay now Katie?"

"Yes Dad. Thank you, but I'm still not entirely sure it is you and not some clone Rick has replaced you with!"

"That sounds like one of his theories." teases her Dad.

"Oh God, it does. Thank you. I got to go. Love you Dad."

"Love you too Katie, and I'll be at the hospital after work. Bye."

* * *

Kate hangs up after a quite surreal conversation, possibly only of the strangest she's ever had with her father. She hasn't realized it but she has covered the entire length of the corridor whilst on the phone oblivious to her surroundings. Shaking her head in disbelief, she turns to head back and suddenly finds herself face-to-face with Josh Davidson.

"J..Josh?" To say she's surprised at almost colliding with her former boyfriend is an understatement. "Hi, what are you doing here?" she responds somewhat lamely as she takes in his clean scrubs and a sports sweater over the top. He looks tanned and lean with hair largely unchanged. Kate is suddenly aware of how drawn out she must look in the same clothes as yesterday with so little sleep and so many tears shed.

"Hi Kate….." Josh wants to reach out and touch his so obviously emotional former girlfriend, but sixth sense tells him this is not a good idea.

"I work here Kate. Started on the staff a few weeks ago after returning from overseas."

"Look, now is not really the time." Kate almost snaps at him. Well when would it ever be given the way she had ended it?

"I heard. I checked this morning. Once out of the coma, he should be okay after rehab." Then Josh can't help himself and pushes.

"What is he, Kate?" Despite the brevity of the question Kate understands the context.

"He's everything to me. Everything!"

"OHH!" Josh probably didn't mean for the exclamation to be so forceful but it is.

"He's my One, Josh."

Josh looks back blankly at her. Kate suddenly realizes that despite the almost year they were together, they had never had the marriage conversation, among many others. Josh didn't know she was a 'One and Done' kinda girl. Something Castle knew within a month of shadowing her. Before she can explain further Josh speaks again.

"I saw you last night, well this morning. In the cafeteria. We had just finished a long operation and were taking a break."

"You were in the corner with a police officer nearby like a guard. I was going to come over when I recognized you when the two red heads came in and collected you. Where they…"

Kate finishes the question for him with an answer.

"His Mother and Daughter. His Family. Our family."

"Oh, are you …..?" Josh face falls and his voice trails off.

"No. Not yet. But we will be."

"How long?"

Beckett huffs not quite to herself. She's getting a little tired of answering the question. Perhaps she should carry a few copies of the press release around to hand out instead of twenty-questions.

"May. This year." She can see Josh's face as he processes the information and the question 'well what the hell took you so long?' appears on his face but he doesn't ask it. Instead he takes another approach.

"You know you always described him to me as annoying, exasperating and childish."

"Oh he is. You have no idea. You should try living with him!" Way to over share Kate she chastises herself as Josh's face falls further. They were together almost a year and never got past a few basics at each other's places and a key for emergencies and spent only a few nights together.

Before Josh can speak again, she interrupts. Kate needs to end this before it gets too uncomfortable.

"Josh, I love him. We live together. He is the one I'm going to marry."

She sees Josh make an effort to smile and he raises his head to look at her full on.

"Kate, you really are special" For a second Kate thought he was going to use Rick's word 'extraordinary'.

"And whilst I am still sorry that it ended, I think I can be happy for you knowing that you are so certain of what you want."

"Josh, I am so sorry for what I put you through. Those last months, I knew that it wouldn't last and that I was lying to you and myself. I was such a coward, and still was for a long time afterwards. You do deserve someone special in your life. It was just never really meant to be me."

Well damn, despite being intimate with the man for nearly 12 months, supposedly in an exclusive relationship, that had just been the deepest most meaningful conversation they have ever had, just they were having it more than 18 months after they actually broke up.

"I need to go. It was good to see you Josh. Please take care. You are such a good person, don't hide in your work for so long like I did, you deserve your happiness too." With that Kate reached out to touch Josh's arm and then she turned back towards the conference room at the other end of the corridor.

Doctor Josh Davidson watched Kate Beckett walk away. It was strange seeing her so certain and determined about her future. She was right though. They were over, and he did need to stop hiding in his work. He nips into a nearby stairwell and pulls out his phone.

"Hey Sis, its Josh." There is a pause whilst his sister greets him and pokes fun at his typically irregular communications.

"Yes, I know it's been a while. Are you still trying to hook me up with that mad biker friend of yours with the tattoos you won't tell me anymore about? To be honest, I'm kinda intrigued."

"Oh really, great. I'll check my roster but I should be off shift and not on call. Hell I could even swap shifts." There is a laugh at the end of the line and an acerbic comment.

"Really 'Josh Davidson, have you hit your head or suffered a stroke?' is the only thing you can say? I can have other priorities than work. I can hear you silently mocking me from here'. There is laughter and more sass from the other end of the phone.

"Oh not so silently mocking me, huh. Please set it up. It would be really good to see you anyway."

* * *

Kate returned back to the conference room to find Alexis and Martha waiting outside for her.

"Come along dear, we're going back to the hotel to freshen up. I have taken the liberty of asking Doctor Parish to fetch you some clothes and toiletries and she will meet us at the hotel and she will then come and wait at the hospital until you return."

* * *

**Author's Note –Thank you for all the feedback for Chapter 16. I had the most page views and feedback to date.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**

**Update - fixed some typo's and grammar. There was one timeline error in the press conference I had Gates say Castle was shot on Saturday. It was Thursday. I've corrected it. I can only blame the Fan Fiction/Real Life crossover as I was writing the story on Saturday. :-) **


	18. Chapter 18 – Private Viewing

**One of Us – Chapter 18 – Private Viewing**

**Previously – Rick is out of surgery but the wait continues for Kate, Alexis and Martha to finally see him. In the meantime, Kate has being dealing with a barrage of new information but is finding reassurance and calm from both the most familiar and unlikely of sources.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**11.15 AM Friday**

Whilst it is only a few blocks from the hospital to the hotel, New York traffic has typically conspired to make the journey take quite a bit longer than the distance would otherwise imply. The couple of blocks are certainly faster to walk but given the extensive media presence, the chance of discovery and pursuit by the veracious press pack is too much for the three women. Kate is only beginning to grasp the full implications of what the media attention might mean. She knows both Martha and Alexis already have first-hand experience of such attention even though Rick has done his best to shield them, especially Alexis.

Her thoughts are snapped away from potential paparazzi panic by the news Martha has waited until they were in the car to pass on. The meeting with Rick's lawyer and business manager had ended shortly after Kate had left to speak to her father, but more importantly the hospital had informed Martha that that Rick was being moved from the surgical intensive care unit to the hospital's general ICU and they would be able to see him sometime after 1.30 pm today.

"Of course he will still be unconscious but …. it will be wonderful to see him." The elder women concluded as they had all smiled and nodded.

Finally arriving at the hotel, they exited the town car and were whisked through the lobby by an anxious concierge. Martha stepped ahead with the concierge to collect the room keys and they are about to get in the elevator when Lanie enters the hotel lobby and spies them.

She dashes over to join the three of them, and together they step inside the elevator. Once inside Lanie drops the medium sized holdall she is carrying and wraps Kate in a tight hug.

"Oof! Easy there Lanie!"

"It's just good to see you. Have you heard anything about Rick?"

"No medical update since I text-ed you but Martha has been told we can see him when he moves to the ICU early this afternoon"

"That's great Sweetie. Here's some essentials for you." Lanie gestures down at the holdall.

"Well I'll head to the hospital after this and find out what I can and meet up with you when you go see Writer Boy."

"Man, Lanie" Kate corrects automatically, but Lanie is already speaking again.

"Fortunately I'm even closer to the hospital than the hotel as OCME is just two blocks away. If nothing else I can get a status update from someone who doesn't speak medical bureaucratize and give you a proper update as soon as you get back there."

"Take the town car Doctor Parish." Martha offers and as Lanie nods, Martha continues "Just please ask them to come back to the hotel to collect us shortly after 1 pm."

As they elevator dings to single arrival at their floor, they exit except for Lanie who hits the button for the Lobby.

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, 11.40 am Friday**

Doctor Lanie Parish is about to pull rank, or at least try again. In front of her is a receptionist and an ICU nurse and they don't want to cooperate.

"Good Afternoon, how about we start again." Her eyebrow twitches but not knowing the compact and fiery ME, the pair opposite don't cave immediately. Pulling her OCME id out, she places it on the reception counter for them to see.

"I am Doctor Lanie Parish of the OCME and I work with Mr Castle and Detective Beckett of the 12th Precinct. I am trying to get an update on his condition as a professional courtesy."

Blank faces indicate she's not getting anywhere.

"Lanie?" Her name brings her attention away from the intransigent pair to a doctor who has just walked into the ICU entrance.

"Phil Connaught as I live and breathe". It's a former med school classmate, and possible savior for this situation. They had bumped into each other occasionally over the years since and roughly knew where each other was professionally.

"You here drumming up business?" There was Phil, 'No Philter' as he was known back in med school, one of the class clowns but a surprisingly serious doctor who was originally intending to be a general surgeon.

"I definitely hope not. My best friend's boyfriend has just be transferred here and I'm trying to get the no bulldust details for his family."

"The only new patient we have in Richard Castle." He pauses for a second whilst he mentally checks off Lanie's statement against his. "Ohh, you mean your best friend is the Detective Muse?"

"Don't call her that unless you want to be your own next patient!" Lanie half barks, but smiles and winks at Phil.

"So can you give me the rundown, so I can tell my friends?" she says reaching across with one hand to take his elbow, and with the other she retrieves her id from the counter and somehow controls the urge to glare at the human roadblocks behind it.

* * *

They had headed away from the ICU reception and into a small staff room inside the ICU with a mix of medical suppliers and a small table and several chairs intended for short timeouts – ICU staff worked hard with little time for breaks.

Phil has sat opposite Lanie and motions for her to sit.

"Mr Castle is still in the Surgical Intensive Care Unit but due to be moved to general ICU anytime."

"So why was he kept in the SICU?" Lanie is concerned, and hopes there have been no complications.

"Simply, there was no private room available, only a bed in one of the shared rooms. Hospital admin didn't want to move him into the shared room. Too disruptive for all." Phil's response puts her at ease.

"So what is his status?" Doctor Parish is in the house and taking names apparently. Phil doesn't so much as blink, he was one of the few to ever stare her down at med school.

"Surgery went well and there have been no issues since he was transferred into SICU.

"The chest tube will be left in place for several days. As Mr Castle will be staying in hospital for some time this shouldn't be an issue.

"At the moment we are assisting his breathing, and once he wakes we will probably continue that for a while. As you know, quite a few patients with a collapsed lung need extra oxygen for extended periods, so we'll see how we go there.

"The surgeon noted that follow up lung surgery will likely be needed to treat the pneumothorax and especially to assist with recovery, and also help prevent future episodes. This procedure is called pleurodesis and is a quite straight forward operation and minimally invasive. It will repair the area where the leak occurred. The only downside is that recovery is slower that other techniques but it's felt that given the rehabilitation time for his shoulder, this isn't really an issue.

"Seriously Lanie, this guy is really lucky. I've seen people die from those sort of shooting injuries even with vests. His physiology is pretty good though. Whilst not an athlete his body was in pretty good shape apart from a little middle-age spread. Certainly will help with rehab.

"He's due up here in half an hour or so around 12.30 pm and we'll settle him in before his family are due around 1.30 pm."

"Thanks Phil. You're a lifesaver, those two at reception should work for the NSA, definitely not giving anything away that pair." The male doctor laughs and looks at her and Lanie knows _that_ look.

"So Lanie, single or taken?" There's 'No Philter' back again.

"Kinda taken. A cop, ex-special forces but with a sweet side."

"You always did like them intense. Shame, I always enjoyed our dates."

"I know you did Sugar, so did I. But that was then and it was never meant to be." She resists the temptation to pat his cheek and starts to rise.

"I'll go grab some lunch and I'll be back here around 1.15 pm to wait for my friend and Castle's family. You'll be here?"

"Yep, I got this shift. See you then Lanie."

* * *

**Homicide, 12th Precinct, Midday, Friday**

Kevin Ryan is starring at the empty desk with the two unoccupied chairs. He's been doing so periodically since coming in this morning. Espo had given up trying to stop him doing it. Of course it was easier for him as he had his back to the desk in question.

Ryan had arrived slightly late, mostly due to Jenny's extreme reluctance to let him out of her sight after the events of yesterday. He had stammered an apology to Espo, whose simple response of 'de nada' made it clear he understood. Nothing was said about who was comforting him last night.

"The sooner you finish the paperwork Detective, the sooner we can all check on Castle and Beckett." Captain Gates' usual tone is moderated, the imperative is still there but there is some warmth. She's not alone – there are two officers from Ethical Standards as well as two members of the District Attorney's office as well keeping watch and ensuring the paperwork is completed by the book.

"Sir." Ryan acknowledges as he instinctively reaches up to rub at the bandages on his upper left arm.

Ryan looks back down at the paperwork he is accumulating in front of him. The NYPD has many levels of bureaucratic hell, so he should not have been surprised to discover that there was a special level just for those officers who almost got shot. Though he reckons that they paper-pushers wouldn't have thought of the need for a category to cover a civilian consultant getting shot. No doubt they would have that one covered too in future.

He tried not to think about Castle in the hospital. He had been buoyed by Lanie's text message with the positive prognosis but it would be a long road ahead for Castle and Beckett too. Well at least Castle was usually lucky when in the precinct as he didn't have to do paperwork. Even Beckett hated paperwork, and she was the most dedicated cop he had ever met.

"Hey Kev, coffee?" Espo has finished his paperwork, and is trying to assist his partner.

"Sure. Thanks Espo. I'm almost done, give me a few minutes and I'll meet you in the break room."

* * *

**Affinia Dumont Hotel, Suite 605, 12:30 pm, Friday**

Kate had taken a quick shower and together they had rustled up a quick lunch from the copious supplies that had been provided in the suite. She had changed outfits and applied a little make-up. These simple tasks had made her feel a lot better. Looking in the mirror she impartially noted that she did indeed look a little better than earlier. Bless Martha for organizing this and getting Lanie to bring her clothes and toiletries. She had noted that there were bags for Martha and Alexis too.

Their mood was the lightest it had been for almost twenty-four hours, and by intuitive consensus their conversation steered away from more serious matters whilst they had eaten. Once finished eating, Kate and Martha cleaned up whilst Alexis took a quick shower.

Martha put her hand on Kate's arm.

"How are you, Darling?"

"Tired, impatient for Rick to wake up from the coma. But I am feeling better, more confident. I'll be a lot better when I can talk to him."

"I'm concerned about Alexis. She is bottling it all up. Can you help her? Talk to her?" Martha sounds uncertain, although about what Kate doesn't know.

"Martha, I will if she wants to and will let me. Things can still be a bit hesitant between us, especially if it is just the two of us."

"Oh Kate, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Alexis is very supportive of the two of you but whilst she has never had a problem being honest and frank with her father, she also struggles talking to you. But only because she admires you so much. She did initially and has done again since you and Richard have finally seen the light." With that final sentence Martha glosses over all the issues that had impacted not only her and Rick but his family too.

"Kate, I almost forgot. Here is your bank cards. I picked them up from the meeting earlier. I suggest you hold on to them." Pausing the older woman looks at her intently.

"You are going to accept and user them aren't you?"

"Yes, I will. My I spoke to my father when I left the meeting earlier. He helped me, umm, see sense. I know Rick means well, but it will take a little time to get used to all of this." She waves her hand at the hotel room, and the envelope containing the bank cards, all symbolism of the rewards Rick's hard work and dedication had bought his family.

Kate finishes, and looks back at Martha. The elder woman is clearly tired but she carries herself proudly, just as Kate imagines she has through her life as a single parent to Rick. Rick's parental skills and unequivocal commitment to his daughter has always moved her, even long before she could feel sufficient attraction for the man, but Kate can only marvel Martha's strength in fulfilling the role in a more difficult earlier time as a single mother.

All this is central to one of her remaining secret fears, one that had played a tremendous part in her unwillingness to make the final leap through her walls and commit, and one that she keeps to this day. She resolves that when she had this discussion with Rick, this fear will be secret no more. Turning aside from her thoughts, she speaks again.

"How are you Martha?"

"Like yourself I can't wait until Richard is awake. But these last few hours have bought some measure of relief and I'm sure we will all feel better when we see him. Even if he is still unconscious."

"Gram, Kate" Alexis' voice intrudes from the bathroom. "I forgot my bag, can one of you please grab it, and I'll finish getting ready so we can go see Dad?"

Smiling Kate turns to pick up the bag Martha has just pointed to. Picking it up she heads towards the bathroom, and hears Martha remark quietly.

"Just occasionally Alexis displays one of her father's less impressive traits, like single-minded forgetfulness."

* * *

**Bellevue Hospital, 1.15 pm, Friday**

The town car had whisked them back to the hospital and the three of them are met at the rear loading bay by a security guard and Bjorn Johansson, a robbery detective who has sensibly taken off his NYPD duster to avoid attracting attention when meeting them.

They are quickly escorted though the impressive public atrium with its space and light, and up onto the second floor of the hospital's West wing. They find themselves passing through the entrance of the Bellevue Hospital's Intensive Care Unit into a modern looking facility with a surprisingly welcoming ambiance, especially for a medical facility.

As they enter, the familiar figure of Karen Wright appears accompanied by Lanie and a male doctor.

"Good Afternoon, Ms Rodgers, Miss Castle and Detective Beckett."

"I will take you through to Mr Castle's room very shortly. He arrived up here 25 minutes ago and has been settled in. He is still in a medically induced coma.

"This is Doctor Phil Connaught. He will give you an update before we take you to the room. A little later, at approximately 6 pm, he or one of the ICU doctor's will be round again and will give you a further update then.

"If you would allow me, I would like to just run through some information and some other things you may find useful.

"The Bellevue Hospital Intensive Care Unit is a ten-bed unit with six private rooms and two semi-private rooms. As you know we are located on the second floor of the hospital's West wing. We provide highly skilled and qualified nursing care for the critically ill or injured patient.

"Mr Castle is in a private room at the end of the ICU complex. The hospital will have a guard stationed at the ICU entrance to verify visitors. I am told the NYPD will be providing additional security and there will be at least one officer closer to the room.

"General visiting hours are 8 am until 8 pm. However, visiting outside of these hours is permitted depending on the patient and family needs. I am afraid we don't really have facilities for visitors to stay overnight, but if one of you does wish to stay we will see what can be arranged.

"The normal policy is to allow only two visitors at a time but in the case of Mr Castle, we will allow three and up to an additional two visitors for short periods.

"We appreciate and encourage family members to visit our patients because you play an important role in supporting your loved one's physical, mental, and spiritual recovery. To assist you and your family these information leaflets cover many points of information, and I will highlight a few key ones."

"For your convenience there is a private ICU waiting room at the top of the atrium stairs and to your left. This room is near to the ICU and coffee and a phone are available for your use. There is the Main Station Café off the Atrium which is open 7 am to 6.30 pm. There are vending machines and I believe last night you used the Staff Cafeteria which is normally off limits.

"We have shift changes between seven and eight, morning and night and would appreciate if there was no arrivals or calls during that period to allow staff to hand over to the next shift.

"Ideally we would a single point of contact. What we term a Family Spokesperson. Each family is requested to designate one spokesperson who will call us for updates. Other family members and friends can then call this spokesperson to update them on the patient's condition.

"Please feel free to ask us any question while you are here and we will do our best to explain. We understand that this is a stressful time not only for our patients, but for their families as well.

"All the key phone numbers are in the leaflet but I have also written them on the back of my business cards. The numbers include the ICU Nursing Station phone and the ICU Waiting Room.

"I am going to hand you over to Doctor Connaught who will bring you up-to-date with Mr Castle's status.

"Please don't hesitate to contact me if you need anything. Good Afternoon."

With this Karen passes over the information leaflets and newer business cards, before exiting the ICU.

* * *

**Bellevue ICU Room 5, 1.33 pm, Friday**

The status update from Doctor Connaught and Lanie had been very positive, and had reassured them. But this was before they got to see Rick.

Kate can feel her heart pounding. It has been more than 20 hours since she and Rick had said goodbye to each other outside the conference room at the Precinct, expecting to see each other again in only a few hours.

As her eyes adjust to subdued lighting in the room, she takes in her first sight of her partner. He's covered in the accouterments of medical science - wires, sensors, probes, drips and tubes. There is an oxygen mask on his face and his eyes are closed. Beyond on the other side of his bed, she spies the battery of machines and monitors, and she also knows that side, his right, is where his most profound injuries lie. But for the moment, she stops a little short of the bed whilst she regathers herself.

"Oh Rick." She doesn't mean to say it, well not out loud anyway, but she does. She doesn't mean for it to sound so forlorn and some clingy, but she does and she is.

Behind her, she is dimly aware of Martha and Alexis pausing outside the door and giving her a moment alone with Rick.

It makes her self-conscious and guilty, but she won't put aside her momentary selfishness and desire to have her man to herself for a few seconds. Not before she shares him again with the other women in his life who love him so. As much as her. Unequivocally, and without reservation.

No more doubts. Where in the past there was hesitation and second guessing, elements and indications of uncertainty, now there is none. She knows she loves him completely. And he her. There is no escaping this knowledge and the implications. That all-encompassing and enveloping emotion that she had last felt for mother and the very reason why until now she had spent the last thirteen years running at the first sign of it.

There a small gasp behind her, and Kate instinctively knows it is Alexis as she gets her first view of her father. She can hear Lanie's gentle encouragement for the younger Red Head to continue entering the room.

She doesn't look behind her but feels the young woman's presence before Alexis slips a cool hand into her left hand and squeezes gently.

"Oh Richard" Martha's voice comes from behind her right shoulder and she feels the older woman pull into her right side. Together the three of them look across the small distance to the man they love.

They approach the bed together. He's slightly inclined and the far side of the bed is surrounded by a number of machines so they have to approach his left side.

Kate tremulously reaches out with her right hand to stroke his left forearm. Feeling the warmth and the familiar texture of his skin, she steps further in towards the bed, and mindful of all the wires and monitors, leans forward to place her lips to his forehead. Her kiss is gentle, revered, and so heartfelt.

"I love you Rick. Never doubt that." She voices her emotions so quietly the two women behind cannot hear her.

"When you are awake I am going to tell and show you how much you mean to me. How much I need to treasure you, not just to repay what you have done for me, but for our future together." She pauses for a moment, and she speaks again.

"And then we are going to have a talk." There is purpose and commitment in her voice, and if Rick was awake to hear her, he would probably be a little wary.

She kisses his forehead again, and steps back to let Alexis approach her father.

"Daddy?" Alexis' voice is so fragile, in that one word that encompasses everything Kate knows Rick means to his daughter, and her for him, the true agony of the events of the last day for the young woman. Alexis reaches out to stroke her father's arm, tears streaming down her face. She too leans forward to kiss his face just beside his eye socket.

Kate's almost breaks apart at that first word. She has to draw deep of herself to not let her emotions overwhelm her. She can't be so selfish now. This is Alexis' turn to commune with her father.

Kate knows first-hand what it is to feel all those sensations and emotions simultaneously and to have them fight for dominance. In the past she has let the wrong emotions win, especially fear, and she is determined not let this happen again, even if means fighting every instinct to remain at his daughter's side whilst she breaks down.

Martha stood silently behind the two younger women, giving thanks for her son's survival. She is also so proud of the man. He's not had the easiest or most conventional upbringing, and yet he has been the perfect father to his daughter (even if Meredith was diametrically the opposite as far as parenting), and now in Kate he has found his future. Martha wants to picture it all for them – Kate the wife, step-mom and mother of more grand-children, but with these two she has learnt that they make it complicated, unnecessarily so, and accordingly she will wait patiently and where she can prod them along the right path.

* * *

Outside the room, Lanie Parish watches her best friend and her new family deal with the profound emotions of seeing a loved one in a coma, wired up to a battery of monitors, pumps and IV's. Whilst they have been assured that Rick will be bought out of the coma within a day or so and will eventually make a good if not full recovery, the irrational uncertainty lies heavy across them all.

She quickly presses send on the message she had composed earlier to Esposito, Ryan and Captain Gates to inform them that Rick has been moved to ICU and his status. She could have sent this earlier, once Phil had briefed her, but she knew that giving the news first to his family trumped everything else.

Deciding it is time, Lanie enters the ICU room to say her goodbyes and leave them to their private viewing.

* * *

**Author's Note –Thank you for all the feedback for Chapter 17.**

**Okay – I seriously lost my mojo for the last week – _Real Life(_tm) intruded big time but the major issue is that I really hated this chapter as I originally wrote it, and the outlines for the following two. So I've ripped them down and reassembled and rewritten large chunks. Still not entirely happy but the _New Chapter Bunny_ says 'it is time to post'.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**

**Update - fixed up a truncated sentence and a bit of grammar. **

**WOW 50,000+ words, 200+ follows, 50 favorites. Not bad for a story I originally outlined and wrote as 5 chapters and less than 6000 words.**


	19. Chapter 19 - Marking Time

**One of Us – Chapter 19 – Marking Time**

**Previously – Rick has been transferred to Intensive Care and everyone is waiting for the writer to wake up.**

**Author's Note - I have raised the rating to T on advice. I don't don't believe it should impact my readers, but if it does, I do apologize, it wasn't my intention. **

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Break Room, Homicide, 12****th**** Precinct, 2 pm Friday**

They're in the break room, surrounded by the remnants of a less than stellar takeaway which had at least assuaged the hunger pangs and distracted them for a while.

"You know I miss Castle already." Esposito's tone was somewhat whiny near needy, not a natural state for the ex-military man. Ryan knows that yesterday's incident has shaken them both, and not just because Castle is currently unconscious in intensive care.

"Javi, you miss Castle 'cause we had to buy our own lunch for once." Ryan corrected his partner whilst once again scratching at his upper left arm, another reminder of the traumatic events of less than twenty-four hours ago.

"How's Jenny?" Esposito finally starts on the topic both of them have been skirting round all morning. Last night their focus – after treatment for their minor injuries – had naturally been on Castle and by automatic extension Beckett.

"After I got home, Jenny was sitting on the couch, waiting up of me. She just held me all night. She didn't say much other than to ask after Castle, Beckett and you." Ryan pauses, clearly considering what he should share, but then apparently satisfied with his internal debate, he continues.

"She didn't cry once I got home, but I can tell she must have done before I got home. She helped undress me, and threw the ruined shirt in the rubbish, cleaned me up and took me to bed. I think she may have cried again this morning before I got up. She asked, well pretty much demanded that I stay and have breakfast with her. It was nice though. I think it will take few days. We'll talk about it eventually. How about you Javi?"

"So last night you and Jenny didn't have a reaffirmation of life then?" Espo teases his partner whilst deflecting Ryan's question.

He'll play along with his partner's customary reluctance to discuss his own personal thoughts and emotions. It has always been that way and he doesn't feel slighted by Javi's decision, he knows they look out for each other regardless. Javi would tell him when he was ready, and only then. It was a trait he shared with Beckett and what made them such kindred spirits, even though they weren't direct partners. It was why Javi had backed Beckett to the hilt when chasing Maddox. The loyalty was worthy of respect and admiration but taken to their almost fanatical extremes, defying logic had been the hardest moment for Ryan. It had taken some time to re-establish their partnership after those events.

Ryan shakes his head to clear those thoughts and counters his partner's avoidance.

"Nah, we just held each other close. What about you Javi? A little bird may have hinted that you left the hospital with a certain medical examiner."

"Well we may have just held each other ….. later." Esposito's statement is flat and deadpan, challenging his partner to make more of it.

"Bro!" Ryan's response was accompanied by a gentle punch to Espo's right shoulder.

"So are you two back on again?"

"I don't know Kev. But if we are, we're definitely not double dating again."

"Cold Bro, cold." Ryan fires back, acknowledging the memories of the train-wreck double date that had played a part in Lanie and Javi splitting up the first time.

"I think we should clean up and get back out there. Captain says the Chief of D's and a bunch of suits from 1PP are coming in this afternoon and we should be ready." Espo is clearly not going to say more at this time.

"Yeah. Anyway, before we go back, I just wanted to say I'm glad we made it. Too many close calls. We owe Castle big-time for this."

"Damn Straight." Esposito concludes and offers up his hand to feed the birds with his partner.

* * *

**New York Ledger Website**

**Castle Fan Club to sue NYPD**

_The 'Richard E Castle Fan Club' – note this is not an officially sanctioned fan organisation – has announced its' intention to sue the NYPD for failing to ensure safety of Richard Castle whilst involved in police operations._

_There has been no statement as yet from the NYPD nor the family or Mr Castle representatives but sources confirm that the earlier statements from this morning's press conference still stand and that there is no intention from either Mr Castle's family or his publishers to sue the NYPD._

**Update – Castle Still In Coma**

_The best-selling author remains in an induced coma in the intensive care ward at Bellevue. The hospital has stated that it expects Mr Castle to remain in a coma for up to 48 hours after his operation and it may be several days before he is fully conscious. _

_His family and his girlfriend Detective Kate Beckett have been observed visiting the ICU. Security at the ICU has been increased and there is a strong police presence. Visitors to the ICU are being checked and several attempts by unauthorized parties have already been dealt with._

_His publicist, Paula Haas, has thanked the public for their support and best wishes. She requested no flowers or gifts and asked that instead anyone wishing could make donations to the NYC PBA Widows and Children's Fund, or alternatively the Brighter Blue Futures Trust or Joanna Beckett Endowment_.

* * *

**Secure Conference Room, Homicide 12****th**** Precinct, 4.30 pm Friday**

Thomas Delaney, NYPD's Chief of Detectives was a straight-talking, reputedly former hard drinking, old-school street detective with stints in Homicide, Vice and Organised Crime as well as a number of desk jobs before earning the ultimate position for a working detective. He was currently losing a three sided argument with his former protégé and friend Vicky Gates and a Paula Haas, some form of hard-core power suited banshee.

Hilary Davies, Assistant Commissioner Press Relations, looks on in scarcely disguised amusement. Any potential clean-up work arising from this was worth it simply to see the usually bombastic Chief of D's rendered incoherent and powerless. She recognized a carefully crafted ambush when she saw one.

Their argument was simple enough. She was inclined to favor the approach that the two women were pitching. Moreover, it was obvious that Paula Haas has formed an alliance with Gates, and they were adamant in advancing their case that the entire event can be positive for NYPD as well as for Rick Castle and Detective Kate Beckett.

Thomas tries again.

"Miss Haas"

"Paula" she corrects him, almost challenging.

"Paula" he concedes, and turns to the Precinct Captain. "Vicky" he almost implores.

"Victoria" another correction, it is not his day and deciding then that he may as well concede as gracefully as possible, least word get out about this.

"Okay. I'll let you run with your idea. I am still not happy, but I do trust you Victoria and seemingly now you as well Paula."

"Right now we have that settled, let's review where we are at, and how we make this work for everyone including Mr Castle, his publisher, the NYPD and the City of New York." Gates is all business, and starts to outline the basics of their media plan.

Thomas listens with growing incredulity and then respect as Paula Haas and Gates lays out possibly the most simple, yet brilliant plan to make sure that the initial good press is built upon.

"I think we can work with that." Paula confirms with a smile. But then her mood swings and she has a deadly serious look.

"However, I am concerned about what happens once the _honeymoon_ period is over. The press will stop soft pedaling them and come looking for stories with a different angle. Exes and previous relationships of course, but also previous cases and investigations, and work issues especially anything legal or disciplinary. I know Rick's skeletons but I understand there may be issues and events with Detective Beckett that may need to be managed.

"We've been lucky with Rick for a few years, he's basically done the book promotions as well as the Nikki Heat movie and managed to otherwise stay off the radar. This won't be the case for a little while."

"Here's what I think might be a good approach" With this she pulls out her iPad and starts to reel off a number of points whilst her audience listens with growing appreciation for Paula Haas' mastery of the dark arts of media management.

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Friday 6.00 pm**

They had sat with Castle through the remainder of the day. Lanie had popped in briefly and Kate's father had visited around 4 pm after finishing a client meeting. He had stayed for half-an-hour and had provided a nice distraction from their increasing introspection, even Martha was showing the strain.

Aside from the odd phone call or text message exchanged with Gates, the Boys and Paula there was really nothing to report until an hour or so ago when two doctors had come round and after checking Rick's charts had announced that the medication keeping him sedated were being stopped and that he should gradually start to regain consciousness. They did warn that it would be some time and most likely tomorrow or later before he would be awake properly.

Buoyed by the news, they had all sent out new updates and briefly shared a mutual hug.

It is an hour or so after the doctors have left, and Martha rises from her seat and approaches Alexis and Kate who have been playing cards.

"I'm heading back to the loft to get changed. My class is holding final rehearsal tonight followed by a little soiree and I think it will be just the thing.

"Please call me if there is any change" she finishes as she leans down to embrace and kiss each of the younger women.

"Good night Martha."

"Good night Grams."

After watching Martha imperiously sail out of ICU, Kate turns to Alexis.

"What did you want to do tonight? And before you go, do you want to talk? About anything." She clarifies for the younger woman.

"Kate" Alexis is hesitant. She knows that the relationship between her father and Kate had moved far beyond the boyfriend/girlfriend stage. Moreover, that it had never been that simple from the beginning. She does like, even loves, Kate and understands why her father is so smitten but she still has her concerns and fears that have been magnified so powerfully by the events of the last 24 hours.

"I've always been worried about Dad.

"When he started shadowing you, it was fine. I was younger, a bit naive, didn't really understand what it was like and what the risks were. I knew in the second and third years you had some close calls but Dad was always good at making light of serious matters and to protect us. Having met you and seen how serious you were as a professional, I trusted you to protect him.

"Later after I had interned with Doctor Parish, I had a new perspective of what you did, and a much better view of how you really were partners. How he worked so well with your team, but also how in love with you he was. But you were with that doctor, and after he ended the mistake with Gina, I still didn't understand how Dad could still be hopelessly smitten. I also understood more about the risks you faced, and that scared me, no matter how much he and Grams tried to reassure me.

"When he was with you, I was afraid that he would be hurt, and sometimes that he wouldn't come home. I knew he would do anything to protect you.

"There have been times when I've wanted him to stop. Two years ago, when Dad sent me and Grams out of the city for the weekend – it took him weeks to be himself again and he was so sad as well and he was missing his joie de vive was gone for ages. He never did explain fully why, and Grams would only say that it was some national security issue and it was hushed up. And then, after you were shot."

Alexis has to stop and take several depth breaths to compose herself. Although still in her teens, the young woman is looking directly at Kate. Her eyes are slightly red, and she is blinking back tears, but she is still looking directly at Kate, and Kate meets her determination with her own. No more hiding.

"He tried to save you and he was so close to the bullet. He was so devastated in the cemetery. Grams helped him get into the ambulance and she has never told me what they said. He was covered in your blood, and I was so afraid of losing him."

Kate has heard the same thing recently from Lanie, and her guilt is magnified once more as she truly begins to comprehend what all her actions, instinctive and deliberate decisions combined have done to this family she now feels part of, and so badly wants to remain joined with for the rest of her life.

"When we got to the hospital, we found Dad and Doctor Parish in tears in the ER. I, we, all initially thought you were dead. Then the waiting was horrible. Mr Beckett was really pale but he was really composed, so was Grams. Then that doctor came and accused Dad of being responsible and tried to attack him."

Kate's eyes fly open at this point. No one had told her that. She feels residual anger at Josh for doing that, but more is directed at herself, for making the decisions that put all those who obviously care about her into those situations.

Alexis has seen Kate's surprise but presses on, fearful of losing her own determination.

"Then when you were away with no contact for all those months after leaving hospital. First Dad was at the precinct all the time working with Detectives Esposito and Ryan, and when he kicked out investigating on his own. He didn't take care of himself, didn't sleep or eat, he drank too much. Withdrew from all us. He wasn't my Dad."

Kate feels each hammer blow of guilt as the impact of her choices upon the man she loves and his family becomes clearer.

"Gram never told me but I think your Dad came to see him one day when I was at school, and after that he stopped drinking, ate, slept a little, started writing again. He still wasn't all there but he was better."

Kate wonders how many more surprises she can take. Her Dad had never told her this. He had tried to encourage her to reach out and communicate with her friends, and with Rick especially, but she had been more than stubborn wallowing in the self-pity and recrimination of yet another failed relationship, the recovery and the trauma of her shooting.

"Then when you came back and slowly things go better, I asked Dad about your relationship. I asked if he was happy and whether what you had was enough, when he clearly wanted so much more. He said it was enough for now.

"Then earlier this year, just when things seemed better between you, there was the bombing and then you two were arguing or whatever that was. Dad was so hurt then. He reverted to the stereotype he never really was. Gram obviously knew more once again but wasn't sharing and Doctor Parish wouldn't tell me.

"But I always knew Dad would try to come back to you. It has always been so clear to Gram and I how much he loves you. How hopelessly he loved you. What I never understood is why you didn't seem to reciprocate? Why wasn't my Dad worthy of the same love back?"

Kate is in tears now. The guilt is too much and she breaks eye contact with Alexis. Her head dropping in shame and sorrow at the anguish she had caused to people who care, who LOVE her.

"We knew you loved Dad at some level, but not until recently did we dare believe it was to the same degree."

Alexis stops speaking, and Kate can feel her eyes on her. She knows she had to respond. She raised her head so she can look her partners daughter in the eyes and give her as much of the truth as she, even though it is much less than she deserves.

"Alexis, the reason I was so cautious is because I love you Dad so much, almost too much. I know that doesn't make sense." Alexis starts and stares at Kate curiosity peaked by the conflicting statement.

"This is it for me, I am totally committed now and forever. I can never take back those selfish and scared mistakes I made over the years, but I will try to atone for them for the rest of my life with your father and our family.

"I don't know how else I can do to explain things to you but I want to try. There will be some things - a lot of things - I won't say to you or anyone else before I say them to Rick, but I will try to explain as much as I can if you are willing to listen."

The red head nods her acceptance, and Kate begins.

"I can't deny I have treated your father so badly at times. I've made some really stupid and inexcusable decisions. Yet somehow we find our way back to each other and Rick has always forgiven me, even when I didn't think I deserved to be.

"Now your father has also done things which hurt me, sometimes knowingly but not because they would hurt but because he believed that the outcome outweighed the pain they caused. I can't say I have always thought the same, but I accept his intentions were honest and well-meaning. I have forgiven him and told and tried to show him as much, especially since May.

"You asked why I didn't show you father the love her deserved." Alexis nods.

"It is because I felt, have done for so long, that I didn't deserve that love. I wasn't worthy of his commitment, his sacrifice, his worship and his family. I was so broken with so much baggage, my scars and unresolved issues that I would hurt him and his family when all they deserved was happiness and a life less encumbered by tragedy and heartache."

"But he was already committed and hurting. We all were." Alexis corrects.

"I know that now. But for so many years, the devastation of my mother's murder has ruled my life and burnt and tarnished everything including my father, our relationship, my attempts at relationships, my work, everything.

"Your Dad, was the first person that ever managed to fix more than a little bit of that. The first person that didn't give up or learn to accept it. Even then I fought him all of the way, but your Dad is so stubborn that eventually he even wore me down. He was the one that stayed. Always.

"Lanie told me that I need to show Rick, how much he means to me, and I fully intend to do that for the rest of our lives." Kate trails off, she is drained and incapable of giving more just now.

"Kate. Thank you. I thing I understand more now. Doctor Parish was right when she said you both make it complicated. But I think we are in a good place and getting better." Alexis too falls silent.

Their quiet shared introspection after the talk is disturbed by a short beep from one of the machines. Alexis looks over at her father and satisfied that he is still asleep she turns to Kate.

"Do you know what would be funny?" She almost teases Kate.

"No, what?"

"That he is awake and listened to all that."

"Oh that would be so typically Castle. But you know what 'Lex, it ain't happening now as there is no way you dad is that good an actor nor could he keep quiet for that long."

They smile and remain sitting for some time in reflective silence.

* * *

Glancing at her watch, Kate suddenly comes to life.

Picking up her phone, Kate hits a speed dial. Hearing an answering voice on the other end, she fires off.

"Hi Lanie, its Kate. No news on Castle except they've stopped the meds keeping him under and will wait for him to wake."

"Can you do us a favor tonight?"

"Sure Girl"

"I'm staying at the hospital, and Martha is going out. I need someone to stay with Alexis ideally at the Loft or your place perhaps, or otherwise at the hotel."

"Not my place…..umm….it's still a bit messy after Javi was there last night." Lanie responds with minimal clarity.

"Oh something you not sharing then? Teases Kate.

"He stayed at my place last night, we both didn't want to be alone. He can manage on his own for one night – or at least I think so, I will check with him, but it should be good."

"Oh great. Can you swing by and pick her up from here and then you can head to the Loft or the hotel. There is parking in the Loft basement garage. Well the Loft has 4 spaces and Rick generally only keeps 2 or 3 cars there, and mine is still at the Precinct. Alexis can ring ahead and arrange access. Alexis will wait for you by the loading bay in 20 minutes".

Hearing Lanie's acknowledgement Kate hangs up.

* * *

The medication keeping Richard Castle in a medically induced coma had been ceased on Friday evening.

There had been moments in the night when Castle was no longer simply unconscious but hovering between deeply under and fitful resting.

Around 3 am Kate had been startled from her near-awake slumber, by a louder beeping noise, shortly followed a short burst of coughing, almost choking sounds from Rick. Automatically she had hit the call button whilst crossing to the bed and taking Rick's left hand in hers. With her right hand she had brushed his brow, muttering words of comfort which immediately seemed to help him settle.

Eyes adjusting to the twilight state of the room, she quickly assessed Rick's state. His eyes were firmly closed. Two ICU nurses had arrived inside a minute and made some adjustments and he had settled again, and reluctantly Kate had drifted back to sleep.

* * *

Saturday morning had come and gone with a constant stream of visitors. Kate had become used to the regular shift change of 12th Precinct personnel who always made a point of checking in and out with however was in Rick's room and asking after him. They had also expressed gratitude for the facilities offered at the hotel, and in turn the shift changes would bring coffee and snacks for the room occupants as well.

The early morning Doctor's rounds had simply confirmed that Rick was slowly coming out of the induced sedation and at the moment it was just as likely to be his own bodies natural recuperation needs keeping him from waking. He did seem more comfortable and that doctors were talking of removing the chest tube once he was awake and they could be certain he was breathing better on the collapsed lung.

Ryan and Espo had called in on their way to the Precinct and had refused to tell her more about the case. Later they promised and she intended to hold them to that. Never-the-less it had been good to see them and feel their brotherly love and concern for both her and Rick.

Lanie had dropped Alexis in on her way to work. Then Martha had arrived and they had forced Kate to take a break and go back to the hotel to shower, eat and change before returning. On her return, Martha had announced she was taking Alexis out for the afternoon, and for Kate take good care of 'our boy'.

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Saturday 4.00 pm**

Kate is beside his bed in ICU. She's nothing like Detective Beckett. Her hair is down and she's wearing a long flowing top, yoga pants, and her feet are bare, her ballet flats kicked off under the chair. It's a bohemian look that Rick not so secretly calls 'Carefree Kate'. There is a scarf thrown over the back of the chair beside the hanging satchel bag containing her things.

The height of the ICU bed and the relative size of the visitor chairs means that Kate has long ago abandoned trying to maintain continuous contact with Rick by holding his left hand or simply touching his arm whilst sitting. Instead Kate had continued to maintain a conversation with Rick along with periodically standing and moving to the bed to squeeze his hand or arm, kiss him, to simply be there for him.

She has an e-book reader in one hand – a _non-gift_ from Rick who typically refused to steadfastly follow her instructions regarding gifts – but she can't concentrate even on the familiar words of his own novels that unsurprisingly came pre-loaded. She won't use her iPod as she wants all her senses available to listen for any sign of Rick waking.

They had been warned that waking up from a coma – even a short medically induced one - can be a slow process that can start with a twitch of a finger or a squeeze of a hand. The various stages of recovery could take days or longer, and whilst the staff were hopeful it could be quick given the relatively short length of time he had been sedated, ultimately it was down to Rick.

After the unsettled period in the night, Rick had been calm and except for a few involuntary movements, and a couple of initially hopeful but ultimately incoherent noises, there had been no sign of him waking though the day. The ICU nurses had stated they the drugs had now worn off and now it was all down to him.

Kate puts the e-book reader down and steps over the bed. Placing her hand in his, she leans forward to kiss his brow as she has done without count through the long hours. Gazing down at his surprisingly peaceful face, she suddenly can't help herself.

With her left hand still in his left hand, their warm palms joined. She takes her right hand and quickly glancing out of the ICU room to ensure no one is watching, she leans down until her mouth is so close to his ear lobe she can feel her own warm breath reflect back, and she twists his ear lobe and in as seductive tone as possible whispers to him

"Ricky, time to wake up Kitten."

Her voice breaks, and the seductive tone is lost, her voice suddenly raw.

"Please Rick. Come back to us."

She gives one last gentle tweak and let's go and prepares to step back.

Then she feels it.

His left hand squeezes hers, softly at first, and then tighter, his strong digits grasping her and not letting go.

He coughs, and one of the monitors starts to beep. He is still coughing and it in between the beeping and the coughs she strains to hear him. And then she catches the word coming from his mouth.

"Apples."

* * *

She had hit the call button, and summoned the ICU staff. Now there are two nurses and Lanie's Doctor friend in the room. They have dimmed the lights to ease the discomfort for when he actually opens his eyes, and they had moistened his throat which had eased the coughing whilst they examined him. She could clearly see his chest rise and fall further and his arms were moving a little.

She had to fight the instinct to be right there with him, holding him. She knew the medical staff needed space and time to check him out. Watching from as close as possible, with tears streaming down her face, she palms her phone and quickly calls Alexis, an incongruous smile upon her face.

* * *

**Unit TwelveCharlieFive**

Officer Anne Hasting is looking at the in car computer, watching the latest status reports, when suddenly she leans forward and grins, and slaps the dashboard in celebration with a joyous 'About Time!'

"Hey Hastings, what's up?" inquires her partner, trying to concentrate on navigating the cruiser through Manhattan traffic.

"Central has just announced Castle is out of the coma."

"He's awake!"

* * *

**Author's Note –Thank you for all the feedback for Chapter 18.**

**Author's Note - I have raised the rating to T on advice. I don't don't believe it should impact my readers. However, if it does, I do apologize, it wasn't my intention. I am still a relative novice at this so please excuse the rookie mistakes.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	20. Chapter 20 - Miscreants

**One of Us – Chapter 20 – Miscreants**

**Previously – Rick has woken from his induced coma. There is a long path ahead for him and his family. Meanwhile, some actual police work is taking place…..**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Observation Room 1, Homicide, 12****th**** Precinct, Saturday morning.**

Javier Esposito watched as his partner, Kevin Ryan, continued to fidget with the bandage on his left arm where 2 shotgun pellets and shrapnel fragments had left their mark. He was still grateful they both escaped with a couple of minor wounds compared to their friend and partner.

On the way to the Precinct, they had stopped in at Bellevue to see Beckett and check on Castle. Officially visitors were still restricted to family, but hell they were 'family' and a little bit of badge abuse got them in. They had been surprised to see Beckett dressed down and patiently waiting with the still unconscious author to wake up. Despite her best efforts, they had refused to update her on the case and promised her to do later. They had both hugged Beckett and left the hospital feeling more positive.

* * *

Gates had removed them from the case, and then she too had been stood down by the Chief of Detectives. So now they had another homicide team – at least it was Karpowski's from the 12th – as the lead, and a precinct due to be full of brass and strangers observing and interfering in _their_ case.

However, being off the case, didn't stop them observing from behind the glass, and watching with Gates as Karpowski & Jones began to interrogate Leroy Herron. He was the first shooter at Apartment 67 and the one who had so effectively been disarmed and disabled by Castle.

Herron had been transferred over from the hospital late first thing this morning. There was a strong degree of satisfaction in the Precinct when it was learnt that Herron's stay at the hospital had been extended after it was discovered he had a dislocated shoulder, severely bruised ribs and a minor concussion all courtesy of Castle. The Boys had made a note to ensure they let Beckett know what Castle had done.

Herron was now the current occupant of Interrogation Room 1 at the 12th Precinct facing off against Karpowski and Jones. He had waived his right for an attorney, which was either a very smart or an equally dumb decision but the watching cops hadn't yet worked out which applied. The dynamic of Karpowski and her partner Jones was different to how either Espo and Ryan or Beckett and Castle worked, and if nothing else it was interesting to watch an alternative interrogation style in action.

* * *

They were taking a break, and Herron had been hauled off to an isolated corner of holding for a comfort and food break whilst Karpowski's team and the observers assessed the results of their first round of interrogation.

They had learnt Leroy Herron was a plant by Delucca into Jussic's circle of acquaintances to see if he could discover more on the location of the missing paintings. He was tasked with establishing a rapport with Jussic and Flute which he had done so, duping the two admittedly no so smart almost small-time criminals into bringing him into their circle.

He didn't know much about the second shooter. He had had been referred as 'Lucas' and had come with Delucca. Herron assumed he was from whoever was really calling the shots, but knew better than to ask about who that was.

Fortunately, the NYPD knew much more about the second shooter. He was a mid-level mob enforcer for the Silva crime family named Luca Tromma with a rap sheet for pretty much everything except murder. He currently occupying a slab at the NY Office of the Chief Medical Examiner's morgue courtesy of five rounds from ESU. Espo and Ryan had already contacted Franklin, the ESU team leader, and made it clear they owned them a few beers.

Delucca had been captured by uniforms after trying to flee down the fire escape and falling and breaking a collar bone, and sustaining a number of other injuries. In light of the events inside Apartment 67 there had been minimal sympathy from the cops who had redirected the arriving EMT's to be prioritized on Castle and then the unconscious Jussic.

Delucca was still under guard at Mount Sinai, and would eventually be interview by both the 12th and also Organised Crime who had been after the Silva family for years. Ominously, one of the Silva family lawyers had already paid a visit to register his representation of Delucca. No such courtesy had been extended to Herron.

They now knew from released DoD records that James Flute had been dishonorably discharged from New York State National Guard for suspected involvement in weapons theft. In an act of ultimate ironic justice he had been killed with one of the weapons he stole.

The shotguns used by Herron and Tromma were amongst almost one hundred weapons – pistols, shotguns and obsolete but still deadly M3 sub machineguns - stolen from the NY National Guard. After a thorough investigation by the Military Police, ATF and NYPD, Flute's brother – the serving soldier - had been absolved of any involvement and whilst they had circumstantial evidence the authorities did not have enough to charge Flute. The army had seen fit to dismiss him dishonorably, making him next to unemployable in many jobs. A _career_ in petty crime had followed. Strangely enough none of his crimes involved firearms, especially the ones stolen from the National Guard.

According to Herron, Flute was killed by 'Lucas' because he had nothing useful to offer. He had obviously provided some of the stolen weapons - at least the two shotguns and venerable M1911A1 service of approximately 1950's vintage recovered with Delucca. The whereabouts of the rest remained a mystery.

Jussic on the other hand was still alive but he had been tortured to see if had more information on the location of the paintings, despite the fact he was only a young child when this all happened. ESU had found Jussic unconscious in the maintenance loft accessible beyond the hidden door and curtain when they performed a new full sweep after the shooting. Jussic was currently in Mount Sinai Hospital under police protection.

* * *

Herron was trying to cut a deal given he was facing attempted murder charges, but his options were limited as they had plenty of physical evidence as well as all the eye witnesses – all cops.

He was the first gunman, and despite having been so coolly disarmed and disabled by Castle, he had fired twice with a stolen shotgun at police and been party to Flute's murder, the torture of Jussic, theft and possession of stolen military weapons. This was all in addition to his other offenses committed at the behest of Delucca or the Silva crime family.

However, they doubted his information would be much good to OC and their pursuit of the Silva family. Clearly the Silva family thought so too, as no lawyer had arrived to represent Herron. Given his low hanging fruit status for the crime family, they would simply let him be swept off and imprisoned as he had no incriminating evidence against them.

About the only leverage he had was with the missing weapons, but it turns out that Flute had never revealed that before he died and if Jussic knew Delucca had been more concerned about the paintings than the weapons. So Leroy Herron was sweet out of luck, and once all processed and charged will be lucky to avoid anything less than twenty plus to life.

* * *

The ADA who had been prepping with Beckett is back. It turns out that ADA Charles Denoza has been chasing the Silva crime family for years and inadvertently may have a break via the 12th Precinct's case.

The Silva crime family are relatively small fish in terms of overall criminality in New York but Organised Crime had never managed to get much of a purchase on them as they generally recruited directly from Italian immigrants.

The ADA agrees that Herron is of no value and accordingly he'll get the harshest treatment reserved for attempted cop-killers. The irony that often the lowest members of the criminal food-chain get the worst sentences doesn't escape them, nor does it illicit any sympathy.

The ADA will be back once Delucca is fit to be interviewed.

* * *

All the bigwigs have departed and the 12th is back to normal, well as normal as Homicide can be without their heartbeat of Beckett and Castle there.

Suddenly Esposito's, Ryan's and Gates' mobiles all beep at once with an incoming message. None of them disguise the haste with they pick up their phones and check.

'Castle out of coma. Woke briefly, now asleep. KB' reads the message with a smiley face to finish..

"About time." Remarked Gates as Ryan and Esposito fed the birds.

"Go home detectives. Take a couple of days, and report back Wednesday unless you hear from me. Maybe I'll see you at the hospital? Probably best to visit Mr Castle before he fully regains all his powers of speech."

And with that Captain Gates leaves the two bemused detectives gaping before they suddenly recover and dash to clear up and head out.

* * *

**The Old Haunt, Saturday 09:45 pm.**

Javier Esposito and Kevin Ryan have had a long day and on any other day, walking into a bar at the end of a day like this would be marked by downing of beer and spirits. Especially on a weekend.

But not tonight. It is hours after they had originally left the Precinct and went their own ways but now they are back together. Tonight they are here covering for a friend. Anxious to help repay any part they can of a life debt.

Brian, The Old Haunt's long term bartender, acknowledges their arrival and waves them over.

"Detectives Esposito and Ryan. Thank you for coming. I didn't know what to do." He nods towards a familiar corner of the bar. Towards their booth.

Walking over to the corner of the bar, to the booth with the small plaque neatly signed "Reserved for Members of Homicide, 12th Precinct, NYPD", they look down at the solitary figure slumped against the seat back. A small armada of empty or almost empty glasses adorns the table in front of the clearly drunk individual.

A beer-stained copy of today's Inquirer lies on the table. The Headlines are still visible. "Castle in Coma, Shot Saving Cops" "Hero gets the Detective". The last sits above a picture of Beckett and Castle with their arms round each other and a shared mutual expressions of love beyond anything words can convey.

Suddenly aware of their presence the slouching figure speaks.

"What ya want?" slurs from the somewhat disheveled form of Detective Tom Demming. Looking up at the new arrivals, he recognizes the pair of battle weary detectives.

"Oh, why you here and not at 'spital paying homage to Writer-Monkey." Then in even more bitter and sarcastic tone. "The Hero."

Both detectives start at this.

"You don't get it do you, Demming?" this is as much a rhetorical statement from Esposito as Demming obviously didn't get nor did her really stand much chance of doing so as drunk as he was. Never-the-less the Hispanic detective continues on.

"Castle's one of _US_. He and Beckett have saved each other more times than we can count, they've saved our lives and we've done the same. Partners. He may not have the badge but he's got the heart and soul. He's put his life on the line and damn near paid full price for it. That's no more or less than we expect or ask of anyone in Blue."

Demming lurches, staggering to his feet "Why you bothering me, just want to drink and be left alone! It's a cop bar and the drink's cheap."

Normally it is the Latino detective who exhibits the most emotion, but this evening it is the compact and usually calm Ryan who breaks. With considerable efficiency and no warning he swings to drive his fist into Demmings' gut, but his blow is caught at the last moment by his partner who simply shakes his head.

As it is the blow is not needed, as suddenly Demming pales significantly drops to his knees and vomits on to the floor in the corner of the booth. It takes a minute or two for his heaving to stop watched dispassionately by the two detectives.

Brian has been observing and comes over with a pitcher of water and some glasses and another staff member brings a bucket and mop.

"We got this Brian" states Esposito.

Brian nods and he and the other staff member retreat back towards the bar.

Ryan takes the pitcher and pours a couple of glasses of water, and then grinning viciously suddenly dumps the rest of the pitchers contents, ice cubes and all over the head of the still kneeling Demming.

"Oh, for the record, the reason cops drink cheap here is that it's Castle's bar. He's the boss and you'd be best remembering that before you go bad mouthing him to his staff and friends."

"Ohh" is about the best the suddenly slightly more sober detective can manage.

"Now let's get you tidied up and if you're sober enough it's time to go home."

With that the two detectives pick him up under either arm and deposit him back on the bench. Almost miraculously he appears to have missed his own clothing with his vomit so it is only the pitcher contents have Demming more than slightly damp and unkempt.

Espo grabs the mops and starts to clean up the worst of the vomit, as Ryan hands Demming the first of several glasses of water.

"Why?" Ryan questions Demming. Apparently even drunk, Demming gets the full context of the question.

"We were only together a less than a month. Only went out a couple of times 'cause of work. We were going to go away for the weekend, you know 'seal-the-deal'. I'd booked a nice B'n'B."

They do know but would rather not think about their boss like that. It was bad enough with Castle, especially now with the two of them actually together. When the two of them were in full swing they were totally oblivious to their interactions, infamous eye-sex and palpable sexual tension. Demmings voice snaps them back to present.

"Instead, she breaks up with me, tells me I am nice guy but not what she is looking for." Demming swears profusely but somehow manages to avoid calling Beckett any disrespectful names that would have obliged her _brothers_ to intervene to defend her honor.

"I thought I could deal with it, especially when it became clear she wasn't with _HIM_. Then she started up with the doctor, some surgeon, sure, I hurt but I could understand. At least it wasn't that playboy!"

"After more than two years, why now?" Now Espo is curious but also want to move the conversation along before they have to defend Castle too.

"I was on a stakeout a few weeks back, and she and that hot ME came into the place we were watching. She was always so attractive but that night she seemed so alive, happy and carefree. It bought back desires and memories of what I had only seen a glimpse of. I wanted more. To try again. I asked around, did some checking and no one knew anything about her dating. Of course, _HE_ was still tagging along."

It is Ryan who responds.

"This is the last word and the matter is closed. Understand?"

Demming nods, suddenly aware of Ryan's proximity and the fire in the Irish detective's eyes and barely repressed menace in his tone.

"They've been together 6 months. Beckett is like that because of Castle. He is responsible for that happiness and joy. Him and his family. Their love. They are our partners so we have their backs." Ryan steps back from Demming.

"The bar staff are going to get you a coffee and then call you a cab. This matter is closed." Esposito states.

He and Ryan turn to head back to the bar where they can see Brian setting up two beers for them. Esposito suddenly turns back.

"One final thing." He says pointing to the plaque. "Never sit in our seats again."

* * *

**Author's Note –Thank you for all the feedback for Chapter 19.**

**I wanted to start to clean up the actual crime investigation hence this chapter. Sorry about the absence of Castle in this chapter for all those requesting his return. Rest assured he will be back next chapter.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	21. Chapter 21 – Stuttering

**One of Us – Chapter 21 – Stuttering**

**Previously – Awakening from his induced coma, Rick faces a long path to recover. But first he needs to reconnect with his girls.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

_Oh Frack! Ouch! Hurts! Really Hurts! Just breathing – if that is what he is doing - hurt. A lot. His head hurts. His shoulder hurts. His chest hurts. But he felt numb as if his body parts weren't connected. Each part hurting in isolation. Brain didn't want to work. Even in his subconscious his words fail to flow. Damn, he hopes he wasn't/isn't brain damaged. Needs to think clearly…nope not happening._

He is vaguely aware he's drifting off.

* * *

A machine is beeping. Loudly.

_Chest hurts. Feels like someone was standing on his chest. Hammering down and compressing it, forcing all the air from him as he tries to breathe. Not playing fair. _

_Oh he's back again. But he can't open his eyes. And it hurts. Shouldn't he have drugs? Maybe he does._

_Nothing seemed to be working. He can't open his eyes, speak, move his head or arms. Is he even awake? Alive?_

_He can feel – must be alive then - constant but not intense pain. Even with his senses dulled by medication something or possibly someone was touching him. He could possibly hear – although he did concede that he may well be delusional. In any case…...didn't matter…...as he couldn't understand what the voices – if that is what they were - are saying. His brain steadfastly refusing to translate._

_Hopefully he wasn't dead, 'cause based on the pain level, his general crap state and the lack of nirvana like facilities, if this was death it would suck badly._

He slept again.

* * *

_He's awake – but it feels different than before. Better._

_He is aware now that he is alive. The pain confirmed it._

_On the upside, things didn't hurt quite so much. Breathing still hurt, but it wasn't the hammer blows when his chest moved that it was previously. He could feel his body – no longer a bunch of disconnected pain points. _

_He still couldn't open his eyes. But he knew who he was and where he was. Richard Castle and he was in hospital, or at least assumed so based on his memories and the pain. Apartment 67, stolen paintings, the Johnson twins, shotguns. Thunder and hammer to his chest, the push and constriction of his vest feeling even tighter as he fell. Gates. The Captain was at his side telling him not to die..too much paperwork. Not that funny if you were the shot one._

_He also knew now who he needed…..three women. His three special women. His girls. _

_M. A. K. _

_Martha/Mother._

_Alexis._

_Kate._

_He knew that they would be worried. He hoped they were looking after each other and particularly that Kate was included so she didn't pull back, put the wall back up or worse RUN. She had promised not to run but that was before he so stupidly got shot. He was worried that without him to anchor her she would run. He had promised her always, and hadn't even lasted six months before nearly dying. Oh he was going to be in trouble at some point in the near future. _

He slept again.

* * *

_Oh he's back and things are looking up. He can sense a dull illumination but can't force his eyes to open or focus better._

_Otherwise, this time was definitely an improvement and he was certain he could hear voices. Was it Kate or Alexis or Mother? He couldn't tell but he definitely felt better, and the pain was less._

But he still drifted off before he could do or say something to whoever was there.

* * *

_He was back. Definitely less pain too._

_That was Kate. Her voice!_

_KATE!_

_He needs to tell her. He had to tell her before it was too late again. Almost was too late. _

"Ricky, time to wake up Kitten."

_Oh God, that was her bedroom voice. Even partially awake, it did things to him. Made his soul light up and his spirit leap (and maybe other parts too)._

_He needs to speak!_

_He heard Kate speak again. Sadder this time. Scared. He can't be responsible for that, not when his purpose in life is to bring her to the light, laugh and keep away the dark._

_He needed to do something._

_He tried to move his limbs but the lethargy was almost absolute. Then he could feel her fingers on his hand. His left hand. He concentrated. Put every ounce of his will into his left arm and hand. He wanted so much more. To demonstrate how much he wanted and needed her. _

_He squeezed her hand in response. _

_It must have worked. He heard her gasp._

_This gave him more strength, and summoning everything from within him he was able to speak. Uttering just one word._

"Apples"

_Fracking idiot! He can barely find the energy for one word, and he says 'Apples'?!_

_Disappointed with himself, he surrenders to the exhaustion and siren call of the remnants of the drugs._

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Saturday 5.00 pm**

Martha and Alexis had dashed back to the hospital on receiving Kate's phone call. It had taken them almost an hour, and their excitement and anxiety hadn't diminished at all.

Acknowledging the uniform and security at the entrance they had dashed through ICU until they reached the room. They found Kate once more seated across from the silent and sleeping form of Richard Castle.

He's unconscious again. Alexis feels the disappointment hammer her gut, and not even acknowledging Kate she rushes to her father's side. Halting by the bed her first impression is that he appears to be the same, but looking closer at his still form, she sees the changes, the improvements. He's not unconscious rather asleep. He does look better. There is more color in his face. His features are relaxed and Alexis sighs in relief at seeing his comparatively childlike innocence. His breathing is less labored and calmer, his chest rising and falling in a regular and settled rhythm.

Taking a moment to compose herself she turns back towards Kate to apologize for her rudeness. Martha is just finishing greeting Kate. She meets Kate's eyes and sees understanding, and compassion. It is a shared bond, their mutual love of her father. And yet it is more, somehow it has grown beyond her father and now there is a relationship between herself and Kate that is both part of and separate from Dad. The intensity of the moment is too much and they both look away.

Martha catches the end of the exchange and atypically simply smiles as she moves to take a seat in the corner of the room leaving the two to sort themselves out.

When Alexis looks up again, she can see the difference. Unlike their previous meetings in this room, Kate still has the residual traces of a massive smile and profound relief in transparent on her face. Childishly she had wanted to be jealous and feel cheated for Kate having usurped her sole spot at the top of her father's affections but seeing the transparent emotions on her father's partner's face defeats any inclination to pettiness.

"You said he spoke?" Finally finding her voice, Alexis is surprised by the terseness of her own voice. Maybe there is still a little bit of jealousy there?

"Ummm, yes he did. Just one word." Kate can be equally terse, and not a little oblique back.

Alexis put her hands on hips, inclined her head to the left, and with the arch of eyebrow, intimated that she really wanted to know the word.

"Apples" Kate spoke so quietly, so much so that neither woman could quite make it out.

"Apples" this time louder.

"Apples?!" Echo both Alexis and Martha. Kate has the decency to look slightly embarrassed.

"Well, it's kinda one of our words. He says it a lot." Oh she's blushing and Kate doesn't say anymore. Alexis doesn't want to ask, and Grams is smirking and so clearly wants to but if there is one good thing about having Dad in a hospital bed, it is that Grams more vocal tendency to provide and request to much information was suppressed.

"Well if you got a fruit for a word. I want the next word to be a vegetable." States Alexis happy to deflect attention away from the suddenly crimson detective.

Both Martha and Kate looked at Alexis in bemusement. Then it suddenly dawned on them.

"Pumpkin!" The two women exclaim together.

* * *

Alexis absolutely refused to leave the hospital that night. She dug her heals in and nothing Martha said could make her change her mind. Alexis was insistent that she was staying so she could speak with her father when he next awoke.

Kate said nothing. She didn't want this to be an issue but Kate didn't want to leave either. However the hospital had been adamant about only one person staying in the room overnight. If Alexis needed to stay, then Kate wouldn't deny her. She would concede and step back and let Rick's daughter stay with her father.

If she was honest with herself, she could do with a night's sleep in a proper bed. The hospital had provided a portable cot for her and the term adequate was the best thing that could be said about it. The last two days had left her drained, fraught and increasingly volatile. She recognized the warning signs and she would do something about it as soon as she could but not if it meant leaving Rick alone.

The impasse had lasted some minutes before the arrival of the evening Doctors' rounds interrupted them and also provided a solution. It was Lanie's doctor friend who was leading the rounds. He completed his checks of Rick and giving a very positive prognosis for him being far more alert for longer periods within the next 12 hours. But before he could leave Martha had quickly stepped up to the doctor and spoken to him in a low tone that neither Alexis nor Kate could hear.

So it was that Doctor Phil Connaught came to the rescue and had found a spare mattress, sheets and blanket from the ICU spares that could be dropped beside the portable cot without attracting the attention of the hospital administration. He did make it clear that it was a 'One Night Only' special and was dependent on them having cleared away before the morning shift conducted their rounds.

* * *

With Martha here as well as Alexis, Kate decided to take a little break, and go get some food and freshen up. Martha had said nothing further to either Alexis or Kate and had simply dialed the car service and arranged for a pickup and a later return for Kate.

Kate had been joined in the town car by Hastings who was just finishing her 'shift' at the ICU entrance. They rode back to the hotel and Kate invited Anne to join her for room service. Kate had excused herself to shower whilst waiting for the food to arrive and Hastings had pulled out her phone and called Paul, her comic book artist boyfriend.

After a rapid shower and change of clothes Kate had emerged from the bathroom with her still damp hair in a simple braid. Finding Hastings channel hoping, she had dropped onto the couch beside the younger female officer, and they made idle chatter about everything and nothing until the food arrived.

As luck would have it, the TV was left on a local station and as Anne and Kate sat down again in front of the TV with their plates of food, there was a news item running about Rick and the shooting.

"Beckett. Sorry. Do you want me to change the channel?" Officer Hastings was mortified, and clearly apologetic.

Kate had simply shaken her head, and reassured the junior officer.

"It's okay Hastings. Its time I got use to it. It is going to be part of my life now."

After Hastings had thanked Kate for the food and left, Kate had rung her dad, and also Lanie to give them updates and just to hear some friendly voices. She wasn't overly concerned by Alexis' attitude in ICU, and in-fact she could totally emphasize with her. But a little positive reinforcement was always a boon. As she was getting her gear together to head back to the hospital, she reflected on this and how much her life and more critically she had personally changed. For the better.

* * *

Once Kate had left, Martha wastes no time in rounding on her granddaughter.

"Alexis Castle, care to explain what that was?"

If the younger red head was surprised by the interrogation from the elder red head, she doesn't show it.

"Gram. I spoke with Kate last night. Whilst it did help me to understand why, I was- am - still frustrated with her and I guess a little bit angry. And scared. And then Dad wakes up with just her here, says one word and nothing about us." She trails off, her indignation easing, as she hears her own justification, and how hollow it seems balanced against all that they have in common. Her head drops as her own-self assessment determines that she had overstepped.

"Alexis. I do understand the frustration and hurt caused by all of this, but at the end of the day it is for your father and Kate to sort out.

"I know you father has struggled to adjust to letting you go. Lord knows he does a terrible job of covering it up. But you too are also struggling to let go, and whilst I can understand the jealousy, it really isn't becoming. I thought you were more mature than that."

By now Martha has reached her granddaughter and pulls the startled girl into a deep embrace.

"But I am sure that Kate understands, and won't make an issue of it. She loves you too, you know." She reassures the young woman.

"She loves you too Gram. All of us Castle/Rodgers." Alexis adds.

"Well, we'll just have to make sure she becomes one of us too." Martha concludes.

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Saturday 7.40 pm**

_He was awake. This time it was different._

_Is it night time? _

_He can open his eyes a little, and fortunately the lights are low so he adjust relatively quickly but with his lack of head movement he is reliant on his hearing to find out who is in the room._

_He can hear voices. _

_He knows the voices. Mother and Alexis! His mouth is dry and his throat sore, but he rasps out her name. His daughter._

"Alexis" His voice is slightly hoarse, but relatively normal volume but overflowing with emotion, frustration and thirst for information.

"Dad!" Alexis cries out and she flies to her father's bedside and cups his face with both hands and leans forward to kiss his forehead.

"Hey Pumpkin." He can feel his daughter's tears on his face, and he is pretty sure his own tears are sliding down his cheeks to merge with those of his only – so far – child. If she wasn't so close to his face, he would have been able to see the huge smile that lit up at the use of that familiar endearment.

"Dad. Dad. I was so worried. We all were. You can't leave us. We need you. We love you. So Much." All this came from Alexis in one fast burst of words that only her education and upbringing ensured were intelligible. That she could only manage the shortest of sentences spoke volumes about her emotions.

"Oh Richard!" Martha joins Alexis at the bedside and with both hands grasps his left hand and squeezes firmly, tears streaking her makeup.

"Mother." His favorite term of endearment but also teasing, is entirely missing the usual latter sentiment. Rick has never called her 'Mom' and suddenly Martha is transported back thirty years to memories of a much younger son, who had so seriously promised her that no matter what he would be there and protect her, regardless of his own anonymous and absent father. He had been so determined that day, but also so full of the compassion and love that she knew he hid from everyone except family to protect himself and his family.

Shaking the memory away Martha moves forward, and Alexis shuffles sideways to allow her 'Grams to squeeze in beside her, and then Martha kisses his cheeks and eyes, wetting his face with her tears.

"Thanking you for coming back to us." Then knowing his next question, she answers before her son can speak.

"Kate is just out having a short break. She'll be back within 30 minutes. She has been here all the time waiting for you to come back to us." Martha pauses, wondering how much more she should say, but not interfering was never her strong suite.

"Richard. Kate has never wavered. She's been so strong for all of us. She didn't run, not once. She's the One, but you knew that anyway. It's time for you to marry that extraordinary girl before something else terrible happens."

Fortunately for her father, Alexis has managed to taper the overwhelming emotion of her father's waking, to deal with the practicalities. She hits the call button, and then searches for the small covered ice bucket, the staff had left in the room since his first word hours ago. Hunting around in the cold liquid she locates a couple of large slivers of ice that remain. Stepping forward, she reaches round her Gram to deposit the first of the ice into his mouth.

"Here Dad, suck on these. They should help with your throat. I've called the staff and someone should be here soon."

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Saturday 8.05 pm**

He must have dozed off. Again. Damn drugs.

He tried to move his right arm but it appears to be locked in place and the muscles hurt like hell.

The Doctor – Phil something – had given him the run down on his injuries, and he should consider himself lucky. The Doc was a funny guy, and there was obviously something else there as both Alexis and Mother seemed to treat him with some familiarity. He would have to remember to ask.

Then suddenly, he is aware of another presence in the room. Although he can't turn his head, he knows who it is.

Kate has returned.

Alexis steps back a little, and then suddenly a full pace, to make way for Kate who has suddenly flown across the room to the bed. Despite her haste, Kate trails a hand briefly over Alexis' right arm and shoulder in thanks even as she concentrates and focus her vision and being on the man in the hospital bed in front of her.

"Hey." She barely manages to get the short greeting out her mouth as she caresses his face and left arm. Tears are falling freely. She doesn't care.

"Kate" Rick can barely manage her name. His eyes are locked on her face.

"Oh God Rick. You scared us. Me." Kate leans forward

"Sorry. So sorry. I didn't … "Kate's fingers on his lips silence them, so he settles for pulling them towards his mouth and pushing his oxygen mask to one side, kissing them.

"Shush. Not now." Explanations. Apologies. Confessions. Absolution. Always. These can come later.

"Kate I'm so proud of you. Didn't run." He's looking directly into her eyes now. His red rimmed but still electric blue eyes are locked on her. That connection between them. The one that needs no words. That conveys everything they need. That renders the writer's grasp of language superfluous, and the detective's reticence verbose.

"Kinda thought about it for a little bit, but too much too to give up. Never gonna." And there's her smile beaming back at him. His own lifts his face, starting at the mouth and rising through the cheeks and reaching his eyes.

Martha and Alexis watch as in silence the two reaffirm their love and commitment, tears of happiness streaming down faces of everyone in the room.

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 00.30 am**

Alexis was asleep and so was Rick. He had lasted almost another 15 minutes after Kate had arrived back before falling asleep again. Martha had eventually bid them goodnight and left Alexis and Kate to settle down and try and sleep themselves. After the events of last night and earlier today, it was by unspoken mutual agreement that the two would retreat to their own thoughts and their exchanges had been minimal with barely a 'goodnight' spoken.

Kate couldn't sleep. Reaching into her satchel she had retrieved several sheets of paper and a pen. Pressing a button on the pen, had illuminated the small ring LED round near the tip, giving her enough light to read the contents of the sheets of paper. She had to shake her head at the fact that here she was employing one of Rick's notoriously geeky toys in a practical manner.

She held the paper in her hand. She knew Rick had a bucket list but had never seen it. He had mentioned it a few times but she had deliberately avoided engaging him in conversation about it. Being honest with herself, she hadn't until very recently considered herself capable of dealing with what she might find listed.

Kate had 2 lists. One was very recent. In fact started that first night in the hospital. She had started after her conversation with Lanie. She fully intended to share that list and its contents to Rick at the earliest opportunity once he was awake and alert for long enough. Perhaps tomorrow.

The other list was…. well it wasn't really hers, or rather not hers alone. The other list was started by her mother. It was a list that had been untouched since well before she left for Stanford and later after that dreadful night in January, Kate had never thought she would want or need, let alone contemplate adding to, or possibly even completing it to anywhere near fulfillment This other list is so carefully contained within the documentary evidence folder in her bag.

Returning her attention to the more current list in her hand, she once again reads through the bullet points, and occasionally makes a short note or correction. Humming softly to herself she works on in the twilight of the room.

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 02.30 am**

She had dozed off. Looking down at the mattress beside her bed, she could see the outline of Alexis curled up in the blankets, the smaller shape of Monkey-Bunky clutched to her chest. Kate understood this. She had memories of Charlie, her plush black cat from her childhood, sodden with teenage tears anchored against her as she fought the nightmares and cruel realities following her mother's murder.

Kate knew that she would never be Mother to Alexis. She had once – a long time ago, long before she and Rick could ever had been a viable relationship – dreamt of being so. But she was realistic enough to know that the self-contained and smart young woman didn't need mothering – at least not very often. What Kate could and would be, she hoped, was a good friend and confidant for Alexis. She didn't need the title. Certainly didn't want the 'step-mom' title that would accompany their marriage.

There was a time when this would have panicked her. Firstly, the certainty of knowing she was going to marry him. Secondly, any possibility of not being able to fully connect to his family would inevitably mean not connecting permanently to the man himself. Kate had known for a long time that the playboy persona was a false bravado, and among the pantheon of Richard Castle's virtues nothing came higher than love and protection of his family.

Kate accepted this. She welcomed it now, mostly because she knew with certainty that she was part of that family. Probably had been for a long time, long before the legal documents and the shared address. Perhaps one day she would have that earned title 'mother' and more from her own children with Rick. Perhaps one day, she could be more than step-mom to Alexis.

Rick started coughing gently, and Kate rolled to rise but before she could react, Alexis was off the mattress and at his side, pushing Kate back down to her cot with a gentle and trailing hand. Kate smiled and settled back down. She could share Rick with his daughter, and she drifted back off to sleep imagining her future life with Rick and their sharing each other with their own children.

* * *

**Author's Note –Thank you for all the feedback and messages chasing for updates and to request more Rick time.**

**Apologies for the delay in updating. The next chapter will follow within 24 hours.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	22. Chapter 22 - Sunday Morning

**One of Us – Chapter 22 – Sunday Morning**

**Previously – Rick is awake and beginning his slow road to recovery. The ramifications of his near fatal injuries continue to be felt, especially by those closest to him.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 6.00 am**

Kate had set the alarm on her phone, and sure enough she and Alexis had been summoned from their slumber by the Wonder Woman theme. Dammit, Rick had been playing with her phone again. Time to change the PIN again. Insufferable Man!

She and Alexis has worked efficiently to clear away any evidence of an extra bedding in the room. They had an able co-conspirator in Sarah, one of the ICU night shift nurses, who as well as being a Rick Castle fan, had a crush on Lanie's friend, Dr Phil, and so had been inducted into their little 'game'. Sarah had disposed on all the linens and blankets into the laundry and magic-ed the mattress away to whichever storeroom it had come from.

After finishing their clean-up tasks, Kate and Alexis has sunk into the chairs, still too tired to consider breakfast or even a hot drink. They had grabbed bottles of water and were sipping these whilst easing themselves into the day.

"Kate." Alexis breaks the silence and reaches across to touch Kate's left hand.

"I'm sorry about last night. It was inexcusable, and whilst I don't expect you to forgive me, I do want you to know I am sorry. I was immature, rude and jealous."

"Alexis there is nothing to forgive. Believe me, I know pretty much all there is to know about how concern and fear for a parent can override all other factors and constraints. It happened with my Mom and with my Dad. I feel the same with your Dad. It is the unavoidable flipside of love."

"Anyway, we both managed to stay the night with him, and to be honest, I needed that break yesterday evening. I hung out with Anne Hastings for a bit and we just ate and chatted. It was good to take my mind off everything here.

"Sweetie, he is your father, and you'll always be his first priority."

"Please give me some time to adjust Kate. I'll be happy to share him with you, and any children you have. Of course, I'll be the cool sister."

Kate squeezes Alexis' hand back, and then hearing her stomach gurgle, she laughs and Alexis does too.

"So breakfast? If we are quick we can dash to the staff cafeteria and get something to bring back." Kate realizes as she speaks, that she has just offered for them to leave Rick alone for the first time since the shooting. The first time since arriving in ICU without one or more family members in the room. Instinctively she knows this a good sign.

"You go. Get me something please. I can't leave him yet." Alexis has yet to vanquish all her insecurities and Kate really does understand this.

Kate simply nods, stands and then steps forward to Alexis' chair and leans down to wrap the young woman in a hug. Kissing her forehead, Kate murmurs "I'll be right back."

Grabbing her bag - she realized she still has her service weapon in there and cannot leave it unattended and she should drop it back to the Loft sometime and put into Rick's weapon safe as she is on leave - and she detours to the bed and leans down to kiss the still sleeping Rick on her way out.

Suddenly feeling positive, despite the task she has planned for the day, she begins to hum and she exits the ICU and pulls her phone from the bag and dials Lanie's number.

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 7.15 am**

With the start of a new day, the medication that had kept Richard Castle under sedation has finally worn off completely. He had awakened shortly after Kate and Alexis had finished their perfunctory breakfast. In comparison to last night, he is far more alert and naturally far more talkative.

Although awake and no longer suffering the lingering side effects of the anesthetic the trade-off is that his pain levels are elevated. Especially for his breathing, and the chest tube remains and with it the oxygen mask. These issues are compounded by Rick's natural inclination to want to talk which places further strain on his lungs.

Both Kate and Alexis have moved their chairs as close to the bed as possible to ensure he has to exert himself as little as possible to converse with them.

"Rick a few things have changed since your shooting.

"Well, we've gone public with our relationship. Or rather Paula and Gates did the announcing on our behalf as you were unconscious. Gates actually defended us when more than one reporter questioned the appropriateness of our relationship.

"And you're okay with that?" Kate knows Rick is afraid of consequences of going public with their relationship and no amount of logic can defeat his primal fears about it being too much for her.

"I'm getting used to it." She pauses then continues. "No more running, remember?"

* * *

Much as Kate wants some privacy with Rick, there is a constant stream of people in and out of the room through the morning.

First there had been the morning checks from the ICU nurses. For the first time too, they were able to speak to their patient, and whilst remaining professional, at least one was clearly star struck by the famous author.

Then the breakfast trolley had actually stopped buy for the first time. Only for the apologetic staff to initially offer Rick only water, and then on receiving what was admittedly not his best pout, what appeared to the world's most diluted grape juice. Whilst he honestly didn't feel up to eating, his disappointment was exacerbated when his complaint of only being offered a child's drink was met with almost simultaneous confirmation from his daughter and girlfriend of 'if the drink fits!'

Then the doctors' rounds but they learnt very little new then but Rick had received some additional pain medication which had eased his discomfort but had initially made him drowsy. Somehow the steady stream of interruptions continued on and off through the morning even though it was a Sunday.

Mid morning they had been pleasantly surprised by the arrival of the surgeon who originally treated Rick. Doctor Paul Creswell still looked tired. Kate understood this. The demands that a job such as this took of a person, even when they willingly made that commitment. The surgeon was very upbeat about Rick's condition and had skilfully deflected any attempts at gratitude from both the writer and his girls. If his condition continued to improve, then he had perhaps another day, possibly two, in ICU and then he would be transferred into a general surgical ward. The chest tube would remain for until they were satisfied that his breathing was sufficiently recovered. The good news was tempered with frank advice that the rehabilitation and recovery would be long and painful.

After the surgeon's news, Rick's demeanor had improved markedly despite the long pathway to recovery. His improved humor apparent to all, but with the new medication finally taking its toll he had slipped back to sleep for a nap.

Shortly after this Alexis' phone had vibrated – they both had them on silent – and she had looked down at the missed call and Kate was certain that the normally well-mannered red heat had sworn under her breath. Feeling Kate's eyes on her, Alexis has looked up and apologetically confirmed that she had forgotten to call her mother last night, and that Meredith was looking for, well demanding, an update. Alexis had slipped out of ICU to make the call and had said nothing to Kate on her return but with her tightly pursed lips and fiery eyes, Kate didn't need to guess how the call had gone. Since the first call, Alexis had been fielding increasingly strident requests from Meredith to visit and support her daughter. Alexis had initially skilfully and diplomatically deflected those but Kate was sure that was now slipping and she worried that there may be a blow up from it. Of course, she and Alexis were still finding their feet and Kate didn't want to get into the middle of the complex and sometimes fraught relationship between Alexis and her perennially absent mother.

Martha of course had rocked in late in the morning, and if you hadn't been watching closely, her seemingly routine greeting of her son and her family would have left you wondering if she acknowledged the life-threatening nature of her son's hospitalization. Kate knows better, recognizing the signs from her own bitter experience, she sees through Martha's almost perfunctory greeting and kiss for her son. She knows it is a defensive coping mechanism to help the older woman manage the stress and emotions of the last three days. She makes a mental note to ensure that she speaks to Martha alone and that she gets Rick's mother the assistance she is desperately trying to hide the need for.

Kate had taken Martha aside and requested that she take Alexis out for lunch once Lanie arrived. Martha had simply assessed the determined woman opposite her, and nodded whilst inquiring whether a short post lunch shopping trip might also be suitable. Kate had nodded her own confirmation and pulled the surprised older woman into a wordless hug.

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 1.00 pm**

It is early afternoon, and Rick has slept for several hours. Lanie has arrived bringing Kate a sandwich and whilst Kate wolfed down her lunch, Lanie Parish had shepherded Martha and Alexis out of the room and the hospital and into a waiting town car for their extended lunch date.

Her Girl needs some alone time with her man with no interruptions or distractions. She had caught up with Phil Connaught on her way in and asked that they be given some privacy for a couple of hours.

Lanie had also arranged for a change of shift for the 12th Precinct's guardians, and LT who had been stationed near the ICU room, and Officer Shepherd at the ICU entrance have been summarily relieved and sent back to the Affinia Dumont Hotel for an extended lunch break by their replacements - two homicide detectives. Esposito and Ryan had taken up position at the ICU entrance, entrusting security of the ICU room to the very determined and somewhat scary ME.

* * *

Rick looks shattered unsurprisingly, but he is awake and still alert. His blue eyes still slightly red but there is a spark, some light dancing in them,

He has noticed the room has cleared except for Kate. He hasn't said anything but he can't help being concerned by her apparent restless state. Her previous joy and relief has been replaced by what appears to be a strange, well for her anyway, combination of nerves and icy demeanor Even medicated and still recovering from his brush with death, he can read Kate Beckett like an open book. What he sees now scares him a little. But he trusts her above all else, and he knows he needs to demonstrate that by patiently waiting for her. Waiting as for her and he has learnt to do over the five years.

Kate is still nervous. She had been outside hospital for a short walk to clear her head and try and calm her nerves whilst Lanie had gone to work to ensure they had the privacy she needed. She had seen Espo and Ryan at the ICU entrance but after many years the partners knew that a simple nod of greeting was sufficient to convey their support and confirm that they had her back should she need it.

Swearing to herself, she had marshaled her own thoughts trying to calm her emotions.

She rarely swore, and almost never swore when working, even in her own head – it was a discipline thing. She didn't want to come across as trying to be like the 'boys'. It was part of her façade – the clothes, the heels, and the tight emotional control – the persona of Detective Kate Beckett. Espo was ex-military and certainly knew how to swear but it was Ryan who was the team master of the F-bomb or rather expletives way beyond the F-bomb. Kate secretly found it amusing how incongruous it was for the boyish, neatly turned out detective to have a potty mouth.

Focus Kate. Focus.

* * *

"Rick." The ocean of his blue eyes stare back at her, and she almost breaks then. Steeling herself she begins again.

"Rick. I was so scared. It was so like my Mom. Not being there. Having a cop – Gates – call me aside to break the news.

"All my fears they came back, old ones and new ones. Some I didn't even know I had.

"But somehow they didn't overwhelm me like before.

"So here I am, in front of the one man I love more than my life. I need so much to apologize for all the things I have done to hurt you. Especially after my shooting, the three months without any contact, the year it took to get past my walls, insecurities, selfish lies and fear.

"Rick, I am not running. Not now. I am NEVER running. I'm yours now and forever. Always.

The author nods, tears forming in his eyes, and she can see his mouth start to shape to speak, but she reaches out to gently still his lips and speaks again.

"But in turn, I need you to do something for me. I need you to listen to me without interruption.

"I need to tell you some things. Things I have never told or shared in their entirety with another living person. This is me spilling my heart, mind and soul to you. Only you."

His eyes wide in concern but also understanding, she sees something else there. The excitement of a mystery, and suffusing everything, love. Unconditional love.

Kate reaches into her bag and her hand touches the folder containing the list started by her mother. She caressed the folder and its almost sacred contents. That is for another time. Today she needs her new list. The one she began that first night in the hospital. The one that feels so raw and keen she wonders if she doesn't somehow bleed from cuts deeper than paper.

Pulling out the handful of sheets of paper, she quickly glances through them to ensure that all the pages are present and correctly ordered. Satisfied, she begins to mentally review her writing, assessing the facts, intent and marshaling her arguments. She had always been this way, through school, and university. Being a police officer and detective had only served to hone her natural analytic and logic processes. Although right now, she is so far away from the calm and comfort, that it is only years of repetition that have become instinct that is guiding her. Somehow she feels that maybe it was all in preparation for now. For this day, and this coming moment. Her test of her truth and her Self. Laying it all on the line with the one person she cannot lose, cannot replace, can no longer run from.

The handwriting had begun shaky and untidy. She can see the remnants of tear stains on the first page. She had pulled herself together after that but had refused to rewrite that first page, the prospect of doing so, too close to actually taking back what she had written. Something she wasn't willing to do, couldn't do.

Then it had got neater – she had found a flat surface and taken her time.

It had concluded with a mishmash of careful calligraphy, scrawl and bold block capitals as she had reviewed and recomposed her thoughts.

There are plenty of words, sentences and even the odd paragraph, crossed out. Some are struck through with intent to obliterate those words, the emotions, and the darkness that had propelled them from her mind onto the page.

In contrast, more numerous than the former, are those circled or underlined. Or both. No stupid highlighters or different colors. Just simple, effective emphasis on the words, emotions, thoughts pulled haphazardly from the jumble of her mind and coalesced and confined into a confession, and promises of atonement and forever.

Today, she was going to repay her writer, with words of her own. Not in a book or shared with others even family. Her confession was for him and him alone. With Alexis, Lanie, hell even Josh, she may have shared one or two of pieces of what she intends to tell Rick today, but those individual pieces are nowhere near the totality of the confession she needs to make to him.

With her list in her right hand, she takes Rick's left hand in hers. She begins.

* * *

**Author's Note –Thank you for all the reviews, feedback and messages chasing for updates and to request more Rick time.**

**Apologies for the delay in updating didn't quite make it within the promised 24 hours. So the next chapter will follow 'shortly'. ;-) **

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	23. Chapter 23 - Lost

**One of Us – Chapter 23 – Lost**

**Previously – Kate has decided it is time to come clean to Rick and so she has enlisted help to ensure their privacy whilst she seeks absolution.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 1.15 pm**

Despite his innate curiosity regarding the content of the paper in her right hand, Rick has locked eyes with Kate.

Kate eyes are almost luminous, and Rick can't resist their pull. He couldn't - not from the very beginning, the very first time he remembers them – he's still disappointed, almost devastated, that he can't remember any of the book signings she's told him she attended. Only now his very existence hangs on those eyes, the face, the person, the woman behind those eyes. Has done for a long time, quite how long he can no longer remember or care. It used to be almost unbearable, the explosive mix of longing and lust. When he thought it was unrequited it almost destroyed him, and even now the sheer power it holds over him is only tolerable because he knows it is reciprocated in equal measure.

He thinks she may be nervous, something he catches painted briefly in her eyes but then when she speaks her voice carries no evidence of nerves. Pushing all else aside he focuses now on her words.

"I had a really good childhood. My mom and dad loved each other, and me too. They ensured that I never doubted that. Even when I was acting out as a teenager. For a while I desperately wanted a sibling, especially a sister. But as I got older and I came to understand the reasons why I was a single child, I accepted that, just as my parents had learnt to.

"My parents, especially my mom had always supported my dreams. Encouraged me to make the most of my life. I used to spend a lot of time with my mom sharing those dreams, making plans. We even started a scrap book for them. Pages and pages of my dreams, ambitions, thoughts. Some of hers too, not always just me, sometimes shared dreams. But especially her dreams for me too. Some were only a few words or even simply a picture. Others were more detailed, almost meticulous in their planning and detail. At the front of the book, we kept a list of the more significant dreams. I hadn't even looked at it since before her death until the other night. Initially I couldn't face it, and after a while it drifted from my memories. Turns out that my dad had been keeping it for me and from me. He gave it to me after the last meal at the loft.

"Even when I was rebelling – and no Castle, I was not the eponymous wild child despite the stories or rumours you may have heard – my home was my safe haven, where I could always find love and myself." There is a mini Beckett glare to ensure the writer behaves. Message received.

"But nothing prepared me for what was to come. For what I was going to lose. How lost I became." Her voice has dropped a little, and woven in her voice is the pain and loss she has carried for so many years.

"When my mom was murdered, my world shifted, I lost the map of my life. Where I came from and where I was going. I lost my childhood, lost my adolescence, lost my innocence, and lost my future. I lost my safe place. Lost all those plans I made with my mom in the scrapbook. I lost my dreams.

"I was a wreck for months. Dad and I barely made it through the funeral but we did. Then things got worse. Dad started drinking, and I did act out a bit. I missed a semester of college. I tried to return to Stanford but I didn't even make it on the plane. I took summer school to earn enough credits and eventually I able to transfer from Stanford to NYU and start my second year there. I changed courses too.

"All the time I was retreating into myself. At the same time my dad was still retreating too. We were losing each other, but somehow despite recognizing this, we were both too busy running, being cowards to face up to that for years.

"My dad's failure to deal with Mom's death took a different path to mine. Whilst he became an alcoholic, he remained faithful to her. I know it might seem so petty of me – his remaining committed to someone who was dead - but in a way it helped me to still love him, even when in the worst of his alcoholism. Also, he was a sad drunk. Never violent. Just maudlin. He always sort of remembered who he was, who we were and who was missing. We tried so many times to get him sober. It never worked until we had help.

"After all the heartache, I didn't just retreat. I hid, and when running and hiding wasn't enough I constructed a wall around my heart. Once I was safely behind that wall, then I locked away my dreams too. I was so determined that I wasn't going to let anyone else in. I couldn't stomach the fear of that degree of loss again. Whoever it was, I was mortified that they would eventually leave me, and the certainty that once more I would be hurt like that. Like my mom.

"Somehow I made it through college. I managed to find some equilibrium, even if it was only by running and hiding. I had a semester on exchange in the Ukraine. It was different and better. I made some friends there. People who didn't know, or wonder. I opened up a bit, learnt to interact with people again, and found a little bit of joy in life then.

"I kept relationships simple. No deep attachments, sometimes, well often, purely physical and most barely mutual. Sometimes I almost dared to hope and allowed a friendship to grow. But never love. Not love like I had lost. Not even close. I couldn't handle that again.

"Even then, some of the breakups I did have were bad enough. Especially with Will Sorenson. We met on a case, and he didn't push. We were together six months, and we took things slow, and we were good together, seemed to suit each other. He seemed to understand me, or at least I thought he did. I began to hope. I knew he would have to move for his career but I never expected it so soon, and for him to be so cold and calculating about it. Looking back I came to realize that Will recognized what we had wouldn't last and simply took the expedient way out.

"I couldn't move away from New York. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to. Being a New York cop was only the second thing since my mom's death that gave me any real purpose. I had decided upon joining the NYPD after I returned from the Ukraine. Back at NYU, I choose units that matched the entrance requirements for the Academy. I also started to work on my physical skills and found that I was good at that too.

"I was at peace with my decision but my dad wasn't. It drove him back to the bottle and things between us – it would have been farcical to call it a relationship at that time – got difficult. Barely monosyllabic. It took almost another three years before we started to fix things for good.

"I did really well at the Academy. Surprised myself I guess. Graduated near the top of my cohort. Bring a street cop was different, more difficult. I struggled initially and I got moved through a couple of precincts in the early days as rookie, got a bit of a reputation for being more than trouble than I should be, perhaps more than I was worth. I was good at my job but didn't socialize real well, and my first two training officers were arseholes. I was given a final chance, and I got Mike Royce as my training officer. He gave me hell my first week. Pulled every prank a rookie should ever face and more. He was testing me. Somehow I passed but we never discussed it again. Then he took me under his wing, and showed me the ropes. Taught me to be a street cop, and more.

"Turns out that Mike had plenty of experience with alcoholism – he never explained how. When he asked and then learnt about my dad, he told me we were going fix it. It wasn't a question. He was the first one to care about what was left of my family. I think you know that I loved, still in a way love, Michael Royce. But I never explained to you why.

"Mike cared about me, but more importantly he respected me and ensured that I started to respect myself. Then he helped me start my father on the road to recovering his self-respect and more of mine. Because of this, because he - more than anyone else before you - helped fix me and my dad, I was so drawn to him. I would have offered him my body. I did offer him my body. But he never took it. Oh we got so close and got closer each time, but each time he drew away before we crossed that line. Then he left.

"He gave me no warning and he never explained why. Just said I was 'ready to be more' and he was gone. Retired. I was always guilty, afraid that I drove him to leave the force. Another person I trusted left me, and my walls became that bit higher. That stood me in good stead because they transferred me to vice, and despite my detached professionalism, walls and improved self-confidence, it almost broke me. But eventually I made it out of there and to homicide.

"When I said being a cop was the second thing that gave me purpose, it is because before anything else, and more than anything else, the first and for a long time, the only thing that gave me purpose was your books.

Rick nods. He has suspected, probably even known for near certain that his books have been important to Kate Beckett long before they were introduced via the near copycat murders.

"My Mom loved your books, but I was at times a contrary teenager and wouldn't take her reading recommendations or advice on many other things as well.

"Then she was murdered. My Dad fell apart and I was spiraling out of control too. I was clearing up in her study and found one of your books with some comments from my Mom on a post-it-note. I was intrigued and I opened the book. The next thing I know it was the early hours of the morning and I had finished the novel.

"I quickly read all the books Mom had, and bought the few she didn't have, and then collected every one you published. I even came to some signings.

"Your stories saved me after my mother's murder, my Dad alcoholism. Your tales of justice sought and found gave me a purpose and a hope.

"But then you came into my life in person, and I got first-hand unfiltered Richard Castle.

"When I first met you – other than at a book signing - I was still slightly star struck. Okay more than slightly. But I was also so disappointed. You were such an ass. But I was still attracted to you. I could feel the pull then. There was clearly sexual chemistry there. But it was the bad-boy you. If you had been less of an ass then I may have, no probably would have slept with you. But now I'm grateful you weren't and we didn't. It would have been great sex but that's all it would have been.

"My walls were well up then. I could handle the physicality and meeting my body's needs but my heart, my soul, my dreams were well off limits. They had been for years. Would be for a lot longer.

"Your reading of me, deducing my background was also scary. I wasn't used to people trying to understand me, or at least not to that level. Chatting me up for drinks, a meal, even sex. I could deal with. But trying to learn what I didn't and couldn't share, that really scared me.

"After that first case, I thought that was it, and I could retreat back to having you in the written form in your books, but somehow you decided you wanted more."

"I need to acknowledge now how grateful I am now that you did that. You came back for the first time. And you have been coming back to me ever since. Regardless of whatever or whoever was the cause of our separation."

Rick was loathe to interrupt Kate but he needs to respond to her now.

"Always".

Kate simply smiles and squeezes his hand.

"Then at the end of that first period shadowing me, just when I thought I could trust you, you so totally undid everything I was starting to feel for you. By going behind my back on my mother's case, despite my own personal request to you not to.

"God I was so angry.

"At you.

"At Esposito – did you know I kicked his arse in the gym twice for giving you access to her file? Ryan had to pull me off him the second time. Lanie didn't talk to me for a week 'cause I had fractured his cheek.

"At Montgomery. When he tried to calm me down. To make me see sense. I think he actually tried to confess some part of his involvement but I was so angry that I didn't want to listen and it was only after his death and my shooting that I had the courage to revisit that time and try and understand.

"At myself.

"My Mom's case. This is my personal hell. My rabbit hole that I can get lost down. So far down that I could easily get lost forever.

"I had nearly succumbed three times as a cop before I had even met you, but had been pulled back each time.

"First when I was still at the academy when we were given the option of a cold case to study – they quickly took it off me once they realized it was my Mom. The second by Royce when I was still a rookie and later for a third time by Montgomery when I was newly minted homicide detective. Roy sent me to therapy and made it clear what it would do to me. Somehow I managed to resist until you came along and decided to help me by opening my own private hell.

"You opened that rabbit hole again. Initially I hated you for it. Despised my own weakness in getting sucked back in. Will had wanted to charge you but Montgomery was the one who calmed everything down and guided me away from that dark place.

"By then you left for that first summer. I know I told you to go, and you had to write the book, but you left anyway. I persuaded myself that it didn't matter, that you didn't care. Didn't care about the lost girl that I was.

"Then you came back for our second round. Yes, I did liken it to sparring. That's what we did. Still do, although slightly differently. But I liked that. You didn't just try and sweet talk me. You teased, challenged, annoyed, exasperated, irritated, confused, attracted, disappointed, intrigued and excited me.

"Initially it still felt like you were shadowing me but slowly that year, you started to become one of the team, make more than the occasional contribution. More than anything, you started to become someone I could trust. First as the plucky sidekick with the ready jokes, light touch and wacky theories, but then later I started to view you as my partner. You got better at reading me, judging my moods. No one else had ever tried.

"When my mother's case came back to haunt us by chance you were there. You spent $100,000 just to try and get me closer to an answer, closer to a reason. No one else ever did that. Then when I killed Dick Coonan and I lost possibly the best lead I'd ever had, I didn't regret it. I couldn't. I'd take the same decision every time. Choose your life over my mom's case.

"You were changing me. Slowly but you were drawing me out of my walls. Making me live a bit, see the sunshine and not just the death. It was after you screwed that actress – Ellie Monroe who was after the part in Heat Wave - that I decided that I wanted to be with someone. To be more. To share more of me. I was tired of being alone. I was attracted to you, but you had seemingly gone back to your playboy ways.

"Tom Demming seemed like a safe step to take. We had a few dates but even then I wanted to take a chance. When you asked me to join you in the Hamptons, I was terrified. But I did something amazing for me, I decided to take a chance. To open myself up. I broke up with Tom. I was going to come to the Hamptons with you.

"God Rick your turning up with your ex-wife was a hammer blow. Set me back and had me behind my walls again. So fast.

"And with that you left me again. This time it hurt me more than the first year. I had thought we had a friendship, the start of a partnership. I felt betrayed. Humiliated by your show at the party."

He can't actually speak. The guilt had frozen his voice. His stupidity, selfish, petty male pride. His insecurities. Goddamn himself. Now he has tears of shame on his cheeks, and yet Kate Beckett is looking at him with understanding and love in her eyes.

"After breaking up with Demming, and you leaving, I did some stupid stuff. Some one-night stands. Drinking. Riding my bike hard. Sorta revisited the dark days after my Mom. It went on for some weeks until Lanie had decided she needed to get me sorted out.

"She spoke to Montgomery and got me two weeks off and we took off to the countryside. Lots of walking, fresh air. Not so much drinking and no men. Wasn't really Lanie's scene either but she did it for me. I felt a lot better at the end of it. I didn't hate you or myself so much by the end.

"I think my dad has tried to explain you how lost I became after my mom's death and how you slowly drew me and helped me find a pathway back towards the lost girl and her dreams."

Kate stops. She isn't finished but she needs a moment to compose herself. She looks down at the paper in her hands and letting go of his hand, she places the first sheet behind the others.

Rick nods. He doesn't speak. There are no words sufficient to cover the breadth of his love and debt to the incredible woman who lets him share her life now.

Kate rises from the seat and strides to the small table, and grabbing a bottle of water takes a few mouthfuls before returning back to the beside and slips her fingers into his as she takes Rick's hand again. Satisfied, she glances at his face, smiles and resumes.

* * *

**Author's Note –Thank you for all the reviews, feedback and messages.**

**This chapter is one of three that covers Kate confessional and Rick's response. I should have them all up this weekend.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**

**Update - fixed up the grammar and spelling (conversion to American dictionary) and the odd sentence (mainly tense).**

**********I'm still in shock that my second ever fan fic 'One of Us' has been nominated for The 12th Fan Awards 2013 in the Best Alternate Universe Fic category. Something I wrote is considered worthy enough to compete against work from such established authors as Chezchuckles, Sandiane Carter, Caffinate-Me, Evitascarlet and others. I'd like to say I'm being totally humble about it but there may be a little bit of an internal dance of joy going on!**


	24. Chapter 24 - Seeking

**One of Us – Chapter 24 – Seeking**

**Previously – Kate is baring her soul to Rick. Trying to explain how they hurt each other and seeking his forgiveness for her past actions.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 1.32 pm**

Rick has observed that Kate doesn't so much as glance down at the pages in her hand. They are clearly more of an aide memoir than a script or checklist. Her voice begins again, and as ever her even, certain tone draws his attention and focus once more onto her words.

"Then you came back again and you returned to the Precinct – although it was in handcuffs this time. I had arrested you and Ryan almost shot you. Somehow despite that inauspicious renewal, we teamed up again. It didn't take long for us to seemingly pick up from where were before that long summer. Some things came back quickly and for the rest we slowly rebuilt the other things we had lost. And more.

"Rick, what you did for me, no matter how badly screwed up we were at expressing whatever it was between us, was so good for me. Whilst my walls were up and I still felt lost, you gave me light and strength enough to try for more again. By now I was looking for a relationship that I could start to be myself in. A part of me still hoped that it would be with you.

"I realized not long after your return that I didn't and couldn't blame you for the events of the summer. We were both so bad at communicating and articulating our honest feelings and desires. It felt as if we were fated to never be anything more than friends and partners.

"You were still with Gina, and there was a blaze of publicity and Page 6. I was so lonely outside the Precinct. Just wanted someone to come home to. To share things with.

"Then shortly after your return I met Josh. We met in a coffee shop – not sure why he was there as he doesn't drink it – but we got talking and he was fun, and didn't push. We discovered shared interests in motorbikes and we both had busy lives. Initially it worked well and at least we conversed in the beginning. Then as the relationship became more physical some of the talking stopped or rather didn't develop further. Our busy work life meant I didn't have to commit nor did Josh. But it was beginning to feel like we were little more that friends with benefits, and sometimes it seemed more like acquaintances.

"After the initial rosy period of dating, Josh was rarely there. Working or overseas. I was coming to realize I need someone who wouldn't leave but who also offered more. Someone who would be available, especially when I really needed someone. Someone I could talk to and who understood me. God, I know that sounds so selfish and it was, and still is. But my mom had always insisted that that was what true relationships, friendships and especially love should be about. I guess I never realized how much I took her words, and advice that she gave me as a teenager to heart until I was alone with thoughts in the hospital whilst you were in surgery and then the first twenty four hours in ICU.

"And there you always were. My constant. My supporter. My friend. My caffeine addiction fixer. My partner. It was that third year that I really began to understand how much I needed you. You had become my best friend. I told you things I never shared with anyone else. I could talk to you about pretty much anything – except us."

Rick wants to give himself an uppercut. How much time did they waste because they were both too afraid to take the next step? It probably wouldn't have even required a big moment, simply talking should have been enough. No wonder his family and their friends had been so exasperated.

"Somehow without my consciously acknowledging you had become more than my partner. But in becoming my best friend, you also made it harder for me to deal with the attraction I still felt for you. An attraction that kept growing, especially with all the close calls we had and our shared saving of each other. But you made it too easy for me. I was safe with the flirting. The innuendo. And you never crossed the line. You were always the gentleman. God, sometimes I so wished that the playboy, the womanizer Rick Castle would surface and just take me. But by then I knew that the cad was an illusion, something to protect the real man.

"Then you broke up with Gina during the magician case. I started to have hope that maybe one day….well it would be really corny when I say it…but find our magic. Don't you dare say anything now!" Uh Oh. Trademark Beckett Glare.

"You knew I didn't believe in magic or fate or the 'verse. But you did, and somehow you were starting to convince me or at least accept the possibility. You never stopped trying to prove it to me. To make sense of what we do with our job, to lighten my life, help me find my path, and recover my lost dreams.

"That year we faced some real challenges and almost died a number of times. The worst was those very close escapes during the terrorist bomb case. We almost died three times in forty-eight hours. Throughout it all you were there for me. Holding you hand as the countdown timer neared the end, I wasn't afraid of death. But if I was going to die, then I was full of regrets for what we hadn't done, for your family who didn't deserve to lose you, especially for someone with as many issues as me.

"Back at the Precinct you were about to say something to me, perhaps even invite me for drinks or a meal, when Josh turned up. I saw your face as the elevator doors closed. God, I was responsible for that look. I remembered that look, carried it in my heart and my mind. I promised myself that I wouldn't be with you, until I was sure that I couldn't be responsible for that look again. I know how screwed up that is but that was my thinking then.

"Rick, I would have gone for drinks or dinner with you. Nothing more, but I like to image that maybe we might have finally been honest enough with each other.

"Then we hit the downward spiral and the events that ultimately led to my shooting. Throughout that time you always had my back, were the constant partner, even when I said I didn't want you. Just before my shooting, Montgomery made it clear to me that if I wanted you gone, you could be, regardless of the mayor. But instead you proved yourself to me many times over.

"The Kiss. We never talked about it. Like we didn't for almost all the things that really mattered between us. I thought about it a lot. And I mean a lot. For me, it is one of the pivotal events that led us to here. To Always.

"Not purely because of our mutual physical response to the kiss. Although that was phenomenal. You surprised me but then I reacted instinctively. I know I moaned, and I'm pretty sure you did, and there was another indicator of your reaction brushing against my thigh. I was the same, so much so I almost forgot why we were there.

"However, when I thought about it the lead up to the kiss was equally if not more important. It was a life or death situation for us, for our partners and friends, and I trusted you totally. Not one shred of doubt or second guessing, even though I had said I was open to stupid ideas. I knew you would help get the boys out alive and have my back. I knew also that you really cared for me as more than a friend and partner.

I knew for certain after that kiss, that what I was doing with Josh was more than hiding or even running away. I was being a coward and it was so unfair to you, him, even myself. Despite that I still couldn't make the decision.

But you know what? I'm not a cheater never have been. And I know you're not. Somehow, the kiss didn't feel like cheating, no matter how much I tried to rationalize it like that later.

"You know how logical I am when figuring things out. I actually had a murder board with a matrix table listing all the facts and the pro's and con's of each action I could take. I scrubbed it after less than an hour. I decided that it should be emotions not logic that ruled.

"Then Michael Royce was murdered and I went rogue. But not solo as you followed me to LA and gave me the loyalty and support that I needed. More importantly it wasn't unquestioning. At the same time you challenged me to stay true to justice and not seek my revenge on Gantz.

"Royce wrote me a letter before he was killed. Lanie found in it his possessions and passed to me once she saw it was addressed to me. Maybe I can show to you sometime but essentially, in true Royce style told me I needed to stop hiding and that I needed to risk my heart.

"So it was in LA, that I did come so close to cheating. I came back into the room after we separated. Before my shooting, before the case pulled me back down, I had pretty much made the decision that I wanted to take a chance with you. I didn't know how to go about it, but we were inching towards it. That night I was probably mere seconds away from it.

"Then my mom's case struck with a vengeance. Montgomery's betrayal and death shattered me. He had been one of my anchors before you. He had been a substitute father for me for years. But through it all you were there."

Almost imperceptibly her voice had been subtly losing that familiar even tone, and now it clearly wavers, awash with emotion. Her eyes too are awash with the same emotions. Red rimmed and blinking rapidly they remained locked on him.

"The truth is that I remembered everything about that day that I was conscious for. I remember you being there, standing with me as always. Your shouted the warning, and you stupidly trying to save me at the risk of your own life. The pain. More than anything I remember your words as I faded out. The first time you told me you loved me."

The tears start to fall, and the writer's mirror hers. But she keeps speaking.

"Somehow I lived. Came back. Then seeing you that first time since I awoke my heart leapt with so much joy. But then I did what I always did. Ran. Metaphorically of course.

"Lying to you in the hospital that day was classic Beckett. Deny. Run. Hide. I am so ashamed of that. But at the time, it was all I could do. I never apologized to you for that. Even my attempted explanation when we finally saw each other was a mere fraction of what I owed, owe, you.

"I don't think, I didn't truly understand what I had done. The magnitude of it. How much damage I had done until now. How I betrayed you and everyone else. Until your shooting. In a sudden moment of insight, I asked Lanie about my shooting. In true best friend manner she pulled no punches and Lanie told me how bad it was. What the impact truly was to the people I love and who love me. My family, my friends, your family and above all, you.

"She wondered how your family and you could have forgiven me. I know the answer to that now. Love. The same love I have been so afraid of. So determine to hide from. The love I hold you for you. For your family.

"I can't presume that I have that forgiveness, so every day I will try to ensure I continue to earn it.

"I can tell you that I convinced myself that leaving the city and hiding was best for everyone. So you all wouldn't be at risk. Especially you. That summer I spent hiding at my Dad's cabin was possibly the biggest mistake I have ever made.

"Being in therapy has been good for me, but it was certainly a lot harder and a lot longer than I ever imagined. In some ways worse than the physical therapy. It has been a long journey for me. You may have a similar journey too. But it won't be alone. Never alone. It will never be enough, but I can atone in part by ensuring that we do it together. No hiding. No running.

"I wanted to explain to you why. But I don't think I can do it properly not today. I had promised myself that I would, but seeing you here, I don't think I have the words to do so. So instead I promise myself to you. Commit to you. I will be at your side through every step of your recovery, and we will do it together. Always."

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**Author's Note –Thank you for all the reviews, feedback and messages.**

**This chapter is the second part of three that cover Kate confessional. Apologies for the delay in posting but the re-edits were murder. I'm still not happy I'm doing it enough justice.**

**I did want to post some of my thoughts and hopefully explain where I want this particular bit of the story to go.**

**1. Kate has a very logical mind and her years of police training means she lays the facts out before doing the analysis and reaching a conclusion. Much of the first part 'Lost' and some of this chapter is setting out facts, and the next parts are much more about analysis and conclusions.**

**2. The story is a little AU and not completely canon. I am borrowing from the major canon events but am choosing to wrap my own ideas behind a number of the events. These include incidents like Beckett/Demming - Kate is not placing blame on Rick for that debacle of the second summer - and also Royce leaving.**

**3. The central issue is that they are both at fault for not communicating. This is something the producers have perpetuated in my opinion. So that I am fixing with my story.**

**4. Castle has been awake for almost 24 hours. He is now able to have longer periods - several hours - of lucidity. It is not a perfect time for this but Kate is determined to set the record straight at the earliest opportunity. This is something they had dodged around in the past.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	25. Chapter 25 - Absolution

**One of Us – Chapter 25 – Absolution**

**Previously – Kate is baring her soul to Rick. Trying to explain how they hurt each other and seeking his forgiveness for her past actions.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 1.40 pm**

Kate releases Rick's hand to take another drink of water. And uses the opportunity to break eye contact if only briefly.

_This is much more intense that she ever imagined. This is compounded by Rick's comparative silence and lack of feedback. He seems supportive, understanding. No signs of anger. But he hasn't said much at all. She can't but help wonder if this was the best time to do this. But time to screw her courage to the sticking post and finish her confession._

She once again swaps the front sheet to the back and taking his hand resumes.

"The time after the shooting was such a struggle. I don't think I'll ever share – even with you – all the hell I went through. I was responsible for a lot of that because I refused to seek help from those who would have freely offered it. So stubborn, I only let my dad assist at the beginning and even then I banished him as soon as I was capable of being self-sufficient. I didn't leave the cabin except for medical appointments. My dad bought supplies and checked up on me. He gave me hell several times for not contacting my friends, especially you.

I know I should have at the very least called but every time I tried to pick up the phone I was so afraid of what I might hear or not. And every time I didn't call made it worse the next time I wanted to. In the end I returned to city after three months not because I was ready for everything but because I passed the physical and mental reviews and the NYPD wound back my insurance and benefits. To be honest, I wasn't ready, but it forced me to start to confront some of my demons. I don't know how long I would have hidden out if I hadn't had to go back.

"Although it was a reluctant return, when I came back at least I knew what I wanted to try for. You. I tried to tell you as much that day on the swings. I guess I failed to make myself clear enough. God we were so useless at being honest with each other, ourselves.

"The therapy was hard and a lot longer than I expected. I surprised myself by going beyond the mandatory sessions. The PTSD contributed to that. But it helped a lot and the eventually I began to get better. Better so I could be with you.

"All while we investigated costumed vigilantes, headless victims, ghosts, banks and bombs, tigers, the CIA and traitorous muses, more bombs, and zombies. It was like every single one of your crazy theories coming true."

She takes a chance and rolls her eyes and is rewarded by a twinkle in his eyes and a smile that stretches upwards and animates his face, and reaches the laughter lines around those eyes.

"At least we didn't have other relationships to complicate matters. Probably a good thing because we made it complicated enough. For smart people, we sure sucked at communicating. We still danced around each other. We certainly we not helped by other parties, who often seemed to block or interrupt us just we one or both of us might have finally had the courage to express our feelings.

_Rick can't but help smirk gently as the phrase 'cock-block' springs to mind as he remembers several less than timely interruptions by Esposito or Ryan. He also remembers a certain British cop with a terrible accent, the hot insurance investigator, and the lie. He's surprised by that. He thought he had moved past that. Forgiven her. He had, hadn't he?_

"I was so close to kissing you in the bank before Martha interrupted. I love your mother Rick but her timing was so terrible that day. But this summed up our year. Slowly inching towards something before my lies and our terrible inability to be honest came unravelled from the bombing.

"Then just when we were making progress towards together my mom's case returned. And I went straight down the rabbit hole. This one time we were finally honest with each other, well certainly you were. Much more than me. You told me you loved me, and I still didn't respond appropriately.

"Once again we separated and I was clearly at fault. I was so angry at your choice to walk away. I thought you were betraying me. At the time I didn't understand it my own self-betrayal that was denying me a shot at happiness with you.

"I didn't respect myself, didn't protect my partners, or honor the job and the law. It took another near death experience to knock the stupid out of me and wake me up to losing the best thing in my life."

She's crying now. Hot wet tears of guilt, happiness, and adoration open on her cheeks.

"I will never be able to express how much it meant for you to let me in that night and to love me. I didn't deserve that, I sometimes feel I don't.

"The last six months have been my happiest since I was nineteen. Since my mom.

"Somehow we've found our feet and kept going. How we managed to keep us from going public for so long I have no idea. Thank you for doing that for me. But I am not afraid and certainly not ashamed of our relationship. Do you remember me telling you yesterday that we're fully public now? Press releases, photos the works.

"Lanie knew the moment she saw me. Her interrogation was merciless. I'm afraid you have no secrets left as far as Lanie is concerned." Kate is almost shrugging her shoulders as if to say, 'well what choice did I have?'

"Martha was of course adamant she was responsible somehow and Alexis came around eventually. It was fun teasing the boys, especially using Lanie to help as well. And they're meant to be detectives. Then when my Dad guessed and punk'd you about living in sin, God that was good. I hadn't see him so happy for years. Then when you got him back with the fake pregnancy."

She's smiling now. The big toothy grin, just like the ones he's seen in the scrap books. Totally unguarded, honest.

"I'm glad we didn't try and fake date anyone else to hide us – God that was a really bad idea to even contemplate doing that. You turned down that reporter, and you refused to let Meredith stay at the loft the when she was visiting Alexis. Oh God, her face when she realised we were serious. I'm surprise she never leaked our story in revenge."

"Alexis stopped her. Caught Meredith on the phone to her publicist. Threatened to excommunicate her own mom if she told. Of course, I don't actually know any of this." Rick's voice surprises her.

"Martha?" Kate asks by way of confirmation. He nods.

"Rick, I have never gone further in a relationship than I have with you. Not even close. Will was the only relationship where I even had a conversation about living together, and we never moved in, just swapped keys and kept a few clothes at each other's place. With Josh, whilst we exchanged keys that was more a practicality due to our hours than a sign of commitment. There was never a conversation about living together except towards the end and it was all single-sided on his behalf.

"I never went further with anyone. No one else has ever given me the reasons to. The desire to. The need to." She pauses, seemingly frustrated with herself.

"I need to make this next point absolutely clear."

She pauses and letting the papers fall to her lap she places her right hand on his cheek, and reverently strokes at the contrasting skin and stubble.

"No one else has ever been in a position to contemplate forever with me. No man has ever got close enough to be entitled to offer me an engagement ring. To plan a lifetime together. To contemplate bringing new life from our union. I have never had the conversation with any man. Except you."

Her voice stills and for a long moment Rick visualises a younger Kate Beckett opposite him. Still full of dreams and hope and a vision of forever with her One.

"Despite of similarities and working well in many facets of our lives, I think I understood instinctively that Will wouldn't be the one. He was the only person since Royce, and before you, who knew more than a snippet of my past. But unlike you and Royce, I believe Will still saw me in part as a victim, and this more than anything else meant I would never fully trust him or give myself to him. Being independent and not dependent on others was one of my props I first developed to protect myself. But it became more than that. It became an intrinsic part of who I am. You and Royce, are the only two men who didn't treat me as a victim. Sure you supported me when I let you and sometimes when I didn't, but you left me my independence and didn't judge me or try to reshape me.

"Josh, well he never really knew me. Early on he hit my walls, bounced and never seriously tried again. Settled for what he thought was enough. It never was. Not for me. Towards the end of the relationship before the shooting, when we both knew that we were drifting towards an ending – but we never talked or acknowledged it – he tried single-handedly to raise the prospect of a future together. Talk of moving in, and hinting at rings. But I did what I did so well, ran and hid, and I guess I thought he was getting the message before the shooting.

"Then that day in the hospital. After I sent you away. Josh came to see me. He blamed you despite my explanation and insistence that it wasn't your fault. He demanded you gone. He had always had issues with our friendship, especially outside of work despite my word that we doing nothing more.

"After all that and ignoring anything I tried to say, he tried to raise the issue of moving in and longer term, possibly even marriage. God he was dense. Josh was the only one to even try, and I shut it down before he even got a fraction of the word out of his mouth. It was the final confirmation of the end of our doomed relationship. He really knew so little about me, and yet he wanted to raise the topic of marriage. Of a life time commitment. He didn't know me. He didn't know I was a 'one and done' person and he was definitely not it.

"Fortunately my dad arrived for a visit and pretty much threw him out.

"We only spoke twice more after that. The first was the same evening when he tried to come back. To apologize I think, but he certainly didn't sound like he meant. Regardless of whether he did or nor, I refused it and told him we were over. The second was just before I left hospital when he returned my key. Lanie had collected his stuff and his key from my place, and returned them to him on my behalf but Josh decided to turn up and deliver mine personally. He told me that you were bad for me, dangerous, that you didn't love me, were only some rich playboy.

"I told him I knew you. The real you. I didn't – don't - care about your money. Although we will be having words about that sometime soon.

"I just want you."

"I told you this once before, on that night not so long ago. Just You. Always You. You."

She's in his space, leaning in and peppering his face with kisses.

"I used to dream of us a lot. Together. On a date, at the Hamptons, in bed, not in bed. I don't so much anymore. Well maybe the odd daydream. I have plenty of physical evidence to fuel my dreams."

She pauses after that correction and she smirks, her eyebrows raising in conjunction with dirty smile. It is quite salacious and the recipient can feel himself respond.

_Well that's a relief. Something down there is working. Another thing to help him rest easier, although he'll want a thorough workout before he's completely satisfied._

Kate looks at him quizzically, and smirks again, almost as if she knows what he is thinking. She starts speaking again, and Rick forces himself to concentrate.

"What I dream of now is different. But better. Much better! It does vary but I see us together and I see one or more children. There is always one constant aside from us. The same one child. Always a young girl with blue green eyes and flowing chestnut locks. We're at the Hamptons or Central Park or ice skating, or at home. She calls me Mama and you Dad. More of Us. Ours.

Rick lets the surprise show on his face. Although they had covered the topic of children just a week or so ago, he hadn't ever dreamed or dared to think that Kate had put so much consideration, thought and desire into children. Their children. Children with him.

"Ours?" Whoops that slipped out.

"Rick, most of my fears, the foundations of my wall were built around my fears of abandonment. After almost five years, I know you. I trust you implicitly. Like no one else since my mother. You are the one that always comes back, who stays. Always.

"Rick, I am ready for the next step. I want to make it. Take it with you. Only you."

His eyes light at this, and the sheer joy that her words evoke is written everywhere on his face.

"But you are not ready."

His eyes go wide, well wider given the amount of information he had already received today. She can sense the disappointment instantly pooling within him. The uncertainty and meaning of her words, and the fear she now knows that being anything less than unequivocal can provoke from within his own insecurities and fears. Perhaps she had never truly understood until today how much he hid beyond the exterior that the public and even good acquaintances' saw.

She doesn't give him time. Kate is up from the seat and moving even closer to him. It breaks their eye contact but for the moment Kate doesn't care. Her own eyes are still luminous and yet there is a distinct darkening of the pupils, she almost purrs as her mouth approaches his ear. It is her best bedroom voice.

''No Rick, I need you to be back in top physical shape. Because when you ask me THE question, and I give you THE answer, we are going to have the best, mind-blowing engagement sex. Ever! Because we will only do this once and never need to again."

She doesn't say 'One and Done' but she doesn't need to, as she observes her writer's head firmly nod in acknowledgement. She steps back slightly so she can once more see his face and more crucially his eyes.

She is in time. Time to see the writer's own eyes dilate and still darkening amidst the swift return of the joy she had just evoked and so nearly, so frightening easily, shattered. He licks his lips, and the words that come from those lips are pure Castle. His voice is deep, the resonance and timbre of a storyteller. She may have confessed many things today but she'll never confess just how much that voice undoes her or how complete the seduction is. She suspects he knows but a girl needs secrets and this is one she can pretend to keep and not risk anything in their relationship. There is so much encompassed by his words. So much more meaning layered in even a simple sentence from him. His desire, carnal lust, humour, commitment, challenge, certainty, comfort, and love.

"So when can I start rehab?"

She starts at the words, and at the same time as a huge smiles breaks on her face, she can barely hold in the guffaw. She knows what to expect from him, but even so the simplest of sentences with the most innocent of meaning for most so exemplifies her writer man.

Somehow fighting back the laughter, she swiftly closes the distance to the man, and seizing his face with both hands, pushes his oxygen mask aside with her nose, and kisses him so soundly that it triggers one of the monitors.

They break apart both laughing.

"We keep this to ourselves?" Rick asks. Like the events of May, they will try and keep another significant step in their lives secret at least for a while. Unsaid it is the inevitability of the public disclosure, paparazzi, Page 6 and the fans.

Kate nods. "I suspect our door guardian out there may have more than a clue about what is going on, but she'll keep a secret. I think Martha suspects too, and whilst I don't think Alexis does yet, I know she expects us to at some point. But outside of them, I think it will be safe until it is time to share."

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**Author's Note –Thank you for all the reviews, feedback and messages.**

**This chapter is the third part of three that cover Kate's confessional to Rick. We're not quite done yet as the strangely quiet author will have his own say in the next chapter.**

**Just to clarify this is an AU story. It is set six months into their relationship and so Season 5 beyond The Final Frontier (E06) hasn't happened. Also there was no return of Tyson (E05 – Probable Cause).**

**They didn't try and fake date anyone (E02) although it was suggested and discarded as a bad idea. Also Rick (my version is quite a bit more self-aware and sensible) refused to let Meredith stay at the loft when she tried to visit Alexis after she and Martha returned from Europe but before she left for college.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	26. Chapter 26 – Cleaning House

**One of Us – Chapter 26 – Cleaning House**

**Previously – Kate has bared her soul to Rick. Still recovering from his injuries and surgery Rick will need a time out responding. Meanwhile…**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

**WARNING SWEARING AHEAD**

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 1.58 pm**

They have been silent for a few minutes, enjoying each other's proximity but Kate is also aware that Rick is flagging. She glances down at her watch and realised that they have been in here for almost an hour. The intensity of her confession and purging of many of her more personal thoughts had made it seem like longer.

Kate is aware that Rick has managed to stay awake for a little bit longer but he is clearly in need of a break. Her thoughts are interrupted by the man himself.

"Kate." She turns her body towards him and engages his eyes. She is rewarded by his dancing blue eyes piercing her soul.

"Thank you for your honesty. You didn't have to do it for me." He pauses and looks directly at her, into her.

"I love you. I trust you. Your actions and words before now are more than enough. But I am honoured to be trusted with so much of your being.

"You remember how I told you that you are a mystery I will never solve. Even after today, especially after today, there are so many more layers of the Beckett onion to peel.

"I want to reciprocate. Need to be honest with you about my past. Have my own confessions. Good for the soul you know? But I need a nap before I will be able to respond."

Kate nods and squeezes his hand.

"I'll be here waiting. Always."

Rick acknowledges with smile and closes his eyes. It takes less than a minute before he is asleep.

She dare not step outside the room or even open the door. So she pulls out her phone, and taps a message.

* * *

Lanie Parish is standing guard outside the door to Castle's ICU room. The sentinels from the 12th has been sent for lunch at the hotel in no uncertain terms, and Kate's partners have the duty at the ICU entrance. Whilst many officers would question the authority of a medical examiner, none from the 12th are willing to take a chance with Doctor Parish, especially is respect of who her best friend was.

She's been here more than an hour.

Despite the glass behind her, she hasn't turned round once. Her best friend had entrusted her with this sacred task, and she would fulfil it. Over all the years she has known Kate Beckett, she has never known Kate to be as happy as she had been in the last six months. On learning Kate's tale, Lanie has surprised herself and Kate by simply absorbing it and carrying on as before. Somehow it has been right, and whilst over the years, she had learnt things from Kate as she slowly shared, she knows that her knowledge is a faction of what the man inside that room knows about Kate Beckett and her demons.

Her phone beeps and there is a message from Kate. Frowning in surprise at why she is being messaged by someone less than 5 yards away, she swipes and quickly reads the message.

The timing is right as just that minute Martha and Alexis have returned from wherever they had gone to when dismissed from the room.

Lanie rises from her seat and steps across the door, crossing her arms in her best bodyguard impersonation. Her body language of 'No Entrance' does not go unnoticed by the approaching duo.

"Oh My" Martha's eyes go wide in understanding, and she takes Alexis by the elbow and commences to steer her into as graceful a turn as possible.

"Come along Alexis, your Father and Kate need some more time"

"But Grams" Alexis protests.

"I'm sure Doctor Parish will let us know when it is appropriate to return" Martha cuts off her granddaughter and turns and winks back at Lanie.

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**Eric M. Taylor Center, Rikers Island, Sunday 2.15 pm**

Leaving the food hall, Leroy Herron was a very nervous man.

Not because of his legal situation. He knew he had little to offer the DA, and accordingly was facing a long harsh sentence. More importantly he was too junior to rate his own attorney from the Family. He knew nothing of value to be of value to the DA or a threat to the Family.

However, none of this was the reason for his enhanced state of anxiety.

He had been moved so quickly into general populace at Rikers without so much as an assessment or check. A veteran of previous stays more than once in more than one of the ten jails on the Island, he knew how the process worked. His treatment this time wasn't typical but nor was it special. Non routine without reason made experienced men nervous. Herron was now very nervous.

After being charged by the cops at the 12th Precinct, he had been transferred to the Manhattan Detention Complex better known as The Tombs but his stay had been extremely brief - less than four hours on a Saturday afternoon. Nothing happened on a Saturday afternoon for the Department of Corrections. Yet the same day he found himself on the way to 'The Boat' in the Bronx.

So Saturday night, he was the sole overnight occupant of a shared a cell on the floating jail known as 'The Boat' less of a mouthful than the official title - the Vernon C. Bain Correctional Center. Before he could even settle he was picked up again and shunted to Riker's proper early Sunday morning straight after the first breakfast call. Just like Saturday afternoons, nothing happened on a Sunday morning for the Department of Corrections, and yet he had found himself on a van to the Island. Administrative error he had been told.

Now he classified himself as officially freaking nervous and not a little scared.

The ride from the Bronx and round the bay was long and it was some time before they were across the bridge to the Island. All the way it had been eerily silent. He had shared the Corrections van with 2 others who had not said a thing. This was not uncommon, and he had learnt on previous stays to keep his mouth shut. He knew how to survive in the system, and avoid the gangs, and definitely to not owe anyone shit.

He didn't know much regarding the Silva family and he had never said anything to the cops or the DA. On the face of it, he should be safe but he didn't feel it.

Returning to his bunk in one of the large dorm areas, he did his best to relax and let prison life float by. Previous stays had taught the one truth – doing time meant just that.

* * *

**Gates Residence, 2.30 pm**

One of the few privileges worth enjoying as the Homicide Captain in the NYPD was the higher than average chance (for a cop) of being at home on a Sunday. And so it had come to be in the Gates Residence, that Sundays were a day for going slow.

A big part of Slow Sundays was the late brunch. A fixture through the kids' teenage years, it has been a tad happen-stance affair after both had left home to stay in dorms at NYU. Never-the-less when David and Victoria could they sat down together late Sunday mornings for brunch. The menu options were never fixed and frequently seasonal or sometimes simply pot luck from the larder.

After the last week, Victoria Gates was happy to be nestled into a comfortable recliner with a book waiting for the brunch to settle. Her husband was opposite her in his own favourite recliner, pretending to read the paper. She was happy to indulge him his little charade. He was almost as transparent as Richard Castle. She was tempted to roll her eyes, but this would give her away. Plus David not so secretly loved her eye roll. She had notice Beckett using the same expression numerous times.

She had to admit that Beckett and Castle made an uncanny team. Their unique partnership obviously had very personal bonds, so much so that she assumed that the two had or were sleeping together not long after she arrived to replace Roy. She had been surprised to learn that they weren't and also of the numerous pools circulating regarding their prospects.

There was a noise from upstairs, and initially alert she settled back down as she remembered their brunch 'guests'. Their two children – Natasha and Francis – had come over and joined them. She suspected her husband had 'policed' them up to attend. Now just like their teenage years they had retreated upstairs once the table was cleared.

She had been more than a little surprised to find David's daughter, Serena, from his previous marriage there as well. Serena was very much an independent spirit and had floated between her mother and their home throughout her teenage years. Now approaching thirty, Serena was an analyst for a government agency. Details beyond that were hazy and after more than two decades of inconclusive fencing, were likely to stay that way. Serena was outside having a cigarette. She must have taken it up again despite giving up 'for good' almost a decade ago. She wondered if her job was stressful and if the smoking was method of tension management.

David Reynolds was watching his wife of 24 years as she read. He was well aware she knew he was watching but it was a familiar, comfortable game between them. As a cop, his wife was perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

He loved Sundays with his family. But he missed his longer running Sunday vice and his absent friend. Last played some 18 months ago before Roy was killed, their Sunday morning dawn golf was the stuff of legend, having started when they were in services. Both were middling to awful but didn't care. Vicky had indulged him, well both of them. She said she considered it a small price to pay for the introduction all those years ago.

* * *

**O'Sullivan's Cake & Coffee, 2.45 pm**

Martha guided Alexis into the shop. They had narrowly avoided a pair of photographers when exiting the hospital.

"Gram why are we here?"

"Did you really want to go shopping again? You didn't buy anything this morning and barely ate lunch."

Alexis shakes her head and lets her Gram guide her towards a booth at the rear of the shop. It is already occupied but Martha goes ahead and slides in opposite the occupant.

Sitting in the booth was Jim Beckett, Kate's dad.

"Oh Hello Mr Beckett" Alexis blurts out, years of good manners instilled by her dad and grandmother, instinctively guiding her greeting and handshake.

He takes her hand and shakes it whilst correcting her. "I'd really prefer if you called me Jim. Being called Mr Beckett gets me on edge. A bit like someone is going to ask to marry my daughter." There is a light in his eyes and he is teasing her. Martha is laughing and Alexis smiles but can't but help think how her dad would react to such as pronouncement.

"Gram?" Alexis reaches across to touch the elder red head. "Gram, have you been meeting with Jim behind their backs? Dad you can handle but Detective Beckett can be scary. They won't like this."

"Pish. I know what I'm doing." Alexis rolls her eyes in response to Martha's dismissal of the matter.

"One of the responsibilities of parenthood is making sure that your children don't screw up too badly. Heaven knows how complicated Kate and your father make things. Jim and I have simply trying to un-complicate things.

Alexis' phone beeps with an incoming text message. Barely glancing down she swipes and reads. Her face drops and she mutters something under breath.

"Alexis?! Is everything okay?"

"I forgot to call mom last night."

"Oh. And?"

"According to her text she's just landed at JFK and wants a town car to take her to the Loft."

"Oh damnation, that harpy isn't staying there." This from Martha. Alexis nods visualizing a confrontation between her mom and Kate.

"That isn't good I take it?" This from Jim Beckett, the only member of the party yet to experience the delights of Meredith.

"I'll call Eduardo and ensure he know they are not to let her up unannounced and definitely not into the Loft."

At this moment, Martha's phone rings. Caller id flashes 'Paula'.

"Hello dear." Martha greets her and listens as the agent strident and noticeably elevated tone delivers quick fire sentences down the line.

"She WHAT? What on earth made her think she had any right? Oh hang on I said 'think' didn't I?"

"Right damage control is the order of the day. We'll head back out to the hospital. Richard and Kate will need to be told."

Hanging up the showbiz Diva looks at her shell-shocked audience of two. She looks fairly shaken too.

"Your mother held an impromptu press conference at the airport surrounded by what looked like enough baggage for months."

Alexis felt her heart sink and a headache and possible heartache come on.

Jim simply looked shocked.

"She" Martha practically spat the word out as her eyes flashed.

"She announced that in light of the NYPD's inability to protect her husband, she is temporarily moving back to New York, abandoning her career, to care for him and his daughter.

"FUCK!"

This time it is Jim and Martha's turn to look shocked. Alexis Castle had dropped the f-bomb and looks set to follow through, when Jim chooses that moment to speak.

"I have to agree with Alexis' accurate summation." He grins.

"Kate is going to kill her. She won't even need her gun, I imagine her little finger should be enough."

"Do you think we can sell tickets?" Jim asks. He does deadpan extremely well.

Noting Jim's coffee on the table, Martha reaches into her handbag and pulls a couple of notes from her purse, waving away Jim's attempts to reach for his wallet.

"Nonsense, you're not paying. I'll apologize to the waitress and we'll call a cab and get back to the hospital. Meredith can wait at the airport for all I care. At least until we have told your father and Kate."

* * *

**Toilet Block 4A, Eric M. Taylor Center, Rikers Island, Sunday 3.18 pm**

Leroy Herron was about to die. Or rather be killed. Murdered. To silence him, most likely on the orders of the Silva Family. Even though he knew jack-shit. He wished he'd listened to his gut instinct on this one. Too late now.

Strangely enough, he was relatively calm about it. There was nothing he could do. He was going to go down fighting.

Across the room, six men advance towards him each wielding a dangerous homemade weapon. This wasn't going to take long.

* * *

**Gates Residence 4.08 pm**

With the kids departed, any hope of ending their lazy Sunday with some alone time, is dashed when her phone rings. Caller ID blocked.

"Gates."

"Sir." A pause.

"I'm listening."

"Very good. I'll get my team together and increase security for the Castles and Detective Beckett as well. I'll be ready for the FBI. Good Afternoon Sir."

David looks at her in question. He is used to her short, terse answers when stressed.

"Chief of D's. Someone's cleaning house. The first shooter, Herron, and the victim Jussic have both been killed in the last hour. Two cops guarding Jussic were injured, one badly."

"We're increasing security for the Castles and Detective Beckett."

"I need to get dressed and head in."

She walks over to her husband and leans down to kiss first his forehead and then his lips.

"Be safe Vicky."

* * *

**Downtown Manhattan. 4.27 pm.**

Barely pausing the limo had collected its single passenger and pulled smoothly away for the curb without even disrupting the traffic flow.

Inside and surrounding the car, electronic surveillance counter measures better than anything the US government outside of the NSA were in action. The full triple crown of detectors, jammers and a white noise generator.

The passenger settles into the seat opposite the two other occupants.

A slim hard is extended and the late middle-age man takes it and shakes it reverently. Their discussion however is entirely businesslike to the point of terseness.

"Is it done?"

"Yes. Confirmed." The passenger is renowned for his direct nature both with an economy of words and in his application of violence.

"Good."

"What about the cops and the Writer?" The passenger wonders what options are on the table.

"Don't matter. This was a side show with little at stake. We need not concern ourselves with them. We will provide surety another way."

"Si."

The slim hand presses the intercom button. "Per favore." Two small words convey instruction enough and the limo glides into the curb.

The passenger nods his head and takes his leave.

"A domani!"

* * *

**Author's Note –Thank you for all the reviews, feedback and messages.**

Firstly to all those of you expecting/hoping for Rick's response to the Kate's baring of her soul. This isn't it. Sorry.

I am away at Karate camp for the next four days – so no updates at the weekend - and I didn't have time to complete the planned chapter to my satisfaction. So ….

Apparently this show is part crime procedural. Voila a chapter involving crime. It also has some plot elements. So please pay attention class.

Also as this is a T rating I will be including some swear words to add to the reality of the character dialog.

Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.


	27. Chapter 27 - Precautions

**One of Us – Chapter 27 – Precautions**

**Previously – Someone is cleaning up from the crime. So far only the criminals have been victims but are the team and their families in danger. Perhaps it is wise to take precautions and seek additional assistance.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too**.

* * *

**New York Ledger Website – Main Page**

'Richard Castle – Author Improving. Ex-Wife Returns to NYC - Blames NYPD'

_Sources report that whilst the author remains in ICU he continues to improve and should shortly be able to leave the ICU. A constant presence at his side is his girlfriend – NYPD Detective Kate Beckett – and his family. _

_However, a coma may well be the safest place for the author as his current improving health may be compromised by the possibility of an impending showdown between his girlfriend and muse Kate Beckett and Meredith Lee Castle, his first ex-wife. Ms Lee, freshly arrived from Los Angeles, gave a press conference at JFK this afternoon stating that the NYPD was at fault for failing to protect Mr Castle. Ms Lee who is 'between projects' has announced her intention to put her career on hold whilst she cares for the injured author and their daughter._

* * *

After calling Martha to warn Rick's family of the already calamitous arrival in NYC of Meredith Paula had started to put together the necessary information and resources to deal with the troublesome ex-wife. First call had been to Rick's lawyer, Steve Mathers, who had conferenced in Harry Dove, the business manager. Together they had agreed it was time to bring in some additional expertise but that would require clearance from Martha.

Before that Paula has a solo mission of her own. After giving the West Coast and especially Hollywood enough time to recover from a late Sunday brunch, Paula calls Harry Rokkman – Meredith's agent.

"Harry Rokkman – with a double KK – Talent Agency! How…"

"Harry, I know how you allegedly spell your name." Paula breaks into the intro spiel.

"Paula?"

"Damn Straight."

"Oh Shit. I guess you're calling about Meredith?"

"And people say you're not smart. You need to get your client under control."

"She's not my client …. anymore."

"What?" Paula's mouth falls open. This was unexpected.

"I had to let her go."

"Why?"

"She is an impending train wreck. Strictly B-grade of course. But train wreck none-the-less.

"We had always managed to get by. Enough recurring roles on TV and guest spots plus the odd movie.

"Problem is that Mere always wanted more, to be more. Last six months she gained some new 'friends' who told her this was her last chance to make it big. I suspect she was being set up by this new reality outfit that follows the lives of the nearly famous and their implosions.

"Anyway, she's being throwing parties and promoting herself trying to get some attention and interest. They don't come cheap. Catering. Clean-up. Gifts. _Hospitality_." Harry stresses the final word and then trails off. Clearly not keen to extrapolate further.

"Drugs?" Paula is suddenly hit by a moment of insight.

"Yep. I don't think she is doing anything – well nothing more than usual. But she made sure stuff was there. Available. Good quality and lots of it. Not cheap. Also the catering and booze was certainly more than Mere's budget would have ever allowed.

"Now she's in deep to some scary people. Mexicales. They paid me a visit to see if they could collect via me. I made it clear that our arrangement is terminated. Shit Paula, I even refunded the last six months fees to her. Not that it would help much.

"She tried to re-mortgage the Bel-air house. I swear she forgets that her ex owns the place not her. She's in way over her head, and there's nothing I could do."

"When?" Paula needs to know how long this has been going on.

"Came to a head just last week. I don't think she really understands how bad the position is. How much trouble she is in."

Paula nods to herself. _It is no surprise to her that Meredith is desperate for cash. This was not the first time in the years since the divorce. But it is the first time Alexis left home, and she and Rick's team had been expecting it as Rick had stopped providing any additional funds to Meredith once Alexis went to college. Maybe that explained was she desperate enough to try her madhouse scheme? Why did she think she could even pull it off?_

Harry's voice interrupts her thoughts with an answer to her unvoiced question.

"TMX and a bunch of entertainment dailies and sites are reporting that her ex hit his head and is suffering amnesia."

"I can assure you that he isn't. He's conscious with full faculties and getting better." _Oh, so that's why she thinks she can._

"Good. I always liked Mr Castle and that girl of his."

"Harry, how much does she owe?"

"The capital was $400,000 but with _interest_ and _fees_ they're asking for $1.2 mil."

Paula is taking notes and doing calculations in her head.

Harry interrupts again.

"Paula, they did offer her a payment plan."

"What?!" Paula dreads what is coming next.

"As bad as you're thinking. Two options. Run drugs from Mexico, or" Harry hesitates but continues "or video." He doesn't detail what the video would entail but Paula knows.

"Thanks for the info. Anything else?"

"Nada."

"Take care Harry. You're a scum-sucking parasite, but an honest one."

"You too Paula."

Paula looked down at her notes and the scribbled numbers. It was time to call Steve back and update the lawyer and then get Martha on the line to approve access to some additional specialist resources so they could get this potential train wreck sorted.

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Sunday 4.35 pm**

Kate started awake.

_Damn she had nodded off_. _She knew she was tired, worn down by a lack of proper sleep and stress. _

Her first reaction to look at Castle, but he was still asleep. His breathing regular, if still a little shallow. It almost appeared as if he was smiling. Her own face mirrored his. After more than twenty-four hours of seeing his face set in a mask trying to hide his discomfort it was good to see her man feeling better especially in this unguarded state asleep with no artifice to try and hide the pain and turmoil.

She knew all about that. Pain. Hiding. Walls. Denial. Running. She shook the negative thoughts off and focused on the positives. He was going to be okay. Eventually.

_So why did she instinctively wake up?_

She turned behind her. Through the glass walls of the ICU room she could see Lanie talking animatedly with Ryan.

Something was up. Suddenly alarmed she reached into her bag and located the familiar grip of her backup piece. Satisfied that it was there, she rose from her seat and walked to the room entrance and tapped on the other side of the glass.

Lanie quickly turned her head and using it motioned for Kate to join them outside.

"Hey Beckett. How's our boy doing?" There is concern, gratitude, a touch of fear and more of pride in the greeting and question from Ryan.

"Good. Resting. Longer periods of wakefulness but still gets tired easily. The pain is easing and his breathing is better.

"So what's going on?" Detective Beckett is back.

She listens with growing consternation and not a little fear as her friends fill her in on events.

* * *

Twelfth Precinct officers and those from several other precincts were flooding into the hospital in response to both the murder of Jussic inside the hospital and instructions from command to increase security.

The first responders had made their way to the area where Jussic was being treated and which was now a crime scene. Most of the hospital security had been drawn there when a nurse's aide had discovered the two unconscious officers in the hallway. This had left security within the hospital complex compromised for some time before additional reinforcements began arriving.

Elsewhere the hospital was being secured. LT lead one team into the general entrance area his radio crackling. He could hear Sergeant Campbell, the old warhorse back at the Precinct, snapping commands over the channel, and demanding updates. Temporarily dropping the volume feeding his earpiece, LT pulled his mobile phone and called Esposito. He knew the detective was covering the entrance to the ICU with his partner, and he wanted to ensure the detectives along with their protectees Beckett and Castle were okay.

* * *

**The Loft, 5.00 pm**

After leaving O'Sullivan's Cake & Coffee Martha had called for the car service, and they were whisked from the kerbside back to the Loft to collect some items for Kate and Rick. Jim was also dropping off his bag as he would be actually staying in the guest room for a few nights.

They were almost ready to head to the hospital, when her phone rang.

Pulling it from her handbag she looks down but she doesn't recognise the number, so she answers with her full name.

"Martha Rodgers."

"Ms Rodgers, it is Victoria Gates."

"Good afternoon Victoria, I trust there is nothing wrong." Using the Captain's first name makes it implicit that the senior expects the same.

"Martha, I don't want to alarm you but there have been incidents involving two of the individuals involved in the case, and we are simply taking precautions to ensure the safety of the officers and their families.

"Are you able to locate Miss Castle and have you heard from Mr Beckett at all? He is not answering his phone."

"Both of them are with me." Martha can almost feel the Captain relax at the over end of the line.

"Incidents?"

"Martha, there have been murders. Now we don't believe your families or any officers are in danger but we want to take sensible precautions. Where are you?"

"At the Loft, we were picking up some items for Kate and Richard. Just leaving for the hospital in a few minutes. I already have the car service on the way"

"Please return to the hospital. We have additional officers there now and will be able to assess and determine our next actions. I hope to be able to get away and if so I will meet you there. Otherwise, I will liaise via some of my team. Good afternoon Martha."

"Thank you Victoria."

She turns to once again find her audience of two frozen to the spot waiting for the other side of the conversation to be revealed. For once Martha repeats the information pretty much verbatim as no additional melodrama is required.

Alexis instinctively found herself hugging Jim Beckett's arm. He does nothing to break that grip and instead places one of his hands on hers and squeezes gently. He's becoming very attached to this fine young woman, and whilst he never thought he would meet his first granddaughter aged eighteen this was more than tempered but the likelihood of actually having one with the prospect of more grandchildren to follow.

No sooner had Martha finished than her phone rang again

"Paula." She announces to the room before hitting the answer button.

"Hello Dear" and the diva falls silent as Paula divulges her information.

"Yes, I agree I think it is time to call Taylor Matthews and have some assistance here in New York and in LA too as well. Thank you Paula. I'm sure we'll speak again shortly. Goodbye."

"Gram, who is Taylor Matthews?" On occasion Alexis is reminded that she doesn't know pretty much everything about her father. It's not that he doesn't share, but he is definitely a more complicated person than she or pretty much anyone else sees or imagines.

Martha looks at Alexis and shakes her head gently.

"It's a 'what' is Taylor Matthews not 'who'. It is a company that your father uses for security matters from time to time. They are consummate professionals, very discreet and highly effective. Fortunately we don't have to call on their services very often."

* * *

**Secure Conference Room, Homicide, 12th Precinct, 5.15 pm**

Victoria Gates was pissed. Her Sunday was interrupted, ruined. She had made plans with DM and now she would be lucky to home before midnight. DM would forgive her. He always did with never a recrimination. Quite frankly it used to puzzle her, grate at her detective instincts. He's a man and yet he rarely ever raised the issue about missed opportunities for well, sex to be blunt. Her aunt had observed simply when staying with them once after Francis was born 'he loves you completely' and loathe as she was to admit it, she did believe it. She knew from her own observations that Beckett and Castle were likely the same, if not more so, especially if the rumours of the infamous playboy going dateless for more than a year waiting for Beckett were true.

The C of D's- Thomas Delaney - was siting opposite looking equally disharmonious. No doubt his Sunday has been disrupted too. So much so that there had barely been a grunt out of him. With good reason. No doubt the Commissioner had been called, and he in turn called the C of D's, who had called Gates, and so on. But given the recent bad crime stats and a couple of scandals involving corrupt or incompetent detectives, the C of D's would be feeling the heat from the Commissioner a lot. Came with the territory but wasn't welcomed either way.

"The officers at Bellevue have been reinforced." Gates is updating the other occupants of the room - The C of D's, ADA Denoza, Captain Mike Ford of the 15th, and a Public Information suit from the Mayor's office.

"Fortunately the two officers guarding Jussic will recover, although Officer Leaver will be out of action for a while. From what we understand, they were each hit from different directions by rubber bullets. Neither projectile was recovered but from the bruising pattern it appears to be either 37mm or 40mm.

"They took a lot of care to ensure the cops weren't killed. Carl Leaver's injuries came from his fall to the ground where his right arm twisted and fractured in multiple places from his body weight and impact on the floor.

"Jussic was killed with two shots, one shot to chest and a second to the head. Not point blank. No casings recovered. No gunshots heard. Possible silencer. Looks professional. Preliminary sweep is showing nothing.

The Chief of D's nods.

"Took a lot of balls. Daylight hit. Taking down cops but deliberately not killing them. Whoever is behind this doesn't want the NYPD breathing fire at them. They know there is a world of difference between investigating cop killers and two dead criminals.

This is definitely someone cleaning house.

Charles Denoza leans forward. The ADA had been quiet up to this point, leaving the policing to the police. This is his area of expertise.

"I may be able to shed some light if I may." At the affirming nods he continues.

"The Silva crime family is relatively small by comparison with other Italian crime families. Different roots too. The came from northern Italy. Industrial, modern, wealthy. Not the rural, poor like the traditional mafia. Given that their opposition was a bit more organised and professional, the Silva family built a reputation on smarter, largely white collar crimes and relatively minimal involvement in drugs, prostitution, gambling. This in turn has largely kept them out of the sights of other crime groups and for the most part the law enforcement agencies as well.

"They have been careful to stay neutral in disputes between families and also outside of the Italian diaspora. However, some twenty-five years ago there was a schism within the Silva famility and the Italian and America families split and went their separate ways.

"Initially the US based family thrived but in the last five years it has stagnated and like most old-school crime families come under intense pressure from the new waves of crime syndicates especially from Central and South America. In contrast the Italian side of the family has boomed in recent years. We believe they have powerful political connections which have aided the growth back in Europe.

"Francisco Silva, the head of the American clan is old, eighty-nine. It is rumoured that his daughter, Sophia, is effectively running the show. She is trying for reproachment with Italy. We believe the intention was that the paintings were to be a gift, perhaps a payment in penance for the quarter century of separation.

Obviously they felt the need to clean up following the failure of their team. For some reason or reasons Delucca is important enough to be spared – for the moment. He has counsel provided by the family. Based on his previous history they obviously expect him to be loyal, stay silent and do any time he gets.

"In terms of threats outside the criminal element, I personally don't think your people are at risk Captain. But naturally precautions are always wise.

"Now as for the killing of Jussic, it does bear all the hallmarks of a simple, cleanly executed hit. The Silva family is small scale and also appears to want to keep things tight. They have a small pool of trusted enforcers – these are the guys above street thug level who can be given direct orders and relied upon to carry them out.

"There are four regular enforcers who are known to law enforcement and have records. Some murders amongst them, but generally they shift that stuff off to the next level.

"Then there is one specialist enforcer. I think this recent activity is the specialist at work. His name is Mario Stanza. He's 51 years old. No criminal record, but suspected in two dozen killings. Nothing ever proven and he is both smart and loyal. I would recommend we focus our attentions on him, but I am not hopeful that we will get anything. Certainly we've never been able to in the past. If nothing else we will distract him and keep him from other activities.

* * *

They meeting was breaking up, and as Gates rose from her seat the ADA also rising addressed her.

"Captain. If you would be so kind please pass on my regards to David."

"I didn't know you knew David?"

"Yes we worked together many years ago in the old city Prosecutors Office. Around the time, David ran for DA. I never did understand why he dropped out. The professional attorney with a proven track record of service and success against that politician. The polls all indicated he was a strong chance."

"We decided that having one family member in active law enforcement was enough. David's teaching gave him the flexibility to be there when our family was growing up. Something jobs like ours don't always allow." After so many years, the tale seems familiar, comfortable, and the lie less blatant.

"I will pass on your regards and perhaps you can catch up. I know David does like to move outside the stuffy confines of his ivory tower from time to time.

"But before you go, can I ask a question?" They are close enough to touch and Gates places a hand kindly on his arm and the ADA gives a small smile and nod of encouragement for her to continue.

"You seem to know a lot about this comparatively small crime family. How is that?"

"My family is originally from Milan and I am third generation. My grandfather was a cabinet maker but he was obliged to become part of a Silva scheme many years ago in Italy. He came to America to escape that despite leaving behind everything except my Nona and my mother. They started with nothing but there was no escape. The Silva's came here too and eventually found him. They destroyed his hands when he refused his obligations. So I will pursue them within the law so much as I can for as long as I can." His tone is measured and calm, but with her hand still on his arm, Victoria Gates can feel it tremble with emotion.

"It would be nice to meet up with David again. Good Evening Captain." With this the ADA holds his hand out to Gates and they exchange handshakes before parting.

* * *

**Bellevue Hospital, 5.40 pm**

Esposito and Ryan are returning to the ICU after grabbing a quick bite before the cafeteria closed. There are two teams from the 12th at the ICU as well as teams roaming the hospital.

Ryan taps his partner's arm. Esposito looks up and follows Ryan's line of sight. He clocks the two smartly dressed men heading towards the ICU. Given it's a Sunday their ubiquitous smart attire appears slightly out of place compared to a weekday but is it the measured gait and subtle alertness that triggers the cops instincts more.

Without a word the two detectives increase their pace and fall in some twenty yards behind the pair. As they near the ICU entrance, it is time to act.

Reaching to grasp their Glocks both Esposito and Ryan call out

"NYPD! NYPD! Freeze!"

"Stay where you are and keep your hands in the open." Commands Esposito.

Both of the suspects halt still facing away from the detectives, and purposely move their hands away from their bodies. The taller one on the left speaks.

"Easy detectives. We're here to assist. When you're ready I'll provide some ID." It is a flat neutral American accent with perfect pronunciation.

But before the ID can be produced they are interrupted.

"You two must be out of practice" An obviously female voice damn near purrs from close behind them as a finger jabs each in the back of the head.

Startled, both detectives are immediately twisting their bodies to keep eyes on the two men ahead of them, whilst they try to spot the speaker and presumably finger prodder. Their first view is the sight of a grinning face. The grin's owner is about 5'6'' and clearly female with practical short brunette hair framing an attractive almost handsome face with minimal makeup. Further examination – entirely professional and impartial of course – reveals practical footwear, chino's and white blouse with a mid blue jacket hiding a clearly lean and fit body, and the butt of a parkerized pistol just visible on her right hip. She appears to be late thirties possibly forties but it is hard to pin down due to her obvious good physical health.

"Clare Dunne, New York Ops Lead for Taylor Matthews" she pauses for a moment and then nods past the pair "and the two in front of you are Mike O'Leary and Pietr Evritt." At their names, each of the men waves one hand slightly starting with the taller one on the left.

"Holy Shit" voices Espo.

Ryan looks at his partner is askance. Beckett and Castle aren't the only ones to do non-verbal communication.

"Dude, Taylor Matthews are top drawer. Very best in private security. Discreet and extremely efficient. Absolutely best operators. You don't apply to them. They choose you."

"We all have NYC concealed carry permits for the SIG 229's on our belts." Continues the confident and obviously in command woman seemingly oblivious to Esposito's side explanation to Ryan.

"We're here at the request of Ms Rodgers who had requested our assistance with some matters for the family. If it is okay with you, we'll wait in the ICU reception until Ms Rodgers arrives. She will be able to confirm our identities."

With that she reaches into her jacket to the side opposite the gun and pulls an ID wallet and flips it open for the two to inspect.

Satisfied for the moment, the two detectives accompany the three representatives from Taylor Matthews to the ICU entrance.

* * *

**ICU Reception Area, Bellevue Hospital, 5.44 pm**

Some ten minutes later Martha, Alexis and Jim arrive at the ICU. Clare Dunne moves quickly to make introductions.

"Ms Rodgers. And you must be Miss Castle". Clare Dunne is all business, shaking both hands offered. Alexis wears an aura of intense curiosity. Jim Beckett has stepped back, not for the first time feeling a little out of place in this world the Castles inhabit.

"Hello Clare. How are you darling? And don't you dare not call me Martha."

"Very well Martha." It is not clear whether she is confirming her health or acknowledging the instruction to use the client's first name.

Martha nods, and almost yanks Jim Beckett forward.

"Clare this is Jim Beckett. Kate Beckett's father. One of the family."

Clare steps over and offers her hand which Jim Beckett shakes instinctively. Martha's last four words are still resounding through him. He thinks he is beginning to understand some of Kate's tales about this family. One he is apparently being adopted into, free will or not.

"Nice to meet you Sir.

"My colleagues are Mike O'Leary and Pietr Evritt." This time the men step forward to offer their right hand to shake with each person in turn.

"Before I go further, Derek and Tim send their regards. Mr Castle only needs to ask and we will do what we can to resolve the issue."

Before Clare can continue one of the ICU nurses comes over.

"Excuse me, Ms Rodgers?"

"Oh certainly. It's Helen isn't it?"

"Yes Ms Rodgers. Can I ask if all these people are necessary? This is the ICU and visitor numbers are meant to be restricted." She leaves unsaid the relaxations already secured by the Castle name.

Before Martha can respond Esposito moves over and joins in.

"I'm sorry for the additional people. It will only be for a short while, maybe one or two hours max, and then we will reduce our presence. You do understand why we are here?"

The nurse nods. No doubt the execution of a man under police guard in the same hospital has been the main topic of conversation since the news broke.

"Well it is probably a good thing that the evening rounds have just completed. But please ensure as many of you leave as soon as possible. Whilst we appreciate Mr Castle's service with the NYPD, we have had some complaints from other ICU visitors regarding the disruptions."

The group acknowledge the request and move down the corridor.

* * *

In deference to the increased scrutiny from the ICU nurses, the Two Taylor Matthews operatives wait outside the ICU room and remain in the corridor. Martha, Alexis and Jim have entered the ICU room accompanied by Clare Dunne and an extremely curious Lanie Parish who is trying to non-verbally interrogate the Boys.

Kate had exchange hugs with the Castle clan and her Dad before being introduced to the newcomer.

Minutes later Kate Beckett is still sizing up the new female presence in the room who in turn is returning the favour with a mutually frank appraisal, slightly disturbing and intimidating in its intensity.

Pretty much everyone in the room is mesmerized by the moment. Silence reigns and the Boys are so caught up they forget to smirk. Not so for the females and Kate spies both Lanie and Martha sharing a knowing smile. Alexis looks confused and surprised. Her Dad has retreated to the back of the room near the windows with the blinds still drawn.

She can see the two new men outside the room. Both are poker faced. Professionals but obviously not cops or even Feds. Sensing her gaze they both nod in acknowledgement before turning their attention back out to the ICU.

It is Martha who breaks the silence. She moves closer to Kate and in a voice probably intended only for the two of them she speaks.

"You know Kate, you don't have to worry about Rick with Clare". The elder Rodger is smirking, clearly in possession of relevant information perhaps prior history. Unfortunately for Kate, Martha's dramatic training means that even when pitched low her voice has carried and every occupant of the room hears. Then it gets worse.

"But you on the other hand…." As the diva trails off her insinuation, Alexis goes moderately red faced and Lanie is struggling to hold in her laughter. The boys appear caught between pseudo adolescent male fantasy and the reality of a really annoyed Beckett glare. Lanie gives both the evil eye just in case. Oh God, her dad looks like a deer caught in hunting lights.

_Oh, damn you Martha. _But before Kate can respond to Martha's teasing, she is aware of movement behind her from the bed. Is Rick waking up? It was supposed to just be the two of them we he woke up. Not this coterie of distractions and bad news.

"Kate?" _Yep, he's awake. At least he said her name first. That's not petty and possessive oh no, not at all. She rewards herself with an internal eye roll._

She turns and smiles at her still slightly sleep befuddled boyfriend. "I'm here Rick."

He's looks past her and spots the newcomer.

"Clare? What are you doing here?" _And how does he manage it? Seriously bedroom voice straight off the bat. Wait he called her by her first name._ _Okay regardless of Martha's inference and assurance, Kate wants the story._

"Oh God, what's happened. Alexis?!" _And straight to worst case scenario – damn his author's imagination some times._

"I'm here Dad, so is Grams. We're all okay. Everyone is okay." With this Alexis, Martha, Jim, the Boys and Lanie all move into his direct line of sight.

"Thank God." The relief is palpable on his voice.

"Not that I'm not glad to see you all but someone please tell me why you including one - and presumably more outside - of Taylor Matthew's best operatives are all here in my hospital room?"

During the course of the next ten minutes the most apt observation came from Jim Beckett who simply commented on understanding where Alexis learnt some of her language from. Rick's creative instincts and excessive research meant that pretty much every occupant of the room learnt at least one new profanity during the course of the information updates regarding both the case and his not-so private life centred on ex-wife numero uno.

After one quick conference call with Paula and Steve, the Taylor Matthews team took their leave. Satisfied that the NYPD had the immediate security needs covered they were going to focus on the issues Meredith had left back in LA. They were followed out the door by the Boys who were going to check with the next shift and then head out. Ryan was heading home to Jenny and Esposito was muttering something in Spanish under his breath.

* * *

Now the numbers in the room had diminished to a more acceptable level, conversations had turned practicalities such as overnight arrangements – Martha, Alexis and Jim all staying at the loft – and when Rick might leave ICU.

After fifteen minutes or so, Kate had become almost desperate. The unfinished confessional between Rick and herself needed to be done today. They both knew from painful experience how the inability to communicate especially through interruptions had hamstrung their relationship. It spoke directly to their commitment that they were determined to resolve a number of outstanding issues now, so soon after Rick had cheated death. Or perhaps because of it. They didn't want a repeat of eighteen months ago.

Kate had turned her eyes to her best (female) friend and pleaded wordlessly.

She gets a wink and a nod in response and before anyone can settle Doctor Lanie Parish takes charge and starts hustling everyone out.

"Right everyone clear the room. Now! Go home. Have some food and come back in the morning."

Two minutes later Kate is alone in the room with Rick. She has both hands on his left hand and forearm as his right side is still immobilized. Rick is smiling gently at her, and his eyes haven't left her face since his family and her dad left. She knows he will pick up the tension, fatigue and barely restraining emotions she has been riding and fighting since Thursday. She also knows that the man before her, the one she trusts above all others, will not make an issue of it unless necessary. She smiles back and half-stands to lean in to kiss his cheek and forehead before sitting back down.

"Kate."

* * *

**Author's Note –Thank you for all the reviews, feedback and messages.**

**Firstly to all those of you expecting/hoping for Rick's response to the Kate's baring of her soul. This isn't it. Sorry. **

**I was away at Karate camp (My wife is now a Black Belt) and since returning real life has been intense. **

**I haven't had time to complete the planned chapter to my satisfaction. But it will be the next chapter that follows this one.**

**Thank you for your ongoing interest and support.**


	28. Chapter 28 – Reciprocity

**One of Us – Chapter 28 – Reciprocity **

**After Kate had bared her soul to Rick earlier, after some interruptions, Rick finally has an opportunity to reciprocate.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

"Kate"

_What if she runs? She says she's all in. That she's not running. I believe her. I trust her. But she doesn't know yet. When I tell her will she run? I think anyone else would run at the merest hint. I've never been willing or able to tell anyone else. But if I share this, my Shames, what will she do? _

_She's strong, I've never doubted that. But she has her own burdens to carry and that has almost broken her. We share that and it makes it bearable. She doesn't deserve to carry more. She doesn't deserve my sins too._

"Rick?" _He doesn't know how long he has been lost inside but her voice calls him back. Home. She sounds like Home, and this decides him_.

"People look at me and they see many things, often what they want or imagine, or the false persona of the playboy author. They don't try to look any deeper, don't expect anything more. For a lot of my life that was fine. But they don't see the real me. Who I am. What I treasure. What I Dream of. I don't show that part of me, or share with many people. Mother and Alexis of course. A few people know parts, some friends a bit more. A handful quite a bit more. But no one else has ever had or I felt deserved all of me until now. Until you."

"For a long time, it has never my intention to be anything less than totally honest with you. Since we've been together I've tried to be. It's not easy for me, and hell we still have communications issues sometimes. I've shared more with you than with anyone else except Mother and Alexis and much of their knowledge is because it is first hand by being there. I would love for us to build a lifetime of memories that way. Together.

"We've had serious discussions about our future. Us. You make me happier than I have been in years. You have been such a positive influence on me. You have changed me, improved me, and in most importantly helped me redeem some of my faults. It hasn't been without its moments and issues, and in some cases severe trauma. But I can't regret that it has bought us to now. Here – well not the ICU. That wasn't exactly what I had in mind, in fact I'd be happy to never see the inside on an ICU again if at all possible. But together, our lives intertwined and a shared future.

"But there are moments of my life of which I am not proud. Dark chapters, character defects, decisions and actions that have hurt others. Often through the inexperience and naivety of youth, pettiness, or stupidity but some, a few, through more or rather far less noble traits. For a handful of those times there have been consequences so dark that it still sears my soul to contemplate them. I wish to God I could claim them as accidental mistakes but they weren't. And that shames me. I used to worry that it could break me, but it's far worse because it could harm those close to me. Those I love.

"I have never been in a relationship where I could feel I could trust another person with all of me. Until now.

"But I have ask if you would be willing to listen. To hear my confession and know all of me. Share my weaknesses and darkness. Know my Shames. I'm sorry if this is a surprise or worse for you. If you now feel that I have hidden things from you, I apologise, but I swear I have been moving towards telling you. But even tonight I can't, won't, be able to tell you everything. There is not enough time nor do I have the strength and courage to do so. But I feel I must reciprocate, and return your honesty. It deserves as much, not least because I know it took so much for you to say those words. How difficult it must have been when you much prefer to have your actions speak for you.

"Kate, are you ready? Will you listen to me?" His question floats between them for only the briefest moment, before she responds in a clear voice.

"Rick, you can tell me anything. You should know by now that it won't make me feel or think differently about you."

"Thank you. I believe you. I can't but help apprehensive about some of things I am about to reveal. Afraid they could hurt us, especially now I know where were are going. I trust you totally and know you are committed. But in the beginning and for a lot of those first few years, hell until six months ago I thought I knew and definitely feared the opposite."

He slips his hand from hers for a moment, bring it to his face, and rubbing his palm across his forehead.

"I haven't prepared this, so I may jump around a bit, possibly even repeat myself a bit."

He places his hand back down and Kate takes it again, gently threading their fingers together as she nods in understanding and anticipation.

* * *

"I've been angry for so much of my life. I can't tell you for sure when it began - around my mid teenage years - or what really triggered it. A cumulative series of events and circumstances I think. But for many years I really struggled with it. I tried to hide it, often by acting the fool or at least the lightweight. You'd be amazed how many people dismiss the class clown or playboy author without a second thought. The serious, brooding guy at the back of the class, or ensconced in his room or office, writing about death, murder in detail. That guy they suspected, mocked, bullied, and shunned.

"Only when I met Kyra did I begin to feel I could face the issues and try and master it. Have someone to share with." Kate nods, and begins to perhaps have a hint of understanding about the importance of the woman to Rick.

"As I got older, I have learnt to control the extreme emotions, and redirect them. Channel towards something else. Something positive, or at least I tried to. But it hasn't always been the successful, even now. As I got older, I got better at projecting a persona to protect myself and others. And it worked mostly except for those times rare times of rage when the emotions behind the anger were so overwhelming I couldn't or didn't want to.

"I was so very angry after you sent me away from the hospital eighteen months ago saying you would call but you didn't. Like the worst moments in my life, it wasn't a fast rage, it was cumulative, leeching through me and subsuming my very thoughts and control. Makes so much harder to come back from. To control your thoughts and make good decisions.

"I wasn't just angry at you. But I was, angry at you, and it took a long time to work through it. You never called. You said you would and you lied."

His eyes are no longer blue, they are almost lost in black, slating the emotions he still bears. She doesn't pull from his gaze. She deserves this, to see, feel, burn from the residual anger of her own failures. The truth of his words stings, she's so frustrating self-centred and weak but her disappointment in herself is countered by the knowledge that despite her failings, and his very natural reaction to them, somehow they are here. She knows that it is entirely due to this beautiful man. His forgiveness, his patience, and most importantly his love that more than anything has made this possible.

"I was angry at Josh, for not being worthy of you. For not being there for you. For being with you. God I had been angry and jealous about that long before you were shot. I would have been there for you every time. In every way, anyway. However you needed me."

She doesn't wipe the tears pooling in her eyes. She mouths the words silently 'You were Rick. You were there. Always'. He answers with his own tears which are left unchecked as he continues.

"Angry at the shooter, and the Dragon behind him. Angry that you never deserved any moment of the pain that the chain of tragedy from your mother's murder has inflicted on you.

"Angry at myself. For lots of reasons.

"I had a significant part in the events leading up to you almost dying and leaving you injured and alone. To this day I struggle to forgive myself for that. To rationalize how such a self-centred egotistical arsehole could deserve you. I reopened you mother's case. I pushed. I will always carry guilt for that. It started that chain that hurt the people you and I care for the most. Montgomery died because of it. He was far braver than I. He made his stand. You were shot yet here I am still alive."

She shake her head vigorously but doesn't speak. She hopes her eyes and face carry enough conviction to tell Castle his is wrong.

"Anger at my cowardice for not declaring my love sooner, for waiting until you were dying in front of me. Angry for all those missed opportunities. Even after you came back and we were getting closer, there were all those near misses and miscommunications. Each one gave me hope that we could be more but at the same time each failure to move forward reinforced my fears that we never would.

"After the shooting and not hearing from you I went to a very dark place. A place I had been to before but had managed to avoid for many years, since Alexis was young around five years old. I owe you father, the Boys, Lanie, Alexis and my mother a lifelong debt for helping me find my way back from that.

"I have been a coward when it comes to you for longer that I wish I could remember. That second year, when Demming turned up, he asked me indirectly whether we were together and if I would object to him asking you out. To my permanent shame, I was a coward, and I told him there was 'no flag on the play' and green-lighted his asking you out. To this day, I regret it. I regretted the words the moment they left my mouth. Not only because I wanted to the one to ask you out – which I did so much - but because it was never my place. I never had the right to speak on your behalf. Especially when we were not together.

"Which leads to on to why I left that summer. I was too much of a coward then to see you be happy with someone else. I know now that I misread the situation, but then I do that often when my anger clouds my judgement and sensibility. Gina didn't stay with me long that summer. She couldn't deal with me if I wasn't the Playboy of the Western World. Hell that was no surprise, it was why we got divorced. That we lasted so far beyond my return to the Precinct in the third year – possibly ruining another chance for us to be together – was entirely down to my cowardice. I wouldn't confront my own feelings regarding her or you. I was afraid that if I told Gina to go, that you would reject me and I would be alone. I was so tired and afraid of being alone."

"But at least I did get to come back to work with you, although the beginning wasn't so auspicious. Back it an interrogation room, arrested as a murder suspect. Strangely enough in hindsight I think it was an important moment, like a reboot of us. I felt we became friends, best friends over that third year. Even though you were with Josh, I began to see the possibilities, began to hope. But I was still the coward about us so many more times. Others could see what we had, they could feel it, speak about it. But I couldn't. You couldn't. Or at least never together at the same time. I'm a writer and with you my words fail me so many times. Even near death we couldn't.

"I was angry after I overheard you in interrogation during the bombing case. I thought you didn't return the adoration of my heart. I believed that it was unrequited. My anger encouraged my paranoia and I jumped to the worst possible conclusion. But I was also coward. I ran from you. Hid. Put my shield up. Hid in the shadow of the false construct of the playboy. Instead of having the courage. I should confronted you. Confessed my love again. Instead I did stupid again – I'm good at stupid as I think you've noticed. God shadowing Slaughter was a bad fucking mistake on so many levels. It forced you to risk you job for me. I never meant that. Then somehow we started to find enough words to overcome the communications issues and I began to really hope about our future. When you accepted my invite to watch John Woo, I was so excited. It felt like a date to me. Or the expectation before a date at least. And then it go so fucked up.

"I was so angry again when you rejected me and choose your mother's case of me for the final time. It certainly felt like the final time to me. Ending us before we had really begun was the hardest thing I have ever done. I never expected to see you alive again. When you came to the Loft that night, I was initially determined to shut the door on you. Shut you out of my life. I couldn't deal with that level of heartbreak again. My demons were writhing so close to the surface. Mother had been so concerned prior to that day, that she had already started to make arrangements for me to go away to get help again."

He can see her eyes go wide at the understanding of his words and implications.

"Yes, I said again. Kate, you're not the only one who has been in therapy. In fact it's probably fair to say I beat you through that door too. Many times."

His voice has moderated in his last few sentences, and there is no trace of bitterness or loathing for her or himself. Kate doesn't know what to say this latest revelation. She was still amazed that he could still love her despite all her failings and how badly she had hurt him.

* * *

"Kate. Please remember that I love you. I still did through all that anger, I guess that is what made it so visceral. Hurt so much. I think it is time for me to explain some about the background before we met, and this isn't stuff you can find on the web. The unwritten history of Richard Rodgers so to speak. Some key moments that shaped my life before I met you."

She squeezes his hand, but doesn't say anything. She doesn't want to interrupt him, but there is also the impact of his previous words. The intensity of the emotions has left her physically shaken.

"As the child of an actress and single parent to boot, I had an unconventional upbringing, but I wasn't unhappy. Quite the opposite in fact. I was a happy child with an extreme curiosity about all things. Mother says I could often get quite serious when I wanted to know something, and right from an early age would often attempt to charm the answers out people.

"We were constantly surrounded by people who used words in the most magical way, and some who did more, who created the stories and wove the words into tales and wonder. Like all children I was curious. I guess you can attribute my love of language and wordplay to that early exposure. We moved a lot, wherever the work was, and I never really settled into school. I got a lot of my early education from mother's friends and colleagues or the local libraries – best free child-minder my mother called them. I don't always remember too much about the early years, not the detail anyway. But I remember books, backstages and observing at parties from my bedroom or wherever I was sleeping.

"Then when I was nine, mother was invited to participate in this summer festival down at a small Gulf town. The money wasn't great and the guest artistes stayed with locals. We lodged with the local Sheriff and his family on their farm. They had one child near my age. The others were much younger – around four years old I think. Her name was Rebecca Annalise Johansson, she was eleven, and I idolised her. She was so graceful where I was already clumsy and uncoordinated, popular, smart, so beautiful. But most importantly she became my friend. She talked to me, took me places, showed me things. We shared secrets. She encouraged me to write, to try things, to look at the world, see not only the obvious but to observe the smallest things, to seek the story behind what I saw. When the summer was over, I was so much more than sad. It was like I had lost a part of me. She had become the sister, the missing sibling I never had.

"That year our mothers' encouraged us to write to each other and we stayed in touch as best we could. Often I would have to write the first letter to reconnect each time we moved and changed address. I didn't know or appreciate at the time but mother arranged to go back to the same summer festival the following year despite having a better offer. It is often the case that you never realise the sacrifices you parents make for their children. I'm sure I've never thanked my mother enough for the wonder and magic of my early years.

"The second summer was better than the first. This middle summer was full of joy. Apart from when necessary I don't think we were apart for five weeks. Sometimes if I close my eyes, I can almost feel her hand in mine, her palm pressed against mine, our fingers interlocked. Hear her voice and her laughter. Sometimes her dad, the Sheriff, took us out in his patrol car. It was then I saw my first dead body. Only from a distance. Car accident not murder. But I was curious boy and everyone had always encouraged me to ask questions. He indulged me. Rebecca thought it was funny but she was my best friend and she indulged me too. Saying goodbye was worse that year but we wrote so much. We started chain stories. She would set the outline and I would fill in the detail and she would critique, challenge, cajole and encourage me. I guess you could call her my first muse.

"We went back the next year too. The last time. I was twelve and Rebecca was still two years older than me, but so much more beautiful with her body changing. I was only vaguely aware of that as she had always been so beautiful to me, and I never thought of her in that way. She was my sister. We took right up where we left off from the previous year and the five weeks of the festival flew by. But then mother got an offer to take the play on tour for four weeks. Rather than pull me away, she arranged with Rebecca's mother, Aleska, for me to remain behind and stay with the Johansson's. Two weeks into the month, Rebecca had to go to music camp for a week. It was the last time I saw her. We didn't even say goodbye properly as she would be back for my last week. Whilst she was away her dad took me out on patrol with him a lot. I got to see my first murder victim. It resonated with me and for some reason, I began to write a very dark murder tale.

"Then Rebecca disappeared from the music camp just before she was due to come home. They found her body in an estuary a few days later. Her death was never explained. Forensics weren't the science they are now.

"I know it must seem obvious but those events during that time changed me. It was until recently the worst summer of my life. I never got to say goodbye. To tell her how much she meant to me. Mother wasn't back yet and I stood with her family at the funeral. I grieved like one of them too. I retreated into myself, into the dark story I was writing. I didn't know how to cope. Her family were shattered and there was no one for me to turn to. I tried writing my thoughts down. But they were so dark, so angry. I burnt them.

"But bad as things had been I thought I would get better once I was back with my Mom. I was right and wrong. She always had a way to comfort me and she did. But something was different too. She had met the financial backers for her travelling play. She was with one of them. This man – Philip Davenport – was a widower with two young children. She did her best to comfort me, but she was distracted by her new suitor and the kids. They stayed at the local hotel. I spent the last few days with the Johansson's. We were all shattered but her mother was unmade by it. Aleska never really recovered. She died two years later, and the Sheriff moved away and remarried. That was the last we heard of them. I never found out what happened to Rebecca's brother and sister."

He pauses, whether to taper down the emotions, organise this thoughts or simply hear the silence, she doesn't know.

* * *

"Eventually we headed back to New York. Mother had a role in a Broadway play. It was also home to the Davenport family.

"It was then I was sent away to boarding school. I wasn't told why. Not properly. I thought it was because my mother was making happy families with this new man, his kids. Without me. Paid for by her boyfriend's mother. Oh I didn't like her and she didn't like me. The withdrawn, surly teenager with dark thoughts.

"Mother's relationship with Philip ran almost three years, and got as far as engagement. But it didn't last, they never did. However, for some reason my schools fees were paid through until the end of high-school. It has never been explained why. Mother has never said, I have never asked. Ironically I liked him the most of all my mother's boyfriends growing up. He treated me well and with respect when I was with them.

I hated boarding school, I was so lonely. I was also so vulnerable because of the events of that summer. Without a parent, or someone I could trust, to talk to, I channelled my emotions the wrong way. Initially I became introspective, withdrawn, but I quickly discovered that in an environment like that it only drew attention to you. Teenage boys are so cruel. So I figured out that being the opposite, the class clown, would at least deflect attention from anyone trying to get anything deeper from me. But in moments, I became the angry young man. Started more than a few fights, may have even won a handful. I didn't care, it was the release I sought not the transient illusion of victory. Needless to say I got kicked out of my first boarding school, and then a second where I was encouraged not to return. Finally a third. It was made clear to me that the next time was the last opportunity.

"When I was fourteen I was transferred to Edgewyck Academy. By the time I arrived I was well versed in the art of subterfuge and false personas. It had become second nature. I was struggling academically as well. Mother despaired of me and for me. She took me out of school one weekend and away – just the two of us. She begged me to make one last effort. She played her trump card. What would Rebecca want me to do? God I cried for the whole weekend, but by the time I returned to classes, I had a purpose.

"It was there I encountered Damian Westlake and with his encouragement my writing began to flourish. But I did have a lot of learning and work to do. I learnt there were no short cuts. My so-called first 'break' at school was false. A lie. Fraudulent. A term paper written by someone else to get my grades up on a failing class. It got published in the school magazine which Damian edited. The author wasn't willing to do another and all of a sudden I found the weight of expectation on me to equal or surpass my first piece. Somehow I did it. I was almost caught out because the writing styles were so different. I always suspected that Damian knew but didn't say anything. It was the last time I faked anything written. I could happily project a false persona but my words had to be real, to be my truth. I was often still solitary. But I wasn't as lonely. I had a few friends, Damian foremost in that group. Also I had my ideas and my writing. To this day, I often work through issues and excise and de-stress by writing.

"It was because of my experiences at boarding school and long absences from my mother, that I vowed when Alexis was born that I would never be an absent parent. Never send my kid away. I've done my best to meet that promise over the years for Alexis. Of course I never dreamed I would be doing it as a single parent.

"I would be so lucky and blessed to be able to do it for our children. But together with a life partner." She's watching him intently, and notices as the light in his eyes flashes. She'll believe that like her he has been imagining their children.

"Somehow I got through school with good enough grades to go to University. I knew I wanted to be a writer. I did need money for university and in a moment of madness, I signed up to the ROTC as they were providing scholarships and you could earn money during the holidays too.

I have to admit I did like the guns and blowing shit up bit, but the whole officer and a gentleman ethos didn't sit well with me. In the end, the Army and I reached a mutual understanding and parted ways after two semesters. I think we both got the best end of that deal. It was there I first learnt to handle guns and did some shooting. It was also there that I met another student who became one of my first trusted friends. Unlike me, Tim Matthews was born to be a soldier. After graduating her joined the regulars and eventually served in the Rangers and did some black ops stuff before he retired. He partnered up with another mutual friend to found Taylor Matthews, the private security and risk management firm.

"So there you have it. Rick Castle was in uniform ahead of you Beckett! In fact there should be a few pictures at home somewhere. I have to say I was quite dashing. Even ruggedly so. Mother came to a couple of parades. I think it was to see me, but of course she liked men in uniform and did go on a date with my Commanding Officer!" He's grinning at her, and she can almost see the humor dancing in his eyes.

* * *

"Late in my first year at college, I was at a party, hiding in the corner when this woman joined me. I think we discussed a number of topics intensely – she claimed argued and was probably right – for hours. This was Kyra. She was the best thing to happen to me since I was twelve.

"Kyra – this was my first real relationship. An adult relationship where sex was not the primary purpose. I thought for a time that it might be the one. We weren't without our challenges given we were students. Her parents disliked me – well her mother detested me to be more accurate – and reduced the allowance they gave Kyra. But this brought us closer, we struggled together but had a great time. I wrote my first successful novel, got some money, and started on others. I had so many ideas. So many dreams.

"Probably because of this, I began to dream of a lifetime together and I told her as much. She didn't run straight away. But then shortly after Kyra asked for space and time and I was lost. I had no experience of dealing with this. We were together three years and all of a sudden she was gone. I was willing to go all in with her. A lifetime.

"Just like that my demons were coming back. Being with her had changed me. Good things mostly, but I was not able to deal with the loss. I need company, loneliness is major phobia of mine. She going eventually felt like betrayal and I got angry. For a while I was in a dark place. Alcohol, drugs – my only time for with something harder than marijuana, fortunately I didn't like it. The casual sex came later surprisingly enough.

"After the break up, some friends - well acquaintances and hangers on is more accurate - from university & I headed to Florida. I guess they thought a diet of drink, drugs and girls would be just the tonic. They hired a big motor yacht and we partied up there. Took a few day trips for fishing but I just sunk lower. Too much alone time with my memories. One night, I tried heroin – fortunately I was too cowardly to inject and after just one toke I was violently ill. Never again after that. But I still got worse, darker, deeper." He doesn't pause for long but there a momentary lapse in his words as he takes a deep breath and re-engages with her eyes.

"But I didn't show it. I guess you could say that this was the first time I began to project my party-animal, womanizing, playboy persona. In the past I may have alluded that it was creation of Black Pawn's, perfected by Gina. It isn't. Its mine. My own invention. My shield against closer examination, questions from others. Of course my frat boy companions never thought to look deeper, Accepted it at face value.

"My friends continued dragging me to parties, although by now I was less reluctant. Then one night we got back to the boat and then I decided to take it for a cruise out. Sure we were all young and stupid, but it was my urging, cajoling that swung the decision to head out of harbour that night.

"The worst thing is that I wasn't drunk. I simply didn't care.

"The weather turned bad, and we got into real trouble. Then in the darkness hit a reef, and the boat began sinking.

"Fortunately we were rescued. But two of us got hurt seriously enough to leave permanent injuries. David Swift. He was twenty-two. A chemistry major. Major track runner. Long distance. He fell awkwardly. Twisted his spine. A month after the boat wreck he was sentenced to life in a wheelchair. Three years later he killed himself. That is on me. My fault. My decision, my selfish decision, born of my own anger, and lack of compassion, and empathy did that.

"The other injured person was Thomas Mathers, brother of Steve. He lost his hearing in one ear. Tom died in the North Tower on 9/11. To this day, I don't know if his hearing played in part in him not getting out.

"One of our rescuers was Derek Taylor, a Navy Seal on leave, guest crewing with his brother on the Coast Guard cutter that rescued us. He had some form of sixth sense, and singled me out and on the boat ride back gave me a crash course in dealing with some of my mental health issues which he likened to PTSD. Gave me his number and we began to keep it touch. Still do.

* * *

"After Florida, I knew I needed help and it came from my Mother. We had slowly been working our way back together as a small family. She had quite a few successes in that period. TV Soaps, a couple of supporting movie roles and a lot of stage work including Broadway. I was proud of her. Still am.

"My mother recognised the symptoms and got me help. We couldn't afford therapy so she self-helped me. It did work. Got me out of the dark place and temporarily back into her world. It also helped assuage pretty much all the anger I felt towards her through my teenage years.

"It was then that I tried writing for the stage. It was terrible stuff, really bad. A complete failure. If you ever want to read it you'll need to get me drunk or sex me up good. Or both." There is a sparkle in his eye, and Kate holds on to that recognition, that amongst all the revelations she is hearing for the first time, the man she loves is still there. Waiting.

"But perversely it was the best result for me. It motivated me to get back to what I knew I could be good at - writing crime novels. With that desire to work and produce completed books, I began to live again.

"Or at least live how you do when you're a young successful media darling. There was a reasonable amount of casual sex there. And no Beckett you're not getting my number." He gives her a wan grin that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"But then I met Meredith. She was one of Mother's colleagues in a short run play in LA, and we hit it off right away. She appeared different, at least I thought she was. We didn't even have sex until our fifth date." At Beckett's scowl Rick halts and swallows visibly.

"Oh. Too much non relevant information. Okay, moving swiftly on." _Recovery mode Rick, keep sex – well ex-sex info to minimum._

"It was kinda sweet. I don't think it was meant to go anywhere but we were young and didn't care. We'd been together a couple of months and we weren't seeing anyone else – well at least I wasn't and Meredith said she wasn't and at that time I had no reason not to trust her.

"Then she got pregnant. She was going to get an abortion. She hadn't even told me she was pregnant and being young and stupid I didn't know the signs. It was Meredith's mother who called me to berate me for getting her daughter pregnant. So we had our very first serious discussion as couple and had to reach a decision because of the pregnancy. Meredith was just starting out and apart from a handful of TV guest spots hadn't made much impact as an actress. I had money, and although I had never previously thought seriously about having a family and raising kids, I found that it was suddenly something I wanted to do. I think inside of me I instinctively realised that perhaps this was an opportunity to be better than I was. To have in my own small and selfish way, to fight my demons, and perhaps have a legacy I could be proud of.

"It wasn't a romantic proposal. We were naked in bed. She was crying before I asked. I married Meredith because I thought it was the right thing, the best thing to do once we decided to keep the baby. Well when I say keep the baby, I had to basically bribe her to not abort. Had to promise to keep in the lifestyle she was accustomed to until Alexis was old enough to attend college. Those were pretty much her exact words. I never gave them much thought until the divorce when her lawyer quoted them back to me verbatim.

"After Meredith, I was always concerned for Alexis when it came to my relationships. She was always my first and final consideration. I never bought my dates home or introduced them until Gina and only then after I was sure I wanted the relationship to go further. You were different, I trusted you from the beginning, perhaps because you clearly weren't my girlfriend or looking to be – at least in the beginning. But I think it was probably more that you were a challenge and the antithesis of my pretty much everyone else. Plus you didn't want the money or the press attention.

"Protecting Alexis has always been of the utmost importance for a number of reasons. Not least was bond we built. The two of us against the World. We were each other's best friends – well at least until she reached her teenage years, and then suddenly I didn't quite cut it.

"Secondly, having Alexis saved me. Forced me to turn away from the darkness. God I really sound like bad Star Wars dialog." Rick shakes his head and clenches his fist in frustration. Kate gives him a silent smile of encouragement, wry amusement crinkling around her eyes.

"When Alexis was born I felt my universe tilt on its axis. She became its center and everything I did was for her. It forced me to care for someone other than myself. To take better care of myself. I quit smoking, drugs, and cut back on drinking and going out. This helped with my mental health too. Over time, the residual anger I carried faded, and the guilt too was assuaged. I was nurturing new life, hope and joy. I made it my mission to fill her days with fun and happiness and to show her the wonder of life. Mother told me it was my legacy from Rebecca. I would like to believe that. That her gifts could overcome the darkness inside me.

"Being an everyday dad, and having fun quickly became more than an act. I enjoyed it, I thrived on it, so did Alexis and over the years it became a part of me. I don't think I'll ever let it go, but I would love to be able to practise those skills with more kids, and I'm not talking about grandchildren. Alexis is banned from having kids until I'm at least old and distinguished enough!"

"That will be never then, if she has to wait until you're distinguished!" Kate bites, well more of a nip. She gets a fake pout and silent 'ouch' back from her more-than-boyfriend.

"I don't know what I would do without Alexis. It is no joke that she is the more mature one. I didn't force it on her, but somehow she is the level headed one. I love you with all of me, but I can't tell you that you are my first priority. That will always be Alexis. Well Alexis and any children we make together.

"Both Mother and I had children before we were ready. We also found ourselves raising our offspring as single parents. I am hopeful that this is one family tradition Alexis won't follow. I love that she has you to come to for advice, inspiration, friendship. Doctor Parish and Jenny too. You make a pretty great set of cool 'aunts', although I want more than that with you, for you. I know Alexis does too. So often through the years I was desperate for a mother for her. As desperate as Alexis was for a sibling.

"Alexis is everything. If you were to die – for whatever reason, and it is often in my thoughts because of your job and our experiences – Alexis is the only thing that would keep me in this world. If I had to choose, it would be her. I couldn't ever apologize for it. As a father I would do it every time. I'd give my life, everything I owe for her. I hope every day that it never comes to that again."

Kate nods. "Rick, it's one of the reasons I love you so much. You don't have to explain or excuse your love for your daughter. I wouldn't want any other way. I love her too, and I'd do the same in a heartbeat for your family." Rick squeezes her hand and falls silent for a brief moment. His brow furrows deeply and any trace of the entertainer is gone.

* * *

"I think you have heard me recount the tale of Alexis going missing in the shopping mall aged five. There is some basis in fact to the tale but Alexis didn't simply go missing. The reality is much worse. She was kidnapped."

Kate gasps at this information. Nothing she has ever read in the press, on fansites, or in police records has any hint of this. Nothing previously from Rick or Martha or Alexis.

"Well it did start at the shopping mall. We were going dress shopping for a party and I was distracted momentarily by a fan, or rather someone acting like a fan. Then when I turned round Alexis was gone. Just her Explorer backpack and a note beside me.

"They asked for money, way more money than I was worth. Later we attributed that was the fault of press article that made me out to be some tycoon rather than a moderately successful author. I was warned not to involve the police. In desperation I turned to two friends - Derek Taylor and Tim Matthews. They were both in still service with the Seals and Rangers. We met up from time to time when their deployments allowed. They had played poker with me the night before. They came immediately and agreed to help. Both were working of Washington DC at the time and had access to intelligence and resources that helped.

"We basically fast talked the mall security into giving us access to the security tapes – made the issue a National Security one. Somehow we lucked out and we managed to get enough information to ID and track one of the kidnappers – the getaway driver. He wouldn't talk. Derek and Tim are both very moral and disciplined. They couldn't break him quickly enough. So I got them to leave me alone in the room with the driver. I came out of that room with enough information to find where they had taken Alexis.

"By the time we got there, they had assembled a small team of seven including myself. We stormed the place. I don't know where they got the stun grenades but somehow we took the three kidnappers down without shooting anyone. Alexis was unharmed. They had drugged her to keep her passive. In a way this was perhaps a saving grace. She was oblivious to almost everything that happened.

"We left and called the police. The kidnappers weren't amateurs but it turned out it was an activity unsanctioned by their mob bosses. They didn't talk to the police and without our illegally obtained evidence they were released. About a week later their bosses cleaned up. The kidnappers simply vanished off the face of the earth, including the one I had questioned in the room. A while after I was visited by a mob representative who apologised. One of the most disconcerting things that ever happened to me.

"Kate, I need to ask you to not investigate this. I know you must be curious but I swear nothing good can come from dredging it up. Especially after all these years. Believe me, I know now about the ramifications of looking into something best left alone."

Kate nods. "Okay, I promise. But if I have questions can I ask you?" Rick nods in confirmation.

"Once we got Alexis home, I got her the best care possible. Fortunately she was young enough to rebound quickly and I don't believe she remembers much or anything. Hopefully, nothing more than a recollection of a scary childhood nightmare.

"I barely let Alexis out of my sight for the next twelve months. Eventually it freaked her out, not to mention her friends and their parents. And I crashed. I had a PTSD relapse. Got more treatment.

"Decided to get my life in order properly. I had visited Thomas Mathers – he was a financial consultant now, and he hooked me up with his brother, Steve, and this wiz-kid Harry. We started investing my book earnings. Before long, I was making more than if I was writing.

"Based on tales told to me by Derek and Tim, I started to develop the Storm character.

"Some time after came Sophia Turner. Yes she was a Muse. Also lover for a short while. But closed off. Hardly surprising as she was CIA. Suited me at the time, I was pretty much the same. I didn't let her meet Alexis. When Sophia deliberately engineered an encounter that was pretty much the final straw. Shows you how poor a judge of women I was, especially when she turns out to be a traitor. My past life almost got you killed Kate. Something else for me to atone for.

"Her mention of my father was the first time in years, I had even thought about the mystery of my entirely absent progenerator.

"I've never known my father. 'Famously Fatherless' as the press say. Mother says she doesn't remember or certainly want reveal any more information. And if you want to know where I first learnt to deflect questions I didn't want to answer, start with her.

"I've learnt to adapt, and all I ever wanted for my children was to offer them a stable home. Of course I failed in that too. I feel I have betrayed Alexis is some way by not providing her with the mother she deserved and needed.

"I tried to fix that absent mother with Gina. But I neglected to actually ensure all the women in my life actually liked each other. Alexis didn't like Gina much and now she particularly dislikes Gina. And well Martha detests Meredith. It's mutual which always makes for entertainment if the two can stay in the same room for any length of time.

"Gina, I thought was an open book. No subterfuge. Probably why I was attracted to her beyond the physical level. She edited and published my books – she's very good at that. She certainly used me a cheque book. I'm forever grateful to Steve and Harry for the pre-nup. Even so, Gina would never have to work again if she choose to.

"Both my marriages were failures. I choose the wrong women. For different reasons. But the wrong reason.

"Worse than that they both cheated. Although to be fair to Gina it was never until we were all but legally over. And she was honest about it. To my face actually. Meredith on the other hand was a serial philanderer. Can you label a woman that?

"After Sophia, to prevent myself and Alexis being hurt anymore, I simply didn't seek a long term relationship. Or even short term ones.

"Then I met you."

* * *

**Author's Note**

**This chapter has been beating me down for more than a week – feels like longer. Sorry about that. But I wasn't willing to post it until I was happy with it.**

**I learnt an important lesson - Don't watch end of season angst arcs whilst trying to write AU storylines. Too much leakage into the story.**

**Did I mention this story was AU? The good news. No relationship angst. Not happening. Plenty of drama and lighter moments to come.**


	29. Chapter 29 - Affirmation

**One of Us – Chapter 29 – Affirmation **

**Summary Rick is responding to Kate's soul baring with some of her own. "Then I met you."**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

"Having a homicide detective, especially one as striking as you, burst into my book launch party was the last thing I expected. It turns it was everything I needed even if I didn't know it at the time.

"I still remember your words, the enunciation, the commanding tone. I thought it was hot. Still do. Of course I was an ass then so you could be forgiven for your first impressions."

He pauses and gazes straight at her, into her. Serious. She holds her ground. Returns the attention and sentiment.

"But that wasn't truly the first time you had met me. You had come to book signings – not that I have been able to remember - but it took a long time before I could get that confirmation from you. Oh and your dad who turns out to have a veritable scrapbook and a gold mine of information. You were actually a fan. Are a big fan."

"But that's not what I wanted to say. Excuse my rambling but I'm tired and I hurt, and the drugs make me numb, my mind mushy. And apparently my vocabulary diminished."

He shakes his head and automatically starts to shrug his shoulders. Bad move. Shrug aborted with the stab of pain clear on his face and the way his fingers instinctively tighten on hers. Sometimes they are so caught up in their words they are sharing, this new truth of them, that the place and the why are almost forgotten, or at least pushed away.

"I had reached a cross-roads in my life. My daughter was growing up. My newly divorced, broke mother was living with us. I had killed off Derrick Storm with no idea of what to do next. Made ex-Wife No2 even more irritable. Not exactly a master plan for life. In fact I had no idea of what I wanted to do, or even be then.

"Alexis was now seriously a teenager and spending time at school and her friends. Cool dads only stay cool if the dosage is correct, and the teenage tolerance is not high believe you me.

"I had few close friends, my poker buddies, but they all had their own lives to lead. I was lonely. I wanted an equal to share my life with. Something I hadn't truly felt since Kyra. God knows Meredith wasn't it, and Gina was a mistake of my own making.

"I was good at my cover image, the playboy persona, I felt I sometimes convinced myself. Certainly convinced others, even some detectives. And mother thinks I can't act.

"Writing had been a major part of my life, who I am, for so long. But it wasn't enough anymore when we first met. I had written Storm to its conclusion and had nothing else I felt I wanted to tell.

"Meeting you and becoming involved in those first few cases opened my eyes. I came for the story, but I've stayed for you, our friends, for Roy, to honor the dead, and help is some small way their families. Being a NYPD consultant has given me a lot of joy, satisfaction and a renewed sense of purpose. I also got a kickass character and sidekicks out it too. And eventually you.

"The last five years of my life, our lives, have been the most exhilarating, fulfilling, terrifying, emotional, heartbreaking, passionate, challenging and extraordinary.

"In short what I am saying is that I can't do this without you Kate. I don't want to. So whatever we do, we do it together." He seems to reach a natural stop, and Kate takes the opportunity to lean into his face and kiss him, pushing the oxygen mask briefly to one side.

"Me too Rick. Me too." She whispers the words and he can feel her breath ghost across his face. Kate sites back into the chair and waits.

* * *

"I'm glad Gates found out about us. It made me – and maybe you as well – look at ourselves and address the issues of what we want. Both of us. Honestly and openly.

"To be honest I could have settled for what we already have. For a while anyway, longer even. I would have been very happy to coast along as a couple with no other definition for as long as we both wanted."

"Why?" Kate can't help herself and her question interrupts him but he takes in his stride.

"For lots of reasons.

"Firstly I was, am, happy and I believe you were, are, too. It was all so new, and after taking so long to get here, I didn't think it would hurt to take some time to get used to things. Some things just gel between us but others take a bit of work, and I thought we had time. Work out the kinks so to speak." Obligatory Castle eyebrow waggle meets Beckett glacial stare – still disconcerting how menacing it is after all these years.

"And if we're not at it like rabbits all the time, well anymore. Okay mostly not." He manages this with only a slight blush and not one ounce of a leer. Kate is impressed but she won't show it or tell him. She knows him – her Manchild - better than to feed his ego or worse his inner or outer child. Naturally the Beckett eye-roll responds. Double barrelled. He grins back. He was totally fishing for that.

"But that isn't an indictment of our relationship having issues. We're best friends, work partners, as well as lovers. We spend a lot of time together, and we do need some down time. Private time." Kate nods in understanding. She has found it necessary to retreat on occasion including rare moments of solitude in her own apartment. Not that will be an option in the future.

"I am comfortable being myself with you, and hopefully you are too. We're both used to being on our own for periods. In some ways we like that and even find it necessary." Wow only a slight eye-roll.

"We have singular activities that we will still like to do. You retreat into my bathroom - or yours - with candles, a book and some wine. Or go running or to the gym, punch something or some unlucky person. Or those girl's night's with Lanie. Shopping with Alexis or worse, my mother. I write, or play games or other forms of procrastination. I meet up with the Boys from time to time. Poker nights, though you come to some of those.

"Then there is the fear of failure. My previous marriages both ended and are a matter of public record – well the events at least if not the real reasons why they failed.

"I'm also afraid of going too fast, too far. For you. Scaring you off. Making another mistake that sends you running. I've been desperate to avoid doing that. So yes, I have been tiptoeing through some of this."

He holds her gaze and she can see the fear in his eyes. The dire prospect of losing her that drives this unique and unconventional man to play safe.

"Aside from Alexis, I have never been this invested in another person. I can't lose you Kate. It would break me for good. This is the most important relationship of my life. I'm desperate for it, for us, to work.

"But how do you judge a successful relationship? Well by one definition, it must be one that lasts. But if it isn't over how can it really be measured? I didn't have an answer to that. Not until the last few days. What happened to me, and has happened to you, and so nearly happened to both of us too many times. I've been giving it some thought. We both deserve more Kate.

"So now I do know how to address it. This." He squeezes her hand, and moves their conjoined arms to indicate her and him in turn.

"This is how we address that question. Together. Permanently. No more holding back. All In. Your 'One' and my 'Done'. Everything else we can work on."

His face is so serious stripped of all other emotion. Kate secretly loves this side of him. It doesn't surface too often but it is the bedrock of her trust and faith in him. She knows the humor and innuendo are a distraction, a magician's misdirection from the man who loves so deeply and will give everything for those her loves.

"I'll follow you wherever we need to go. For a job. For family. Whatever reason."

"Sounds good to me. But you don't need to follow me anywhere Rick. All I need is here in this room, sleeping at the Loft, or at the Precinct. New York is our home and I have no plans to go anywhere else." She squeezes his hand and feels his responding grip engulf her fingers further. It gives her the bravery to ask the questions she and he had so far dodged.

"Rick can you tell me why your marriages failed?" He nods almost as if he had been expecting the question.

* * *

"I married Meredith because she was pregnant. It was the right thing to do, or at least I thought so. Mother advised against it. Told me that you didn't need to be married to raise a child, or even have a partner. In my infinite wisdom and desire for a conventional family I didn't give her enough credence or credit. First mistake.

"Second was that without the baby we didn't have a lot going for us. We didn't really know each other. We didn't share many common interests beyond a love of a good time and sex.

"Thirdly we were too young. I think I loved the romantic concept of being married and having a child more than the actuality. Certainly more than the reality.

"Meredith never even signed up for that. When Alexis was born I threw myself into being a father and almost sole parent. This left barely any time to be a husband. Meredith needs lots of time and attention. I didn't have that and eventually she sought others who would give her that no matter how ephemeral and temporary that was. She cheated and for a while I was a coward. I knew and did nothing for fear it would get worse. Of course it never got better.

"Kate, what I tell you now, no one else outside of Meredith and her now dead parents knows. In her early teens Meredith was abused for a number of years by a close family friend. The sort that was close enough to be called 'Uncle' despite the lack of blood ties. I believe the way she handles relationships, uses her body so carelessly that is the direct result of that trauma. She had some therapy when younger but then refused it. I guess her coping mechanism is to devalue her body so that the hurt is less. I don't honestly know though because we have never discussed it. I only found out towards the end from her Dad and never knew all the details. The one time I tried she threatened suicide. So I can't hate Meredith. I do pity her."

Kate nods and squeezes his hand in understanding and acceptance of the secret. She still can't help disliking the first Mrs Castle especially after her recent drama filled press conference. Meredith was sorely mistaken if she thought she could simply waltz back into Alexis' and Rick's lives.

"Not long before Alexis was three, I came home one day to find Alexis shut in her room crying and Meredith in bed with a mutual friend. I could tolerate the cheating but neglecting our daughter, my daughter never. It turns out it wasn't the first time." His voice wavers, and no matter how long a go, Kate knows that the burn from that still lingers.

"It was surreal we didn't even really argue or some much as raise our voices. She left that night and moved to LA. Divorce papers followed. I didn't care so long as I had Alexis. End of my first marriage.

"It wasn't until many years later that I even dared to try again. Once more I screwed up. My marriage to Gina was, or at least appeared to me, brilliant on paper. But unworkable in real life.

"She was this hot-shot editor and had joined Black Pawn specifically to be assigned to me. We worked together, on the Derrick Storm books. She is an extremely talented editor and I do owe a lot of the success of the books to her. We were both very busy – I had Alexis and she had other authors as well as me - and we had no time for romantic partners. Initially we started out as fuck buddies I guess you could say. It was about the time that Paula was starting to push the playboy author as a marketing tool and Gina was keen to do her part.

"She started accompanying me on dates, and we slowly progressed from there. We did have a reasonable number of common interests and Gina is smart, professional, and attractive. Certainly in the beginning she was very attentive. I wanted a mother for Alexis. Gina was initially happy to be the mother figure but not the actual mother too much as it turns out. She never hid that. I simply didn't see it for the honesty it was.

"More importantly in trying to find a mother for Alexis, I forgot to actually consult Alexis. To find out what she really wanted. It turns out she was perfectly happy to play nice with Girlfriend Gina but was not at all enamoured of her married to me and as a mother. Despite this I can't fault Alexis or even Gina. The main blame lies with me. Once again I had screwed up and I doubted I would ever marry again.

"We separated and once we had been apart long enough we had agreed to a no-fault divorce. As low-key and quiet as being dissected on Page 6 could be. Before the divorce Gina started dating again. I couldn't and didn't want to. When the divorce came through fortunately there was pre-nup. Even so Gina got enough that she doesn't really need to work ever again.

"So that in a nutshell is my two failed marriages. Failures I largely attributable to myself. Strangely enough I still like my former wives. Not love them. Curious. I don't know why. Well I'm not sure I even like Gina when she is chasing chapters or press appearances or tours. Or Meredith when she's acting out. Which she does often.

"So between the marriages I had only a handful of girlfriends and in a few periods a few one-night or very short term relationship built around physical satisfaction.

"Mother had raised me to be respectful to women and I have always endeavoured to be a gentleman and to try and offer romance even if it was only for a night. To make it about more than just sex. To be honest it didn't always work out. I loved sex. I love sex."

Kate actually snorts at this point. Rick schools his face into an indignant scowl.

"Oh I have lots of evidence that you too like, indeed love sex, Dee-Tec-TiVe." Accentuating the syllables, the timbre of his voice pulls her, and even here in hospital, she or at least her body instinctively responds to him.

"I thought I had a well-rounded sex education but in our time together I have certainly learnt a thing or two from you. That trick you do with the…."

"Rick" Kate interrupts with her hand moving up his arm and squeezing firmly. "Not now." Best cop voice. This is an instruction. A command. He obeys as best he can.

"Okay." Then in a micro pause she sees the eyes light with glee and an eyebrow may have just waggled. "Later?"

"Beg much, Writer Boy?" Oh sassy Kate.

"When necessary, yes. You didn't answer my question." Single minded when he wants or needs to be. She wouldn't change that for the world.

"Yes. Later I promise." There is a firmness in her tone that signifies that this little detour is over – for the moment. Satisfied he continues on.

"If we had hooked up the first year it would have been primarily about the sex. Even the second year, although by then you were well on the way to becoming my best friend as well as the embodiment of my carnal desires.

"I can't deny that those times you choose someone, not me, hurt. And they hurt worse each time. I was running at the end of our second year thinking you were with Demming. I was so desperate I reunited with Gina, and I know now that it must have hurt you badly. Set us back.

"It took us another two years, Josh, more close calls with death, and you being shot and almost never making it. That finally forced me to face up to the reality of how much I loved you and how much I would fight. I don't think I could or would want to survive that. Losing you Kate. Whatever way, however, it were to happen."

He stops, his voice hoarse from the talking and Kate reaches onto the side table and lifts the cup and straw to his mouth so he can drinks some water.

"I'm a dreamer at heart, almost always hoping for the best, and when there is a relationship that went beyond a night, I did want the romance, the wooing, the first dates, the excitement and anticipation of the first kiss. I'll admit that I probably would have settled for sex with you that first year, but after that I began to want more until I wanted everything. So in the end, I am glad that for whatever reason we didn't get to debrief each other that first case.

"Mother recently told me that I was intrinsically lazy, and that extended to my relationships. I needed to be challenged, and that the most important women in my life did that. Mother of course, Alexis, Rebecca, Kyra and you, Kate.

"I wasn't exaggerating when I told you you're the most challenging and exasperating person I know. I took the challenge on, even without knowing how much it would require of me. To grow, to change, to commit. Even so I almost didn't make it to us.

* * *

"That summer after you were shot almost did for me. The first hours in the hospital were goddamn awful. But once I knew you were alive, I was finally able to leave the hospital. The Boys had tried to kidnap me out of the waiting room on the second day. I may have punched Ryan but Espo swept my legs and sat me down. They gave me a good talking to but we reached an agreement what I would go home when you woke up. So I did. Briefly. Got cleaned up. Threw away the clothes from the funeral. Spent a long time in the shower. Fresh clothes, flowers and then came to see you.

"Josh was there. We barely spoke. I knew something was wrong but you sent me away. Didn't let me help you. Almost instantly I lost the joy of your survival. I meant Always, for everything, with all my heart. Apparently you didn't. At least I thought so at the time. I thought you were with Josh. That you choose him over me.

"Initially I coped or mimicked coping. I kept busy. Helping the Boys with the investigation. Then I was kicked out of the Precinct by Gates. She had arrived one evening. After the long days and nights, little sleep and we were all tired. I didn't even try to charm or smooth talk her. Well let's just say our first impressions of each other were mutually disagreeable. I was gone. I didn't even have the heart to try the Mayor. To fight for you.

"I continued on investigating on my own but that tapered off due to a lack of leads. I had somehow finished the book on autopilot. I was so hostile that even Gina kept her distance and Paula did business by phone, but that last one could have been due to a deficiency in showering on my part. The dedication to Roy was heartfelt but also because I couldn't make one to you. It simply hurt too much.

"Eventually I crashed. A lack of sleep or proper food, too much alcohol, my constantly negative and dark thoughts. The darkness returned with a vengeance. Alexis had never experienced it. It scared her. I scared her. And she ran, retreated for self-preservation. I did that. I frightened my little girl so much that she ran from me."

Even now it brings tears of shame from him. Kate reciprocates with her own. The visceral guilt assails her.

"Mother recognised it of course. She'd seen it before, but never as bad as this. Worse than Kyra she told me. The kidnapping too. But even then I refused help. Wallowed in grief, self-pity and denied everything. Or worse imagined everything. Especially you with him. Him nursing you to health. Not me. I was spiralling down, everything felt out of control.

"Then something unexpected happened. Alexis and Mother went to your dad. They persuaded him to come visit. He spent most of a day with me. He wouldn't tell me too much about you directly, but enough that I knew you were on your own. Your choice he told me. Sounded pretty much like the independent, kickass detective I knew.

"I know it seems so petty but I got satisfaction from knowing Josh wasn't there but more than that I wanted to be there. Or someone so you weren't so alone. But your Dad was worried about someone trying to finish the job. I was too but it wasn't my place, and your decision had hit me so hard, for once I didn't even feel like breaking the rules. But with your Dad's permission, I had Taylor Matthews provide some discreet security for the vicinity around the cabin.

"Rick?!" Kate's voice conveys her surprise, dismay, and a touch of anger at this revelation. But before she can do more than momentarily interrupt, Rick forges on.

"Kate. I did it for him. For you. They reported to your Dad, not me. I knew nothing. They didn't do observation of you so much as the locale. The last five weeks before you came back. Just helped give your Dad and I peace of mind. You weren't the only one seeing snipers in every shadow."

"But I digressed. That day your father came to see me. Did you know that your dad has the soul of a poet and mean dry wit to boot? He told me the sad, mournful tale of a lost girl whose joy in life was stolen from her, and how a minstrel – apparently bard is too complementary – slowly restored it to her piece by piece. Despite this, the girl is stubborn like her mother, and won't admit the emotions she so clearly felt for that minstrel. He told me it was time for the minstrel to prove his worth and get well enough to be there for her when she returned so one day they could have their always.

"So your dad kicked my arse, and my mother got me into therapy. I spent ten days in a clinic. No one, other than her and now you know. I think you dad probably suspects but I can't be sure. Alexis thinks I was in time out at the Hamptons under adult supervision. Maybe she knows, she's smart and she and Mother don't keep much from each other." There is frustration on his face and she guess this is from his inability to use body language to accentuate his words.

"After you came back, I've been back to therapy almost a dozen times since. Especially after bad cases but not always. After the Sniper. Going in the River. The bombing and my fucking stupid assumptions got me three sessions. My last was that day before your suspension ended when you went to see your Dad. So when you told me after the Zombie case about your therapy and how you just wanted to do the time. To be better. I did understand. I have my own personal firsthand experience of it.

"I'm sorry haven't been honest with you about this before. I guess I didn't want to risk that you would see me as broken and run.

"So that day when you came to the signing and we talked on the swings you weren't the only one tentatively finding your feet again. I was still angry with you. But your words gave me hope. No more Josh gave me hope. More than anything I wanted to hope that we somehow had a future."

* * *

"Oh God, Rick. I've fucked up so badly. Done you so much damage. How can you love me after all this? So many times."

"Simple. You chose me. Only Me. Just Me. That was enough. It will always be enough."

Kate leans her body into his and gives him as much of an embrace as his position and injuries allow.

"But I'm not without my own fears and insecurities.

"I'm a forty-something now Kate. I'm not a young man. Heading into middle age. My body is sagging and bulging where it shouldn't. To be frank you do wear me out on occasion. You're almost a decade younger.

"So I do sometimes worry about the age difference. Sometimes it feels like nothing but other days it seems more than a generation's gulf between us.

"You're a stunning woman, you turn heads, light up rooms and that's before you even smile. Or they understand how smart you are. I see the way other men look at you. I can't deny I get jealous sometimes. Even though I am your boyfriend. I guess those insecurities derive from all the times you choose someone who wasn't me.

I'm afraid of being alone. Growing old without people to love and cherish and have that returned. I know eventually Alexis will leave and start a life totally of her own. I'll miss her but would never hold her back. It is part of the reason I let mother stay. She provides companionship, admittedly often of the unconventional kind. It is also in acknowledgement of all the sacrifices she made for me. She and Meredith are both red-headed actresses but there the similarity ends. Mother never gave up, always tried to do her best for me, even if I didn't see it, acknowledge it, or even resented it.

"I know there are lots more things we need to discuss. Money is one of them. I know you've met with Steve and Harry and I know you Kate. You will have been freaked out. I promise to discuss and listen to your concerns about that and other things. But I'm really tired and don't think I can last too much longer. So I'll finish with this.

"We're both been broken, and still are, Kate. Both of us. In different ways, but the same also. We are fantastic together, and do help each other heal and get better. And now you have stopped running, I want to take this opportunity to catch hold of you and hold on for the rest of our lives."

"I love you Kate, and I know now that nothing will ever change that. So I guess the only solution is to marry you and make it last."

Kate has rocked backed into her chair for the moment. Her eyes are down but she is clearly contemplating something as her tell of a lip trapped between teeth gives her away.

"Rick I was wrong before when I said nothing you say can make me change my mind about you. Sorry but I was wrong." She leans forward and reaches up to caress his face, her eyes fixed on his. Still full of unshed tears.

"You're beautiful." Oh she may have actually shocked him. He's certainly dumbstruck.

"You are such a beautiful person, Richard Castle.

"Rick, what you have shared with me tonight has changed how I think of you. But only for the better. To know in spite of your own battles and issues, you were steadfast in your loyalty and you were there for me always. Even when I hid in a relationship with someone else. Your friendship has always meant a lot to me. Somehow it has become everything. It is still so surreal. Some days I can't help myself squealing that I am in the most serious sort of relationship with Richard Castle!

"I won't ever be able to apologise enough for what I have been responsible for. For the hurt, pain, the damage I have inflicted on you. On your family. Our family. Foolishly I believed that what I knew first hand was the extent of it. I was so wrong, and I am so sorry.

"But I told you before I am not running. A while ago my dad once observed that it was about this time or earlier in the handful of serious relationships that I ran. Broke it off. Hid in my work. I'm not doing that to you. For us. Never running. Not from you. I am all in and this is it for me too.

"Rick, when you helped break down my wall, you restored my liberty, and gave me freedom I didn't believe I could ever have again. You've opened up my life. For the first time in so long I've thought about what else I could do with my life. I love being a cop, but it wasn't what I ever conceived or dreamt of growing up. First female Chief Justice. A lawyer. Maybe a professor. I was mad keen on Russian literature and not so much on American crime thrillers no matter how handsome the author was – my mom was though. There are options for me now.

"But regardless of what else I do with my life, with that freedom you gifted me, I am choosing you. I choose you over my mom's case. I'll choose you over any job. I choose a lifetime with you. Always you.

"I know we agreed not to get engaged just yet. But there is a step, I want to take now with you."

Her voice wavers slightly. The emotions and stress of the last few days are dragging down on all of them, and she has never been comfortable at being, appearing anything other than strong, not since the year after her mother died. But he can see how exhausted she is, how desperately in need of respite she has become. But this observance is pushed away by the words that follow as she moves into the bedside and almost whispers to him. Her voice so strong yet intimate.

"Richard Alexander Rodgers, you are the love of my life, my heart, my soul, my shield, my best friend, and partner. I Katherine Houghton Beckett promise myself to you, for us, for my lifetime and always."

As she recites these words, she turns their hands over so his left palm faces up and lets go.

With those words still resounding with him, she reaches into her top and pulls her necklace with her mother's ring on it out. Undoing the clasp, she takes it from around her, recloses the clasp and then she carefully pools that chain and ring into the cavernous palm of his left hand.

"This is a token of my commitment to you. Of my promise for our future together. I am entrusting this to you as a sign of our bond."

Then pressing his hand shut, she squeezes his enclosed fist with her two hands, once again marvelling in the size of his hand and the recollections of just how measured and magnificent they are when they worship and protect her.

"Kate." His voice is broken, conveying every ounce of the surprise and shock with which her declaration has caught him. Despite being blindsided the writer rapidly finds the words he needs and she deserves.

"Katherine Houghton Beckett, you are my one true love, the center of my universe, my keeper, my best friend and partner. I Richard Alexander Rodgers promise myself to you, together, for all our lifetimes and always."

Unable to do much more than look at her, his face has taken on the most serious countenance she has ever seen. Absolute. That what it is. Such a serious expression. It is equal to his words, part of his pledge given with absolute commitment and sincerity.

"I'm sorry I have nothing here to give to you except that promise. For now. Give me a chance and I will have something appropriate for you."

There are tears flowing unimpeded from both sets of eyes. They say nothing else. Nothing more needs to be said.

* * *

The door to the ICU room opens and a raw-faced Kate Beckett snatches a caught-off guard Best Friend into the room.

Rick is asleep. Drained by the long day and the emotional turmoil of the last hours, this and the drugs have finally dragged him into a deep slumber.

"Thank you" Kate says simply. She doubts she has the energy or willpower to do more with her body or her words.

"Did you?" Her best friend is curious. She's been guarding the door but facing away all the time despite the temptation.

Kate nods, and a smile breaks onto her face and through her eyes despite her physical and mental exhaustion.

"Everything" A one word response from Kate.

"Everything?" Lanie queries.

"Everything" Kate confirms. Lanie deserves more but somehow Kate knows that this is enough for now. The interrogation will be done on another day, in another place more conducive for girl talk.

"Oh Sweetie" As Lanie moves forward to take her best friend in a hug. Her keen senses have noted how exhausted her friend is, and how despite her apparent outward elation, she is close to breaking. She needs to get Kate out of the hospital and somewhere for a good night's rest with no interruptions. And Lanie Parish knows exactly who she can entrust this to.

* * *

About an hour later Lanie is back and escorts Jim Beckett into the room. Kate is collapsed in the chair by the bed. Asleep sitting mostly upright. Beside her sleeps her man, and he at least appears more comfortable. Her medical training knows better. There is a long road ahead for him and she hopes he won't be anywhere near as stubborn as her best friend was.

Jim Beckett crotches down by his only child, and carefully strokes the side of her face.

Kate starts a little, eyes flickering, and then wakes slowly.

"Dad?" Uncertain recognition greets her sole remaining parent as the sleep slips away. Years of cop hours kick in and she sits upright more awake now. He holds her in place with a father's embrace.

"Hi Katie Bear. I've come to take you home for the night."

"Don't want to. Stay with Rick."

"Katie, you need to sleep and rest properly." She shakes her head, adamant in her position.

"It will do neither Rick nor yourself any good if you collapse and breakdown."

"Someone has to stay."

Lanie steps forward.

"I got this girlfriend. Now go sleep in a proper bed and don't come back until you have caught up on some of that lost sleep and had a good shower or even better bath, and some food."

"Okay."

* * *

**Author's Note**

**Thank you for your patience.**

**I deliberately waited until after the Finale before posting this. So apologies but I wanted to give the inevitable deluge a chance to die down. I have also re-edited a few paragraphs to incorporate some salient points from the finale into my story.**

**Coming up next will be Meredith and the fallout from her return to New York.**

**Reminder this is an AU story. Originally slightly AU, I guess it is fully heading out into fully AU.**


	30. Chapter 30 – Suite and Sour

**One of Us – Chapter 30 – Suite and Sour**

**Summary Richard Castle is recovering in hospital with the comfort of his family and friends. However, not all visitors are welcome.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows!**  
**All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

"You have got to be fucking kidding? The Oriental Suite!"

Paula Haas is showing her roots and she doesn't fucking care. Meredith Lee, aka the first ex-Mrs Castle has always managed to annoy her but she has gone beyond the pale in the last twelve hours.

Not only has her team and Black Pawn's spent their Sunday trying to unravel the almighty cluster-fuck that Meredith's impromptu press conference at JFK caused but now she discovers the Fucking Bitch has somehow finagled her way out of a very nice and expensive Park Avenue suite at the Mandarin Oriental. The very suite they (her firm and Black Pawn) were paying for and had moved into the only slightly more astronomically priced Oriental Suite.

A check of the room charges had already indicated over seven hundred dollars – no doubt Meredith was ordering the most expensive champagne on the wine list - in room service in less four hours. Her only victories so far were to block any non-room service or restaurant charges being made. So no boutique bill-backs especially from The Shops at Columbus Circle which connected onto the hotel. Paula was actually half-inclined to see if Meredith would actually try it. She could almost visualise the scream of frustration when Meredith discovered in a shop that she couldn't charge it to the room.

Times like these make her wish she had never given up smoking. Or that Rick's friendship with certain mobsters didn't only go as far as show and tell and didn't include the ability to request the sort of favour that the Godfather would call for repayment on some time in the future.

Snapping back to reality she took some satisfaction that Meredith was about to receive a couple of visits that would certainly sour her evening.

* * *

**The Oriental Suite, Mandarin Oriental, New York.**

Watching the hotel server remove the dinner trolley from her suite, Meredith smiled to herself, and sipped more of the Veuve Clicquot that she had ordered to accompany her meal. What had been a spur of the moment act of desperation less than twenty-four hours ago may just work out better than she could have hoped.

Perhaps she was a little disappointed not to be at the Loft but that would have left her facing Martha and without Ricky there to act as interference she knew the old Battle-axe would pull no punches. Mind you neither would she if she didn't have to worry about being seen in her true nature by her ex-husband. Anyway, she had been whisked here by limo from the airport by his publishers and agent desperate to get her away from the press. Meredith was happy to comply so long as she ultimately got what she wanted. She already had a march on them by upgrading to one of the best suites in the hotel. That and the room service with the five hundred dollar bottle of champagne whose name she couldn't pronounce. Also a quick word and a hundred to the bellboy had sorted out some very mellow smoke as well.

She knew it was a long shot coming here to New York. But she was running out of options back in LA since Alexis had reached college age and Rick had ceased paying the palimony just like he had promised. She had dismissed this as an idle threat for so many years. Usually a few quick bouts of ex-sex – which given his talents was not exactly a chore – would ensure the payment often with a little or sometimes – especially after some heavy duty action - quite a bit extra. But he had made it clear more than three years ago that the sex wasn't happening again, ever, and that the payments would cease on the legal deadline. And they had.

Despite her rent free home, her own meagre earnings as an actress were not enough to meet her lifestyle needs, especially as she was in the midst of mounting a campaign to raise her profile and get more mainstream work. Whilst she occasionally had doubts about that decision, she knew there was no going back and she was committed.

She had no doubts that his association with the female detective was behind his cutting her off. Kate Beckett had seemed so insignificant when she first met her. She had initially dismissed the admittedly attractive detective as one of Rick's flings or one of his short-term fascinations but she knew now she had been mistaken. Very mistaken. Sure he had kept following her in his typically enchanting puppy manner, but he had relinked with Gina for months and Alexis has told her of two boyfriends at least for the Detective. Whatever the nature of their romantic lives, in those intervening years, Rick had changed. So too had the younger woman.

A few months ago she had arrived in New York for one of her surprise visits she had been shocked to have her arrival at the Loft ruined in seconds when the door was opened by the now stunning and clearly happy Detective who had politely let her enter. Less than ten minutes later her plans were in disarray and she was summarily shipped off to the Plaza and she was obliged to meet Alexis away from the Loft for the remainder of the visit. It was only then did she find out from her daughter that the two of them had been together and keeping it out of the press for some months. Alexis has told her nothing of this beforehand despite their regular calls. Furthermore her own daughter had gone so far as to threaten not to visit in the summer if she leaked the news to the press. There was no way Meredith would put that at risk given that Alexis always came with one or more of Ricky's credit cards.

She was here now and she needed to make this work. No doubt she would face opposition from the usual suspects – Martha, Paula Haas, Gina and his lawyers. However, it was clear to her that Kate Beckett may also be an issue as well as Ricky himself. He was clearly in thrall to the woman. And that simply wouldn't do. Plus there was the issue of him be in hospital.

She was a little concerned about how Alexis would react. Normally Alexis would at least give her some leeway and chance to explain or apologise. But the extremely terse phone call this afternoon had reeked of anger.

Even now she still found it hard to think of Alexis as her daughter. Certainly she tried to love her but like everyone since she could never make that emotional bond. Sure she put on the Mom act when she visited but she had never felt the deep connection even during pregnancy and after giving birth. All those years ago the psychiatrist had classified it as dissociative disorder unspecified and had suggested counselling to address the trauma that had caused this but Meredith had refused after the second session. When first her parents and then Ricky tried to get her to have treatment she had got them to back down by threatening to take her own life.

Ricky's desperation to keep the child had played into her hands in terms of the settlement, money and lifestyle. Not to mention the gorgeous Bel-air house. But all that was in danger, at risk. She was a survivor, and she would win, or close enough. Perhaps she did feel a little guilty about taking Ricky's money but not very. He had plenty of it. Lots more than she had ever known about until recently if her source was correct. She didn't really want too much of it.

She already had the numbers of more than a dozen law firms willing to represent her. Things were looking up.

* * *

Meredith was just about to retire to the bath to relax further when the doorbell rang. Pulling the robe around her she strolled to the door, curious as to who it was given she had not ordered room service again and it was gone eight, almost nine in the evening.

She opened the door to find a smartly dressed woman with short brunette hair and piercing eyes.

"Good Evening Ms Lee. I am Clare Dunne from Taylor Matthews."

Meredith stared at the vaguely familiar woman trying to place her. Her gaze conveyed her initial surprise but then she unashamedly checked her out.

"I remember you." Meredith has met people from Taylor Matthews before and then she remembers where she recognizes the woman from. Alexis' vacation visit three summers ago. Ricky had been paranoid about some stalker and had arranged for personal security. This Clare has stayed with them for two weeks that year.

"Good. May I come in?" The request is met with a nod and wave of the hand as Meredith steps back.

"As you remember me, it should be sufficient for you to realise that I mean business, and that I require your cooperation.

"I represent Taylor Matthews. We have been engaged to help resolve your financial and security situation to enable you to return to LA and resume your acting career."

"What if I don't want to go back right now? Or ever?"

"That's not within my brief. I am simply here to get the necessary information to enable resolution of the issue back in LA.

"Please let's take a seat. This may take a while."

Entering the lounge room, they sit at the coffee table, Meredith on the chaise lounge, and Clare opposite in a single seat chair. Meredith's robe slipped open but she made no move to cover the body hugging pale green silk and lace nightdress underneath. The woman opposite though didn't miss a beat and didn't appear to be letting the display affect her.

Meredith waves a hand at the bottle of Veuve Clicquot and somehow wordlessly offers her visitor a drink. Which is declined with a deliberate half twist of the neck.

"No thank you. I'm on duty."

"Meredith, I need information on the people who loaned you the money and who are now making the demands. Plus details of the money, how it was paid, any paper or electronic exchanges."

Meredith pales. She clearly wasn't expecting such a blunt demand.

"I really don't have all the details. I can't…."

"Meredith!" Clare's voice snaps as she interrupts the flailing woman.

"You don't have time to waffle your way around this. Or disassemble, give me half-truths or self-serving omissions."

"So cut the crap Meredith. I know you're not stupid. So why did you take a loan from an obvious loan shark?"

"You should treat me with respect. You.." Meredith starts to protests before being shut down

"You need to earn the respect Meredith. At the moment you don't get any because you got yourself in a major hole of your own making, and if you expect us to help you out of it, you cooperate fully." Clare makes no threat, just simple demands, stripped bare of all emotion.

Meredith sits back, her hands clasping the robe closed. With a sigh she swallows and closes her eyes. Composing herself.

"It was through the producer of this show that's being following me for XtmX – this new cable entertainment channel. The show is about up and coming personalities in their chosen profession."

Clare hears the other end of the channel in her ear open up briefly for a guttural snort and a 'Yeah right' full of sarcasm. She quickly executes two double tap on her wrist pad – STFU. A single click acknowledges. She refocuses on Meredith.

"They call him 'Ángel Dulce'. Mexican but not at all like those street guys or gangta's. No tattoos, well dressed and well spoken. Smart, he has a degree from SoCal in Media. He was so nice, giving advice and introductions to some new casting agents."

Clare has already translated the handle in her head – Taylor Matthews insisted all operatives were at least passible in Spanish reflecting the growing reality of the ethnic makeup especially in many of the areas they operated. Her live feed back to the NYC office would see what intel was to be had for this 'Sweet Angel'.

"Does he have a name, Meredith?" The 'real' is omitted from the request but even the actress can read between the lines.

" Jesus 'Agrass' I think. It was on his Studio pass. I think."

Clare knew the office – listening in - would be checking all the similar Spanish surnames – most likely 'Agras' or 'Agraz'. But they would handle that.

"So who suggested the amount of the loan and how it would be repaid?"

"That was Angel's friend. Toya, Wilson I think was her surname. She came to a shoot, and had a talk to me. She seemed so nice and genuine.

"They offered Four hundred thousand dollars at five percent. It seemed like a good deal."

Clare was used to calling on her military training but this is almost the first time she had ever used her learnt self-discipline to stop herself launching a withering fusillade of sarcasm on the actress. Instead she settled for something slightly less debilitating.

"The interest term Meredith? Did they tell you that it was weekly?"

"No." Clare had a fine appreciation for actors, and had learnt during time with the military and afterwards how to read people, even those practised in the art of projecting falsehoods be it for entertainment or more nefarious purposes. Meredith Lee had none of that skill. Either innate or learnt. It was a wonder that she had made as many appearances as she had done.

"And when it came time and they came to collect what did they do?

"They gave me three options. Pay including interest – but it was too much. One point two million. Alternatively I could make some cross border trips for them. Look I know what that meant. Or the third alternative. More movies."

"Why didn't you seek help? The Police. Or from Mister Castle." Clare is pretty sure she knows what is coming next.

"They have collateral."

"What sort?"

"Pictures and video."

"Have you seen it? Has anyone else sent it?" Meredith is nodding.

"Yes. I mean I've seen it. I don't know who else they have shown it to."

"What is the nature of the content?"

"Me doing some coke with some friends and partying."

"What sort of partying?"

"The naked kind."

Clare leans forward, her eyebrow arching in expectation of more. This movement makes her jacket fall open and the parkerized grip of her Sig Sauer P229 is directly in line of sight of Meredith. It is a cheap ploy. Simple, base intimidation but it works.

Group sex." There is no sign of any apprehension or shame in her voice or on her face.

"This is the 'more movies' third option?"

Meredith nods.

Do you have a copy?" Meredith nods again.

"Good – give it to me."

"But…"

"Just give it over and I suggest you delete any other copies.

Meredith goes to her purse and retrieved her phone. Pushing the cover back she pulls a micro-SD card from the phone and hands it to Clare who rather that touch it lets it fall into the small clear evidence bag she has produced from a pocket.

"Thank you Meredith." Clare rises from the seat.

"I'm done here for the moment." She turns and strides towards the door and the prospect of fresh air. Pausing by the still closed door Clare leaves one parting shot.

"Oh Meredith? Don't smoke marijuana in the hotel again or anywhere near our principals. We'll turn you over to the hotel management and cops without hesitation."

"You never said who you are working for. Who are you working for?"

"Richard Castle and his family."

"His family?"

"Yes. His mother, daughter and Detective Beckett. They are our client.

"She's not family." Meredith doesn't need to identify further who she is talking about.

"Whatever you think Meredith but the way they act, the legal authority, and our brief – they are all family. Think about that carefully before you make you next or any move."

"I'll let myself out."

"Goodnight."

* * *

Entering the lobby Clare finishes her brief check-in with Paula and nods to two figures sitting by the bar drinking coffee. One is Steve Mathers, Rick Lawyer. Next to him is somewhat non-descript average middle-aged woman in a nice suite. Suzanne White is Steve's partner in the firm of Mathers & White and by reputation and results an extremely accomplished multi-discipline lawyer. Barely acknowledging the nod from the Taylor Matthews operative, the two lawyers rise from their seats and head to the elevator.

* * *

Meredith was still slumped on the chaise lounge when the doorbell went again.

Staggering up she opened the door to see one of her least favourite members of Rick's inner circle. Steve Mathers and a woman who could only be his partner, Suzanne White.

There is no exchange of formalities.

The female lawyer addresses the red-headed actress.

"Meredith Lee."

"You are hereby prohibited from any further use of or perpetuation of claim to surname 'Castle'. Either by representation or oversight. There are court orders for New York State and California.

"To put it simply, if someone calls you Meredith Castle, Mrs Castle, Ms Castle or even simply Castle, you must correct them. You cannot call yourself that either. No hyphenation either, so Lee-Castle is out just so you are sure.

"Any breech of this conditions will be dealt with by further legal action, potentially seeking damages. Punitive actions including eviction from the Bel-air property are options.

"We have a number of documents for you. My understanding is that you don't currently have a lawyer. I recommend you get one at your earliest convenience."

She passes a legal document folder over.

"These are your copies of the court orders for name enforcement in New York State and California. Please don't make us seek federal court orders.

"This document is the updated lease for the Bel-air house. You will note that the owner and your landlord has amended the occupancy terms to include the name prohibition under the breech terms."

"But how can Ricky do this? He's in intensive care in hospital?" Meredith finally finds her voice.

"Quite simply he hasn't. He's not the owner or landlord. He hasn't been for more than three years."

"What! Well who is?"

"Alexis Harper Rodgers." Meredith's face falls. Three years. She lives in her daughter's house. She never said anything. She can't mask the sudden pain of betrayal she feels.

"And before you even go there Meredith, she's no push over. She's owned the property since she was fifteen. It was fully managed by a trust until her eighteenth birthday, and now Alexis has assumed the trustee role. But she's never told you anything has she? Don't make the mistake of assuming you can somehow get her to relax the terms let alone sign it over. The trust has strict terms that prevent that happening."

Suzanne finishes speaking and Steve finally joins in. His tone is equally cold and certain.

"Meredith, we are issuing a press release to all media outlets regarding your legal status and the use of the 'Castle' name. Please don't be foolish enough to try and circumvent it.

"Taylor Matthews will be conducting an operation in Los Angeles and they estimate the matter will be cleared up inside a week. We will settle the debt and have any blackmail material swept up. You need to be prepared in case the law enforcement agencies require a statement or more from you.

"In the meantime, your accommodation back in a Park View suite and reasonable room charges will be picked up until next Saturday. You're in this room overnight but don't try the room upgrade or five hundred dollar champagne again. There is a first class ticket single ticket booked for Saturday afternoon.

"You would be best advised to keep a low profile. Something I am sure you will ignore."

Steve pauses and then steps in closer to the woman who automatically steps back.

"Stay away from the hospital. You won't be permitted access whilst Rick is in ICU. Once he is moved to a general room a visit may be arranged but it will be done from our side.

"Goodnight Ms Lee."

With that both lawyers retreat and pull the door closed behind them.

* * *

Once the door closed, Meredith actually wanted to howl in frustration but instead found herself laughing manically. She had been completely played by the Paula's team, out classed and boxed in. Double teamed and yet despite that, she was still going to survive.

* * *

**Author's Note**

**I've hit a few milestones recently. This chapter takes me over 100,000 words. 300 followers, 300+ reviews.**

**Thank you for your ongoing support and reviews. Special thanks to those regularly review. I look forward to your comments and encouragement.**

**Quite pleased to have a second chapter done in three days. Now working on Chapters 31 and 32 in parallel.**


	31. Chapter 31 – Breakfasts and Breakdown

**One of Us – Chapter 31 – Breakfasts and Breakdowns**

**Previously: After a momentous day of disclosures both Beckett and Castle are out for the count.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows! All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Monday Morning.**

Yawning she rolled over and grabbed hold of CB and snuggled back down under the covers. She felt a lot better for an uninterrupted night's sleep in a proper bed. It was almost eight o'clock and she needed to get up and make a move soon. Her mind is a jumble of thoughts, jumping from one track to the next. She wonders if this what it is like inside Rick's brain.

Kate had awoken about thirty minutes ago in a bed she hadn't slept in for years. Not since leaving for college. This was her childhood through teenage year's bed, the one she slept in every night until she left for Stanford. She hadn't slept here since she was a rookie and her dad was still an alcoholic.

She was at her dad's. She remembers falling asleep in the ICU room and then Lanie and her dad waking her. The rest was a haze.

CB. Charlie Bear, almost all threadbare and slightly mouldy had been sat by her feet when she woke up. Her dad's work obviously. After her Mum, CB had given the best hugs especially in her teenage years. CB had been loyal and steadfast through her breakups, breakdowns, arguments and teenage angst.

She was wearing one of Rick's t-shirts. It still smelt of him – musky, rich, homely, safe, strength. That delightful contrast of flavours and emotions that her complex man embodied.

Out of habit and instinct she had checked her phone. One message from Lanie about 7.15 am.

_'Ur Boy all good. Slpt well. DR rds okay. Mybe leave ICU nxt 48 hrs. He sleep now. Txt and I call u back. xLPx'_

Satisfied that she had a little more time she had sunk back into bed and dozed and comfortably contemplated some more.

Thinking back to yesterday she is still in awe – that shouldn't be the correct term but it is. She is so in awe of the honesty and communication they shared. They are usually so terrible at this. Using subtext or actions as a substitute. Or nothing at all. She has been an expert at it for so long. But yesterday they used words and the truth. No hidden meanings and she is still surprised at herself and him.

She knows she needs to change. To share more. To be more open. So does he, if only to a lesser extent. She is an intensely private person and so it turns out is the real Richard Rodgers. Even so over the last five years Rick has been far more open to her. She knows she needs to reciprocate but isn't looking forward to sharing some parts of her life with him, but if he digs she will tell him. Perhaps she can reward him with snippets of her past. Surprise him. She likes the idea. Leaves her some control. She dare not think about what secrets her father might impart if Rick starts poking around. Her dad had more than once confirmed to her that one of the delights of parenthood was embarrassing you child when they were older.

She hadn't planned to make her promise to him. It has been almost spur of the moment driven by the whirlwind of emotions. But it was the right thing to do. She surprised him. She loves doing that. She who hates surprises but she loves the honest excitement one his face and voice, the boyish enthusiasm, and the optimism. The very joy of life that he shares with her.

She wonders how Rick will acknowledge and respond to her promise. There is no doubt he will. His current incarceration in ICU is probably the only thing preventing him from some over-the-top response.

It was time to get up and move. She had things to do today.

There was a bag by the bed. Open. A change of clothes. Toiletries in a wash bag. Hers.

A note sits folded on top. She opens it to find Martha's handwriting, that curious contrast of elegant cursive script with excitable capitals and punctuation.

_'Dear Kate,  
Lanie called to say you needed a break. [Next to this line in Alexis' careful script 'We totally understand – babysitting is draining! ;-) ' ]  
So your Dad will take you home and look after you overnight.  
We packed some things. Hopefully these will help to make You Feel Better.  
Until Tomorrow!  
Love M & A. XX xx'_

The smile that breaks across her face is at odds with the tears that form in her eyes. She really struggled to understand what she had done to deserve such unequivocal love once more in her life. She had lost that so many years ago but through the graces of Rick it had found her despite her sometimes desperate denials and repeated rejections.

Parking that thought she grabs the wash bag and some basics and opens the door to head for the bathroom.

Entering the hallway she could hear loud humming, and snippets of words and phrases being spoken. No that was wrong. Sung. Her dad was singing.

He hadn't sung since. She left the rest of that thought alone. It was surprising how easy that was now.

But her dad was singing. He had been into Barber Shop music for some years and although he hadn't participated for many years before Kate left home she was used to both her parents singing or humming around the house. It was part of the soundtrack of her childhood. She missed those moments but it wasn't lost on her that perhaps now she had the opportunity to create some of her own.

* * *

"Good Morning Dad."

She came round the corner and into the kitchen, hair still slightly damp after her shower.

"Good Morning Katie. How was the shower?"

"The pressure still plays up but at least the temperature was good." She can remember complaining about the shower long before she left home for college.

Her dad shrugs.

"I fixed the thermostat but the pump. Well I never got round to replacing it. Guess I've learnt to live with it." The logic behind his acceptance of more than fifteen years of fluctuating showers leaves a sour taste. He's been alone for so long.

"Coffee?"

He's holding a mug, it looks past its prime but Kate recognises it. It really is a day for revisiting her past life. Ben's Bike Shop. She had bought her Harley from Ben's Bike Shop and over time had made many visits to learn how to maintain it. So much so that the staff had given her one of their coffee mugs and adopted her. It carried with it memories of caffeine spiked with whiskey. Of night time rides. Her first spill and her concern for her bike not her cuts and bruises. Tight leather on her and someone else.

"Actually I don't know why I've even asking." Her Dad's voice snaps her back as he pushes the mug to her and she carefully takes a sip from the steaming mug.

"Hmmm, this is good, really good. Dad when did you start drinking this stuff?"

Looking up she spots the source of this black gold on the bench. That's a new coffee machine. Expensive. Next to it a jar with a familiar logo. One she sees in the Loft. Her eyebrow arches in an unspoken question.

"Well Martha and I started meeting up to chat about our children she would sometimes come here and the well the old French Press didn't really cut it.

"We went Dutch on it. So you better not split up with Martha's boy, 'cause I don't want to have to fight for the coffee machine. Or pay for my own beans. That stuff is expensive!"

He's grinning at her. Teasing like he would before. Her Mom's absence hurts less now, but it is in rediscovering times like this that it is most bittersweet.

"Dad!" She felt like a teenager again.

* * *

Breakfast was a simple affair. Her dad had always preferred less fuss, but had deferred to her mom for many domestic matters, especially meals. So hot oats and some sliced fruit.

There was toast if she wanted it but her appetite still wasn't back to normal. Her normal as Rick would so aptly tag it. She's nursing a partial refill of Ben's Bike Shop. She wonders if it is still there. Perhaps she could pay a visit. Take Rick. He'd love that. He'd insist on the leather gear of course. So would she. Perhaps they wouldn't even make it to the bike the first time. She shakes off the thought and hopes her dad can't see any of that on her face.

"Are you heading to the hospital now Katie?"

"I will do but I wanted to drop into the Loft first and check on Alexis and Martha. Especially Martha. I'm worried about her."

"Me too. She is an incredibly resilient person. To have raised a son as a single mother in those times and with her job, not easy. And I know firsthand what it is like to have a child shot and near death."

Kate feels herself tense with that instinctive tincture of grief and anger but she forces it away. Instead she reaches across and squeezes his hand gently.

"They have been so good for me." She gently nudges the course of the conversation back towards less fraught territory.

"For us Katie." Her father corrects her.

"I'll admit Martha and I didn't really hit it off right away. We are so different in many ways. But the things we have in common bind us more." He leaves so much unsaid there but they both know what is unvoiced.

"Not long after that first meal, we were meeting for lunch and someone recognised Martha. I think I was about to be outed as one of Martha's conquests. Rick's agent managed to get the story killed. But it was scary. I think I understand now a little about why you have been reluctant about the press and the publicity. Martha knows and understands how private I am which is why we started meeting here or at the Loft more than in public."

Kate nods. She's grateful for the years of experience and training that enable her to school face and not show the shock at her father's behaviour and demeanour. It was like she had caught a glimpse of the man from before. Just as Rick had done with her. Once again she finds herself needing to steer the conversation back to safer territory.

"But I love him, and the press is part of his life. So it will be part of mine – hopefully to a lesser extent.

"So you'll be taking Martha to a game sometime then Dad?"

She has a smile but wicked grin on her face. She's teasing him.

"Not so sure about that. But Martha has invited me round to the Loft to sign show tunes with her. She was most interested to learn of my Barber Shop past."

Ouch touché. Rick would be mortified. Guess he would have to come to hers. No wait they won't be able to that because was moving in with him. Oh this was getting complicated. Too early for this. Time to retreat.

"Okay and on that high note, I'm gonna go finish getting ready and then head out. What about you Dad?"

"Got a deposition later. One of the benefits of working at the one place for so long is that they give me some latitude especially as I am nearing retirement."

* * *

**The Loft**

Using her key Kate opened the door and slipped into the Loft. She had messaged Alexis to know she would be there by 10 and they could head to the hospital together.

She felt somewhat tremulous about entering on her own. Without Rick. As if she wasn't justified being here without him.

She had scarcely had time to compose that thought when it was dislodged from her by the sudden arrival of Little Castle. The impact of Alexis' arms pulling her into a hug shook all her plans into disarray.

"Good Morning Alexis."

"Hi Kate."

They didn't play the game of asking how each other how they were. Both steer around that minefield.

"Where's you Grams?" Kate had unconsciously used Alexis' familiar name for her.

"Upstairs in her room. She's not good Kate. I am worried about her. She hasn't been sleeping. She's not eating. She's not drinking. I think I smelt cigarettes on her last night. She hasn't smoked for years. Not since the cancer scare."

"Is it okay if I go see her, and you get ready to head to the hospital?"

Alexis nods and Kate turns and heads for the stairs and Martha's room.

* * *

Martha looked, well for want a better word, old. It was not a term Kate normally associated with the vivacious actress not matter her actual age.

"He's my boy. My only child and for much of our lives it was just the two of us.

"Kate, you must know that over the years I have come to consider you, and love you like a daughter. Even before you and Richard finally saw sense.

"But there have been times over those years that I wished he wasn't shadowing you. Wasn't so in love with you that he would risk his life on multiple occasions."

Kate found herself pulling Martha into her body. Ignoring the tears, the running mascara, and the weak protests of the woman.

"Oh dear, don't! You'll, or rather I will, make a mess of you." Martha protests.

"Doesn't matter. Not important."

Kate rebuffs her protests and tightens her grip. Then Martha lets go. It is almost silent. Sobbing and shaking but nothing except for the harsh intake of breath fighting against the rolling wave of emotion trying to escape out of the lungs.

She wasn't embarrassed or uncomfortable. This felt natural. She was comforting someone she loved. Family.

It takes some minutes before Martha calms. Kate is eerily familiar with the pattern. She relaxes her grip on Martha who steps back a little and Kate speaks.

"I've been so selfish with him. I almost physically need him."

Martha arches an eyebrow at her, and she had the grace to blush and doesn't bother to deny the implication. That too.

"I know he won't ask but I would give it up for him. If he asked or needed it." She had made the decision once before and gone back on it. She could make it again. The only choice was him.

"Oh no my Dear, he, I, we could never ask that of you. That is a decision only you can take. Maybe there will be a time when it is the right decision."

"But what do you need of me Martha? For so long this has been my family even if I wasn't willing to see it or acknowledge it. So it is my turn to contribute and repay."

"Shush. We never talk of what we do for love as payment." Martha steps a little further back but places a hand on her forearm and squeezes. There is steel in Martha's gaze.

"I want you to take care of my son. He has tried so hard to take care of you over the years. It is what he does. It is his greatest gift and strength but also his greatest weakness.

"He invests so much in one or two people, and trusts them with everything. But you especially. More than anyone. Certainly romantically." Martha pauses and her face takes on a wistful expression.

"Maybe he would have been different if Rebecca had lived, but just as your loss is part of what brings you both to this moment, so is his. And despite everything, all the challenges and heartbreak, I know he, well we are so immensely happy that you two are finally together."

"He told me. About the therapy. His past. Rebecca and Kyra and his marriages. I didn't honestly know. I was so wrapped up in my own issues I never really considered his. What he needed. What his family needs."

"Darling, Richard has forgiven you, not that there was anything to really forgive, you are together and that is all that matters.

"Now please give me some time to patch myself up." She runs her gaze over Kate's outfit and continues. "No lasting damage done for you. I will be out in a minute."

* * *

Kate had retreated from Martha's room and as she reaches the landing, her phone pings. A message from Lanie Parish.

_'Call me. Rick fine. But need to go soon – wrk this PM'_

Kate almost feels guilty for abandoning Rick and Lanie in ICU but she knows all of Rick's ladies needed this downtime.

Kate calls down the stairs to Alexis to arrange for the car service in ten. She hears the affirmative and she hits the return call icon and within seconds there is an answering connection.

"Hey Lanie. Good Morning."

"Good Morning too you too sleepy head. Sorry to chase you along but I need to go home and shower and change as I am on shift from 2pm.

"Your boy is awake and bored. He is semi enchanting and demoralising the nursing staff as I speak."

"We're just leaving the loft in a few minutes. I can't thank you enough. We all needed a break. I promise to catch up with you soon."

"No thanks required. But Gurl, we certainly will be having words. Girls night and no attendees from the other Castle ladies either. The topic of conversation is definitely not for their ears.

"Oh that sounds ominous. I don't think it is for mine either."

"Uhh Uhh. You don't get to escape that easily. You have been holding out on me. Big time. And I do mean BIG time."

"What?"

"Because Me-Oh-My it is true. You've landed the White Whale." There is decided element of teasing but also an undercurrent of something else. Jealousy?

"What Lanie?" Kate's voice is rising in frustration and she instinctively knows what is coming.

"Big Hands, Big PACKAGE!" The glee is her best friend's voice is disconcerting.

"Lanie Parish what have you been doing?!" Even though her friend can't see her, Kate feels herself blushing. Embarrassment overcoming irritation.

"This morning before rounds, the nurse messed up the catheter during a swap out and I stepped in to the save the situation. During the rescue I may have seen under the _hides-nothing-anyway_ hospital gown."

"Lanie!"

"Oh please girl. It's not like Mr Happy was out to play. And you would rather have your best friend do it than some blonde fan girl nurse who made the mess in the first place probably because she was trying to check him out.

"And with good reason too."

"I'm still not happy about. This isn't over Lanie."

"Oh definitely not. There will be details required. Lotsa details. Starting with….

Kate interrupts forcibly.

"We'll be there soon. Bye!"

Kate hung up. Suddenly the desire to get to the hospital had become a pressing need.

* * *

**Author's Note**

**Third update in 8 days. Quite happy with that.**

**In order to keep the story moving along I may start posting shorter chapters.**

**Thank you once again to everyone reading, following, favoriting and reviewing.**

**I do have some other FF projects underway but I will be continuing this story.**


	32. Chapter 32 - Coast to Coast

**One of Us – Chapter 32 – Coast to Coast**

**Previously Somehow Meredith has managed to occupy more attention that she deserves but ultimately it will pay off for everyone. Well maybe not everyone.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows! All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Taylor Matthews Operations - Los Angeles. **

Although headquartered in New York, Taylor Matthews' largest operations were currently on the West Coast and they maintained two locations in Los Angeles.

One was downtime in nice gleaming managed offices with a couple of meeting suites, be-suited smiling receptionist and corporate branding. The public face of the most ethical and efficient private security firm in the country.

The other location was further south on the outskirts of Orange County. It included space on private airfield with their own hangar. A large converted warehouse just outside housed the West Coast team's operations centre. No signage. Just lots of privacy and enough obvious security to discourage the casual thief but not enough to arouse suspicion. Inside the building one section had been converted into double storied office space. Alongside was a sound proof indoor weapons range. Filling out the space was a motor pool and several secure storage facilities housing equipment.

Former Treasury agent Stacey Steiber spun round in her chair and shouted through the doorway of her office.

"Marty!"

Less than a minute later a surprisingly tall Latino entered the office. Coffee in one hand and the remnants of a Danish in the other.

"Hey Sass. You got something for me?"

"Firstly where's mine?" The half inquiry half command is met with an indifferent shrug that could mean any number of things but mostly likely meant 'get your own'.

"Oh be like that Marty." The slightly guttural snarl makes it clear that play time is over.

"Yes I do. Job out of New York. Extortion shutdown. Kick off with an eyes-on job. Six has asked for a rapid turnaround with resolution inside five days max. Everything we have to-date is in the usual place. I'll be getting some info from the DEA this morning."

"So I take it you'll be needing a team with my color scheme then?" Marty knows this likely means one of the Latino suburbs and a possible operation on gangs or worse Mexicales.

"Don't want them to stand out against the rest of the décor where you'll be going. But like I said eyes-on only tonight."

"I'm about to call New York and get the latest. The files will be refreshed when have new information. Update at 16:00."

There might not be a dismissed in there but the former Marine doesn't mind. Taylor Matthews' third in command does make an issue of the chain of command unless she really has to.

"You got it Sass."

No one called her by her given names here. Strangely enough she didn't mind. Senior Agent Steiber had been forced into retirement by injuries received in the line of duty that rendered her unable to perform her job. Sass was her reincarnated version that did her new job damn well despite her physical impairments.

Using her foot she push her chair back and grabbing the rails she wheeled herself across the floor and picked up the Bluetooth headset from the desk where she had dropped it earlier.

Using voice commands she activated a secure line and waited for dial tone, a growing grin on her face. Time to call Calamity.

* * *

**Manhattan Fitness Center, New York**

Clare groaned into her towel. She was getting old. There was a time when a 90 minute workout would have been a warm up. Now all she wanted was a long soak and some painkillers.

Emerging from the shower cubicle she could feel the eyes on her in the locker room. It was a damn fine facility, one of the best corporate fitness centers in Manhattan but it did mean that most of the clientele were there more for social reasons than real training.

There was time she would have considered this prime hunting ground. The problem was that whilst many of them looked fine, attractive, stunning even, they were all so young. Another thing that made her feel old. Dismissing the impulse to even contemplate a hook up, she grabbed her clothes, dropped her towel and began to dress.

If anything the staring would have increased now, not so much because she was naked, but because of the scars especially the burns along her right rib cage and lower back. She knew there would be gasps, murmurs and pointing but she had learnt to filter that all out now.

She wished she could find someone who would challenge her. Accept her. Make her smile and get her to spend less time working and more time living.

Rick Castle was one but with the major deficiency that he was male. She laughed to herself remembering the first time she had pointed this out to him. Quickly recovering from stuttered faux outage, his puppy dog pout should have been instantly dismissible but somehow he carried it off.

He had been doing research for a new book, and for reasons only apparent later Tim and Derek had given him permission to follow her. She was relatively new to Taylor Matthews then. Not long out of the military. Still angry over an almost stellar career terminated abruptly because she wouldn't lie about her sexual preference.

He had shadowed her for a month on and off on a couple of jobs. They had become comfortable, friendly often risqué banter, and had got so far along that when on surveillance they would mutually check out the female talent and score them for each other. They had hung out together few times in the months after and Rick had even wingman-ed for her on a pickup – who had been really, vocally disappointed he wasn't part of the deal.

Then she had met Briannon and Rick dropped off the radar as things had gotten serious for a few years before the job broke them up. She had done the close protector detail for his daughter and the ex-Mrs Castle in California. Since then she caught up with him a couple of times mainly when he was visiting the offices and meeting with Tim or Derek.

But it had been at almost two years until she saw him in the ICU yesterday. He had played it cool and she had been happy to comply with her client's unspoken request, although she was sure that Detective Kate Beckett had seen through that little charade and wanted to know more.

Pushing that thought aside she continued to dress and started to stow her training gear into her holdall. Hell she needed a break. Perhaps once this job was over she could take some of the time owing her and head over to California and catch up with Sass. Hang out at her ranch.

Just as she finished dressing she heard the rhythmic vibration of her phone. Grinning before she even checked for a blocked caller-id she knew who it was. Grabbing the NFC enabled earpiece she pressed pickup whilst she finished stowing her gear.

"Hey Sass!"

* * *

Emerging to meet the town car, Martha had smiled broadly and greeted the driver, a short-set man in his fifties with a dark grey jacket over blue slacks and white polo.

"Tommy!"

"How r youse Mrs R?" The driver clearly knew Martha as surely as he was from New Jersey.

"I am doing okay thank you Dear."

Waving towards the copy of today's Ledger on the back seat, the compact figure continues.

"I see you son is going to be okay. The boys and girls, well, we were all very sorry to hear about it. We know you don't like a fuss but there won't be any charge for the service whilst Mr C is in the hospital. We may not be that fancy-smacy Russian mob with the flash stretch limos but we look after our regulars."

"Thank you Tommy." Martha's voice wavers slightly before she regains control and enters the rear of the town car.

Kate is surprised when Alexis steps into a mutual hug from the driver and as she does she pulls Kate along with her. No hug for Kate but her own assessment of the man is returned with interest.

"Tommy, this Detective Kate Beckett my Dad's partner." Somehow this is the best explanation for their status, as Alexis continues the introductions.

"Kate, Tommy is one of the owners of 'Time and Motion' one of the best livery services in town. They have been looking after Gram since she came to New York."

"Pleasure to meet youse, Detective." Tommy sticks out a hand and a firm handshake is exchanged.

"Likewise."

She joins Alexis in the car and they pull off from the curb and head for the hospital.

They haven't been in motion for long when Martha's cell rings and she answers.

"Oh good morning, Karen."

"The hospital administration are calling." Martha informs them. A slight pool of anxiety grips Kate and she knows Alexis too as the younger woman grips her hand.

Martha side of the conversation is mainly monosyllabic responses but Martha's cheerful demeanour and voice mean that they are soon able to sense that it is not concerning Rick's health directly.

Martha hangs up the call.

"It would appear that Richard's time in ICU draws to a close." This news is met by smiles from the other ladies as Martha continues.

"Which is probably a good thing as the constant stream and number of visitors in ICU is causing issues for the hospital. Even whilst in hospital it appears my son can't be anything but disruptive. Kate and I will need to go see the Hospital Administrator on arrival." Kate nods at this.

Turning to the youngest member of their family group, Martha asks:

"Alexis will you be okay to go see you father straight away?"

Kate suddenly sees how this could work out for her and avoid a conversation with Lanie Parish that is best postponed if not completely avoided.

"Alexis why don't you go to your Dad and let Lanie go and get ready for work and we'll be there as soon as we can? You can have some time with him on your own." That was somewhat mean of her but she knows it will work, as the very same argument would work on her.

Oh Lanie will be spitting chips at being played and missing her conversation cum interrogation with Kate. It will almost be worth the payback later.

* * *

**Bellevue Hospital**

Alexis has arrived at the ICU to find Lanie Parish standing outside her Dad's room looking anxious.

"Hi Sweetie, your Dad's napping again. Apparently antagonizing all the staff and me takes it out of him! So where's Kate?"

Alexis takes a moment recover from the verbal onslaught.

"Good Morning to you Doctor Parish." She pauses to accentuate her mild displeasure at the older woman's rapid fire greeting.

"Thank you for looking after Dad. He can be a real handful when he's bored."

"And Kate?" Lanie Parish demands again. Before Alexis can explain, she carries on.

"Can you please pass on a message for your future step-mom?"

Alexis finds herself nodding in acceptance before the full implications of the ME's sentence hits her and eyes burst wise open and her mouth drops noticeably.

"Please tell Detective Beckett, that this is simply a matter of delaying the inevitable. And Honey what I want to know will be given up willingly or not!" With that the ME waves again and heads towards the ICU entrance.

Alexis is pretty sure she doesn't want to know what Kate's best friend is so determined to find out. She remains forever grateful that she is in dorms most of the time and her visits back home to the Loft are generally arranged beforehand. She does know that Grams has interrupted them more than once. Of course her Grams has no shame, and neither do her Dad and Kate Beckett from her Gram's accounts.

Pushing that thought to one side she enters the ICU room. Right away she can see that her Dad is definitely getting better. His face looks more relaxed and there is more color in his cheeks. The oxygen mask is absent. Also some of the battery of machines are missing. A sure sign that there is reduced dependencies and less monitoring required.

Alexis' phone blinged with the sound of a Tie Fighter – damn Dad had been messing with her phone too! It was a message from Paula. She open the message and found a short URL link. Clicking the link took her to the mobile version of the New York Ledger Website.

_Page Six Online - Out and About on the Town with Terri._

_One of my team of roving raconteurs caught up with Meredith Lee, the former Mrs Castle, whilst she was shopping at the exclusive boutiques at Columbus Circle. Meredith had this to say about her presence in New York._

"_Whilst I am a busy actress, nothing is more important than family. So of course I am here to support Ricky and Alexis in whatever way I can. I will be staying as long as possible, certainly until he is out of Intensive Care and feeling much better. As a mother I will be here to support my daughter absolutely."_

_Ms Lee's was happy to answer questions until she asked about Detective Kate Beckett's relationship with her ex-husband. When asked if she thought Detective Beckett – the inspiration for Nikki Heat – would be Wife Number Three, Ex-wife Number One had stated: _

"_I have personally seen them together whilst visiting with Ricky and daughter at home. This is simply a fling, one of Ricky's infatuations. He will move on, he always does." _

_When our reporter noted that this was in complete contrast to the other information from the NYPD, and Mister Castle's representatives the friendly discussion was terminated and Ms Lee stormed off._

"Garhhhh!"

The cry of frustration is much louder than she intended. Biting down on the frustration, she half-smiles whilst frowning at the insight that presents itself to her even though it hurts deeply. She had long suspected that her mother was far more manipulative and conniving than her Dad and Gram let on. She is seeing her true nature here. Total self-interest and lies.

Alexis is quietly proud that she resisted the temptation to hurtle the phone at the nearest hard object. She knows more than one of her Dad's phones have met their end that way.

"Hey Pumpkin." That's her Dad, awake now. She probably woke him. But the guilt is assuaged when she sees his face. A much rosier demeanour and those dancing eyes. He's coming back to her.

"Hey Dad. I hear you've been driving the locals crazy." A big smile on her face, she's teasing him already. And from the look on his face he's loving it too.

* * *

The meeting with Karen Wright from the hospital administration had taken about twenty minutes and had incorporated a conference call to Paula to put the wheels in motion for the next press conference and public statement as Rick was to be moved from ICU in the next twenty-four hours. Buoyed by the good news, both Kate and Martha were partially mollified when Paula's brief mention of Meredith's latest foray into the press. Paula had simply told them to check their phones, speak to Rick and then call back.

After leaving the hospital admin area, Martha had waited whilst Kate bought up the link from the Ledger.

Entering the ICU, Martha and Kate had both greeted the uniforms keeping guard. Kate had noted the styrene food boxes and coffee cups labelled with Affinia Dumont Hotel logo.

Kate hefted the carryall in her right hand. She had taken time to grab some books from Rick's office before they left the Loft. No electronic gadgets were allowed in ICU and Kate knew from experience that Rick would be getting bored. A bored Rick could be very interesting when they were alone and he had full use of his faculties. A bored Rick confined to a hospital bed was punishment for all parties. Lanie had already warned Kate about his behaviour that morning.

Speaking of Lanie, Kate could only hope her best friend had left and would delay the inevitable questioning until much later.

As they reached the Rick's ICU room, Martha and Kate were bought to a halt by the sound of laughter and joy emanating from the room. Looking in they can see Rick sitting higher up in the bed with no oxygen mask, his face flushed with joy as his daughter cants her body in to lean against him.

Between the two of them, Kate and Martha share a smile and then step into the room to participate and partake of the joy.

* * *

It is some time later and Rick has once again dropped off to sleep. He is awake for longer and his general health and demeanour are a blessed relief for all but the reality that still sheaths home is that he is recovering from a near death situation and is blessed to be as healthy as he is.

Whilst Rick dozes, the conversation has turned to the former Mrs Castle. Martha and Alexis could only stand there with disbelief on their faces when Kate had not joined in their cathartic demolition of her character.

"Why don't you want to shoot her? Or at least arrest her?" The question comes from Alexis.

"I find her to be pitiful. She poses no real threat to us. Rick has explained enough for me to be totally at ease with strength our relationship and the history of his ex-wives. Of course it doesn't mean that I won't get a little angry or annoyed by her actions." Kate knows that whilst she is calm about this, Alexis is not. Discovering, or perhaps more accurately finally acknowledging the human weaknesses and faults of a parent is not pleasant. Lord knows her father's rapid and prolonged descent into alcoholism had scared her badly for years.

Taking Alexis to one side, Kate had pulled her into a hug before stepping back and cupping Alexis' head in her hands.

"My Mom told me that we were never given anything in life that we couldn't handle. This is a test of you. How you were raised. Your values. Your strength and beliefs. Alexis, I don't ever want you to face some of the events and choices I have, but nor do I want you to incapable of rising to the challenges you will face. Your Dad has done a fantastic of being your parent. But you are an adult now. Admittedly a new one, but we all have faith in you.

"But try to remember she is you mother. Always will be. I would give anything to have more time with mine. Don't burn your bridges completely. But."

Kate pauses and a mischievous look appears on her face before she continues, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial tone.

"It probably wouldn't hurt to mess with her a bit. She deserves it after all. And Martha says you have quite a lot of her acting ability."

"Thank you Kate. I think I will. But there will be absolutely no acting required."

* * *

**Taylor Matthews Operations - Los Angeles. **

Sass terminated the call from her liaison at the DEA. The information from them along with Clare's updates were giving her team a good background and some possible resolution scenario's to run with it. If they could progress a couple of other elements in what remained of the afternoon, their night time observation job might be ramped up.

Time to get Marty and his team caught up on the latest.

"Yo Marty! School time." Her voice carried through the office space.

* * *

**Author's Note**

**Thank you for ongoing support and appreciation. **

**Coming up next - Alexis meets up with her mom. How will the confrontation with Meredith go?**


	33. Chapter 33 – Throw Mama under a Train

**Chapter 33 – Throw Mama under a Train - Part I**

**Previously Meredith's uninvited arrival in New York has caused ripples and problems. Rick's team get to work to set things straight. First up is the Darling Daughter Dearest (drum roll)…..Alexis.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows! All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Outside the Loft, Monday 6.30 pm**

Exiting through the lobby, Alexis is fashionably but conservatively attired in a white and dark grey chequered suit with a light overcoat acknowledging the cooler weather of a New York autumn. A couple of press and blessedly only a single cameraman move towards her from their perch some 10 feet or so from the entrance. Before they can close the distance the tall lean man two steps behind Alexis moves across them blocking their approach. In the meantime he guides his charge towards the idling town car that is waiting at pavement directly outside the Loft. The driver is patiently waiting by the already open passenger door. He's taller but still bears more than a passing resemblance to Tommy, the driver from earlier in the day. Tommy and Michael. Two New Jersey brothers made good. Co-owners of Time & Motion.

"Hey Michael."

"Good Evening Miss Alexis." The younger brother has always been more reticent and formal with the Castles, with the exception of Martha who had informally adopted both the co-owners of Time & Motion and they her.

Alexis pauses as she remembers her manners.

"I'm sorry Michael. I should have introduced you. This is Mike O'Leary. He's my….well..bodyguard." Alexis trails off as she indicated towards the man standing two or three paces behind her. Probably two paces she decides.

"Personal protective detail." Corrects the tall Taylor Matthews operative as he guides his charge into the rear of the town car and closes the door.

As he passes the driver to move to the front passenger door he adds "People tend to think Kevin Costner when the phrase 'bodyguard' is used. We're not that." A wry smile concludes the brief explanation.

"Pleased to meet you." The two Michaels exchange handshakes as they separate and head for their seats.

Once behind the wheel, the driver turns his right and looks over his shoulder.

"Where to Miss Alexis?"

"Mandarin Oriental please Michael."

"Oh, that's where you mother is, right?" Alexis starts at the driver's knowledge, but she should be used to it. Before she can determine how the younger brother knows, he beats her to the punch.

"It was one of our cars that took her from the airport to there at the request of Paula."

Alexis nods and purses her lips, a sudden thought bubbles up and prompts a spontaneous question.

"Hey Michael how come you never call Paula, Ms Haas? You're always very polite with us."

"Paula's a proper Jursey gurl. She'd take offense or worse think we were after somethin'. Plus she's got a wicked temper and a worse right hook." Michael has slipped back into his native vernacular for a moment as her continues.

"Mrs R hooked ous up on a blind date a few years back. Didn't work out so well." He concluded without further explanation as he turned away from his passenger and buckled up. Alexis can only deduce that the knowledge of the right hook came from that experience. You had to hand it to her dad, he certainly didn't attract normal, boring folk.

As Alexis thinks on this the town car pulls out smoothly into the traffic and away from the strobe of what now seems to be at least two cameras' flashes.

* * *

The ride didn't take too long, but it did give Alexis time to reflect on what she was doing tonight.

That she was meeting her mother was something she had grown accustomed to. She still struggled from time-to-time to deal with the enormity of the fact that seeing her mother, even talking to her on the phone, was often akin to a chore and not simply a pleasure. Not like interacting with her dad, Grams, and now Kate. Or how most of her friends were with their parents. This response had grown over the years as she got older and understood and learnt more about her parents. She knew that the extremely close relationship with her dad was partly in compensation for the lack of a permanent and reliable maternal figure in her life. Conversely her relationship with her mother had become increasingly distant as she matured and began to understand more about the type of person her mother really was.

Once she was old enough, with her father's natural curiosity, she had done her own research independent of her dad or Grams. She knew they would try to protect her, and by extension her mother. However, Alexis knew far more about Meredith Lee than anyone suspected.

However, tonight was more than that. Tonight, it would not be her mother attempting to deceive and manipulate. Tonight, it was her who would be turning the tables on her mother. And not simply like any teenager would do to trick a parent or parents into something they wanted. This was out and out deceit with a specific outcome in mind. Only a few hours earlier they had all been surprised when she so readily agreed to do it. The only thing she asked was that no one told her dad, and that if it was ever to be bought up then it was to be her that told her dad about her role in this evening's events.

Alexis often marvelled at how positively she was perceived by most of those that knew her. Naturally her dad saw her as near perfect. But she had been surprised by how Kate treated her and the high opinion she seemed to hold of her. Only her Grams really called her on some of her antics. Truth-be-told she generally was pretty-well behaved even if it was not quite to the Miss-Goody-Two-Shoes standard that many seemed to hold her.

There was no way she was ever divulging some of the things she had got up to. Mind you having heard tales of her father's daring and wild days – some of them not so long ago – she knew she was certainly much better behaved than that but it did leave a lot of leeway and wiggle room.

She knew a couple of things about Kate's past too. A certain medical examiner had succumbed to some of her dad's best liquor at a party at the Loft some months ago and whilst under the influence had divulged a few tales that had made her blush, wide-eyed and not a little interested. She had even done some Internet research. Again not something she would ever disclosure to any one especially her dad or Kate. She had already experimented with one thing learnt that evening and both she and Max had been more than happy with the outcome.

* * *

Fortunately there were no obvious press outside the Mandarin Oriental when the town car pulled up nevertheless Alexis hastily exited the car accompanied by her Taylor Matthews shadow still two steps behind.

Entering the hotel lobby they made a bee line directly for the elevators. Mike hit the button for the Function and Meeting Space on the 36th Floor. The ride up was uninterrupted and they emerged onto the 36th floor foyer where Clare Dunne was already waiting for them and greeted them with tight nods to each.

Turning one-eighty degrees Clare wordlessly led them directly across the foyer, through double swing doors into a small lobby and directly into the room labelled boardroom. Inside the elegant but compact space was an oblong conference table and eight chairs. One was occupied by thirty-ish male in what Alexis was beginning to recognize as the near de-facto Taylor Matthews corporate dress of chinos and a polo shirt.

"Alexis this is Ely Davies. He is one of our technicians and he is going to provide the 'wire' for you and also the recording devices you will need to plant in the suite.

"Hi." Suddenly Alexis' gut clenches and nerves hit. The transition from implication to actuality of what she is doing is now all too real.

"Did you get the warrant?" Alexis may be about to betray her mother's trust but she is doing it as legally as possible.

"Yes, the observation and monitoring warrant was signed by a New York Supreme Court judge an hour ago." Clare confirms. Left unsaid is who signed that warrant, but Alexis knows in all probability that it was signed by Judge Markaway. Once again her father's network of 'knows a guy' hits a home run.

"Hello Ms Castle. I have a personal transmitter to go on your person." The Taylor Matthews technician speaks up.

"The other item is more complicated."

Alexis interrupts.

"I know. It needs to be placed away from other electrical and especially transmitting devices. Out of the line of sight but not blocked by large solid objects. Remember where I put them and tell you once I am out. So you can mark them on the floor plan and recover them later."

At the look of surprise from all three of the room occupants, Alexis huffs and rolls her eyes Beckett style. Of course none of the room's occupants have witnessed one of Beckett's eye rolls so the whole experience is somewhat disconcerting as the wrong woman in front of them momentarily takes on the demeanour of an older and more cynical person.

"My dad is a best-selling crime novelist. He does serious research for his novels to make them as real as possible. Who do you think he runs a lot of his ideas across? Who proofs his books?"

Clare nods and smiles in reassurance.

"Hopefully we will have the necessary information from this evening and overnight so we can wrap everything up in New York and have a clear action plan for LA soon."

* * *

As the suite opens Alexis sings out with more enthusiasm than she feels.

"Hi Mom."

Her mother is dressed in a silver cocktail dress than shows some cleavage but surprisingly not too much. Certainly Alexis has seen her mother showing much more flesh. The length is also more conservative than her mother usually wore, although this is almost Autumn in New York not LA. Overall this is almost demure look for her mom. But not quite as the silver lame is too showy, but that's her mom in a word.

"Alexis Darling please come in." Her mother waves her forward but before Alexis can reach her mom and give her a hug and kiss, she speaks again.

"Oh who that with you?" Trust her mom to spot the fit man waiting down the corridor.

"Mike will be waiting outside. He's here to protect me." Then for clarification she continues. "And not for you."

"Ohh". Definitely disappointed Mom. Alexis fights the urge to roll her eyes.

They hug and briefly kiss each other's cheeks. Entering the suite Alexis shucks her coat onto the chair by the door, noting the wrap and handbag already waiting there, and heads straight for the sofa, forcing her mother to turn and follow.

Then as if she remembers why she is in New York her mother finally asks after her dad as she sits opposite Alexis in the chair.

"How is your father Sweetie?"

"He is improving. They hope he can be moved from ICU overnight or most likely tomorrow. They still expect him to be hospital for up to two weeks and then there is months of physiotherapy to try and regain use of his shoulder and arms.

"But given that he almost died, this is quite a good outcome. I was really worried. We all were. Grams, Kate, all Dad's friends, and all the officers, especially at the Twelfth." Alexis is surprised at the emotion behind her words and the tear she can feel sliding down her left cheek.

"Really? Why would they all care so much about your father?" Her mother's artless question leaves her flabbergasted. Probably the best result this early in the evening.

Alexis feels more tears come and she bites back a small sob. The sort of emotion that would normally see someone wrap her up in a hug and offer words of comfort and reassurance. But not here. Not with her birth mother.

Meredith still doesn't move to hold or otherwise comfort the teenager or rather young woman opposite her. Alexis can't help compare this passiveness with the way her Dad, Grams or Kate would react. Moreover Lanie, and the Boys, and even Captain Gates wouldn't hold back in holding and reassuring her.

"Do you think I would be able to go visit him?"

Her own introspection broken, Alexis ponders her mother's question for a moment.

"I don't see why not once he is moved out of ICU and into a private room. I will need to check with Dad and Kate but I am sure we can work something out." Alexis catches a glimpse of her mother's grimace at her mention of checking with Kate which is almost hidden by smile.

"So where would you like to go? I made reservations but we can go elsewhere if you want." Alexis knew this was coming when she saw what her mother was wearing and the wrap and handbag ready to go near the door were another sign.

"Mom, I was expecting to eat here." Alexis counters.

"But Sweetie."

"No Mom we're not going out. We'll eat in the suite. There is a dining table and I know the hotel food is good.

"Sweetie, I need to get out."

"No Mom. We're not going out so that I can be snapped playing happy families with you."

Before Meredith can transform her expression from pleading to indignant shock, Alexis shuts her down.

"I've already ordered for us. Before I got here."

"But Alexis Dear you don't know what I want to eat."

"Mom, you always order from the same five dishes, and I took the liberty of ordering a couple of your favourites."

"Alexis, you don't understand." Meredith begins her pitch only to be comprehensively shutdown by her daughter.

"Don't! Just don't Mom. I'm not going to be used as a pawn in your desperate media show you as the caring mother and ex-wife in some attempt to try and gain sympathy and more coverage."

'_And to get more money from us' _she adds mentally.

"Paula got wind that you had lined up a couple of photographers and a tame gossip columnist to wait for us to turn up at Balthazar."

"What?!" Meredith splutters as she schools her face. Or rather tries to. At times like these, exasperated and with minimal tolerance for anything less than the truth that Alexis sees the true nature of her mother. Her rather average acting abilities. Her almost entirely predictable responses. Her lack of empathy or sympathy unless it directly impacts her. In short how selfish she is, and how unlike her father her mother is.

"Oh don't try that. It's quite frankly pathetic."

Then Alexis mollifies her tone.

"Look Mom, can we just have dinner, and chat?" 'First' she adds silently.

As if on cue there is a knock at the door signalling the arrival of the room service. Alexis silently thanks the Universe for the timely interruption and rises to let the waiter in.

It only takes a few minutes for things to be setup. The waiter leaves the trolley by the small table near the window and turns to leave but with the usual expectant pause. This is a marginally excruciating moment when the waiter looks to her mom for the tip, and when she simply blanks him, it requires Alexis to step forward and press a bill into his hand with a polite thank you.

After the waiter leaves Alexis looks at her mother with a scowl on her face. This is exasperating. Her dad may occasionally embarrass by over tipping, over communicating or simply over trying but he is certainly never petty nor mean to service staff. As for Grams she would no doubt simply remark that this sort of action merely confirms what she knew all along. Alexis wouldn't disagree with her. But Alexis bites down the urge to chide her mother who would no doubt take the reverse parenting badly. This is so different from her father who enjoyed the teasing and banter and interplay of words between them even when there was a serious topic under discussion.

* * *

Somehow they make it through the dinner without any more drama. Well nothing more than the usual dining with Mom experience. Alexis vows to never-again complain about her father's mealtime antics. Well not for a little while anyway. Whilst her mother had nattered and inquired almost non-stop through the meal Alexis has found herself with plenty of time for some introspection whilst not rising to her mother's often near rancid bait.

She's fended off a series of constant questions regarding her own love life including the direct one from her mother about whether she is still a virgin. She was so not answering that one just as she had refused to since she was sixteen. She had provided Max's Christian name but nothing else other than he was 'cute' and 'nice' and certainly nothing about what they got up to.

Alexis was still slightly traumatized by her mother's statement that it was only sex and it didn't matter. She believed she sat in the middle ground somewhere between locked up tight until marriage and given away like a freebie. She was comfortable with that, and had even discussed a few things with Kate whom she had found to be empathetic and not pushy. She had tried Lanie first but the ME's advice tended to be a little blunt and perhaps overly focused on the physical elements. She also knew from the lack of intervention from her father that Kate had not broken her confidence. This too was refreshing.

However her mother's probing about Alexis' sex life had been nothing as to how Alexis had then forced herself to remain calm and collected so as to not respond to some of her mom's barbs poorly disguised as queries and other near provocations regarding her father's relationship with Kate Beckett. Or him playing at cop. Or how it was all Kate Beckett's fault.

Her mom had still tried to get Alexis to drink alcohol with her as she has done since Alexis was about fifteen. Alexis still refuses despite her own experimentation and infrequent drinking whilst in college. She knows no-one has shared with her mom of her first family witnessed hangover following her high school graduation. Of course this wasn't her first hangover, simply the first one her dad and Grams knew about first hand.

Alexis wonders if her mother would ever offer her marijuana. Alexis knows her mother infrequently smokes cigarettes ('the role requires it Darling') but over the last three years she had become aware that her mother liked to smoke marijuana. She probably thought she was hiding it from her daughter but Alexis was familiar with the smell and the after effects. She had tried it once at a party and aside from the coughing much like when she had tried a cigarette, she had merely got a headache and now tried to stay away from the pot smokers and other drug users at parties. Fortunately most of her friends abstained. She knew her dad used to smoke but gave up when she was born. He still smoked the occasional celebratory cigar but that was the sum of it. During several of their father-daughter talks he had hinted that he had consumed drugs when younger but aside from saying that it was fraught with risk he had left it to her to ask questions or seek guidance.

Surviving dinner, Alexis had cleared the table and moved the trolley outside the room over her mom's protests that the service staff can do that.

Then when her mom takes time to freshen up and this gives her an opportunity. Alexis seizes her chance and in moments she has planted the two listening devices in the room and is back in her seat before her mother emerges from the bathroom.

Then when her mother returns to the room, the careful détente over dinner is only moments away from fracturing. Or so she hopes. Or more accurately needs as there were people relying on her.

* * *

"Mom, why did you come to New York?" _And we're off._

"Sweetie, what sort of question is that to ask your mother. I came to look after you and your father of course."

"But neither of us, actually requested that. Dad certainly wasn't in a fit state to and your marriage has been over for fifteen years. He's remarried and divorced since and is now extremely happy with Kate. So he didn't, doesn't, need you here. I don't need you here."

Alexis powers on before her mother can intervene.

"Look Mom, it's not that you are unwelcome but now isn't the best time for a visit. Dad has a strong support network round him. So do I. Also he has made provision and plans for such an event. Between Grams, Kate and myself we have it all in hand. And if there is anything we can't handle we have the Twelfth and the rest of the NYPD, all of RCE, Black Pawn and if there is anything else Dad knows a lotta guys.

"Mom at the airport and then in the later street interview you implied, no actually pretty much stated to the press that I wanted you here. But I didn't actually ask you to come. In fact I remember specifically requesting you to stay in LA and that I would call and give you updates."

"Sweetie, you didn't call and I was worried."

"I didn't mean to forget to call Mom, it has been a pretty traumatic five days, especially at the beginning. Less than two weeks ago we were celebrating Kate's forthcoming promotion and her moving in. And then Dad was shot. I missed one call. You never called back and then you just turn up in New York." _First poke. Will she respond?_

"But Sweetie, that's why I wanted to be there for you. The media at the airport was entirely a chance encounter." _Bullshit!_

"Mom, I don't believe you. I've had training from Dad, Grams, Paula, even Gina in handling the media. The interview at the airport was totally pre-arranged. That many news outlets don't hang around waiting on the off-chance of some breaking news." _Another prod. This may take longer to provoke her. Oh well._

* * *

And so it goes with Alexis trying to gently provoke her mother with little success until Alexis remembers the point raised by Steve and Suzanne from their visit the other night. The Bel-Air house.

"So you know that dad has been teaching me about finances and being responsible for managing wealth?"

Her mother regards her as if she had just announced she was running for the White House.

"What for?"

"Well to teach me how deal with all the money and assets. He started by making me the owner of the Bel-Air house when I was fifteen. Under a trust of course." _There. She has to bite on that._

"Your father gave you MY house!" _Hit!_

"Mom it is not YOUR house." _Pushing now._

Alexis knows she needs to keep calm and steer the conversation in the correct direction, but only relatively so. Whilst she is here to provoke her mother to divulge more information and the possibly contact whoever has been providing her with information on her dad's finances and other matters, what she is saying and doing is grounded in her true feelings and there is definite strong element of reality and truth running through her arguments.

"As I said it was planned as part of my life education. More specifically this is part of my financial training. Dad wanted me to experience owning and managing a large capital asset with all the complexities around leases, maintenance, inter-state issues, taxes and legal matters."

"Why didn't you tell me?" _Oh shit Mom, try not to whine_.

"Why should I? It makes no material difference to you. You still get to live there rent free for as long as you want to."

"But it does Sweetie." _Oh oh here it comes._

"You could come and live with me in your house. We could be roomies." _Eww, definitely not happening Mom!_

"Mom you know I go to college in New York not LA. Remember I am going to Columbia right here on Manhattan. I live in the dorms this year. Next year I don't know what I am doing but I'm not moving to LA. I don't want to come and live with you Mom." _Plus there is no way I would choose you over dad if I had to live with a parent._

"You could give it to me."

"Give what Mom?" Alexis' stomach fell. She suspected as much but had secretly hoped that she wouldn't be brazen enough, shameless enough to do it. To ask for it.

"The house of course, Silly."

"Why would I do that?"

"So I can live in it."

"Mom, you already live in it. You are not charged rent. You don't pay maintenance, local taxes, and for the last few years you've not even paid utilities. You have nothing to complain about. Certainly no right to either."

"But it's not mine. Not a proper home."

"If you feel like that then buy one of your own."

"I can't afford it." _No shit. Really?_

"Mom excluding the house and other non-cash items, Dad gave several million dollars at the time of divorce plus he has provided money every year since." Alexis knows exactly how much her mother got - three million (half of the cash back then) in the divorce, and since then she had received a further four point eight million from Dad over fifteen years. This was not including ex-gratia payments and ad-hoc requests or money provided for Alexis. All up it was close to ten million dollars.

"I can manage my own affairs."

Her Mom is almost irate. Alexis smiles internally at the inopportune use of the term 'affairs' by her mother. She knows it is petty and judgemental but her mother deserves it. She should be at her Dad's beside or with Grams and Kate, or even back in the Dorms studying. Instead she is here playing mind games with her birth mother.

"Mom, there is an armed guard outside the door because you can't manage your own finances and 'affairs' and it has intruded into our lives at the worst possible time." Alexis can't keep the sarcasm out of her voice and decides not to bother. She ramps it up further.

"And when you try to manage your affairs you go and do something stupid, irresponsible and in all probability illegal."

"I do not." Alexis turned on her best ME death glare and raised one eyebrow. Her Mom actually shrunk back from her.

"You've tried to re-mortgage the house twice in the last three years."

"The most recent time, they – sorry the Californian authorities - wanted to charge you with attempted embezzlement. I personally had to sign an affidavit refusing to press changes. Alternatively they wanted to send you for an assessment in respect of your mental health."

Her mother remains silent in the face of those pieces of information. And Alexis shifts the focus of their conversation, satisfied that she has planted some seeds there.

* * *

"Well I don't want you trying to hurt Dad or especially his relationship with Kate. Not that you have any chance of that. They are more than rock solid. Some of the things they have faced would break relationships. They've grown together from them."

"Oh Sweetie, I'm not trying to do that. Why would I? Hard as it is for you to hear this you need to know that your father won't stay the course. He'll get bored. He's done it before."

Alexis has often wondered if her mother actually believes the tripe she spouts. Tripe – that's a good term, nicely dancing around the truth of what they were – self serving lies.

"He won't this is it for him. They have both said so. Grams and I can feel it, see it. Anyway you're in no position to talk or judge Mom. You left us. Not the other way round."

"You can't possibly remember. But I'm not trying to break them up." _Yeah right._

"Yeah, like you didn't try to sabotage Dad's marriage to Gina? I was there. I was old enough to notice."

"I never!"

"Mom, I was upstairs when you tried to get Dad to go for a 'Top Ten' moment.

"So?"

"At his engagement party!?"

"I don't see what that has to do with anything."

"Mom, Dad was getting married to someone else and you crash his engagement party. And don't deny it because even dad isn't stupid enough to invite his ex-wife to the engagement party for his future wife.

"You rock up and effectively proposition dad in public. Gram almost choked on the cherry in her drink. You rendered Dad speechless – not something that is easily done." Although Alexis will acknowledge that she has witnesses Kate leave her dad incapable of speech on a number of occasions and may have taken some hints to try out on Max.

"I am surprised Gina didn't have you thrown out."

This is met with dead silence from her mother who appears to be having trouble with her features again.

"She did?" Then it dawns on Alexis what actually happened and why her mother is so silent.

"Ha. Oh God I bet that was a come down." Alexis can't help herself. Her mother's embarrassment and humiliation is beyond amusing.

"Fuck Mom, how could you?" Alexis finds that the profanity simply leapt from lips automatically. Alexis lifts her right hand to prevent her mother replying.

"Second thoughts don't answer that. I don't actually want an answer. You deserved that."

Somehow Alexis has gone from being mortified and angry over her mother's behaviour to being more amused and bemused by it. The epiphany is almost instant.

All those years she has tried to make excuses for, and to accept and tolerate her mother's weaknesses and defects. All the stress and making nice. It was pointless. Nothing would actually change her mother's ingrained character. Nothing she could do could motivate her mother to be different to be better. Not like dad and Kate had done for each other.

Her mother is blissfully ignorant of the thoughts in her daughter's head.

"Look Alexis, I won't deny that I have grown used to, even dependent to a certain extent upon your father's generosity over the years." _No shit Sherlock!_

"I know that Gina got a lot more than I did. Even with her pre-nup her divorce settlement was very generous. I don't even know why she works, I wouldn't if I had that much money. Something like that would be more than sufficient for me to never need to bother your father again."

She knew just enough about Dad's finances to be dangerous. She wasn't even that greedy or at least that's what her mom seemed to be thinking and saying. Alexis knows she needs to push her mother now and get her to divulge that little bit more.

"Mom, I don't know how much Gina got. Anyway surely over the years you have got more than enough from him."

"Ten million. That's what Gina got plus a percentage. That would be enough. The cash would be enough. For everything." _Bingo. Who is giving her this information?_

"But I need funds now. Not only to pay off some loans and debts but to ensure my future. Look Alexis truth is my career is not doing well and a gamble I took isn't paying off. I need some help."

"Well your timing is terrible. Dad almost dies and you turn up looking for money. Lots of money. More than you have any right to. I don't know where you got your information from or why you think you are entitled to anything. You're so clearly wrong.

"Dad clearly told you that once I reached college age the money would stop. He's given you more than enough over the years. More than he legally had to I am sure. Especially as I lived with him. I don't know how you can be so shameless and selfish to do this. Especially now." Alexis suddenly finds she isn't acting at all. The anger, the disappointment, the heartbreak are all real, as are the tears she fights before they fall.

"Mom, you should consider yourself lucky that you got me here tonight. You could have got Grams in this room. Or Paula or Gina. Or Steve and Suzanne. Or the people from Taylor Matthews or the Police. Or Kate.

"She doesn't scare me."

"Well she should. She takes down murders and thugs for her job. Single handed if required. She loves Dad more than her own life, just like he does for her. She would do anything to keep him and our family safe and happy.

"She's not your family Darling. I am. Like your father too."

"You forgot Grams." Pausing for effect Alexis goes again.

"And Kate."

"She's not your family." Her mother counters again.

"Oh but she will be. Legally she already has a lot of authority and anyway we already consider her and her dad de-facto members of the Castle Clan." _She'll be his last wife. My step-mom._

"Anyway, one of the key reasons I came here tonight was to ask you to cooperate with Taylor Matthews and dad's other representatives." Alexis fixes her mother with a hard stare.

"They are going to fix your latest fuck up Mom. Not for you. But for Dad. For Grams. For Kate. For Me. You need to understand that this will be the last time. No more feeding from the Castle trough."

Alexis pauses. Her eyes remain locked onto to her still startled mother who is recovering from the shock of being so completely chastised by her own daughter. The surprised expression on her face is being replaced by one of anger escalating to feigned, or even possibly real, outrage.

"How dare you!" she splutters.

"How dare I?!" Alexis mimics back.

"Quite simply. You've worn out your welcome Mom. Overplayed your hand and destroyed what increasingly diminished trust and tolerance we had your antics. Betrayed the love and trust we have shown you. All those years that dad and Grams never really held you accountable for your actions and the hurt you caused. But you know what perhaps it is better that way. For me to have one parent who loved and supported me so unequivocally and completely. Who has been there for everything.

"After this you are on your own. You still get to live in the Bel Air house – for the moment. I will keep in touch but it is going to take me a long time to recover and begin to feel like I want to have any involvement with you. Certainly some time before I come and visit. You are not to turn up in New York to visit us without prior approval and if so you'll be in a hotel at your own expense."

Her mother's face is mottled with rage and she has actually risen from her seat, and is up on her feet and now within touching distance of Alexis who returns the glower with interest. Neither appear willing or ready to back down but Alexis has no intention of it escalating.

"Don't even think about slapping me like you did two years ago. You are beyond lucky I never told dad. He would never forgive you. Plus Kate has been teaching me some self-defence techniques. Believe you me it wouldn't end up the way you wanted." Alexis can feel the tension in her facial muscles and her body. The adrenaline is pumping but it is time to turn away not push any more.

"I'm going now Mom. I will speak to you before you leave. If you are invited to see dad it will be on our terms and that means no press conferences. No showboating. No provoking others. Do not embarrass us or yourself." She turns to go but pauses and faces her mother again.

"Don't forget any assistance is conditional on your cooperation.

"Good night Mom."

There is no hug or kiss. Both are too wound up for a hackneyed and false exchange of affection. With her farewell delivered Alexis moves towards the door and collects her coat and purse.

* * *

Leaving the hotel room, she slams the door for extra effect and the satisfaction it gives. Not even the slightest bit embarrassed by her pettiness, Alexis strides off and heads straight for the elevator collecting Mike on the way. Together they head back to the 36th floor. The taciturn Taylor Matthews operative sensibly says nothing during the brief elevator journey.

Clare Dunne meets them in the lobby on the 36th and leads them quickly to the Boardroom.

Once inside, Alexis found Ely waiting with a marker and a floor plan of the room. She quickly marked off the location of the two listening devices she had planted. Only then did she speak.

"Someone is definitely using my mom to get at Dad or Kate or both of them. Or us. To be honest I don't know or understand what the motive might be. But clearly Mom knows way too much about Dad's finances. She's never known or shown as much interest before. She knows what Gina's confidential divorce settlement is and pretty much outright asked for the same deal to go away."

Clare nods, and steps in close to the still visibly emotional young woman. Gently touching her forearm she looks at her directly.

"You did great Alexis. Leave the rest to us. If Meredith Lee is in some form of partnership or arrangement hopefully the bugs and the phone tap should help us uncover it. Mike will escort you back to the Loft now unless you want to go elsewhere."

* * *

Less than ten minutes later, Alexis exits the lobby of the hotel, Mike two paces behind her and nods to Michael as he holds the town car passenger door open for her. She'll be home soon. She'll need as many hugs as she can from people she knows love her and who she can trust with her heart.

* * *

**Author's Note**

**Back after a too long break for me. Apologies to my loyal readers. Thank you to all those who have messaged and shown concern and to all those still with me. Should get the rhythm going with a few more chapters this week.**

**Real life intervened big time. Celebrated our 24th wedding anniversary with my 'One and Done'. We went skiing with no _real_ snow (we live in Australia and it was only the second weekend of the season) but still had lots of fun. Got sick. Work sucked the big one - short staffed, lots of problems. Got sick again and required some medical treatment and down time. Hopefully back in the writer's chair regularly now.**

**Finally this chapter is nothing like the one I originally conceived and drafted. Apparently my Alexis has a lot of previously repressed issues with her mother. It took on a life of its own and I guess is proof that I struggle to write short chapters. I'll try harder as short chapters mean quicker updates hopefully.**


	34. Chp34 - Things that go bump in the Night

**Chapter 34 – Things that go bump in the night**

**Previously - Alexis has confronted Meredith in the hope of learning who or what is behind her unexpected appearance in New York. Elsewhere, other members of 'Team Castle' are in action.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows! All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

_**New York Ledger Website – Front Page**_

_Bellevue Hospital has announced that author and Police Consultant Richard Castle's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable. His status has improved sufficiently for him to be scheduled to be transferred from the hospital's dedicated Intensive Care Unit to a general surgical ward tomorrow (Tuesday)._

_His family, publishers and the NYPD are yet to comment publicly. His representatives were unavailable for comment when we reached out to them._

_**New York Ledger Website **__**Page Six Online - Out and About on the Town with Terri.**_

_Meredith Lee, the former Mrs Castle the First, has gone to ground since her previous encounter with one of our roving reporters. Sources claim she has been holed up in her hotel suite at the Mandarin Oriental and failed to make a dinner booking at Balthazar last night. Why the previously publicity hungry actress has suddenly become averse to media exposure is unknown but there is speculation that legal intervention from Richard Castle's family and business interests may have played a part._

_Alexis Castle, Meredith Lee's daughter with Richard Castle, was seen arriving at the Mandarin Oriental by town car this evening and leaving less than two hours later. Speculation is that she dined with her mother in the hotel suite. Quite what the Miss Castle's take on her mother's pronouncements regarding her father's health and relationship with NYPD Homicide Detective Kate Beckett is unknown._

_There has been no comment from any of the Castle family and it is understood that Ms Lee is currently unrepresented. _

* * *

**17.58 PDT, Taylor Matthews West Coast Operations Centre, Orange County, California**

Paul 'Marty' Martinez looked out from the team room at the rest of his crew working in the loading bay. All were Hispanics and dressed down to blend in. But importantly they did not look like gang members, wearing none of the possible gang colors that might provoke or escalate any chance encounter. It was a careful line but a necessary one. He noted with wry irony and not a little sadness that his home town could be as dangerous a place as Afghanistan or Iraq for the unwary in the wrong place.

Only a careful observer would see past the outer layers and discern the physiques and trained alertness of his fellow Taylor Matthews operatives. Tonight's op was intel gathering in one of LA's many Latino centric suburbs. They would merge in and hopefully remain completely inconspicuous amongst the hundreds of thousands of other Hispanics in LA.

Two vehicles were parked near the warehouse doors – a pickup and a hatch. Both were cleanskins. Bought second hand and registered to two different shell companies. It would take a clever or determined person to trace the vehicles back to Taylor Matthews. More importantly the attempt to trace them would raise flags and let them know someone was digging.

The TOE for tonight was simple. Teams of two. One team per vehicle. One male (Roberto 'Rob' Smith a half-Spanish/half-Scottish naturalized American with eight years in the UK's Parachute Regiment and 4 tours of Iraq and Afghanistan) and one female (Constantia 'Connie' Aguilar – fourteen years Military Police) in the hatch. He and one other male (Tomas Cortez – nine years Rangers) in the pickup. Personal weapons only. Vests on the floor just in case. Encrypted tactical radios and phones with secure Bluetooth. Bottled water and a few sweets to keep them going.

They already had a few leads from Clare Dunne back in New York as well as the information from the DEA, but they like all good operators knew nothing beat eyes on the target. No better way to carry out an accurate threat assessment and plan the next phase of the mission.

However as of now they were still short of much of what they needed to be able to wrap this job up. Head office were watching intently. Marty was unused to such close supervision from their bosses. Taylor Matthews' MO was to trust the teams in the field. Not in this case as this task involved Client Zero. Marty had to admit that he was curious about what sort of history the supposed Party Boy author had with their straight as rails bosses that had a hell of a lot of company resources dedicated to it. It had resulted in him asking for an explanation from Sass but she had not made it particularly clearer.

Turning away from the final preparations outside he looks down at his computer's LCD screens. It had turned out that there was a DEA intelligence file on Jesus Agraz aka 'Sweet Angel'. The un-redacted version was on screen at this minute.

He had never had this sort of access to law enforcement data and intelligence in his previous jobs. But since joining Taylor Matthews almost three years ago after leaving the Marine Corps he had become accustomed to it.

Taylor Matthews has a unique arrangement with the Federal Government and quite a few state and local law enforcement organisations. They work in partnership and provide mutual assistance in a range of scenarios. All this was possible because of three simple things.

Firstly there was the Taylor Matthews Charter than all employees from top to bottom had to sign off and follow without fail. The Charter was simple. They only operated domestically within the defined borders of the United States. They complied with all laws at Federal, State and local level. Any employee could recuse themselves from an operation if they believed any law was being broken but they had to notify their Operational Lead and copy in the Head Office. They could not publish or otherwise divulge any information regarding the firm or their clients whilst employed or upon leaving.

The next reason was simple. They were damn effective and efficient. They had an extremely high success rate and their rates more than fair given that aforementioned efficiency. This not only attracted good clients (well the ones that were accepted) but also good employees as there was nothing more appealing for ex-service types that working where the outcomes were almost universally positive. Success is a mighty powerful motivation.

The final reason was down to the two men who lead the organisation. Derek Taylor was a retired Navy SEAL and Tim Matthews ex-US Army Ranger. Both exuded integrity and enforced it without fear nor favour. The standard company joke was that of the top hundred companies in the US – 25% were clients, another 25% wanted to be but their lawyers won't agree to Taylor Matthews' non-negotiable conditions and the remaining 50% Taylor Matthews won't touch. There was more than an element of truth to it.

For this particular operation the deal for the intel from the DEA was simple. They shared everything they learnt with the DEA and if they didn't risk compromising the evidence, they could complete their assignment before letting the Fed's run with it.

The information contained in the file was both detailed and sparse. A not usual contradiction when dealing with drug related matters even with relatively unknown suspects. On the surface Jesus Agraz appeared to be one of those celebrated success stories – juvenile gangbanger made good with a college degree. Turns out he was simply better at adapting and blending into mainstream Los Angeles. In other words, show business. He started as a 'runner' whilst at college and now less than five years after graduating he's an assistant producer for up and coming cable channel XtmX. It was apparent that he was able to mix his legal and illegal activities without attracting suspicion. Certainly on the periphery of the glitz and glamor was the sordid and corrupt including drugs, sex-trade and worse, and often the line between both was blurred. Where Agraz was ahead of the game was by staying out of the limelight and not attracting attention from law enforcement. But quite what his motive with Meredith Lee was remained unknown and the subject of multiple investigations on the East and West coasts. Suspicion was turning towards Agraz being commissioned by an unknown third party to act against the Castle/Rodgers. The who, the why and the what were all major questions for them.

Marty's review of the suspect was interrupted when Mitchell Belmont, the West Coast Operations Lead, taped Marty on the shoulder. He was one of the few odd ones out inside Taylor Matthews with no military experience. Instead he had almost thirty years in law enforcement first with the Los Angeles County Sheriff and then as local prosecutor. Despite the supposed desk job he was among the fittest here still running Marathons and leading one of the many Tough Mudder teams Taylor Matthews fielded.

"Good to go Marty?"

Mitchell liked Marty. The ex-Marine Captain was seventh generation Hispanic-American and damn proud of his mixed heritage. Five generations of his family had served in the Marine Corps from the Philippines onwards and two had paid the ultimate price. He was smart, a good planner and careful. The last was not something you necessarily associated with ex-military even from the more elite end of the spectrum. In three years Marty had bounced quickly up the ranks to be a team leader and generally left to run his own ops. But not this one given the interest coming from the top.

"Hey Mitch. Just about ready." Marty pauses then voices his concerns.

"Something doesn't add up here. The suspect feels _off_, and I still don't see a motive or reason behind the operation. It's not worth the effort or risk on their side to recruit another drug mule or minor celebrity porn film. The suspect has almost perfect cover which is worth much more than what he is apparently risking it for. There's something else here but no one seems to know what it is." Running his hands through his hair he continues.

"Maybe we'll find something tonight."

* * *

**9.05 pm EDT, Bellevue Hospital, Intensive Care Unit.**

Kate Beckett slipped quietly through the door to Rick's ICU room. She hadn't meant to be quite this late. She had nipped back to the Loft to get some food and freshen up. She had been kicked out earlier around 5.30 pm when the surgical attending as well as the ICU doctors and number of hangers on had turned up and told her to come back in a couple of hours..

Clad in dark leggings, a long brown sweater and tennis shoes, her hair lose around her almost makeup-free face she bore little resemblance to her Detective alter-ego. Something that she found pleased her more than she had thought it would. Her different appearance had certainly slowed recognition from the officers from the 12th outside the ICU.

Smiling wryly she turned her thoughts back to Rick. This should be his last night in ICU. Was it only Thursday he was fighting for his life. So much can change in only five days.

She scanned the room. There was now only one machine on far side of the bed. There were fewer wires and sensors on his body. The oxygen mask was gone. More progress. Good progress.

He was asleep. Still on the flat of his back. Not a natural position for Rick and one that had been giving him some trouble. His handsome features were twisted in a slight grimace. The doctors had warned of some discomfort after they withdraw the chest tube and change in medications to less powerful ones. The transition could be difficult and not a little troublesome especially regarding pain management.

As she padded softly towards the bed, she pauses to move the chair closer but one leg snags on the floor and the noise of the scrape as the leg drags is enough to wake him.

"Hey." If she's brutally honest with herself that monotone voice with the timbre of sleep flavouring it is one of her favorites. Not just the aural qualities but the memories and emotions that accompany it. Of waking naked. Bodies intertwined. Perspiration earned or imminent. Of how she'll secretly lie there and stare at him shamelessly and wait for him to drift into consciousness. Compulsion, comfort, challenge and cherished. So many overwhelming sensations that previously left her so conflicted and things between them so complicated.

"Hey yourself."

With the obvious question on cusp of her lips about his health, her boyfriend and nearly fiancé – wow that still takes getting used to – beats her to the punch.

"Hurts a bit. Having the chest tube removed was a little bit, umm, sensitive. Still adjusting to breathing without it and the oxygen. But" Then his face breaks into a big grin. The one that Kate knows he only shares with his close friends and family. Shorn of the need to pretend and protect. "The less hooked up and entangled I am the closer to home I feel."

She can't but help respond with an equally good grin of her own. The sort she knows makes his heart simultaneously stutter to a near stop and soar. He had confided that to her one evening, and she had made it a little task of hers to try and given him at least one of those moments every day if she could.

"I'll be glad to get out of here. Even if it only to a general ward bed. One step closer to home.

"The doctors said I would probably be a bit unsettled and disturbed for up to forty-eight hours as I adjust to being off the chest vent and the change in medication. You don't have to stay." He makes the opportunity for her to go whilst all the time wanting nothing more than her presence near him, with him.

"You're here." It is both a statement of fact and an answer. The only answer she needs to give.

She reaches down to stroke his cheeks with both hands. They're smooth, he must have been shaved today by one of the staff. She'll take advantage of that and the absence of the oxygen mask. First with teasing kisses across his face until she reaches his lips. Then she's not teasing anymore. Neither is he. She remembers to reluctantly pull back before his diminished lung power is put to the test but its more than enough to have both of them slightly rosy cheeked and breathing faster and deeper.

Suddenly the desire to be closer to him is too much for her to resist. He seems to feel the same. Somehow he contorts his body enough to make a space on the left side of the bed. Kate slips the tennis shoes from her feet and clambers onto the bed squeezing her lean body into the small pocket of space he has made. His left arm is beneath her shoulder and so she cants her body into his so the arm hooks round her shoulders, her left leg hooking over his leg, pushing her pelvis forward bumping against the solid mass of his hip, her head against his left shoulder. Face to face in a proximity not experienced by them for five long days.

"Kate." His voice is full of desire, need, pain, fear, lust and love and she can no longer control her own entirely instinctive and automatic response to that. Biting her lower lip in frustration, a habit she knows Rick finds utterly compelling, she stares into the ocean of his eyes. All she has ever needed is there and the honesty of his devotion is almost too much. But she is done with the game, the dance, the flirting, the running. She's his in every way that matters.

"Rick." She answers his magic with her own spell wrapped around his name. She's never had the words, always relied on actions to stretch beyond the comfort of her walls, but she's trying for him. To reciprocate and respond to the lure of his language with lyrics of her own.

She smiles at him and he returns it. Somehow they know. Their mutual bond means they need no more words for now. Both shake their heads in acknowledgement of the curious but heady mixture of frustration, passion and acceptance knowing they can go no further tonight and perhaps for quite a while longer. They nuzzle each other one last time.

Rick starts to drift off and before Kate follows him she murmurs into his neck. "Never mind, we can always cuddle Castle."

* * *

**20.33 PDT, Somewhere in East LA.**

Marty keys his throat mike.

"Charlie One back off maybe another twenty yards." Traffic is too light and despite their choice of low profile cars they do not have enough vehicles in the operation to safely tail the target. With only two tracking vehicles, Marty is sure that they have been made.

"Wilco Michael Six. These guys are good. They're running counter surveillance and almost made us at least three times." Robert or Rob but 'don't fucken call me Bob or Bobby' Smith has barely a trace of his Scottish father in his accent but some of his tactical language was owed to his years in the British military and lingers on with the subtle and not-so-subtle differences with the American services.

Marty doesn't disagree with the assessment that their opponents are good but he does with the assumption they haven't been made. Logic and his gut both tell him they have been detected. The questions are what will their target do and what should they do?

Before he can make a decision the dark grey Escalade they are following turns right again into a street it has already travelled. As the team's hatch approaches the junction and starts to indicate right Marty makes the call from his vantage point in the pickup.

"Charlie One abort."

The indicator blinks off and the car proceeds ahead across the junction. Following some four cars and approximately thirty yards behind the pickup just makes it across as the lights change.

From the corner of right peripheral vision Marty spots the Escalade coming back onto the road. Instinctively he reaches down and secures his right hand on the parkerized grip of his Sig 226. Tapping the wrist pad against his left thigh twice, he warns his team to stand to.

Switching to another pre-set channel he notifies East Coast Operations.

"Whiskey this is Michael. Busted. Action Imminent."

"Acknowledged Michael. Abort."

"Roger" Marty confirms the order but before he can do anything else he spots two minivans pulling out from the next junction. Their side doors are open and each vehicle has two gunmen with what appear to be compact submachine guns similar to Uzi's, magazines in the pistol grips.

Instinctively he hammers the comms for the team channel and sets them lose. "Weapons Free. Evade!" The team will only fire if their lives are threatened.

The hatch accelerates and without warning cuts across a gap in the left hand lanes of oncoming traffic heading off at 9 o'clock from the pickup. Both minivans accelerate after the car and they make a hole to pursue the car, forcing the oncoming traffic to slam to a stop.

Marty's driver, is staying cool holding his speed and doing nothing to arouse suspicion. The Escalade pulls alongside and seems to hang there for a few seconds before accelerating away and moving into the left hand lane.

"Hang a left at the next junction."

"Charlie One status?"

"Two tango's in pursuit. Negative gunfire." The 'yet' is unsaid. No doubt their adrenalin is pumping but Taylor Matthews didn't hire newbies. The team were all veterans of multiple conflicts and no strangers to gunfire. Even back home in the United States.

The hatch only makes it two more blocks before the shooting begins. Connie reports the shots in a neutral tone and holds her own fire but has her Sig out and ready. Rob has managed to gain a slight edge but the two minivans appear to have more powerful engines and within seconds one of them is almost parallel. Nine millimetre rounds may not be especially effective but enough of them will do damage and well the cheap car had never been intended for any sort of combat or soaking up punishment. The shooter is using short bursts aimed low at the engine and front wheels.

This in itself is fortunate for the team, their opponents appear to be trying to disable the car and not kill them. The main passenger compartment offers next to no protection even from 9mm rounds. Why they aren't shooting to kill is another question that can wait until later.

The pickup has turned off the main strip and they are now on a road parallel to the other team, but at least a couple of blocks back. The pickup accelerates quickly. Much faster than the forty mile per hour speed limit but they are moving to catch up with their other team and intercept the pursuers.

Less than a minute later and the hatch has executed two sharp turns and bought them back into range of their backup.

Rob brakes hard and slams the smaller vehicle against the bigger van and whilst physics are not in their favour the surprise is enough to make the driver of the van miscalculate and shy away enough to collide with a large garbage bin on the side of the road. With the van's momentum lost, the smaller car accelerates away again heading for the main road and the nearby freeway ramp.

As they complete this manoeuvre it is only seconds later that the pickup enters the same junction from the right left side clips the rear of the second van spinning it out. Despite the bumps from the collision and the less than even road surface Marty has his gun up and steady with the perfect angle on the occupants but he holds his fire. Not tonight.

The pickup accelerates after the smaller car heading for the designated assembly point.

Sure enough the hatch is pulled over in whatever cover the nearest building offers. The crew of two have weapons up scanning for targets. As they approach Marty spots the Escalade stopped on the flyover. The heavily tinted windows are still up but he knows there are eyes on them. Regardless of this the crew quickly switch out of the immobilized car into the rear bench of the pickup. No sooner than the rear door closed do they accelerate away abandoning the shot-up vehicle. Rob and Connie confirm some minor scratches and cuts from glass and few bruises but no bullet wounds. No one in the team is foolish enough to believe it was anything other than dumb luck that prevented worse injuries.

It has taken less than three minutes from first contact with the minivans. This short by sharp action has the advantage of being over before any news helicopters can make it into the area.

"Whiskey this is Michael."

Marty reports in that the Taylor Matthews team have extracted themselves with no return fire on their own and only minor injuries. But all-in-all the evening is a wash.

* * *

**21.03 PDT, Taylor Matthews West Coast Operations Centre, Orange County, California**

By the time Mitch Belmont had arrived back in the office several news stations were covering the shooting. Mitch sped to his desk and began calling the LAPD and LA County Sheriff's office to disclose their involvement in the incident.

Sass hadn't left the office. She had been bunking down on her cot, when she was woken by the duty officer with news of the incident. She had got the enough of a debrief from Marty to call Clare back in New York.

"Hey Calamity our observation went to shit. The bad guys got some ninja skills and made the team. We got them out without casualties but lost a car. They won't get anything off the car but this was not the issue.

"Our intel is seriously lacking and the bad guys have some trained muscle and are not afraid to use it. But more importantly this is far more serious than any of us previous considered. I recommend you increase protection and start working as many angles as you can.

"I'll get you a full report by midday tomorrow. Take it easy Babe."

* * *

**23:05 EDT, The Boardroom, Level 36, Mandarin Oriental Hotel, New York.**

Sass had hung up and Clare was frustrated and not a little concerned.

Who are these guys?

They have specific skills and firepower. These aren't simply gang-bangers or drug smugglers. They had been trying to disable the car and possibly grab a team member or more.

That they had made the OB team who were no smucks themselves showed a concerning level of skill. Tomorrow she would check with Sass and the Team Leader, Marty, to see if there were any red flags or if there were any gaps in their planning or execution.

The DEA and ATF have no known links from their suspect to the Zetas or any other cartel or group with paramilitary background.

She was grateful the OB team in LA had escaped with no injuries. It must have been a close run thing as one of the vehicles was a write-off.

Turning to the technician, she snaps a question at him.

"Ely. What have we got?

"No outgoing or incoming calls but she did send a pre-saved message from her drafts to a local number. Database shows it as unregistered burner on AT&T network. Purchased in New York State but nothing else at the moment."

"What was the message content?"

"It appears to be encrypted. I've passed it on to our team for immediate action. It could take some time or even be impossible to crack."

"Thanks Ely." Clare pauses. The newcomer obviously has a question or perhaps more. She nods her permission.

"This is in-house right? No external agencies. We've got a lot of manpower deployed on this and Headquarters are watching everything." Ely pauses and looks at Clare uncertain whether he should continue.

"Who is this guy and his family?" He pauses again, definitely uncertain as Clare maintains an unchanged demeanour but with one eyebrow raised in question.

"I mean I know who he is. Richard Castle, big time crime writer, part-time cop. Shot in the line of duty. Apparently hooked up with his muse."

Clare stares at him as if to ask if he has finished.

"Ely, I'll cut you some slack because you're relatively new here.

"Richard Castle, his family and by extension Detective Kate Beckett of the NYPD are our most important client." The younger man's eyes go a little wider at that but he sensibly says nothing. Clare knows that the person opposite her has been vetted so she continues.

"You understand our internal references for clients don't you." Ely nods in acknowledgement.

"How our VIP Clients have a sequential number. Based on when they first engaged with us. Well Richard Castle and family are Client Zero. Richard Castle is a personal friend of both Derek and Tim. They go back before Taylor Matthews and in fact it is safe to say that Taylor Matthews wouldn't exist if it wasn't for Richard Castle."

"So this organisation currently has their safety and resolution of this matter as the number one priority." She looks the man squarely in the eyes.

"Understood?" It is not a question she expects to ask of most colleagues but Ely is not a full field operative in addition to being new to the company.

"One hundred percent. I'll get straight on the decryption. The lab reports analysis of the movie you provided should be complete later today. They'll be able to give you a fair amount of intelligence on both the technical and human fronts."

Clare is impressed by the deadpan delivery from the younger man. He was after all discussing a movie contain naked or effectively naked people having sex and yet made it sound like a routine intelligence discovery.

Turning her mind back to more immediate matter she decides it is time to beef up security around the Castles. This won't be an issue for most family members but her instincts tell her that Kate Beckett may be less than amenable to being protected. As a professional Clare knows the feeling and the constant and sometimes desperate need to prove not only that you are an equal but better than the men.

She messages Pietr Evritt, one half of the pair that originally went to the hospital with her. With Mike O'Leary on close protection detail for Alexis and Martha, she wanted his equally competent partner running the show at the hospital.

Less than two minutes later her phone rings.

"Good Evening Pietr. We're concerned about the level of opposition we're facing. Pull together a squad and reinforce the NYPD at Bellevue starting tomorrow morning. Two on each shift and for God's sake make sure the cops from the 12th and any others know you. No mistakes or over-excited cops please."

She hears his nearly grunted acknowledgement.

"I'll be getting backup for Mike too and once we've got some more bodies, I'll rotate you back to your partner."

Another grunt in response terminates the conversation.

She turns to Ely.

"I've got you a room on the 24th floor. Move your gear down there and try not to go over the top with the room service.

"I'll see you in the morning. And take care - we've already had too many things go bump in the night." With that she jogged to the elevator suddenly keen to get home and catch at least six hours good sleep before the new day bought her more challenges.

* * *

**Author's Note**

**Thank you for all the reviews and best wishes that came from Chapter 33.**


	35. Chapter 35 – Introspection and Advice

**Chapter 35 – Introspection and Advice**

**Previously Rick has finally been cleared to be released from ICU. The day of his transfer to a general surgical ward dawns.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows! All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Bellevue Intensive Care Unit, Tuesday 3.01 am**

Kate finally gave up and admitted defeat. It was impossible to sleep through the night on Rick's hospital bed. For a start he was alternating between deep sleep complete with minimal movement and a near wakeful state with whimpers of discomfort as the reduced medications and removal of the vent took effect. She imagined Rick's dreams were not of the pleasant kind much as her had been eighteen months ago. Secondly there simply wasn't enough space for her on the bed. That she had managed pretty much five hours of near-sleep was a tribute to their now seamless relationship and the utmost comfort they took from each other's presence. But proximity be damned she needed to stretch out and also needed uninterrupted sleep.

She dropped into the temporary cot with a huff. No doubt the night-duty nurses would enjoy their 'told you so' moment later. She needed to be home in their bed. With him. She was too tired to even acknowledge her total acceptance of that statement - even before she has moved out of her apartment. Nope not running. Certainly not right now with a crick in her back, muscles throbbing bearing witness to her commitment. She snarled into the pillow, and attempted to pound the hospital provided object into a supporting shape, all the time aware it was not one of the glorious down filled pillows that so complemented the smooth cotton sheets that lined their bed.

* * *

**Gates Residence, 6.50 am**

Victoria Gates was finishing getting dressed for another day in the service of the citizens of New York. There was a time that the sentiment may have seemed false, a platitude, mere lip service so to speak. But now after more than twenty-five years, two stabbings, six hospitalizations, and well a few more near misses - it was not only Beckett and Castle who dodged the literal bullet too often - it was simply the truth. There were the personal costs too. So many hours not home with missed moments with family, relationships with her children that had fluctuated and nearly fractured especially during their mid-teens, and two separations from the man standing in the room with her.

"Vicky, did you want breakfast before you go?" Her husband inquired as he padded around in his pyjamas and robe, feet bare and slapping the wooden floor. He has nothing on at college until late morning and is taking the laid back approach to the start of his day. She envies him some days, until she remembers he has to manage an unruly mob without the authority and discipline that captaincy in the NYPD endows her with. Not to mention her gun.

"That would be lovely, thanks DM." her voice rougher and unable to disguise her sudden emotions as she turns back to apply her makeup.

As if he understood her need, he quickly leant in to brush his lips over the back of her neck and he turns and heads downstairs to the kitchen. As he proceeds down the hall he passes the black ribboned photo frame containing the picture of Roy Montgomery sitting atop the delicate antique drum table passed onto them by Vicky's grandmother. His wife's introspection is contagious and here with the image of his friend of more than three decades there is so much to still think about.

"Hey Roy" he voice low as if they were whispering together in a corner at a barbeque, beers in hand and one eye out for their wives or children. Reaching out to brush the edge of the heavy gilt frame he continues. "Your girl finally got her arse in gear and got her man. You were right about them. Complicated doesn't begin to cover it and nothing is easy with those two. Fated to be tested I reckon. But they're together" Starting to move, he can't help the next words that slip from his mouth. "I miss you Roy." With that he continued on to the kitchen. Vicky wouldn't want anything more than a simple muffin and some coffee and he best not screw that up.

He owed Roy so much. Surviving and thriving together in the army, meeting up in New York with Roy the rookie cop, and him the barrack lawyer made good, the introduction to Vicky, and the advice to change careers to the safer confines of the halls of academia rather than continue in the hotly contested and political halls of justice. David Reynolds loves his job. Tenured Professor of Law at NYU. He wondered if he would have been as happy as a prosecutor or more likely Assistant DA or possibly even DA.

What he did know for certain was that he truly missed his best friend.

He wondered what Roy would have been doing right now. It has been no secret that Roy had planned to retire, and was close to pulling the pin early. He had wanted to hold on until Kate Beckett was senior enough to be promoted up to Captain but the reality was that she had been at least five if not closer to ten years short of that when Roy had died.

Roy had never said where the money was coming from to retire early but David had his suspicions. He was sure it was legit – Roy had been meticulous about that after his short but tragic mistakes when a rookie. Furthermore, he had no doubt who had helped Roy build some financial security for Evelyn and the kids. After Roy had died, he had been his executor of his will. The trust funds had been a surprise to everyone and then when in addition Roy's kids' education was fully paid for from a low-key charity he had his suspicions confirmed. The result was that Roy's family was financially secure even if Roy's NYPD pension wasn't available should IA have found against him. In the end the silence from Kate Beckett's team had neutered even that real threat. Richard Castle was not just the party playboy the press made him out to be, if he was at all. Roy had never told him how they met, simply that from time to time Roy had joined Richard Castle, the Mayor, the odd judge or two and sometime other mystery writers for poker.

And now he had an extremely personal reason to thank the author. Last Thursday could easily have been him opening the door to their home to see the uniforms, probably the Chief of Detectives and the Service Chaplain. He had seen from the other side when he stood with Vicky on Evelyn's doorstep and watched how Roy's wife's face and world collapsed even before the words of condolence and comfort could begin.

Snapping back to it, he realised he need to have his wife's breakfast ready. A disrupted morning routine could make Vicky irritable and somehow he didn't want the responsibility of dozens of cops suffering because he messed up breakfast, especially a simple one.

* * *

**Homicide, 12****th**** Precinct , 9.05 am.**

Detectives Esposito and Ryan were currently desk deep in cold case paperwork. This was Gates' way of keeping them out of trouble until IA cleared them for a return to full duty. She had let them keep their guns and badges, something IA had been reluctant to do until Gates had made them back down. She let also them participate in providing security for Castle and Beckett. She wasn't Montgomery but Gates was their Captain.

Since arriving at the precinct two hours ago frequent coffee breaks and the odd game of wastepaper basketball had helped keep them sane. Partly. Ryan was also messaging his wife frequently, probably more than his partner believed was becoming. Ryan's phone once again vibrated accompanied by the familiar tune signifying a message from his beloved wife. Swiping the screen he read the message and pursed his lips as if holding something in.

"Fuck. Fuckitty, Fuck, Fuck!"

Esposito looked up in surprise, half expecting to see his partner in pain, or at least some obvious reason for the unexpected onslaught of profanity. Not that the profanity bothered him, although it still seems so discordant and uncharacteristic from the otherwise urbane detective. Javi knew better. Kevin Ryan was the undisputed f-bomb king of Homicide if not the entire 12th Precinct but was smart enough to do it away from major audiences. For him to let fly so publicly meant something was really amiss.

"Kev?"

"Oh shit, sorry Javi." Apologising with another profanity, his partner smiles wryly and then continuing on Kevin Ryan revealed the reason for his expletive explosion.

"You realise we haven't said thank you to Castle for saving our lives?" It is not much of a question because they both know the simple truth of the near confession.

"Oh shit." This from the Hispanic detective as it is his turn to swear.

"How did we forget?"

"Well were busy protecting his arse after the Silva family started their little clean up operation. And then there was that hot Taylor Matthew's operative. And her face-off with Beckett, and um, then Lanie threw us out." Ryan summarises. They both look fairly embarrassed by the excuses. Castle was one of them. More so since he was shot saving them and Gates. There was a code for this, and they were seriously remiss.

"Well my mama didn't bring me up to be rude. So you reckon we need to take a road trip Bro?"

"Damn straight. Best to check in with Beckett though and see how he's doing and where he is. Her text last night said he was due to moved out of ICU this morning."

After reversing his wrist to check his watch Esposito notes that it is still early.

"How-about we give them some more time and then check in. That will give us time to reduce this cold case stack to a level where Gates might cut us some slack to go visit Castle." Lowering his voice so only his partner can hear he continues. "I don't know if I'm entirely comfortable around this new version of Gates. Who knew she was human?"

"I know Bro. But your plan sounds good. I'll let Jenny know. She's said she wants to go say thank you firsthand when it is suitable. Plus we know Castle. If we don't get to him soon, who knows how big his ego will be. He relies on us to keep him grounded. God knows Beckett's no good at it now she's gone all girlie over him."

Grinning at the comment the partners settle back into their chairs and attack the stacked paperwork with new enthusiasm.

* * *

**Affinia Dumont Hotel, 9.40 am.**

Kate had been kicked out from the ICU room around 8.30 am when the staff had come in to prepare for Rick's transfer to a private room on a general ward. She had held Rick's hand whilst the portable cot was packed away and the staff bustled through initial preparatory work marking the end of this stage of Rick's treatment and the window into the next.

In a matter of minutes she was in the way and despite her aura of authority and determination she had been requested to leave. So after a perfunctory and too brief kiss she had left with her bag and the tote that contained Rick's portable possessions. She had instructions which ward to report to in about three hours. Apparently Rick's transfer would include a diversion to Imaging for some scans to check on the internal repair job to his shoulder and the state of his lung.

Exiting ICU Kate had called the Loft and spoke to Alexis – it was too early for Martha - and she updated the young woman about the temporary expulsion and the planned change of venue for Rick. She had expected them to wait in the privacy of the Loft before coming to Bellevue once the all clear was given. Instead Alexis has asked if they could talk privately.

Kate suggested the Affinia hotel when the two suites are still reserved for them and the cops protecting Rick. Alexis had agreed and said she would be there. As it was still early and the press presence was low she took the opportunity to walk from the hospital over to 34th Street. She hadn't spent much time outside since the shooting and the public exposure of their relationship. She didn't know how she would react when facing the press. The paparazzi would be easy, counting their aggression with her own. However, she was pretty sure that when confronted for the first time with the camera and microphone posing polite questions she would freeze or do something embarrassing. She had known it was inevitable but it was something they had never really discussed in detail. Kate resolved to speak to Paula Haas and get some expert advice on how to handle the situation without the experience of her partner to guide her.

Fortuitously Kate had avoided any press and what was meant to be brisk walk of a few blocks to the hotel had evolved into an extended stroll down to the river and a longer route in the chill of an autumn morning. She hadn't excised since Wednesday and extra exertion had helped clear her head. Nearing the hotel she stopped at a local deli to grab some tea and pastries before making her way through the lobby and to the suite. Alexis had arrived about ten minutes later with a new Taylor Matthews shadow who had simply nodded to Beckett and gone into the second suite where a shift change of cops was sharing coffee and bagels.

After shucking her jacket Alexis had sat at the table with Kate and sipped at her tea which Kate had decanted into a hotel cup accompanied by a plate covered in the pastries, some of which Kate had cut into pieces.

"Hmm good. I like the citrus twang. Good morning Kate." Alexis eases her way into the conversation.

"Hmmmm, me too. Not that I can get Rick to drink tea. Good morning Alexis."

"No Dad is definitely the java caffeinated type. Plus sugar and full-fat cream off course." They both smile at that.

Kate decides that that a pregnant pause would be inadvisable and so she begins. "So Alexis why did you want to talk?"

Kate already has a suspicion. Having only just started at college and part way through her first semester, Alexis may well be torn over she should do. Kate doesn't doubt Alexis will spend all the time she has with Rick, but also that she wants to go back to college into the comfort and challenge of college life. But she needs the young woman to take control and make the decisions, and also ask the questions, however much she wants to advise and guide her.

Alexis gently teases a segment of Danish from the plate and into her mouth, postponing the conversation for a moment longer. Swallowing the morsel, she locates her courage.

"Kate, can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

Alexis sits there, in silence obviously stumped on how to go further, well to begin the conversation. Kate is surprised, the young woman has not been tongue-tied around her for a number of years. She has her father's way with words, albeit with a more thoughtful and cautious manner.

"Alexis, you don't have to worry. It is nice, sorry no that's not enough, it is wonderful that you may be concerned about possibly hurting my feelings but there is nothing to be afraid of. I would be more than happy to answer your questions if I can. I'm your friend. Well I hope that I'm you friend. I'd certainly like to be considered your friend." _No didn't stumble on that at all Kate!_

"Oh No, it's not that Kate. Of course you're my friend. Possibly, well probably more given that you will be living with Dad permanently.

"It's just that I'm not sure how to ask this. I'm afraid I might" Alexis pauses clearly stuck for how to enunciate her thoughts. She steals another small piece of pastry and then despite her usual social graces she starts to speak before the last of the food has been swallowed, unable to keep the words in. "Offend or upset you."

Kate simply keeps her eyes fixed on the young woman and gives her a comforting smile and nod, and Alexis continues.

"At the moment I can still catch up on the missed classes as friends have been recording lectures for me but if I leave it a few weeks longer then it might be difficult or worse. Then this semester, my first, will be a wash out and I'll have to start again. I don't want to start again. I don't want to have lose time. There is so much I have to do, want to do and experience. Not just college, but extra-curriculum activities, interning – Doctor Parish said I could apply to come back and she wrote me this fantastic referral if I wanted to try something else" Alexis barely pauses for breath "Plans for the summer break – friends and I have been researching volunteering in Costa Rica. I don't want to miss all the opportunities."

"But then I'm being so selfish. Dad almost died, I mean I know he's alive but it hurt so much. It scared me more than since I was a little girl, more than anything else he has done. I'm so afraid that if I am at college, I might miss something at the hospital. If he suddenly has an issue and then…." Kate leans across the table to grip both Alexis' hands. Alexis doesn't finish the sentence and all the implications but jumps straight on, deeper into her fears. "But it's not just now, what if I go away and something happens, and I can't get back in time."

"I really don't know what to do. So I wanted to ask you what to do. What you did. But at the same time I don't want to be responsible for bringing up such painful memories. Dad told me of all the regret he had and still carries for re-opening your mother's case and how even to this day there are ramifications from his choice. And well I don't want to hurt you. We've all suffered enough. Too much."

Still holding Alexis's hands Kate rises and comes round the table to pull the teenager into tight embrace. Releasing their hands Kate strokes the long red locks and slowly rocks their bodies in comfort. _This is what my mom did. I'm not Alexis' mom but I do care for her. Not just because she is Rick's but also for who she and what she means to me. I can do this. I want to do this._

Alexis speaks again. Her voice so low Kate can barely make out the words despite their proximity.

"Kate. When you were at Stanford and you had to come home after your mother's death. How did you cope? What decided your actions? I don't want to make the wrong choices, and regret things.

Kate gently sits the teenager back down, and resumes her own seat. Taking a sip of the now tepid tea, she once more looks Alexis directly in the eyes.

"I was on Christmas break after my first semester at Stanford and back home. I had such a wonderful time at college I almost didn't go home. I was going to stay in California, have a warm Christmas, but my dad called me and told me how much they both missed me, especially my mom, so I went home. It was the right choice. I caught up with friends back from college too but mainly spent time with my family – well as much as their work allowed. As an only child I was close to both my parent's but especially my mom.

"We were going to meet up for a meal, the night my mom was murdered. Dad and I left from home but mom was going to come straight from work. She never got there.

"To be honest, initially there wasn't a lot of choice or options so the decisions were pretty much out of our hands, my hands. At first my dad and I coped but once the initial shock and all the duties were gone, things changed, seemingly out of our control. My dad turned to alcohol, and in my own grief I didn't fully take that in. I coped differently." Kate stops there. Alexis doesn't need to know how she coped. Certainly not right now.

"I returned to Stanford but I couldn't concentrate, had no enjoyment, and couldn't deal with the sympathy and concern. I made it through much of the next semester but my grades were down and the phone calls from dad slowly stopped. Then I was called to be told my dad was in hospital injured after an accident. He had been drunk. He wasn't driving but he was hurt and the police were involved. So I went home. Never went back. Friends packed up my stuff and sent it home.

"I spend months getting my dad's life back together enough so that he didn't follow my mom. During that time I made decisions about college and my future, enrolling at NYU and doing summer school to get enough credits to start the next year.

"I had felt guilty for a long time that I hadn't stayed with my dad. Hadn't seen the warning signs. But I was caught up in my own sorrow.

"But Alexis you are not me. This, what has happened with your dad may be similar in some ways especially emotionally but it is not the same. Thank God.

"Your dad loves you so much, and naturally wants you close to him. But secretly though, I think your dad would like nothing more for you to go back to college and live your life. After all you're still here in Manhattan, never more than a taxi or subway ride away. The decision is yours, but I think you should go back to school." Kate sees the affirmative nod from Alexis who clearly can't speak at the moment.

"Don't worry too much about your dad." Kate squeezes Alexis's hands.

"I am going to take care of him for us, for you, for Martha, for me. Everything I denied you, my friends, my dad and myself when I was shot. I've learnt from it. From that three months of isolation and the rest of the year that followed. I can't say it was wasted because there were important steps to be taken, so much more that your father and I learnt about each other and ourselves during that time. I do know it was frustrating and there were missteps and especially communication and trust issues that haunt us still, but we are doing better. We've learnt not to communicate almost solely by subtext. I love him and his family so much."

"Kate, I do trust you with him. With us too. There was time when I didn't when we were hurt so badly by your actions. I know dad tries to keep things from me, but I'm no fool, and I know how badly affected he was. I know about the therapy."

She continues anger clear in her voice. "It's not fair. Why do I have a mother who only seems to want me for cheque book access to dad, and yet you." Alexis halts suddenly aware of what she was about to say and clearly uncertain whether to continue. Kate nods gently to her and Alexis continues but in a significantly more moderate tone of voice, shorn of the anger. "And you, you had a wonderful mom who was there for you and she was ripped from you. It's not fair!"

"I did, my mom was my biggest supporter and confidante, and I can't tell you in words how blessed I feel about that. But this is only a feeling I have be able to nurture and let free in the last few years. Because of Rick. Your dad has done so much for me. He was able to push away all those years of anguish and hurt. To free me, and allow me to access my good memories of my mom from before her murder. I want to share those again. I want to be them too. To be someone's memories of their mother. I want that privilege, the responsibility, the joy and stress of being a mom myself. So long, I never thought I would be able to. But with Rick I can.

"One of the things I love most about your dad, is how great a father he is. Even before I loved him, I couldn't help but acknowledge the wonderful relationship you have. How unconditional his love is for you. How he would move heaven and earth for you. And now where we are, I want him to be that again. Some day. Not yet. But soon. We've spoken about it together, but we did want to speak to you as it concerns you too. Alexis today is not that time. Rick needs to be here too to participate, and out of hospital and healthy. But I need you to understand that as far as I am concerned the only thing your family is going to do is grow.

"There will be more occasions where there is stress, fear, tension, sadness. But not by choice. I know how much concern my job and your father's participation can be Alexis. But I want you to know I would give up my job for him. I did it once already, last year. That decision didn't stick because of circumstances not because I made the decision to go back. But I did return and Rick supported that. But I won't choose between the job and him. Or his family too. Not anymore. I need you to know this so that you can feel that your father is safe with me. That I only have his and your best interests at heart. I won't choose my career over him." _Not like Meredith did. Like Gina did as well. _Kate doesn't voice those thoughts but Alexis seems to understand. This family does subtext so well, perhaps because of rather than instead of their command of language.

Alexis nods and a shy smile lifts her face. It looks disconcerting against the mess of her face. Red rimmed eyes and smudged makeup.

"So how is Max?" Time to change subject to lighter matters.

"He's good. He's been really sweet. Organising with my roomie to get my lectures covered. Texting a lot. Calling. Comforting." She pauses again, once more uncertain how much to share.

"He came to visit the other night. Gram made a big deal out of it of course – I think she was trying to substitute for dad. I made him stay over. He didn't want to. Well he kinda did but thought it would be intruding, insensitive, selfish. I had to explain to him that I wanted the comfort, the warmth of someone else close to you, the beating of two hearts, the touch of skin and "Alexis trails off, her face flushing and attempting to match her hair.

"It's alright I won't tell your father. Martha on the other hand….who knows? Although Alexis, I think he knows. He trusts you know. It's just that parents will always worry about their children, and dads especially about their daughters.

"How are you coping with the security and the rest of the situation Alexis?"

"The people from Taylor Matthews are very nice. I remember the woman, Clare, from a few years ago. She was security for me when I was in California for an extended stay with Mom. There had been problems with a stalker. The ones here in New York are nice and polite. They do make me feel safe but I wish we didn't need them."

"I wish I knew what my mom was doing. I know she is self-centred and can come across as purely focused on herself but never like this. Something is very wrong. Last night. I wasn't acting when I was so angry at her. But the more I think about it, the more I know something else is terribly wrong for her to do this. I just wish I knew what it was.

Kate squeezes Alexis' hand one final time before letting go.

"Alexis, I need to go soon. I want to be at the hospital as soon as your father is relocated and Lanie wants me to stop by the morgue on the way there." _Like I am looking forward to that inquisition!_

"That's okay Kate. Thank you for listening to me and helping. I am going back to the Loft to help Grams. She's been a lot better and she had some friends come over last night for a few hours. Please don't tell Dad. They didn't make too much mess and they did clear up mostly. I did the rest this morning. We'll come over to the hospital after lunch."

With this Alexis rises to her feet and takes the crockery to the kitchenette. Returning she picks up her jacket and shrugs it on. Walking to Kate she wraps her in a hug and presses a kiss to her cheek.

"Thank you. Sometimes having someone else's view on your introspection is very useful. See you this afternoon Kate."

* * *

**Author's Note**

**The hiatus is killing me.**

**Is it September yet?**

**Is it safe for the shippers yet?**


	36. Chapter 36 - Appreciation Part I

**Chapter 36 – Appreciation Part I**

**Previously Rick is finally checking out of ICU and preparing to begin the next phase of his long road to recovery.**

**This chapter is especially dedicated to my friend, fellow Shipper, and outstanding author purplangel. Please check out her latest story 'The Boy's Scheme'. Certified Shipper Safe.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows! All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Room 22, Ward 16 East, Bellevue Hospital**

After Beckett had been bossed out of his ICU room, the nursing team had prepared him for relocation to a general surgical ward. However, the transfer also involved an assessment of his condition by the surgical team and other specialists. He had wished Beckett was there to keep track of all the names he failed to take in, and the detailed updates from the unwittingly anonymous talking heads.

The doctors had wanted to confirm that their repair work was good so despite the fact his shoulder injury was meant to be immobilized he had been prodded and inspected. Worse, far worse, a slight articulation of his right arm was made. Somehow he had avoided swearing but only because the residual pain medication continued to dull the worst of the agony. Unhappy with something they had conferred and he had then made an extended trip to the hospital's imaging department. The MRI had confirmed that pretty much everything was in place but that there was more muscular damage than originally estimated. Most likely missed due to the excessive trauma to the region. Additional recovery time, more physiotherapy, more pain, more disappointment. It's never like this in the books. Even his books.

Desperate, he had distracted himself by asking after the prognosis and what happened next. The talking heads had taken time to explain things to him and most of it stuck.

The worst of it was that the state of his musculature in his shoulder and upper right arm was worse than hoped. Even the most careful examination which had involved minimal contact, the lightest of touches and slight movement of his shoulder and the pain had been barely manageable. God knows how physical therapy was going to go when he began that.

The good news was that his chest injury including the collapsed right lung were responding positively. Whilst he no longer needed oxygen he now knows that whilst it could be weeks even a month or so before his breathing is perfectly normal, the worst of it should be gone within a week to ten days.

They had held up a mirror to show him the results of the shotgun blasts. Whilst his vest had saved his life, there had been more than enough damage done. The first impact on the right centre of his chest had left a deep bruise, so dark it appeared near black. It spread out across his stomach and chest like shockwaves from a tsunami. Heading up his right chest it merged into the smaller but no less dark bruising that crabbed out from under the dressings covering his shoulder from the second shot's impact point. He tried not to look too closely at those dressings which were also stained a different dark with some seepage from his wounds as they healed. Whilst the bleeding had been stopped the simple fact was that the skin and flesh around his right shoulder had been shredded in several places and the surgeons had concentrated on saving his life, and repairing the worst of the injuries. He was already aware he faced the possibility of a skin transplant to assist with the healing on his shoulder. Maybe even plastic surgery.

Amazingly his first thought at seeing his bruised and broken body was that he was in so much trouble with Kate when she saw it. His second is that he didn't want Alexis or his mother to see this. Kate would see them, he had no doubt about it. Plus they had committed to each other that there would be no more secrets. And he knew she would have experienced much worse with her own injuries. But he desperately wanted to protect Alexis from seeing in such excruciating and vivid detail the consequences of him 'playing' cop.

Pushing the introspection aside he surveys his new accommodation. Actually slightly smaller than the ICU room it does have a TV, a private en-suite bathroom with toilet and shower. A two and a half person sofa and a couple of chairs for visitors.

There was more privacy as there was no glass wall and blinds for the windows. But even better he would be allowed electronics here. His phone and tablet were coming with Kate today. He wasn't so sure how he would operate things with only one hand currently available. Hence he had told Kate not to bother with his laptop for the moment. He was really looking forward to Kate's arrival. Whilst he watched TV for entertainment he relied on the Internet and his smart devices to keep him in touch with news, finances and how his business under the RCE banner fared. After almost a week off-line he had a lot of catching up to do. He was sure Steve and Harry had everything under control but he liked to observe and occasionally issue a directive. At least his enforced isolation from the rest of the world would be lifted.

* * *

He has no patience for it.

Hates hospitals.

Did so long before Beckett was shot.

But his choice of a second career, especially with his luck, certainly doesn't help the odds of avoiding these places. For now he certainly had a new appreciation of his injuries. Not to mention his pain threshold. A part of himself – admittedly a small part - is secretly impressed by the degree of pain he can accept whereas the rest of him never wants to experience that again.

Worse than the current pain levels - which really were settling down to discomfort now - was the certainty that he had a long and painful road to recovery. Something he had only just come to appreciate. He now acknowledged in his own mind that perhaps Beckett wasn't so wrong in seeking solitude for her recovery those eighteen months ago. There were bound to be a lot of moments or even extended periods over the coming months when he was going to be tested and maybe sharing those with others, especially friends and family would be harder because of the impact on them. He suspects he is going to have even greater respect for Beckett's strength and determination. He can only hope that he meets the challenges with half as much character.

He wants Kate. Being honest it feels more like need. Constant need. The emotion has been there a lot over the years. The embers never-dying out, often flaring up and sometimes white-hot. Long before they were more than partners. All this despite their missteps and miscommunication and wrong choice of companions. Once he thought that when – the possibly of if or never had hurt so much - they were together the sensation and tumult would ease. Of course it was the opposite.

Over the six months the need had grown, and at first he had fought it. Afraid to push to fast or too much. To make her run. But she hasn't. He's come to appreciate since Gates' ultimatum that she has it just as bad as him. It should comfort him and make him confident in their relationship but the truth is the knotted need that pools within him demands more. Everything. He needs to respond to Kate's promise and her mother's ring with something of his own. He has a plan and he hopes willing agents to assist him. For that he needs his phone. Kate should be bringing that this morning now that he is out of the electronic Bermuda Triangle that was ICU.

Breaking from his thoughts for a moment he lifts the drink tube to his mouth and takes a sip of the liquid. Some of it splashes against the inside of his throat and he coughs, chest and shoulders spiking with pain at the excessive movement. Sucking breath back in, he can hear the wheeze of the passage of air into him and feel his diagram expand and then begin to contract as his muscles flare with spikes the intensity of muted hot pokers. He is grateful for the pain relief that makes the ache of breathing bearable but the medications that dull and steal the edge of this hurt are also fogging his head. He dislikes all of it intensely and wonders how long this will last.

Of course telling time was an issue with no watch, no phone, and for some asinine reason the clock in room is above his head and unreadable! The earlier continuous merry-go-round of hospital staff don't help. He knows it is Tuesday. He remembers being told that. It's late morning at least but beyond that he has nothing except a dull sensation in his stomach indicating he might be hungry but not so much that he would fail to pick, choose and reject most from the hospital food.

Now more than anything he wants out of this place. Especially when he is alone like now. Too easy for his mind to wander down dark paths and alleys that form the twilight of his consciousness. The curse of the writer's imagination. More so for the 'Master of the Macabre.'

Not that he's ever really liked Gina's creation. He's a crime and thriller writer not the horror genre. Sure some of victim's meet their ends in deranged and well, macabre manner. Still the public liked it and Gina was happy. He had not argued too much, a product of time when making Gina happy or at least trying to was a priority. Before shaking the thought off he did at least acknowledge the near genius of marketing the playboy author slash 'Master of the Macabre'. He had never thought it would work but it had boosted sales significantly and made both of them rich - well richer in his case - and for a while happy together. Or at least he thought so. But just like his public persona there was undeniable truth. He didn't love her enough or for the right reasons. This last time he wouldn't repeat the same mistakes.

Where's Kate?

* * *

**New York Coroner's Office**

Kate reached the Morgue on foot having stopped off briefly on the way from the hotel. She was now in possession of a tall hot chocolate with extra marshmallows and a piece of rich dark Black Forrest gateaux. Not so much a peace offering as a desperate attempt to distract and deflect. The realist in her knew that the ME would accept the offering and then proceed with the interrogation regardless.

Waving to the security guard, she had been buzzed through. Heading down to the set of labs where Lanie had her office she had passed Perlmutter and the new ME whose name she struggled to remember. Jello. No. Gello – that was it. Oh he kinda liked her. Rick hadn't been concerned at all. Such was the strength of their relationship. His response was simply to joke about another one of her _fanboys_. She notices as the younger ME momentarily straightens and attempts a smile at her before the cantankerous senior doctor expediently grabbed an ear and hauled him along directing a terse, simple greeting of "Detective Beckett." A greeting to which Kate had automatically responded "Medical Examiner's Perlmutter and Gello." Crap what was that? That was almost Castle-like. He really is rubbing off on her.

She has no more time to think on it as she has reached Lanie's workspace and has already been spotted.

"Girlfriend!" _Lanie sounds excessively happy to see her. This is going to be bad._

"Hi Lanie." She responds as she waves the full takeaway cup and boxed desert and enters Lanie's office, nonchalantly pushing the door closed behind her and listening for the confirming click.

Pleasantries exchange, Dr Parish was straight down to business.

"For me?" Lanie's question is a formality and she swiftly relieved Kate of her cargo.

"Hmmm. Taste's good." The smaller woman's tone is one of intense enjoyment as she samples the rich, sugary hot chocolate. "Cake will have to wait." She says as she puts the container on her desk grinning as a quick peak confirms her suspicions about the content.

It is clear to Kate that her gifts were well received but equally ineffective.

"Girl, I don't know whether to hug you or smack you. Both probably to be on the safe side."

"What?!" Kate is perplexed by her best friend's opening statement.

"You have been holding out on me, Girl!"

"What?" Quieter this time.

"Kathrine Beckett. You have not been sharing. Withholding evidence. Vital information." Lanie giggled. Vital is right too.

_Oh God she wants to discuss this now. I know I told Castle he had no more secrets where Lanie was concerned, I hadn't actually gone into that level of specific detail. I had simply told her he was 'gifted'._

I have a new found appreciation for why you are so happy with Writer Boy. No strike that! Definitely Writer MAN! You neglected to give me this vital bit of information when we have talked before. I am not happy with you. I'm thinking this is a breach of the girlfriend code." Only her best friend can sound so happy whilst lecturing her and threatening her.

_Oh well probably best to just go with the truth. But the abridged version today. She didn't need Lanie's exuberant celebrations sharing her personal life with the entire NYC Coroner's office._

"Lanie, firstly can I just say that I am not entirely happy with you having observed Rick in such detail. Now I get that it was a medical _emergency_ but even so. Also I don't ask you about Javier's _gift_." But she's not going down without some resistance.

"What's more I'm not just with Rick for the sex. I love him. Completely. And the yes we do have sex. A lot."

Her best friend tilts her head and raises an eyebrow in unspoken question.

"Which is great. Really good. Lots of really good sex. But I've already told you that Lanieeee."

Oh here comes the stare.

"Okay, nature was kind to him. Well he is a big guy and it's probably in proportion." _Oh God she didn't just say that did she?_

Lanie Parish stares back at her best friend. Hard. There might be a smirk under there but it's well disguised.

"Well okay, I'll admit that it is a pleasant bonus."

The stare intensifies but Kate thinks she can definitely see the twitch of a smile in there too.

"Okay. It's really pleasant, often in an earth moving, seeing stars, can't move or speak afterwards, sometimes not walking straight the following day sort of pleasant way."

"So he's good in bed then?" Lanie finally speaks.

"I've told you this before Lanie. But yes." Pausing she continues. "He's good everywhere Lanie."

"Oh my God Katherine Beckett! I gonna need details. Lots of details, technique, how often?" _OMFG her best friend is like the entire female cast of Sex in the City_.

"Lanieee!" She shouldn't whine but she needs her friend to back off a little, and take the volume down, especially in the workplace. People here know her.

"Not here for a start!"

Lanie nods at that. "Girlfriend. You know the code. Girl's night. Alcohol, indulgences and man-talk." _Goddamn girlfriends code. It was great emotional support for breakups and crushes, outfit selection and therapy shopping, but a little onerous for Kate when it came to her relationship with Rick. Especially as she intended to never leave Rick, and didn't really want to share the most intimate details of their love life including how well he was endowed. Or quite how boneless and discombobulated he left her more often than not. Or that she did the same to him. Or how they got to that state. Or how frequently._

"I'll consider it. But you will have to swear that you are not to repeat any of it. Understand? Certainly not when there is a chance Alexis is around. We promised she wouldn't be traumatized any further."

"Oh please girl, you can't say that and not give me the story. Because it sounds like there is a story behind that."

"More than one. If Alexis wasn't in dorms she probably would have moved out anyway. I think we've even left Martha struck dumb. Although she did leave score cards one time."

Lanie's guffaw was disconcerting. Kate made a note to keep her best friend away from Martha. Or at least try to anyway.

"Girl, you are so telling me the full story behind those comments."

"Okay Lanie. We'll have girl's night some time. But if you carry on like this I'll have to think about having an injunction taken out against you."

"Sure you will. Just 'cause your best girlfriend knows your man is packing!" Lanie lowers her voice and leans in towards her best friend.

"Fuck Kate. Even limp it was bigger than most I've umm _encountered_. I have no idea how you accommodate…."

Kate cuts her off.

"Shit Lanie! Which bit of NOT NOW don't you get? I promise we will talk girlfriend to girlfriend about this sometime. But it needs to be done privately and not to be repeated or shared." Kate has moved forward into the diminutive ME's space and jabs a lean finger into Lanie's right shoulder who flinches. Satisfied Kate withdraws her finger and steps back.

"Now if you don't have anything else I'm going to the hospital to see my MAN-friend." Oh she can have some fun with this. If she is going to have to give up the details there will be payback.

"I'll text you later with details about visiting hours. I know Rick would love to see the gang from the Twelfth now that he's out of ICU." With that Kate turns and strides to the door, pulls it open and flees the Morgue.

* * *

**Approaching Bellevue Hospital.**

Approaching the hospital on foot was a bad mistake. There are not as many press and fans outside the main entrance as there were in the first few days but there are more than enough. Too many for her comfort. Never-the-less Kate continues on towards the hospital's main entrance. She's made the decision that she is with Rick come hell or high water, and dealing with publicity pretty much falls into that category.

Steeling her features, she wishes it was summer and she had sun glasses to cover her eyes. Instead she pushes on and steadfastly ignores the questions and the flashes from the cameras. The cries of 'Nikki' are surprisingly less common than 'Detective Beckett' or 'Kate'. Then there is one name that throws her, stutters her stride and almost makes her break her disciplined face-forward, zero engagement with the crowd or the 'enemy' paparazzi. 'Mrs Castle!' the voice calls. Despite the hullabaloo and clamour of other calls she hears this one clearly and unexpectedly it cleaves her heart open. The uncontrollable speed with which the near catastrophic wave of emotion hammers her is barely manageable. Dropping her head, she picks up the pace, fighting the instinct to sprint, it takes less than thirty seconds before Kate's long limbs have carried her into the Bellevue lobby leaving the pack behind.

Her head still crowded with the almost overwhelming cacophony of conflicting and contrasting emotions that throb inside, she automatically starts towards the ICU before she finally remembers that Rick would no longer be there. Mrs Castle. She can't shake it.

Where was he now? 16E, 22 – Ward 16 East, Room 22. She'll head there in a minute but first she needs time to compose herself.

Glancing around she spies a vacant space in the lobby with unoccupied seats and no one in proximity. Suddenly grateful for the space she strides over and sinks into the middle seat, her shoulders slump and her face tilts forward as she fights to get control of her head and her heart. She focuses on her feet and slows her breathing and forces the silent, deeper inhales through her nose and on the count of two breathes out for three exhaling through her mouth. After three repeat sets she is satisfied and turns her mind to what just occurred outside and that name.

'Mrs Castle'.

Lanie had teased her with the title once in the early days. Taunted is probably more accurate. But since they had really been together it had never been uttered as her name. Hell even Rick hadn't said it. During their discussions about their future it had never been raised. Lanie was right about one thing. Title is more appropriate than name. Something she could appreciate now. Much more in keeping with the powerful symbolism that becoming, being, embodying Mrs Castle would be. It encompasses everything. What she desires, and needs. But more what she feared she would never be so many times. Most recently less than a week ago. But also what she once feared she could be if she gave and took the chance. Just another ex-Mrs Castle. She knows better now. Much better. Certain and safe. Always.

Whatever it was about the title, they had not even got as far as having that particular discussion. Kate had figured it would keep at least until after they had become engaged. Events of last Thursday have shaken that confidence and complacency about their future. They, and she especially, had wasted too much time already. It was time to pick up the pace. But how would Rick respond?

* * *

Approaching the ward she knows she is in the right place when she spots Hastings and Fredericks from the Twelfth. She is grateful when they simply nod to her in acknowledgement and resume their chatting whilst covering both directions on the access corridor.

* * *

**Room 22.**

She knocks and enters the room. Her cop's eye notices the differences between ICU and this general surgical ward room. It is still a private room. It's smaller, just a little perhaps because of the en-suite bathroom she can see on the far side, catching a glimpse through the partially open door of the shower. The room is much less open than the ICU room and she likes the privacy this affords. She was tired of feeling like an occupant of a fishbowl in ICU.

"Hey" Rick's voice snaps her attention from the surroundings and onto her man.

"Hey yourself." She meets his eyes and drinks in the sight of him. He is reclined in bed but more upright than previously. His right arm is strapped into his side immobilizing the shoulder.

"I come bearing gifts of communication." She hefts her bag.

"Fantastic! It's been too fucking long." He doesn't mean to let his frustrations show but if Kate is put off by his expletive she doesn't show it.

"Rick?" His name poses a posse of questions that she will get answered. But first.

She crosses quickly to him and placing her bag down she hooks his left arm and leans down to kiss him. Firmly. Possibly harder than she originally intended. But he is pushing back. His tongue is demanding entrance to her mouth and for the first time in a week she needs it. And what began as relatively chaste is certainly more. It won't escalate from that but it assuages the need in both of them. At least temporarily.

"I missed you." Kate can't respond except to grip both his hands and kiss him again until she finds her voice.

"Why don't you tell me what happened after I left you this morning in ICU until you ended up here.

So he does. And he hardly embellishes it at all.

* * *

Story time had been interrupted by lunch which Rick barely touched. Before heading for a comfort break Kate had delivered his electronic bounty. So whilst Kate is in the bathroom, Rick caresses his technology and fires his phone and tablet up.

His injuries are going to an issue for some time. This is going to be interesting. He can hold a device in his right hand and use his left to swipe and type. A reversal of his usual technique. Inefficient and time consuming. No doubt frustrating as well. He wishes he had spent more time trying to perfect even-handedness when he researched it for Derrick Storm.

On the front of his iPad is a post-it note. Rick looks at the writing. Two distinct handwriting forms cover the yellow paper. The first is Alexis' and the second looks alarming like Paula's.

Alexis's message is simple. 'Love you Daddy. See you this afternoon. XxXxX'

The second is Paula's and it is almost as simple but certainly more direct. 'Stay off Twitter for moment. We're still cleaning it up. Will come visit soon. Luv PH. ps Don't fucking scare me like that again!'

* * *

Lost in the renewed familiarity of the technology he missed Kate emerging from the bathroom.

"Rick" It is the plaintive tone that makes him cease all involvement and look up immediately.

"I need you to listen for a minute."

He nods and finds his voice. Kate?"

She can hear the concern in his voice.

"I met, or rather bumped into Josh the other day – you were just coming out of surgery and still in recovery. He works here at Bellevue – just started apparently. I didn't know he was back in New York. I bumped into him – almost literally – in a hospital corridor. We talked for a bit, probably helped with closure for both of us. I told him about us – about our plans. I don't know why. Well perhaps because I wanted to make clear to him that I choose you. I just forgot to mention it before. I'm sorry.

"I trust you Kate. Please tell me that you know that? He squeezes her hands.

"We have never cheated in our relationships. Before us, no matter how close we got, no matter the temptation. Especially when one or both of us were with others. I can't say it didn't hurt but the honourable things we did helped bring us to this. I trust you now just the same as in the past. More so because we are together, and we are sharing, talking."

"Thank you Rick. I know I've kept things to myself in the past. Things that matter between us. I'm trying to be more open. I hadn't seen or spoken to Josh since he returned my keys before I left hospital. He had accused you of being a danger to me, of simply using me. He also gloated that your absence meant that I believed you guilty and responsible for my shooting, for Roy's death, for the danger. I never believed that. Just I wasn't ready for you. I wasn't ready for anything. I've told you this and admitted that I now know I handled it so utterly badly. Shutting you out was the wrong decision. But I did know then that you were and are the right man for me. Even if I wasn't ready then. But I am now.

"Then today. Something else happened.

"I was entering the hospital through the front entrance and the press and crowds were there. Calling my name. Names." She can't help the involuntary eye roll and she's Rick's delightfully compromised smirk is infused with guilt as he acknowledges that she is still not always the greatest fan of her literary alter ego and particularly the name. But she's not going to let him off so easily. She glares back at him and gets the result she wanted. She loves the guilty boy look on him. Best she not tell him how much she truly loves that look and what it can do the normally serious career professional.

"That name doesn't bother me so much now. Still not happy with it Castle. No, someone called out 'Mrs Castle.' It threw me completely. Confused and scared me and…"

"Kate does this mean…."

"Shhhh. Please Rick. Please let me finish." She pleads with her voice and her eyes and her body turned to his in supplication.

"It means I want to marry you. I want to be Mrs Castle. I know I have told you this and we have talked and promised each other. And I mean it with all my heart. It was just that it caught me off guard. My future name. But it didn't scare me. It sounded right. Like it suited me. I want so much to be worthy of it. And to keep it. One of my deepest fears – one that held me back for so long - is that it - no I mean we – we won't last. We won't last. That I'll just be another ex-Mrs Castle." She has sunk down on the chair close enough for him to reach out and touch her. He strokes her face gently.

"The reason I was so thrown and scared today is not because I could be Mrs Castle but because there is always a chance I won't be. Too many actually. Last Thursday and for so many hours I thought we'd lost the chance. Missed another opportunity again. This time permanently. I was scared. I still am. There is so much that could go wrong. The détente with the Dragon may break. Tyson. Any number of whack jobs. Our jobs carry risk. Not everyday but too often. I thought at one time that I could get you to step back and not share the risks. But I need you too much. All the time – at home and at work. And I know there will come a time when we have to choose and one or both of us will need to step back from that but I'm being selfish now.

"But what it means more than anything is that I want a life with you for as long as we last. Both our lifetimes. It means I want to marry you Rick. I will marry you. I will take your name for the rest of our lives. At work I think I would like to still be Beckett – if only for my parents. But everywhere else and where it matters in our hearts and legally it will Castle. Or Rodgers.

"If you'll have me?" _Why is she even posing this question now? Is she that uncertain, fearful when he promised them Always?_

"Beckett? Umm Kate? Are you proposing? Right now?" Rick's doing his best not to sound incredulous but this is not what he expected.

"What! Umm. No!" Damn she's tongue-tied. "Maybe?"

"You don't sound sure, Love. I want you to be sure."

"Oh I'm sure." She's taken a breath and got her emotions if not under control, at least checked from their unplanned diversion. She speaks again.

"But this isn't a proposal. Not today. But not because I don't want to. I do more than anything."

"Damn!" He sounds disappointed but there is an element of the showman and the child in his exclamation.

"I want our proposal not to be born out of desperation or extreme circumstances. I want it to be a happy event. Celebrating our love and our destiny. Not fear or pain. Can we do that? Wait?

"Kate. Of course we can." I can be patient, even if you can't." He teases.

She pushes him a little, fires up the Beckett glare and then leans in to snatch a kiss from his lips.

"Best non-proposal ever!" She loves that he can take the positive from this. She's never good with words but for as long as she has known him, and before, his words rescue her, fix her. Tie them together.

"I just wanted to tell you that I want nothing more. Just you. Only you. You in my heart, our home, our bed, between my legs."

"Really know how to sweet talk a guy, Beckett. Just a damn shame I can't do the last three right now."

* * *

**Author's Note**

**Thank you for all your ongoing patience and support.**

**Appreciation Part II will be up by the weekend.**


	37. Chapter 37 – In the Harsh Light of Day

**Chapter 37 – In the Harsh Light of Day**

**Previously - Rick's moved out of ICU and ready to settle into his new location complete with gadgets and lots more visitors. Meanwhile outside the hospital...**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows! All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**The Loft**

Tidying away the few breakfast dishes, something felt out of place. No that wasn't quite it. Missing. Something was missing.

Ah, it was too quiet in here. The Loft was Home and that meant familial warmth, familiar sounds and endless conversation. After all living with two larger than life personalities in the form of her Dad and Grams was never quiet. One alone was enough to fill the space with life.

"Gram?" she calls loud enough to carry upstairs.

Alexis had called twice before with no answer.

Heading back upstairs, she approached her grandmother's room. Knocking, she waited for the acknowledgement.

After hearing nothing, Alexis reaches for the handle but pauses not wishing to enter her grandmother's room uninvited. Last time she did Gram was getting ready for date night and hadn't progressed past the lingerie stage – eewwww!

Summoning some courage and with eyes averted she cautiously opens the door.

"Gram?" Nothing. "Gram?" As she repeats her inquiry she spots the light in the en-suite come on.

"Just a minute Alexis."

Sure enough her Gram emerges from the bathroom. Her makeup is in place but the face beneath is still raw. Tear tracts glisten on her cheeks, and the eyes are red and puffing.

"Oh Gram!" Alexis doesn't need to voice her concern further.

"Oh Darling, it's nothing."

"It's not 'nothing' Gram. You're crying. Or you've been crying. That's not nothing. You're the first person to tell us not to hide our emotions."

"I'm sorry dear. I woke up this morning feeling so morbid and nothing I do seems to be able to shake that feeling."

"But Dad's getting better. He's out of ICU and will be hospital maybe another ten days, maybe a fortnight. Then he'll be able to come home. Sure he's got a lot of recovery after that but he'll do it. We'll all help him."

Martha sniffed, finally getting the tears under control.

"Look at me, my perfect granddaughter is more in touch with her feelings regarding her father than I am." The tears pool again at the elder red head's eyes. Alexis has hustles into her and wraps her up in a hug.

"Well that's because you're his Mom. That's a pretty big responsibility and let's face it Dad's never quite grown up."

Martha nods.

"Alexis, how did you make peace with your father's choice?"

Alexis paused. Chewing her lower lip, another Beckett trait she had subconsciously adopted.

It wasn't easy. I'm not sure I have entirely." Still chewing at that lower lip she adds "Yet."

"She has hurt him before. Many times. And I know he's hurt her too. But ultimately I came to accept their choice to be in this relationship because he's happy. So happy. That's all he's ever really wanted for me, and I guess that's what I want for him."

"I've thought it through quite a few times over the years they have been together either as colleagues or now as a couple. Not so much before Kate was shot, but especially after. And then when they finally acknowledged what they wanted. A lot of it was me being selfish. Not wanting to share him. And an element of that is fine, good even. But I'm an adult, I'm going to college, living outside of home for most of the year. I don't want him to be lonely. He deserves to be happy.

"Gram, just growing up, all that time when it was just the two of us. After Gina, he told me. Told me how growing up it was like that with you and him. Just the two of you against the world. About how you made sure he understood he was the most important thing in the world to you. Even when times were tough, or rather especially when times were not so good. He promised me he would always be that for me.

"And he has been. I know it. Gram, I know you and Dad don't talk about it but I have few memories of being taken from a mall and locked away in dark room for days. I don't remember much else except the loud bangs, light and then my Dad was there and I was safe. I know he'd do anything for me. Give up anything including Kate if it was what I told him I needed. I've been tempted. But it wouldn't make him happy.

Martha pulled Alexis in tighter and then releasing her granddaughter kissed Alexis' forehead.

"Oh my dear. We're all so terribly grateful that you've turned out so well. We all think the world of you and I don't think there is a single thing any one of us – your father, myself or Kate wouldn't do for you.

"Now I think this little tête-à-tête has helped considerably. Why don't you go relax for a few minutes whilst I fix myself up properly? Then perhaps we can go get an earlier lunch before visiting your father in his new room. Disturb the lovebirds too. That's always fun."

With that she shoos Alexis from the room, and heads back into the bathroom to make good her repairs. She loves her hair and complexion but it is awful for covering up emotional outbursts.

* * *

Clare Dunne ended her session into the video conference call between Taylor Matthews in LA and New York, the DEA field office in LA, and the LA County Sheriff's office.

'Ouch!' They had just been ripped a metaphorical new one by the Senior DEA agent. Apparently this operation of Jesus Agraz's was on the radar for a new task force from DEA, and Homeland Security and some bureaucratic snafu in the DEA hadn't flagged Taylor Matthew's interest fast enough. The blown observation from Sunday had nearly derailed an ongoing investigation.

Sass and Mitchell Belmont had taken the heat directly on the chin. The mouth from the DEA – Hillary Huston, a definite career desk jockey if ever Clare had seen one – had seemed satisfied by that, and had even indirectly credited them with not opening fire despite the imminent danger. She made great play of reluctantly letting them remain on the case.

Aside from not being kicked to touch about their only win was the footage from Marty's weapon cam – still freaking amazing that a small wireless camera could capture such detail. It had enabled them to identify at least one of the shooters positively and possibly hook in some known associates.

Still it had not been a good couple of days and with investigations in New York drawing a blank too, Sass had not been her usual upbeat self. Clare shared her good friend's disappointment and planned to go work off her frustrations in the gym and possibly in bed.

* * *

**Park View Suite, Mandarin Oriental.**

Bleary eyed and not a little hung over, she didn't feel like going out today. The chances of being ambushed by the increasingly hostile press or worse some of Rick and Kate Beckett's fans was more than sufficient deterrent. New Yorkers were proud of their local heroes - which was exactly how Rick and Detective Beckett were being portrayed by most of the local media. She was well aware that she was being portrayed as the interloper from the West Coast. Plus a quick check of her available finances the other night had made it clear to her that shopping, especially in the haute couture boutiques, was an indulgence she couldn't afford right now.

There were the remains of the late breakfast on the trolley awaiting collection. Toast and pastries untouched, the omelette half-eaten. Beside them was a copy of today's New York Ledger with Page two and Page Six coverage of Ricky. He was coming out Intensive Care and onto a general surgical ward.

She didn't even bother to wonder if she could visit. Alexis and the lawyers had made it perfectly clear when she should remain. She'd get herself presentable and arrange another in-room massage. The therapist from the other day had magic hands and she really had been quite relaxed afterwards.

What had started with a chance of securing her financial future looked distinctly dim right now. She had known it was a gamble but she hadn't appreciated until after Alexis' stormed out of the suite that night just how much of a risk the gamble was.

She wasn't stupid. She knew now she had been played by several parties. The cable channel to get her fixated on her career and publicity. Well more than normal. Harry Rokkman, her agent - ex-agent she corrected herself – had warned her against getting involved with them.

Then there were the drug runners and loan sharks who had moved when she was in need. The more she reviewed the events the more she realised it was a setup form the beginning. However, her puppeteers didn't know her. They might think she was under their thumb but she hadn't survived as long as she had by being mere passive road-kill.

She had known for some time that there was no way back to Rick for her. Their last ex-sex session was five years ago not long after he started at his involvement with the Police and _HER_. She had merely offered her body after that because it made Rick all the more eager to give her the agreed money and sometimes extra. Also the off chance that he might agree was not disagreeable. After all he was extremely gifted and talented.

She had also taken some perverse delight in teasing him about his continued history of failed relationships and repeated mistakes. But for the last three years nothing. He had even hooked up again with his other ex-wife, that fake blonde publisher. She and Gina had met accidentally at a party in LA not long after Gina's divorce from Rick. She had seemed disappointed but more so at a professional level than a personal one. Meredith tried to convince herself that she was only envious because of the big pile of loot Gina had received for being married to him, and she didn't even have to bear him a child.

She wanted to ask Harry, her agent – sorry ex-agent - his advice. He had been a steady and reliable presence in her life – one of the few - for more than a decade. She did actually feel regret that their professional relationship appeared to be over.

She wonders if she should try and contact Alexis. Her daughter was amazing. She didn't tell her this often enough but she truly was, and she had to give credit to Ricky for that. Of course her genes were a significant factor as well!

No Alexis wouldn't do. She needed a way out of this and she needed to do it fast. She also needed an impartial party that wouldn't be judgemental. Also some of what she had to tell wasn't really suitable for a teenager no matter how mature.

Making a decision she picked up the business card that Clare Dunne had left. She had more information than her shadowy manipulators had suspected. It was time to trade that in for some credit from the people she should have trusted in the first place.

* * *

**Beesley, Wax & Drummond Lawyers**

Jim Beckett carefully replaced the receiver of his office phone. Except it wasn't really a phone, actually some IT telecommunications integrated device with VOIP – whatever that was. He could cope with computers and the legal software and Office, hell even email and the Internet. But the social media and chat stuff was beyond him. He had no interest. It all seemed so vacuous and shallow. He preferred face-to-face as did most of his regular, loyal clients.

With that thought in mind he wondered why Jeff Beesley, Chief Operations Officer, wanted a word, and whatever it was about, it was serious enough that Jeff was coming to him rather than he being summoned to the younger man's office.

Jim missed Max Drummond, the former head partner who had retired almost a year ago. A near contemporary he and Max had shared their hopes, aspirations and fears for their children. After Katie had been shot Max Drummond had called him and told him to take as much time as he needed and to not worry about the job. Jim was forever grateful to the man who had taken a chance on a recovering alcoholic giving him a job, purpose and an opportunity to earn back some measure of self-respect. He had finally made it into an office of his own some five years ago. To celebrate the event, Max had thrown a small party and even invited Katie who surprisingly had turned up muttering something about needing to escape from the attentions of nine-year old on a sugar rush. Jim chuckled to himself and with a wry smile realised that it was almost the first, but definitely by no means the last, time his daughter had talked, usually without prompting, about Richard Castle to him. He had left out the 'told you so' - that was always Jo's department with Katie - when they had finally seen sense and started what looked like a lifelong relationship.

Since Jeff had taken the reigns, announcing that he was now the COO and not Head Partner, a number of the staff had left including some senior associates. The partners hung in there as the economy continued to drag and the buy-out terms lagged too. Jim was sure that was part of the plan to _revitalise_ and _remake_ this mid-sized law firm into something it wasn't. He was glad he wouldn't be here to experience whatever it was. He simply carried on with his job, dealing with his long term clients and assisting with others where requested. He had no need to showboat or strive for extra attention. He was nearing retirement but regardless of that fact, the offers from Richard Castle of as much involvement as he wanted in the charities and other trusts meant he could afford to ignore the office politics. Except of course when it was about to confront him directly.

* * *

The meeting with Jeff had been short and to the point. BWD as Jeff liked to call the firm would be taking on political work. Jeff wanted the firm's senior lawyers to step up and assist with the transformation. Jim had declined. He had a suspicion a large number of the others had too. He knew of at least one partner who would have opposed the move too.

"I don't think so Jeff. I'm a commercial lawyer. I'm too old to change and I know my strengths. If I leave plenty of the clients - well enough certainly – may follow."

Jeff had blustered and bullshitted but had not advanced any positive points. How could such an ineffective individual lead the firm especially in challenging times like now? Rick's lawyer - Steve Mathers - apparently knew Jeff from grad school. It had been the solitary occasion Steve had sworn in his presence when Jim mentioned his boss's name. 'Wanker' was term the younger lawyer had used. He liked Steve. Refreshingly direct and without the element of juvenile demeanour that could potentially make Richard Castle grate on you.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the edge of his open door. Glancing up he spots his colleague and friend, Val.

Valerie Woods was a senior partner at the firm. Just two years younger than Jim she had been married to Hennie Wax before divorcing him four years ago but despite that her ex-husband had left his share of the firm to her in his will when he died suddenly from pancreatic cancer a year later. She was one of the few who consistently and vocally opposed Jeff Beesley's plans for the firm.

"So I understand Jeff made his way down here to pitch his master plan to you. Looks like they're getting pretty desperate." She's smirking as her earthy, husky voice lilts and teases.

"Gee thanks Val! You know how to make a guy feel special."

"Yes, I do." Oh she's looking at him and there's nothing but honesty and affection. He feels it too. Wishes he could do more, be more for her.

In the last two years they had been on several nearly-dates as they called them. Then earlier this year one work party left both comfortably inebriated – her by alcohol and him simply from the endorphins - sufficiently enough to overcome their mutual mental objections to their mutual attraction. They had gone to her place and it was the furthest he had been since, well since. Until he half moaned "Jo" into Val's mouth as they were kissing and disrobing. Mortified he had stammered an apology and immediately broken down in tears of pain, humiliation and contrition. Half-naked Val had held Jim whilst he cried bitter tears of regret and loss. Neither had wanted to be alone and they had slept in the same bed. Since then things had been a curious détente between them. Neither was willing to risk another nearly date yet but they met for coffee and were gradually finding their way forward and discussing things openly.

"So coffee later, say around 5?" He propositions her and she nods her agreement. "Before I leave for the hospital and go see Rick."

"So how is your future son-in-law?" Oh God, for once in his life could he possibly not be attracted to a woman with a sharp mind and equally sharp tongue?

* * *

**Author's Note**

**Whoops this chapter sort of popped out and jumped in front of Appreciation – Part II. That will be up next for some more Rick and Kate time plus the gang from the Precinct.**

**Thank you and hello to those who have recently favorited or followed this story.**

**Thank you to those who take time to review. I appreciate every one. Thank you in particular to my regular reviewers, your kind words mean a lot.**


	38. Chapter 38 - Appreciation Part II

**Chapter 38 – Appreciation Part II**

**Previously - Now out of ICU, Rick can now officially receive visitors from outside his immediate family.**

**Disclaimer – even in my wildest dreams I don't own Castle or any of the characters. If I did, you'd see way more than primetime TV allows! All the other legal stuff applies too.**

* * *

**Room 22, Ward 16 East, Bellevue Hospital**

It is six days since NYPD Consultant Richard Castle was shot. It is the fourth day since he came out of the induced coma, and it is the first day out of the Intensive Care Unit. It is also the first day that he is officially able to receive any visitors other than his close family. Obviously his status as a celebrity and also the manner in which he received his injuries has seen that rule somewhat flexed.

Right now though, Kate Beckett doesn't particularly want to share her boyfriend/near fiancé with anyone, even perhaps his daughter and mother. She remembers her own time in hospital and even if Rick's isn't as badly hurt as she was, his health is still compromised and less than an hour ago they had just had a reminder of it. One minute he was fine, almost totally lost in his online world using tablet and phone frantically catching up on five days of events, the next he was throwing up what little of lunch he had eaten. His temperature spiked and the pain too. Kate had hit the call button.

A doctor and two nurses had arrived in short measure. Checking his temperature and other vitals the Doctor had provisionally diagnosed a minor post-operative infection. It had been previously suppressed by the battery of drugs in ICU but now that he was being weaned off those there was an elevated risk of infection and fevers. After the doctor left, the two nurses had cleaned the mess and the bed-clothes changed along with the shoulder bandages and then re-strapped his right arm to his side. Before leaving they had issued calm instructions about appropriate food intake and the need to keep up fluid intake.

As the nurses had changed his dressings, Kate was for the first time able to clearly view the impact areas on his chest and shoulder where the shotgun blasts had hit. She had momentarily had to swallow back as bile rose up her throat in response to the dark purple mottling across his torso. Worse was the ugly wounds to his shoulder where the pellets had ripped through his skin and muscle, rending flesh and requiring a lot of repair work. She could clearly understand how plastic surgery might be considered for the injuries.

It wasn't the scars that concerned her, she had long moved past needing the purely physical attraction with Rick. He was the complete package and it was that metaphysical embodiment, her mind's eye mental composite of the person that focused the basis for her unshakeable love of the man before her. After all Rick had never let her scars, physical and mental, detract from his love of her. She was merely returning the sentiment from a position of complete understanding and acceptance.

What concerned her was how Rick would mentally respond to the trauma of his shooting and the challenges ahead. Her own mental wounds had festered long after her physical recovery had been assured. She knew Rick well enough, especially now in light of their mutual disclosures of recent days, to be concerned about how vulnerable he could be to a range of issues including potentially post-traumatic stress disorder. His admission that he has sought therapy after some of their more extreme situations in the past shouldn't have surprised her but it did and with that came the guilt of how selfish and wrapped up in her own world she had been.

She had been unaware quite how long she had been single-minded inspecting Rick's injuries and lost in her thoughts but when she looked up she found his cerulean eyes locked on her. His gaze was direct and yet conveyed acceptance and submission. He was hiding nothing. Here was the brutal truth of it. How close they had come, once again, to losing each other. But also how there was no more hiding, no more subtext, no more running, no more chasing. He was all in.

And so was she. But with the nurses still in the room she couldn't tell him as much directly – she was still uncomfortable showing her devotion, especially spoken, outside of their immediate family and friends - so in best Beckett style she showed him. Her own eyes, blinking back uninvited tears, stayed sharply focused on his, and with both her hands she squeezed his free left hand. Then partially dipping her body down but with eyes still locked on his, she lifted his hand to her mouth and kissed it. Mutely murmuring their word into his skin.

* * *

Martha naturally makes a fuss over her son, and they all indulge her. Rick even bites his tongue and offers not one of his library of sarcastic retorts as the senior red-head unintentionally tries his patience. Through it all, the subtext of their love, and the debilitating fear of losing that which they hold dearest, is writ large across their faces and actions. Kate finds herself crying again, and is joined by Alexis and Martha. Rick blinks back his tears, an unnecessary apology unspoken on his lips but accepted by all without the need to say it aloud.

Eventually, even the dynamo that is Martha Rodgers, diva, and matriarch of this family, needs to relent. It doesn't take long before they are all settled in and a casual air of domesticity pervades the room.

Alexis is perched on her father's bed, snug up against his left side navigating his tablet for him as they trawl through the Internet for highlights of the last five days. Frequently exclamation's from the room's sole male mark more discoveries, and the women in the room can't help smile at the glee and delight that bubbles from Rick's mouth on reading certain articles and posts.

Martha is skimming through some scripts occasionally muttering lines and wielding a pink highlighter with theatrical grace with interment stabbing of the document to highlight some terrible theatrical crime that needs re-writing.

Kate has taken the sofa and is curled up on one end with a book – not one of his. That would be too much. Too intense. Too close. She loses herself in the words periodically, escaping the moment. When her attention returns to the room, she can't help but catch Rick looking at her with such honest devotion she can't contain the slight blush that heats her face. She escalates and challenges with a flutter of her eyelids, gazing back at him before fixing him with a seductive stare all her own and biting her bottom lip. 'Evil woman' she lip reads before Rick turns his full attention back to his daughter.

If she thinks these exchanges pass unnoticed, she would be quickly disabused were she to see Martha Rodgers face and wry smile that lights upon her lips and for the first time in days the joie de vive slowly creep back into her eyes.

* * *

**Dunne Residence**

Clare pushed her half-eaten late lunch away from her. The spinach and ricotta cannelloni had seemed appetizing when had opened her fridge in search of sustenance and energy for the afternoon, but now sitting in the kitchen of her bachelorette apartment, she had lost the enthusiasm for the rich tomato sauce and pasta not long after the microwave had pinged. She had eaten enough to meet her immediate needs. Swigging from the water bottle, she washed her mouth out and spat in the sink.

Despite the lost appetite, she did feel better. The work out at the gym had left the pleasant burn of muscles confirming she was alive. Her impromptu house guest had declined the offer of lunch but also left some different but pleasant sensations that had left a smile to her face. It was clearly a one-time thing though with no phone numbers or last names exchanged. Still she didn't mind the honesty. No awkward moments, fumbled excuses and barefaced lies dressed up to be broken and discarded. Just two consenting adults fulfilling mutual needs.

Looking back towards her bedroom she would need to wash the sheets that sprawled from the end of her bed across the carpet. Her gym gear was still in there somewhere discarded carelessly in the drive to get naked. She thought she could spy her sport's top peeking out from under the fine cotton, most likely uncovered when her guest had gone in search of her own clothes at the conclusion.

She needs another shower. Wash the sweat and musk from her before she heads out either to the office or perhaps to follow-up another pointless lead. And just like that her frustrations with the lack of progress on her assignment are back.

Here in New York Meredith Lee had not provided much information worth evaluating let alone following up. The bugs were a wash out, the text message an obvious misdirect, although did raise questions about why the actress had done that. The LA team were currently hamstrung by over-the-top DEA supervision and also had a pressing need for their own actionable intel.

The thrum of her phone on vibrate breaks her from introspection and she strides to the kitchen bench and checks caller the ID. Hmmm, blocked. She'll take the call anyway.

"Hello." A female voice.

"This is Clare Dunne. Who is this?"

"Clare, this is Meredith." Ah.

"Good afternoon Ms Lee."

A brief period of silence reigns before Clare fills the vacuum.

"How can I help you Ms Lee?" Professional. Detached. No hint of curiosity. She'll play it deadpan.

"Well, I think it is more how I can help you." Almost teasing but an undercurrent of need.

"What makes you think you have something that might help?" Oh she's going to make the women work for anything.

"Look can we meet?"

"Why?" Deadpan again.

"Look I know I made a mess of things, but I haven't been entirely truthful with you about how much I know. I believe I have information that may help." Oh we're getting somewhere. At last!

"I'm a victim too." Oh that's rich.

"But one of my girlfriends well she's more deeply involved." Of course she is.

"What do you mean?"

"She's…." The voice on the end of the line pauses.

"She's providing sexual services for them. She got sucked in. She's hooked on coke. Really good stuff. Expensive. But she's got photos and names and dates. Even some recordings – sound and video. I've seen some."

"Meredith this is useful information for a gossip mag or the Internet. How does it help the matter we are managing for the Castles and yourself?"

"She knows who the bosses are, the players and perhaps even some of the reasons why." Meredith pauses and then continues clearly concerned that she needs to sell it more.

"Look she really knows who's behind it. Who has been providing the information on Ricky's wealth, his divorce settlement from Goldilocks. Why I'm not so sure. But you're clever people. I'm sure you could work it out."

"Look Meredith I'll meet you today but this better be on the level." Direct, even tone. Clare is direct to the point of humiliation for the other woman.

"I'll come to your hotel. You better not be screwing us around." She almost said 'again' but managed to stop herself.

"We don't appreciate it and it won't help you and your increasingly dire situation."

"I understand. I really do." Meredith sounds sincere, even for an actress of moderate ability.

"Shall we say 7.30 pm then Clare."

"That will be fine Ms Lee. See you then."

Plenty of time to clean-up, make the bed, shower, find something appetizing to eat and check in with local and LA field offices. Before she had to go and face Meredith Lee again.

* * *

**Room 22, Ward 16 East, Bellevue Hospital,** **6.15 pm**

Rick had made it through the rest of the afternoon with no more apparent nausea or at least that he shared with Kate. The pain had spiked a bit but the nurse, a chirpy senior named Wendy, had advised him to try to last beyond the dinner that was due shortly before having more pain relief so that he might actually eat some of it.

Sure enough his dinner had arrived and been tasted but barely touched beyond a few mouthfuls reluctantly swallowed down at the unspoken behest of his posse of women. It had actually not been too bad. Baked chicken breast with a faint tang of herbs and steamed vegetables – no potato – followed by a rice and diary pudding with mango. He had done better with the isotonic sports drink. Watching him chug the bottle down all three observers independently noted to buy him some more of his own.

The dinner tray had not long been cleared away and the pain medication – in liquid state as Rick still had issues swallowing - delivered but not yet imbibed when Jim Beckett arrived.

He had greeted all three woman and had of course been hugged by all three. Jim had even managed doing a half-decent job of not appearing too gun-shy during the experience. Still it didn't stop him moving out of reach as soon as he could.

After chatting briefly to Kate, he had approached the bed to somewhat awkwardly shake the left hand of the man. After that Jim had relaxed and with his tension eased it hadn't taken long before he and Rick fall into an easy conversation about anything and everything unimportant.

Kate secretly loves the burgeoning relationship between the two. They appear totally contrasting. Her serious, guarded father but with a sly, dry humor, and occasionally self-deprecating wit, not to mention his – now – stoic love for Joanna Beckett. And her writer, the giddy, larger-than-life man-child whose words have entranced and entrapped her for so long, first on the page and now in person.

But now than this it is their shared traits that ties and bind them – how much they love their daughters, and their shared love of her. That she can even acknowledge the latter without hours or introspection and anguish shows how deeply in love she is.

Now the Rick has drawn her dad into his business affairs, or at least the charity side of them. That reminded her that they had a long overdue conversation about finances to cover. She smiled wryly. Not long ago she would have delivered a lecture on how she didn't want any of it, that was of course if they had discussed it at all, or she was running away from the issues. Now she was willing to discuss and negotiate. Even with the infuriating man she had chosen to spend her life with. Gently shaking her head in bemusement at herself, Kate decided to settle herself back into her book for a few minutes and so she pushed any serious thoughts away and once more lost herself in the mystery on the pages in her hand.

* * *

**6.40 pm**

Jim announces to the room that he is leaving. Alexis and Martha pipe up at the same time that they should go too.

Kate inserts the bookmaker by her page – she values books too much to ever turn the page down, a trait she learnt from her mom, and one she was pleased to discover she shares with Rick and Alexis - and puts her book down and rises from the couch to hug her dad. Martha and Alexis are saying their good-night's to Rick. Kate can't help but watch the three together and feel the pull to join them. She even takes a half-step, her body stuttering, but she doesn't encroach further.

"You should you know." Her father's words are quiet in her ear.

"They're his family and yours too." She wonders what it costs him to say that.

"You're mine too, and they can be yours as well." She responds equal volume but just as deliberate with just the hint of challenge for her dad.

"Well perhaps you can give me some time to get used to that Katie. They can be quite overwhelming."

"I know that, but somehow I wouldn't change a thing."

"Goodnight Katie. I'll around tomorrow to visit but it may be several days before I can come visit again. We're busy at work and I need to help Val with something." Kate nods in acknowledgement. Whilst not keeping the hours he used to, she had grown up in a household where both parents had a strong work ethic and commitment to seeing their jobs done. She's also aware of the gentle, cautious friendship her father has with Valerie Woods.

"Thanks Dad. I'll let Rick know." She leans in to kiss his cheek and then as her father steps back she is briefly engulfed in a red maelstrom of farewells.

It's almost 7 pm and she is expecting a text anytime from the Boys to confirm their arrival at the hospital.

* * *

**7.06 pm**

There is a knock at the door but it doesn't open.

"Hi, you can come in." responds Kate. But there is no movement from the door.

"Enter" louder this time. Still nothing.

Huffing mostly to herself, Kate rises from the edge of bed where she had been talking to Rick and strides to the door.

She opens the door to see her partners and friends in a cluster seemingly arguing about something. Rolling her eyes she coughs loudly to attract their attention and then proceeds to invite them in.

"Guys, it's really good to see you all. Come on in. Rick will be really pleased to see you all." Then firming up her glare she hardens her tone. "Look you don't need to hang around in the hall for NO good reason."

"Please come on in." This in a more conciliatory tone.

Busted the four troop in led by Lanie Parish, followed by a seemingly subdued pairing of Detective's Esposito and Ryan with quite determined looking Jenny Ryan bring up the rear or more accurately shepherding the two sheepish looking men in before her.

Seeing his good friends file into the room Rick perks up, the increasing tiredness of the long day temporarily put aside. Kate knows Rick will take considerable pleasure in the new company. Whilst he is perfectly capable of being alone, especially when writing, he much prefers the company of others. His gregarious nature and inquisitiveness make him predisposed to want to seek out people to converse with. In turn he charms those he interacts with. Mainly through his attentive nature, his all-too-apparent honesty – sometimes just a little too truthful - and the knack he has for making people at ease whilst he is patently listening to them talk, are key tenets of the man.

Seeing his friends and partners enter the room is a welcome boon for the author whose stamina was indeed flagging after a busy day. He knows they won't stay long – official visitor hours ended at eight o'clock - but the mere fact that they are here visiting is more than enough to re-energize him.

"Um sorry we're a little late. We had trouble parking. Guess there must be lots of visitors." This excuse from Esposito as they come through the door.

Once they are all in the room and Kate is closing the door again, there is a pregnant silence.

Lanie breaks the muted atmosphere by cross over to hug and kiss Rick on the cheek.

"Castle, I have to say you are looking considerably better than the other day. More color, and more awake too. I won't ask you how the pain is. But I will check out your charts before I go tonight." Her direct look to both Rick and Kate leaves them in doubt that the ME will be pushy if necessary.

"Thank you Lanie. It's good to see you too." Rick is more than gracious in reply and as he finishes speaking he turns his gaze to his two best (male) friends and partners.

Oh Christ they're embarrassed. They shouldn't be. It's just them in a room, no need for falsehood or bravado, although the latter is always a strong possibility especially with the machismo former soldier.

Castle had saved their lives five days ago and they are only now coming to say thank you. Whilst it is not the first time the Boys or Lanie has seen Castle the previous visits had been under adverse conditions either with Castle still heavily medicated or the possible threat from the Silva family clean-up operation. Still it makes for a strangely obstinate barrier to overcome.

So silence reigns.

Jenny Ryan is staring furiously at her husband. Kevin Ryan knows what is good for him. He opens his mouth to speak. Of course at this moment so does Esposito wilting under the physical intimidation of the resident ME who appears to have his left forearm in some form of _death grip_.

"Umm. Castle." Ryan's voice collides with Esposito's "Look Bro."

With that they crash to an ungraceful stop their words already entangled. The two partners stare at each other and after a second or two Ryan steps closer to the bed. Apparently Beckett and Castle aren't the only ones who do mental communication.

"Castle, I…. umm…We wanted to say thank you." Ryan stutters into his opening but finally hits his straps.

"What you did last Thursday went above and beyond, not just what anyone could expect from a civilian consultant, but or indeed what we reasonably could expect from our partner regardless of whether they were a cop or not. You don't have a badge, but we consider you one of us. Regardless, we're both really grateful for what you did for us. I got to go home to my wife, and well Espo…got to go home….eventually."

Rick catches the glare from the Latino to his Irish partner but chooses not push for the tale just now. He also spot's Lanie Parishes tell – her eyes widen slightly and she shifts her feet nervously. Oh there's a story there. He's sure he can get it later. Perhaps Kate knows already, girl code and all.

"Hey guys I was just doing what you would have done for me. Or Beckett. What you have done for us. No thanks necessary."

"Look Bro. Ryan pretty much said everything that needed saying. We owe you but we're not ones to make a fuss about something, even when it is as important as this. So we just wanted to say thank you." Esposito responds to Rick magnanimity.

"You know we don't make a big thing of it. Maybe a few drinks at a bar – when you get cleared for if of course. Anyway, I know a place where the drinks are cheap so us poor cops won't be impoverished with your expensive tastes." Esposito has a smirk of his own. In all likelihood Rick knows he'll be paying indirectly for his own thank you drinks but it doesn't bother him in the slightest. If he didn't already own a 'cop' bar he'd go out and buy one just for the occasion. Not to flaunt his wealth, but to treat his friends.

Kate has silently watched the stilted yet heartfelt exchange between the three men but now can't resist teasing the Boys.

"You know if you had waited any longer, Gates would have beaten you to the punch. I think she is planning on coming to visit tomorrow. We've also got the Chief of Detectives coming, the Mayor, and Evelyn said she would come round. You're lucky we could fit you in to his busy schedule." She's smirking at both of her partners and challenging them. All the time unaware, or perhaps uncaring, that her words confirm just how deep her _partnership_ with Rick runs.

Neither take the challenge up.

Jenny Ryan clears her throat and despite all the other occupants of the room turning to gaze at her she keeps her courage

"Mister Castle. Thank you."

"Rick" the author corrects. "You know me well enough now, Mrs Jenny Ryan. You can call me Rick.

"Rick." She hesitates, tentatively testing the name on her tongue before continuing. "I've always known that Javier would do anything for him. Detective Beckett too. But for you to do what you did. Look I'm going to say this and I know it is not going to come out right but please don't judge me immediately."

"Richard Castle, you're not a cop. You haven't had the training, all the years of experience, and the practical lessons, sometimes painful. And yet, I know my husband idolizes you. At first because you were Rick Castle, millionaire author, ladies' man and all round witty guy. Plus you had a Ferrari. But over the years I know that Kevin's view of you has changed. That he now trusts you not only with his life but that of his partners. There is nothing more sacred to Kevin than his family including the one at the Precinct and I'm sure that he considers you an integral part of that group." Jenny pauses again. Even more nervous she continues.

"I know Kevin doesn't tell me everything but sometimes he's had nightmares. Plus I've read the papers and the Internet. I've heard other cops and emergency services talking. I've seen it in his eyes and his stoic suffering through physical and other injuries. I know you've played your part. So thank you for doing your best to ensure he comes home to me. Not just this time but all those other times. And Javier and Kate too. Thank you with all my heart." As Jenny draws to a close her husband pulls her into his arms and enfolds her gently sobbing form in his protective embrace.

"Guys, Jenny. Look there really is no need to thank me. You are all my friends. In many ways, my best friends. It is I who should be thanking you. For letting me participate and be part of your work. Contribute in some small way to the important tasks you do." Rick is picking his words carefully here.

"You've saved me." Looking towards his partner he continues "Saved Kate. Saved both of us. We've done the same. It's what partners do. There really is nothing more needs to be said." Both Esposito and Ryan nod in agreement.

"I'm the one who should be thanking you. Hell even Gates. You're the ones that let a civilian tag along. Especially given the frequency that I get myself and too often you into trouble." Rick falls quiet suddenly pensive. Kate instinctively strokes his left arm.

Lanie Parish had been unnaturally quiet throughout the time since their arrival. It was never going to last.

"Rick, I do know that you are the dearest person on this planet to my girl. I've known Kate for more than a decade and I have never, ever seen her in this deep, this totally girlie before. In fact I don't think I've seen her girlie before, not truly, ever! Sure she had moments but they really were moment, seconds not even minutes. Nothing like this. So I hope you know how special you are and how lucky the both of you are."

"We all know how affected you were when Kate was in this position. She's been the same this time too. What we all want for you both is for you to stop ending up in these situations." Strong nods of confirmation come from the two male detectives and Jenny Ryan.

"Now, I will take a moment to lecture the both of you on how long it took you to FINALLY see what pretty much everyone else has done for years. You are both so right for each other." More nods of affirmation.

"Oh pish, I know you'll argue, and tease, and wind each other up, that's what you do. But what you have been through in these five years, is more than most successful marriages survive in a lifetime."

Castle is actually struck dumb and Kate's jaw temporarily unhinged as she near panics about the direction her friend's speech is taking. Neither of them are ready for more publicly. Lanie know this. Oh, and Lanie Parish is smiling straight back at them. The shark smile. She is so into this. But how far will she go?

Fortunately for both that is where the ME draws the line. For now.

Stepping in the hug Kate she whispers "Girl's night. Soon! I have not forgotten you owe me, Katherine Beckett." Kate mutely nods in acknowledgement.

* * *

After the anxious and awkward start, the room is soon occupied with conversation tinged with friendly banter. Before long it is nearing eight pm and the end of visiting hours.

"So Castle." Esposito opens.

"Your Ferrari?" Ryan's turn.

"Yeah?" Castle's tone conveys a considerable volume of caution, probably well-merited.

"It's stick isn't it?" Esposito again.

"Of course!" _Ugg who would owe an automatic supercar?_

"So with your shoulder injury and rehab….." Ryan.

"You're not going to be able to drive it for a while." Esposito.

"Perhaps you could loan it out to some good friends to look after and keep the engine, umm, ticking over." Ryan finally gets to their point.

"Really? I know other people. Perhaps they might want to drive my Ferrari. What about Kate?" _Actually he knows all about Kate and his Ferrari after a date night some months ago. She had demonstrated remarkable talent with her mastery of his car and him. _

Castle has fallen silent and Kate suddenly has alarming intuition about the memories that are currently distracting her lover. If he mentions her and stick control in a sentence he is dead. Fortunately for all Ryan unwittingly prevents any revelations that Lanie might love.

"Um not just for me Castle. The wife too. She's never been in a Ferrari."

Jenny Ryan actually bats her eyelids at Richard Castle. Kate laughs.

"Hey, so you guys come here to thank me. And in appreciation for the thanks I loan you my Ferrari? Am I missing anything?"

At least both of the detectives have the good grace to look slightly abashed. But at the same time expectant.

"Oh wait I am. Apparently it is also to be used to allow Ryan to get lucky with his missus." Ryan's eyes go wide but apparently his misjudged his wife's reaction because from where Castle and Beckett are they can see the excitement of all kinds in Jenny Ryan's eyes.

"Hmm. What about you Esposito. Hoping to use my Ferrari as an inducement for a lovely lady?" Whilst speaking Castle's gaze has not strayed from looking directly at Lanie Parish.

"Well I do appreciate fine things." Lanie's voice is slightly breathless and she doesn't back down from Castle's stare cum challenge.

"Well it is a piece of art. Look guys I am sure I can work something out. Alexis can't drive it yet, and well Mother should never drive – any car, she is a born passenger. So I'm sure we can work something out so you can both exploit the fruits of my labor."

Both Esposito and Ryan nod in appreciation. Jenny Ryan is almost bouncing on her toes.

"Actually that reminds me. Talking of art, guys I have a question."

Alexis and I were checking all the web news stories" About him and the shooting was unspoken "and we couldn't find anything about what happened to the paintings. Is it being kept on the quiet?"

"The paintings?" echoes Ryan.

"Yeah, you recovered them from the false wall. Right?"

Suddenly Castle gets the distinct impression that he had left both detectives dumb-struck. Indeed it takes almost a minute before Esposito responds.

"Bro, look to be honest with you going down and everything, we weren't focused on the paintings. But afterwards CSU swept the scene and didn't find anything."

"The pictures were, are, hidden either side of the false door that hid the stair case. You are seriously telling me no one checked?" He actually rolls his eyes Beckett-style.

"Look I've got an image on my phone of the plan I downloaded. Looking at the city plans you can see how Jussic Senior built a false wall not only for the hidden doorway but also because he wanted space to hide something. The dimensions are more than suitable for housing the paintings."

As her passes his phone to Kate so she can see the image and his calculation of the internal cavity inside the wall either side of the vertical door.

But as she looks down at his phone screen she spies the discoloration at the bottom of the phone in the grill. Suddenly she realises what it is. His blood. Rick's blood from when he was shot. The phone had been recovered and returned but any cleaning had missed some of the blood embedded in the grill. He's recovering. He will be okay. She's not okay with it. Him getting shot. Nearly losing him. She's so not okay with that.

Channelling her years of training and her own experiences she doesn't give anything away as she passes the phone over to the Boys to look at. She makes a mental note to seek out Alexis and arrange for a new phone. At least one more reminder of how close it was can be banished. She has enough that won't go so easily.

Ryan and Esposito look at the image and then shake their heads.

"Oh crap. Thanks Castle. We better get straight on it. I don't think there is still a guard on site and police tape isn't much of an impediment to anyone." Passing Castle's phone to Ryan, Esposito pulls out his own and hits speed dial as he heads for the door.

"Good Evening Captain." there is a pause for a response and then Esposito continues "Sorry to bother you at home Sir but…

* * *

**Author's Note**

**Real life is a series of challenges for my time at the moment but the end is in sight.**

**I do have at least 5 more chapters planned out (some further along than others) and I will do my best to post more frequently.**

**Thank you for all those that favourite, follow and review.**


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